Eating With Chopsticks

Step 1: Take your first chopstick and hold it like you were going to write your name with it. The chopstick should wind up in your thumb and there should be approximately an inch of chopstick out in front of your fingers. The part that would be the writing end.

Step 2: Introduce your other hand and push the chopstick out another inch, so there are two inches that would be the writing end. Next, really get the chopstick nestled in your thumb. Brace the chopstick with your middle finger and maintain a firm grip. Really push against it. Think of this chopstick as being completely stuck like this forever and ever. Okay, let's not think of the difficultly that you'll have going to the bathroom, we're all trying to eat here. It's hypothetical anyways! You should be able to move the top of your thumb and your entire index finger freely.

Step 3: This probably feels weird, so take a moment. Scratch that itch on your nose. Can you do it with your chopstick hand? No, not using the chopstick, use your finger. You should be able to wiggle your thumb and index finger while holding onto your very firmly stuck chopstick.

Step 4: Introduce your other hand again and slide that other chopstick right on in. The second chopstick goes between your thumb and index finger. Hold the chopsticks so that they are parallel and have a decent sized gap between them.

Step 5: Now touch the tips of the chopsticks together. Remember, the first chopstick should never move! Just practice touching the tips together.

Step 6: Now you can start to attempt to pick up objects. You're probably using muscles in your hand that aren't used to working, and remember patience is key. Experiment with moving your hand position up and down the chopsticks until you find your personal "sweet spot" that makes picking things up the easiest.

Now you can pick up just about anything. Sushi, green beans, jelly beans, dirty baby diapers, the mints in the bowl at grandmas, that piece of gum that fell out of your mouth when you realized that you are now a chopsticks expert....your imagination is your limit!

Have fun!

P.S. Wait, you read through that entire article and you didn't have any chopsticks on hand?? Well you'd best go pick some up. I guess you could try to use those two sticks you found in your yard, but it's probably best to get some real chopsticks. What about those chopsticks you stuffed in the junk drawer last time you had Chinese takeout? Those will probably work....but if you want to be an authentic chopstick-user, I'd say that you should grab a pair from an Asian decor store. Get some that are pretty. You'll thank me later.
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