Self-Help In A New Way

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Welcome to all who seek self-help for a better life.

This self-help lens will help those who remain open to new ways to achieve relief from emotional pain, suffering, stress, failure, negativity, and self-defeating habits. Hope you enjoy the following collection of my articles that are designed to lift your spirit like soaring eagles! (Don't forget to check out secrets to emotional healing too Click Secrets.)

Time for Cool Change 

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A New Way 

Introduction

My wife and I are sitting at the white patio table under the green umbrella at the Riverside Restaurant in Grants Pass, Oregon. We are at the bottom of a three level veranda facing the Rogue River.

The Rogue is one of our few nationally protected wild rivers. I can hear the gurgling flow of the current rapidly moving down stream. The warm sun today hits the rippling water with thousands of light refractions that gleam like tiny, twinkling stars.

Needless to say, we are relaxed; and enjoying our peaceful surroundings accompanied by bird songs and pine tree fragrances. I look across the eighty feet span of this amazing water wonder. There are bluish-green mountain tops looming down stream, and a huge, graceful Osprey circling above us.

All of a sudden, the raptor folds in its wings, dive-bombs into the river in front of us, like a gifted dancer nailing a contorted pose. Then the Osprey victoriously explodes out of the water, flying into the blue sky with a silver fish in its beak. Oh my, I have never witnessed such a raw, glorious, inspiring sight.

My mind flashes back to a similar, awesome and equally inspiring human experience that occurred several nights ago at our local Unity Church. I facilitate a support group there on Thursday evenings that we call Positive Life Changes.


This self-help lens will help those who remain open to new ways to achieve relief from emotional pain, suffering, stress, failure, negativity, and self-defeating habits.

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A New Way 

Part I

We are sitting on the wood and aluminum church chairs arranged in a circle. I am in the middle of the group with Kathy, Fred, Tom, and Shawn on the left half of the circle; and Doris, Anne, and Fred on my right.

Fred begins the meeting by reading from our Mission Statement: "We are meeting here today to discover positive ways of having a healthier, happier, more balanced life."

Fred, (who is 85-years-old, bent over from back problems, with a bald head, white moustache, and a pervasive twinkle in his eye) hands off the Mission Statement sheet to Shawn, our newest member.

She reads the three pathways to emotional recovery, beginning with, "#1. We will practice ways to limit and control negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors."

Shawn, (in her early 40's, a single mom, with page-boy styled brunette hair) passes the sheet back to me.

I further explain, "There are eight actual steps to positive change, but first we will begin our discussion with the word of the day entitled 'A New Way'."

A New Way 

Part II

Each member eagerly took turns explaining how to embrace a new way of living despite the inevitable setbacks, challenges, and life stressors that appear to block our progress at times.

Fred delighted in describing his "kick-the-bucket" list: "I made a commitment to take note of all the things that have displeased my wife, and I will try to do better." In the last year he has many physical challenges that have included one heart attack, crippling back pain, and two strokes.

Kathy, (37, very slender, wearing her brown hair in a pony tail) proudly explained that she is in recovery from her alcoholism after getting out of prison recently for multiple DUI convictions. She went on to attest, "My new way is moving into a women's half-way house in town, which will support my recovery, and help me get a fresh start on life again."

Doris, (short, with thinning reddish-brown hair, in her late 40's) has been married and divorced three times. She is living with her elderly mother and her alcoholic brother. She shyly shared, "My new goal is to change my life by going back to college and majoring in career development."

Tom, (47, brain-injured, with Schizophrenia, wearing a light pencil thin beard on his jaw line) is applying for Social Security Disability. He softly described his new interest in writing poetry, and he wisely pointed out to the group, "A new way suggests a willingness to be more open to positive thoughts, feelings, and actions."

A New Way  

Part III

Anne, (53, short blond hair, speaks with an Irish accent) came as a guest of Kathy's. She related to Tom her ambivalence about being on Social Security Disability. With passion in her eyes she stated, "My new way is to look for part-time work because I am not crippled enough to stay at home all day."

Pete, (62, fully bearded, grey haired, and a combat Vietnam veteran) is going through a terrible divorce. He painfully described his grief over his separation from his wife of fourteen years due to her unmanageable Bipolar Disorder and alcoholism.

Tearfully he stated, "How do you move forward to embrace a new life when negative thoughts and feelings keep taking you back to the old pain and suffering?"

I took this opportunity to recommend my stop and think process to positive change.

When we are faced with hardships, adversity, or triggers to engage in self-defeating behavior (I call our dark secrets), I suggest we try the following emotional recovery system:

A New Way 

Part IV

#1. Take a deep breath by inhaling for three seconds, and slowly exhale for six or more. This will slow down the temptation to stress-out or impulsively dance with negativity.

#2. Practice the skill of positive self-talk. For example, repeat affirmations like, "I refuse to beat myself up with things I can't change." Or, "I deserve to have a better life today."

#3. Most importantly, when stuck and unable to see a new way, pause, and reach out for help to a positive person.

Pete graciously thanked me, smiled, and exclaimed, "Sounds good Gary, but where do I find positive people to talk with?"

I hesitated, and said, "Look around Pete, all the positive people you need are in this group today."

We then laughed, smiled, and mysteriously connected in a special way; as majestic and uplifting as the Osprey who in full view dove into the water, and flew back into the blue sky victorious.

Startled from my muse by the waitress, we ordered from the menu. I look again at the mighty Rogue, and recount my experiences about the support group to my wife Susan.

Overcoming Emotional Suffering 

Introduction

I used the following steps and emotional recovery tools to treat the most chronic, psychologically disabled, homeless veterans, and miracles happened. These veterans learned to say the Five Steps repeatedly until they acquired the confidence necessary to overcome any unanticipated problem or stressful event.

Deeply caring about ourselves (self-esteem) despite having a negative side, is the first piece of three types of mental equipment needed to produce any form of internal change or healing-the armor, shield, and sword.

Armor metaphorically speaking, is a pervasive and positive attitude of caring so much for ourselves that we refuse to hurt ourselves or others, even when tempted by the cravings of the old ways, negative habits, or the influence of negative people.

The shield ( known as the Emotional Recovery Card ) is used to stop and think over alternative ways of coping with pain, pleasure, and conflict. The sword, ( known as Love-Light) refers to our spiritual connection, which we can use to slay any internal or external dragons or monsters that so often return to us as the negative style of living.

Many years ago, it dawned on me that the same Five Steps used to help homeless veterans at Transitional Living Program in Battle Creek, Michigan can also serve as a framework to help anyone solve personal problems, or even mold our "armor" to focus on broader social reform issues.

For example, I can see reform applications of The Five Steps to school issues, prisons, reduction in the welfare roles, relief for step-families and dysfunctional relationships, treatment for all addictive behaviors (including losing weight), hope of recovery for emotional illness, and even relief from serious physical illness or injury.

For now, let us apply The Five Steps to making and improving our own self-esteem, and self-caring attitudes. Once we learn to wear our protective mental equipment, the dark secrets can't touch us, and our healing and personal freedom begins.


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How To Defeat The Negative 

Introduction

Please read out loud:

We are meeting here today to discover positive ways of having a healthier, happier, more balanced life. Whether the challenge we face is medical, emotional, mental, social, financial, a relationship issue, a parenting concern, or a negative habit, we affirm that the answers will be revealed to us.

To accomplish this, we make a commitment to learn the following pathways to emotional recovery: the balance between mind, body, and soul.

#1. We will practice ways to limit and control negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

#2. We will also practice nurturing ourselves and taking better care of our positive side.

#3. We will search for and utilize spiritual principles.

This process will include applying and learning the following 8 steps to emotional recovery: (Further explained in my book available at Sterlinghousepublisher.com)

#1. Be honest.
#2. Be open.
#3. Stop and think.
#4. See the red flags.
#5. Face our feelings.
#6. Admit we are powerless by ourselves to change.
#7. Let go of ego.
#8. Choose the positive.


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Emotional Recovery Modules 

Stop and Think

It is hard to stop and think. Our negative side, I believe, encourages us to keep doing what we are doing; don't think about the consequences; just do what you need to do to feel better right now.

Our most important resource is our mind. We do have the power to change our thinking. But it takes practice, rehearsal, commitment, and assistance from others.

The stop and think process is a new tool to control our impulses and the dark secrets. This negative side will try to get you to function in the automatic mode: just reach for that extra cookie; it's okay to blow up; there is no hope; don't worry about tomorrow; do what you want right now-stay in bed all day. Now, if you are willing, let's learn how to empower ourselves-the positive side, by slowing things down before we act.

There are three parts to the stop and think system. First, start taking a deep breath, several if you wish, when you are triggered or challenged to engage in automatic and harmful activity. The deep breathing slows you down enough to give you the opportunity to think about what you are really doing to yourself.

Second, practice saying a mantra to further slow down the emotional part of your brain; this gives your cognitive brain more time to present better choices to you.


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Or FREE 14 page sample of my book soon to be released plus a five e-mail SELF-HELP COURSE at qlcoach@getresponse.com

Sample of my New Book 

Available at Sterlinghousepublisher.com

PREFACE

Why does adopting a positive attitude toward life seem impossible? There is a dark secret that tries to hold us back from all the good we so richly deserve.

We are born with the innate ability to overcome any human hardship whether it be social, emotional, mental, physical, or financial. The key has to be discovered on our own personal journey.

Year after year books are published promising happiness, joy, prosperity, love and health. They just don't tell us how to do it. Oh, yes, they tell us to think positive or forget about the past. They offer us chants and "powers" and even "secrets".

Here's the real secret: As long as your heart or mind or body remembers that negative incident from how ever long ago, your ability to change will not be at hand.

Unlike these other books, I will show you how to stop the negative so you can truly gather the positive.

My name is Gary Eby. I'm 58-years-old; I've been a social worker for 37 years. Most of you think you know what a social worker does. My approach has been different.

This is what you don't know about me as a social worker: I work with all these people unfairly labeled as the dregs of society, the losers. I've worked with them for decades. And you know what? Many of them have found a way to unlock their dark secrets for recovery and healing, thus becoming true champions.

You'll hear more about that later. But for now, just begin to think there is a way beyond the pain and into a new life, no matter how far down you've fallen.


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Humanity Healing


Or FREE 14 page sample of my book soon to be released plus a five e-mail SELF-HELP COURSE at qlcoach@getresponse.com


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And my new lens on Emotional Recovery Module 3:


Walking in the Light 

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Reader Feedback 

Please share your comments

Feel free to ask questions, make comments, or leave samples of your products and services. Let's build a self-help community together.

Lensmaster

rmyskd wrote...

Interesting lens. Found your lens from Link Referral.

ReplyPosted June 27, 2009

Lensmaster

iflo wrote...

another great lens Gary, thanks.
Wish you peace and love,
Florin

ReplyPosted June 26, 2009

Lensmaster

janices7 wrote...

Powerful and interesting lens. 5*!

ReplyPosted June 20, 2009

Lensmaster

mukunda22 wrote...

#1. Be honest.
#2. Be open.
#3. Stop and think.
#4. See the red flags.
#5. Face our feelings.
#6. Admit we are powerless by ourselves to change.
#7. Let go of ego.
#8. Choose the positive.

Thanks for this--love the red flags. Must be honest about those or suddenly years and years are gone--not necessarily wasted-not nessarily a mistake--but awareness of Red Flags is an important part of my own recovery today!!

Thank you!!

ReplyPosted June 19, 2009

Lensmaster

alghaz01 wrote...

Thanks Mr. Gary..you re the very interest person..thanks about the stars

ReplyPosted June 15, 2009

Lensmaster

michaeldavid3 wrote...

Hello Gary; I am also writing about Emotional Healing and ways to lessen emotional suffering.

Blessings,
Michael

ReplyPosted June 15, 2009

Lensmaster

iflo wrote...

"admit we are powerless...let go of ego" ohohoo great things you know. If someone can search and find out what they mean.. it will change them forever. Wish you peace and love beyond all understanding.

ReplyPosted June 11, 2009

 
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Gary Eby, has a Masters Degree in Social Work with more than 38 years of professional experience. He lives in Grants Pass, Oregon with his wife Susan.... (more)

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