Couch Potato Gardening

Lately, I have been musing about ecology and the ways in which ordinary (lazy) people like me can make a positive contribution to our environment.After examining the possibilities, I keep returning to the subject of dirt, and several untapped avenues that may have positive effect with little effort and no cost. Moreover, both tangible and intangible benefits will accrue from those small efforts. These actions are accessible to everyone; no training is needed. In fact, the couch potatoes among us will discover rich soil in which to flourish and finally to assume a position of leadership. The two areas of impact are environmental and personal. Environmental Impact is the first focal area to be addressed here.

Non-effort number one involves windows: Do Not Wash Them.

The benefits of this simple inaction are many. Over time, a subtle patina will form on the surface of your windows, yielding a pleasingly artistic effect that will transform even the most mundane vista into an Impressionist paradise. However, art is not our focus (nor, indeed, will the outside world be, after a while). Here are some of the benefits to be accrued from allowing one's windows to evolve naturally:

Protection from the sun's harmful rays.
This encompasses both to personal protection and protection for belongings. Blocking the interior light will retard deterioration of bedding, upholstery, clothing, rugs and other textiles,which will conserve money that otherwise would be spent on replacement. And speaking of finances, consider how much better your books will sell on eBay if the spines aren't faded.

Insulation.
Filtering the sunlight in this way will the house cooler in summer, which will minimize negative environmental impact from air conditioning. A less obvious benefit is sound absorption. No longer will a white noise machine be required to keep you from clubbing your partner over the head when the snoring becomes unbearable. Taken to its logical conclusion, then, this simple step might well insulate you from years in prison.

Economy.
In addition to saving money on cooling your home, consider the money you will save by not having to purchase curtains and blinds at all. And the savings extend beyond that, into the area of ...

Personal Health.
Eliminating dust-catching fabric will reduce allergic reactions, thereby reducing the need for allergy medicine, tissues, eye drops and doctor visits. Furthermore, the reduction in the volume of tissues used means less waste/landfill. If you already have made the switch to cloth hankies (bravo!), you will save money and preserve environment by not having to launder them as frequently.

Privacy and Security.
Be as uninhibited in your home as you choose and never again worry about whether someone is watching and, perhaps, preparing to achieve fame (by uploading the resulting you tube video) or fortune (by blackmail) from the resulting glimpse. Furthermore, would-be burglars will be foiled in their attempts to "case your joint," since they won't be able to discern when or whether you are at home.

Clean Air and a Harvest.
Here is where the real beauty of the plan comes to the fore. As layers of dirt build on the surfaces of your windows, they become perfect hosts to a variety of small plants. Simply embed seeds in the substrate and wait for them to grow. (Hint: do not plant watermelon. Corn also is not recommended.) When your garden does grow, you will benefit from improved air quality as well as aesthetic satisfaction from viewing natural foliage. Ahh, and don't forget harvest time. A really determined effort can produce as much as a cup of berries. You will savor each delicious morsel, knowing that these are indeed the fruits of your lack of labor.