Eccentric Equestrians

HRH Quipping Queen learned at a very early age how to ride side saddle her favorite winged hobby horse, which she also trained to scorch unpleasant subjects upon her command.

Horses are known for two things when it comes to locomotion: power and speed. Horsepower is a unit of power needed to lift 165 pounds 27 inches high in one second. The average horse is actually 10 to 13 times stronger than that, meaning that one horse normally is capable of producing 10 to 13 units of horsepower.

All of which only goes to prove as the Duke of Edinburgh once said, "A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment."

During the Age of Chivalry, a knight was considered chivalrous if he was adept at riding a horse in full armor, which is not easy when the armor and rider together weighed around 440 pounds. (No wonder he was looking for a damsel-in-distress with no carry-on luggage!)

It's also probably why he muttered nonchalantly under his breath, "When riding my trusty steed I no longer have my heart in my chest, but between my knees."

"British Broadsides" Cavalry Officer: How do you catch a loose horse?

"French Quarters" Cavalry Officer: Make a sound like a carrot!

"In what other sport do you put on leather boots, stretch-fabric breeches, a shirt and tie, a wool jacket, a velvet-covered cap, and leather gloves, and then go out and ride?"

A horse may be God's gift to man, but it's not clear why some men prefer to be the posterior of a pantomime horse.

If truth be told, Thunder and Lightening were no match for this cheeky chick in yellow pullovers, tiny jodpurs and a velvet safety helmet!

And, while our jestful jockey agrees with a friend of fillies named Ms. Rita Mae Brown, that "if the world was truly a rational place, men would ride sidesaddle", she also knows that when those hefty hooves hit the track, "a woman only needs two animals [in life] -- the horse of her dreams and a jackass to pay for it!"

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Image Credit: Dressage - cafepress.com/359625625v10_480x480_Front_padToSquare-true.jpg

Take a piece of advice from WILD BILL HICCUP:

"If you wanna stable friendship -- get a horse!"

I prefer a bike to a horse. The brakes are more easily checked. -- Lambert Jeffries

Harold Hoofer III, (Spare Knight at King Arthur's Round Table Tavern), knew he was up to the task of slaying dragons with flowers but, he wasn't too sure about whether this gig would ruin his ripsnorting reputation.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

The good news this year is that due to cranky complaints received from grumbly gift recipients last year about the excess emissions of methane gas expelled by his ripsnorting reindeer team, Santa Claus has decided to opt for an environmentally-friendly, GPS equipped, commodity conveyance vehicle, a rather fine recycled hobby-horse.

The bad news is that scientists estimate it will probably take him 250 years to deliver your gift, and by then, you'll have changed your address to somewhere in the great beyond .... and regrettably, Santa doesn't deliver there.

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Image Credit: Santa on Horseback - flickr.com - 4185241869_9d02e5e8de

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!

-- Joe E. Lewis