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Elder Care Tips and Topics

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Elder Care Cafe Provides Information and Support to Caregivers of the Elderly

The Elder Care Cafe exists to aid those who are caring for a loved one. I am the caregiver to my now eighty-nine-year-old father. The website came about because I was new at caregiving and wanted more information. There is a wonderful, growing community of those who are caring for seniors that I have connected with through blogs, websites, and forums.

Hopefully, the following information will help you as you care for your loved one, or at least point you in the right direction. When you have a chance, check out the Elder Care Cafe.

Eldercare and Nursing Home Information

Information to help you make good decisions.

Those who are responsible to care for an aging senior are often in the dark or know very little about what decision is best for his or her loved one. Hopefully, this information will help you make the decisions you need to make as painlessly as possible. Most of the books chosen have been reviewed by those who have read them. I tried to pick those with the best reviews so that you would be able to chose from a quality group of books.
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How to Protect Your Family's Assets from Devastating Nursing Home Costs: Medicaid Secrets (4th edition) [Paperback]

In Stock and 10% Off Now!

This is a must have manual for anyone who wants to protect their loved ones from losing everything when they go into a nursing home. This most recent edition has been "expanded, revised, and completely updated to incorporate all changes in the law as of January 1, 2010, and includes two chapters on Veterans' benefits."

This book was written by an elder law attorney with twenty-five years in the field. He explains everything you need to know in order to protect your family's assets.
How to Protect Your Family's Assets from Devastating Nursing Home Costs: Medicaid Secrets (4th edition)

How to Protect Your Family's Assets from Devastating Nursing Home Costs: Medicaid Secrets (4th edition)

by: K. Gabriel Heiser

Amazon Price: $47.00 (as of 02/18/2012)Buy Now

"After reading this book, you will be armed with knowledge of the various strategies and options that could that could greatly benefit (or inadvertantly harm) your loved ones' finances and Medicaid eligibility. This kind of knowledge is extremely powerful. The Medicaid system is fragmented and subject to ever-changing rules and local regulations. What works for one person in one state may not benefit another person elsewhere. Mr. Heiser has done readers a great favor in carefully explaining all of the potential issues."

Release Date: 12/31/1969

Usually ships in 2 to 3 weeks

Help! My Parent Can No Longer Live Alone!

Tough decisions ahead!


Living Well in a Nursing Home:
Everything You and Your Folks Need to Know


There comes a time in many families when they realize one or both of their parents can no longer live alone. As painful of a decision as that is, reality must take precidence for their safety. When the parent is unable to make that decision, the adult child or children, or the primary caregiver, must make it for them. Each situation is different and the decisions will vary by individual.

If you are in this situation, hopefully these tips will help you make the touch decision necessary to keep your loved one safe.

Plan for the future.

The time to begin planning for the future is when your parents are still young enough to take part in the discussion. Your parents may openly talk about their future plans, for example if they want to sell their home and move south or purchase an RV and travel around the country. Then your role is much easier.


When Someone You Love Needs Nursing Home, Assisted Living, or In-Home Care



If possible, include other family members in the discussion so that everyone is aware of your parents desires for their future. You may find an opening to then find out what their wishes are regarding assisted living or nursing homes. Many people are very specific about what they want or don't want for their own future.

Consider the reality of the situation

What a person wants to do when they get older and what they are able to do when they get there can be two very different things. If a parent is showing signs of dementia, then their plans will of necessity need to change. This is a point you may want to bring up in the family discussion mentioned above.

Have a written plan in place

While your parents are still capable, develop a tentative plan that all can agree with regarding their future. If you have it in writing and keep it in a safe place, you will avoid many problems later on. Make sure everyone is in agreement, especially taking into consideration your parents choices.

Robes and Pajamas for Men and Women

Your loved one may need

Style and comfort can go hand in hand even in a nursing home or senior health care facility. Seniors who are able to live in independent or assisted living care facilities can wear their own clothes. Providing quality clothing that also looks good will help them keep their self-respect and identity.
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The Doctor Said What?

When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40's shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.

Hugo Black

Help Your Parent With the Transition


Everything You Need to Know About Nursing Homes:
The Family's Comprehensive Guide to Either Working with the Institution or Finding Care Alternatives


When your aging parents must move into an assisted living facility or senior citizen housing, the move can greatly affect their emotions as well as their ability to physically and mentally adjust to the new situation. As a member of the family, there are ways you can help with the transition.

If they are mentally able, allow them to see the living space before moving in so that they can help plan what they will take with them. Most places have rules, and you can review those rules as decisions and choices are made.

If the facility has a common room or recreation area, make sure your loved one realizes they are welcome to participate with others. It may be helpful for them to meet a couple of people who already live there prior to moving in so they won't feel so lonely.

While the process may or may not be difficult, your loved one will need some time to adjust to their new living space. Keep the lines of communication open and allow them to express their feelings.

If you began planning early on, you probably will not have as difficult a time with the transition. Keep all family members in the loop, try to stay in agreement about your parents care, and allow your parent a time of grieving the changes.

With the proper planning and open communication, the move should go much smoother than you expect.

Nursing Home Items You May Need

There are many more items where these came from

There are a multitude of items and supplies that are needed when an aging loved one must move into a nursing home. Several of these items come in a variety of colors and styles. Just click on the link and you can go to an area where you have a number of choices so that you can give your loved one the very best.
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Grandma Moses on Life

Life is what we make it - always has been, always will be.

Nursing Home Room Decor Ideas

Leaving their long time home can be difficult for most everyone, but when the move is to an assisted living center or nursing home, the move is fraught with emotion. One of the best ways to help your loved one become comfortable in their new home is to help them personalize the space.


Windowsill Whimsy, Gardening & Horticultural Therapy Projects for Small Spaces



Most facilities have specific rules and regulations that must be followed, but there are still some things you can do to help mom or dad feel a little more comfortable and welcome.

Plan ahead if possible. If they are able to understand why the move needs to be made, try to talk to them ahead of time about what to expect. If you have the chance, let them walk through the facility and see what type of room they may have.

Ask for their opinion. Talk to your parent about what they might want to take with them and how they want the rest of their possessions disposed of. If they are able, let them make as many decisions as possible so that they feel somewhat in control of the situation.

Decorate the space together. Let them choose any decorations they may take such as a favorite picture, a couple of items from a collection (my mother took a bell or two from her massive collection), and several favorite family photos.

Help them stay informed. If they are used to reading the daily newspaper, see about continuing their subscription. If they watch the daily news or enjoy favorite television shows, bring in a small television with DVD and video capabilities.

Mark their possessions. Our family found from experience that items can seem to get up and walk away. Therefore, make sure everything is clearly marked with their name making retrieval much easier.

There are many other ideas you can take into consideration while caring for the elderly. Click here for more information regarding elder care.

Senior Related DVDs on Amazon

Find hundreds of items for your loved one on Amazon

Check out these DVDs related to baby boomers and senior citizens. There are many items that can help seniors feel more at home. Clothing, furniture, personal items, videos and books can all help an aging senior through his or her final years. These DVDs will provide hours of relaxation.
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Senior Information and Resource Links

Do you have any links to add?

These links will provide resources and further information for baby boomers, caregivers, and family members of aging seniors.
Senior Journal
Daily senior citizen news and information.
AARP
Organization aimed at the fifty and over crowd. Numerous resources in the areas of health, travel, baby boomers, financial planning, money, leisure, family, and healthy recipes. Also includes forums for seniors and caregivers.
Health Central
Trusted, reliable, and up to date health information, according to their blurb. The Health Central network has many smaller niche sites under their umbrella. You can find a great amount of information by visiting the various locations.
The New Old Age
The New Old Age is a blog about caring and coping and is connected with the New York Times. Written by Jane Gross, the blog addresses news, reviews, and topics of interest to baby boomers and aging seniors.
Healthline
Healthline is a health search engine and medical information center. They have drug and symptom searchs, books, videos, and encyclopedias, up to the minute news feeds, access to healthcare experts, and much more.
Medical News Today
Up to the minute health news through news feeds and articles. An index is provided for those who want to search for specific health information. Numerous videos are availble for viewing. An active opinion forum provides opportunity for anyone to start a new thread on the topic of their choice.
Science Daily
News and articles in science, health, environment, and technology. Nurmerous health-related articles will keep the reader informed with headline updates every fifteen minutes. This site is packed with information.

The site blurb states it is "your source for the latest research information."
WebMD
Better information, better health is the tag for this premier site for health information. Quickly gaining a reputation for solid and accurate medication information, this is the go-to place for articles, videos, and resources on any health condition.
Elder Care Cafe
A website created by a caregiver for caregivers and the families of those who are responsible for caring for their aging loved one.

“Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure. Jane Austin, Pride & Prejudice”

Horticultural Therapy and the Older Adult Population [Paperback]

Save 10% and get FREE shipping now!

My mother loved gardening, whether growing vegetables or maintaining her many beautiful plant beds. She spent hours every summer working with her gardens while we were living on a farm when I was young. We had two vegetable gardens and a beautiful yard full of many different types of flowers and flowering shrubs. After we moved into town, she still enjoyed her flowers, both indoors and out, well into her senior years.
Horticultural Therapy and the Older Adult Population

Horticultural Therapy and the Older Adult Population

by: Suzanne Wells

Amazon Price: $29.00 (as of 02/18/2012)Buy Now

"I wish that Horticultural Therapy and the Older Adult Population, which was edited by Suzanne Wells, I wish this book would sell better.

There is a real need for the material in this book to be widely dispersed, read and used. For people working with older folks the information here centers on the practical. It is well-researched, well thought out, nicely edited."

Usually ships in 1-2 business days

Jack LaLanne at 90+

I tell people I can't afford to die; it will wreck my image!

Curmudgeons, rejoice:

"Crabbiness could be a sign you're smarter than the average Jane.

Among people over 60, those with above-average intelligence also tend to be the most disagreeable, finds a Penn State study."

Prevention Magazine
December 2006

Great-Grandpa Lloyd and David Lloyd Christmas 2007 Love at First Sight 

Windowsill Whimsy, Gardening & Horticultural Therapy Projects for Small Spaces [Paperback]

Order now for 27% Off and FREE shipping!

There is only so much you can do to decorate a nursing home room. Sometimes, however, the staff may allow small plants on a window sill, or better yet, handmade whimsical items that family or therapists can help create. This book is a marvelous collection of original ideas you can use for your loved one, whether they are in a nursing home facility or their own home.
Windowsill Whimsy, Gardening & Horticultural Therapy Projects for Small Spaces

Windowsill Whimsy, Gardening & Horticultural Therapy Projects for Small Spaces

by: Hank Bruce, Tomi Jill Folk

Amazon Price: $18.91 (as of 02/18/2012)Buy Now

"The book is really written with a good dose of whimsy. Some of the sections include: A Leprechaun's Garden; Composting Your Problems; Oops, There Goes Another Rubber Tree Plant; Tiptoeing Through the Tulips;and Keeping Vampires Off the Window. Each section is easy to read, and has a low level of "fear factor": those directions that make you think "I could never do this!"

In case you have read some of those horror stories about "deadly plants" that will kill your grandchild (or your dog), they list in the back of the book "Safe Plants" and "Dangerous Plants" so you can make appropriate choices.

I sat right down to read this book as soon as it arrived in the mail. So will you! "

David

Great-Grandpa and David at OCB 2009 

Walkers Help Unsteady Seniors Stay Safe

Walkers help aging seniors stay mobile

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Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.

Pablo Picasso

Caregiver Forums

Forums provide the opportunity to connect with other caregivers for support, information, and friendship. Although there are many forums on the web, this list will get you started. If you come across others that you think readers would like to share, please leave the name and/or link in the comment section, or contact me with the information.
CareConnection.Com
Care Connection is the forum under the Health Central umbrella.
AARP's Online Community
AARP has a huge community with a group for everyone. If you can't find a group you want to join, start your own. The group members are baby boomers and beyond, married or single, from many different backgrounds. This isn't just for caregivers, but for anyone who wants to connect with others of similar interests.
National Family Caregivers Association
This sites' forums are a perfect place for caregivers to let everything hang out. You will read heart-wrenching stories from caregivers who are desparate for help and support. No one really understands what caregivers go through in caring for their loved ones, except those of similar experience. This is the place where you can receive verbal hugs and love, practical advice, and solid support from others who are going through similar trials as you.

I strongly suggest if you need to vent, check out this site!
Caring.com
This comprehensive community provides strong support and information in areas such as end-of-life, living arrangements, cancer support, relationships, Alzheimer's support, and addiction support and more.

They have active discussion groups where you will feel welcome.

Wheelchairs Are Sometimes a Necessity

And they come in a variety of styles

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Caregivers on Squidoo

Do you have an elder care related lens?

Information and experience from Squidoo friends can be useful to all of us. Check out these sites for further help if you or someone you know is caring for a loved one.

If you have a Squidoo lens that has anything to do with elder care or aging seniors, and you want it added to this lens, please leave the link in the comments and I will add your site.
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Old sailors never die, they just get a little dinghy! Anon.

Are you a caregiver or friend of an aging senior?

What is your experience, if any, with caring for an elderly parent or grandparent?

We would love to hear your experience with caring for a loved one.

submit
  • Reply
    ClassyGals Jan 9, 2012 @ 9:17 pm | delete
    Love the quotes on old age. My favorite one is Old Age Ain't For Sissies. Angel Blessed**
  • Reply
    Gail47 Jan 22, 2012 @ 8:50 pm | delete
    That saying is true - old age is tough work. Thanks for the angel blessing - much appreciated. And, thanks for stopping by.
  • Reply
    waldenthree.net Jan 7, 2012 @ 5:28 pm | delete
    Appreciating your valueable topic. Congrads on reaching Squidoo Level 55. Going for Level 56 myself. Will visit with you soon again.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Jan 9, 2012 @ 3:49 am | delete
    Thank you for your comments. It's been fun climbing up the levels. I'm sure you will keep going after that, as well.
  • Reply
    kerryhrabstock Dec 21, 2011 @ 3:54 pm | delete
    Great job Gail. My 84-year-old dad is visiting for 2 weeks right now. Thankfully, he's still quite independent, but ornery. In fact, right now, if I could add one thing to this lens it would be, "Pharmaceuticals to Aid the Caregiver" or "Caregiver Refreshments from Ernest & Julio Gallo."
  • Reply
    Gail47 Jan 4, 2012 @ 4:47 pm | delete
    Kerry - I understand! My bloodpressure was normal when I moved in this dad five years ago. Now it's pre-stroke! Ornery old men can take their toll on a caregiver no matter what the caregiver tries to do to remain calm and in control. Maybe I should add a module that addresses what happens to the caregiver. I already have a great quote for it. Thanks for sharing your experience. You are definitely not alone.
  • Reply
    GabrielaFargasch Nov 27, 2011 @ 5:59 am | delete
    Beautiful lens! This is such a difficult subject to talk about... We try to pretend like it's never gonna happen to us or that somehow we won't need to care for our aging parents..... Thank you for sharing your experience! :)
  • Reply
    Gail47 Nov 27, 2011 @ 8:27 am | delete
    You are so right when you say we try to pretend.... My sister was the caregiver for my mother prior to Mom's death and then stayed on two years with Dad. But, she wanted to get back to her own life so I took her place. We never in a million years thought he would live this long - 89 as of this comment. I've been with him for six years now. It is a difficult subject to talk about within most families, but the more we talk publically, maybe we can make it easier for those who need to have that "talk" of their own.
  • Reply
    CruiseReady Nov 25, 2011 @ 5:57 am | delete
    I was caregiver to both of my parents for several years. God bless them. I sure miss them.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Nov 26, 2011 @ 7:06 pm | delete
    And I'm certain I will miss Dad when he is gone although caring for him can be quite a challenge. He is not doing well and I think I am already starting to grieve.

    Thanks for your comment. Hope you are doing okay post caregiving.
  • Reply
    stylishimo Nov 13, 2011 @ 10:02 am | delete
    This is a subject very close to my heart as I worked looking after elderly people for 4 years, great lens, I have bookmarked it so that I can have a proper read later.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Nov 14, 2011 @ 4:43 pm | delete
    Thank you for your kind comments. Taking care of the elderly certainly has its challenges, but can also be rewarding. Thanks for stopping by!
  • Reply
    gonzalezdenise Jun 25, 2011 @ 8:47 pm | delete
    Wonderful Lens, I love it.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Jun 28, 2011 @ 11:34 am | delete
    Thank you - it's been a work of love. Glad you stopped by!
  • Reply
    gottaloveit May 31, 2011 @ 5:32 am | delete
    Hi, Gail! I think you and I might be kindred spirits. Virginia Allain sent me your lens to view and I loved it! I got some great ideas. I care for my now 94 year old Mom, Gertie, and have been "married to my mom" for almost 5 years now since my darling Dad died. I was sort of thrown into the fire in the caregiver game as I chose not to have children so I didn't know what the heck I was getting into or doing! Luckily, I'm owned by a crew of dogs who have given me many trials and tribulations healthwise so, 5 years later, Mom's still pink!

    I'd love to have this lens added to your links and will add you to it and my other caregiving lenses.

    http://www.squidoo.com/caregivers-of-aging-parents-resources

    Thanks so much for this wonderfully insightful lens. Lori
  • Reply
    Gail47 Jun 22, 2011 @ 10:28 am | delete
    Gottaloveit, love your name! I'm hearing more often about caregivers caring for those in their 90s. I can't imagine living that long, although my aunt was 92 when she died. My dad is 88.5, so we'll see.

    I added your link to our list and hope you get some visits from it. Hope you and your mom are still going strong. Take care!
  • Reply
    Tipi Apr 23, 2011 @ 2:02 pm | delete
    This is such an encouragement. I'm trying to find a way to live with or near my Mom who is 84 and still able to live on her own but is open to some support now.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Jun 21, 2011 @ 5:56 am | delete
    I'm glad you found this lens helpful. Whether you end up living with or near your Mom, the main thing she will be thankful for is that you were there when she needed you. They don't always express that, but they are grateful someone cares enough to adjust their life to spend with a loved one. Best of luck to you and your Mom.
  • Reply
    KayeSI Apr 7, 2011 @ 9:26 am | delete
    Very interesting lens. My senior parents have been able to live with me, so far - both my dad until he reached end stage Parkinsons Disease and went home to be with the Lord, and now my senior mom. But a close elderly relative did live in a nursing home for the last few months of his life. One thing I noticed they suggested for him was that he provide his own telephone to plug in. But it didn't always work well. I'm not sure how safe it would have been, but I would think one of the cell phones for senior citizens might have worked better for him as he could have kept it in his pocket and we could have reached him easier, even if he was out and about (he loved to travel the care facility and visit others. :) ). What is your suggestion on this? And thanks again. :)
  • Reply
    Gail47 Apr 10, 2011 @ 6:51 pm | delete
    My Dad carries his own cellphone and uses it often. He is about to go into assisted living facility but I honestly don't yet know the rules - my sister is handling everything. You might check with local nursing facilities if you need further information regarding the use of cell phones for those who are going into or are already in a nursing home.

    Thanks for stopping by!
  • Reply
    evachatfield Apr 6, 2011 @ 1:44 pm | delete
    Hi Gail, I want to thank you for this wealth of information. But I need help and advise. My mom went into a diabetic coma last December. I live in Las Vegas and was faced with the decision to move to San Diego and care for her or stay in Vegas. Well, I would never want my mom to be away from her home and her beloved pets. I moved to San Diego. What I want to know is if there are any resources I can receive due to the economy. I had to quit my job and can't actively seek employment. My mom is my full time job and I am grateful to be by her side and would not have it any other way. I have been told there is help out there but I don't know where. HELP! I welcome any advise and I thank everyone in advance.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Apr 10, 2011 @ 6:42 pm | delete
    Your best bet would be to check out your local city, county, and state resources - possibly in that order - to see what is offered in that area. Look in the phone book, check with city and county officials, or call the helpline at the largest local hospital in your area. Or check with your mother's physician.Any one of them should at least be able to point you in the right direction. There are numerous options in most areas, especially someplace as large as San Diego. Good luck to you and your family.
  • Reply
    Rewards4life Mar 28, 2011 @ 3:25 pm | delete
    Fantastic lens, very well put together. A great selection of resources in a much needed area. Senior care is vitally important, with a growing ageing population we need all the information we can get. Lensrolled to my "Adaptive-clothing" lens.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Apr 10, 2011 @ 6:37 pm | delete
    Thank you for the comments and for the lensroll. I'll check out your lens! Thanks for stopping by.
  • Reply
    Wednesday_Elf Feb 11, 2011 @ 12:42 pm | delete
    Hi Gail. Better late than never.... finally compiled my SquidAngel Lens from my 'angel flight' last Fall. :-) So.... returning to tell you that this lens has now been 'featured on' and 'lensrolled to' "SquidAngel Blessings by an Elf".
  • Reply
    Gail47 Feb 13, 2011 @ 9:05 am | delete
    Thank you - what a blessing you are! This lens has a special place in my heart and I appreciate the feature and lensroll. Take care.
  • Reply
    BodhidharmaCharma Dec 6, 2010 @ 9:31 am | delete
    Despite all the horror stories, elder care in this country is for the most part great! My father was very hesitant to receive any sort of help, he was afraid the system was the same way it was in his generation. Luckily we where able to convince him that things have gotten much better.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Dec 6, 2010 @ 10:22 am | delete
    Things have certainly changed from generations past. I read/wrote about the history of how nursing homes got their start. Although we have come a very long way, I know first-hand that we still have a ways to go. Glad your father's experience worked out for you. Thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts.
  • Reply
    BusyQueen Nov 22, 2010 @ 1:14 am | delete
    Well deserved LOTD and a lens that will help many.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Nov 22, 2010 @ 4:46 am | delete
    Thank you, Busy Queen, and thanks for stopping by!
  • Reply
    niftygifts Oct 7, 2010 @ 9:22 pm | delete
    Thank you for writing this story, my parents are entering their 60's. Some things do change, they're not as cheerful, strong, and optimistic the way they were. It takes time for us all, the children, to understand their feelings, but we're so much grateful for still having them around us.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Oct 8, 2010 @ 3:57 pm | delete
    Even though you are seeing changes in your parents, it is still good that they are around for you to spend time with. My daughters lost their dad at 48-years-old due to a heart attack fifteen years ago and they still miss him very much. We all should appreciate our parents as long as we have them because they are too quickly gone from our lives. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your feelings.
  • Reply
    barbaraad13 Sep 27, 2010 @ 8:00 pm | delete
    Congratulations. Nicely done. Love your grandson.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 28, 2010 @ 10:54 am | delete
    I love him too - and his Mom! Thanks for stopping by, Barb.
  • Reply
    ronpass Sep 20, 2010 @ 10:59 pm | delete
    Wonderful suggestions, ideas and resources for both the elderly and elder caregiver. Congrats on your LOTD award - well deserved.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 21, 2010 @ 8:20 am | delete
    Thank you, Ron, for your comments and for stopping by.
  • Reply
    CCGAL Sep 20, 2010 @ 2:30 pm | delete
    I've been a caregiver in one way or another for most of my adult life, starting with my dad who was 57 when I was born, and most recently caring for my mother-in-law for the last 11 years of her life. This is a powerful lens, and totally deserves all the exposure possible. I missed seeing it when it was LOTD, but am happy to see that it was selected. Congratulations, albeit slightly belated!
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 21, 2010 @ 8:20 am | delete
    Thanks for your kind comments. Sounds like you definitely understand what caregiving is all about. As someone said earlier in the comments, it can be tough and wonderful at the same time. Sometimes the wonderful doesn't show itself as often as the tough. :)
    Thanks again for stopping by and for sharing a part of your life.
  • Reply
    sandyspider Sep 19, 2010 @ 10:06 am | delete
    Congratulations on your LOTD. It is a full time job taking care of an elderly person. My mother passed away in Nov 2009. She refused to get any help, though I offered her to live with me over and over. Ever time the phone rang, we wondered if she fell and was in the hospital again. She spent the last few months of her life in a nursing home after a car accident.

    Thanks for putting together all this resource.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 21, 2010 @ 8:17 am | delete
    Some people are so independent, aren't they! It can be rather nerve-racking when they refuse our help, but there is only so much we can do. Sounds like your mom, and your family, went through quite a lot in her last few years, especially after the car accident. Thanks for sharing your story.
  • Reply
    Fit_Over_40_Buzz Sep 19, 2010 @ 4:59 am | delete
    Your lens is great. Very informative. I liked your lens with a thumbs up.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 21, 2010 @ 8:14 am | delete
    Thanks for the thumbs up and for the visit!
  • Reply
    kimmiekins Sep 18, 2010 @ 10:43 pm | delete
    Wonderful lens, filled with tons of great info. I've been a caregiver for my parents for a few years. It's tough, but it's wonderful at the same time. I feel I'm giving back what was given to me, when I needed it. Congrats on LOTD!
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 21, 2010 @ 8:14 am | delete
    You are right - tough and wonderful. The feeling that you are giving back what was given to you is a great outlook that many caregivers don't think of. Thanks for your kind words.
  • Reply
    Nina_the_black_hair_care_guru Sep 18, 2010 @ 10:16 pm | delete
    Congrats on your LOD! Great Info.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 21, 2010 @ 8:12 am | delete
    Thank you, Nina, and thanks for stopping by.
  • Reply
    guardianstar77 Sep 17, 2010 @ 2:12 pm | delete
    My husband and I provided all the late-life care for my mother as my father preceded her in death by 10 years and all of my siblings lived very far away. We made all the transitions from living with us, to assisted living (because I was working full-time with no other choice), to nursing home where she was when the Lord took her home. It was very difficult. This wonderful resource list would have been so helpful during that time. Thank you for putting this together. I hope it makes it much easier for someone. Congratulations on LOTD.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 7:08 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing your story. I do hope this lens helps others whether they are the caregiver or their loved one is in a nursing home or assisted living center. It is difficult at times, but also a blessing. Take care!
  • Reply
    Wednesday_Elf Sep 17, 2010 @ 1:29 pm | delete
    Congratulations on LOTD. This was a wonderful summary of how to care for and/or make decisions for elderly relatives. I also found your 'suddenly single' section very interesting. The line that refers to trying to develop the social skills of a single person after being a couple is very true. It IS very difficult to make new friends alone, especially if your spouse suddenly became terminally ill 10 days after you moved to a new state and you knew no one, and your spouse of 45 years was your BEST friend! To add to your Tips for Suddenly Single Seniors list, I filled in the lonely time with my crochet hobby and eventually began to participate in local craft fairs where I have met a lot of new people, both fellow vendors and visitors to the markets, which has helped tremendously.

    My mom was in an assisted living facility for a number of years after she was first widowed and then developed macular degeneration in both eyes. It made a world of difference to her being in a safe environment and she enjoyed the people and the activities of the center. While you care for your father and family, don't forget to take care of yourself! :) ~~blessed by a SquidAngel~~
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 7:06 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing your story. Again, here is someone who did well, if not better, in assisted living. It really is important for families to discuss the best care possible for their loved one. Thanks for stopping by and for the blessing!
  • Reply
    Marlenesquidoo Sep 17, 2010 @ 10:25 am | delete
    One of the most fascinating and enjoyable experiences I had was caring for my Father and Mother. Mom was in a nursing home, and Dad lived with us. He went to the nursing home daily and fed Mom. I volunteered there for about 4 hours a day. I learned to know so much more about my father than I knew before. He told so many stories, and he was so vulnerable. When I was little, he was very gruff, and I realized early that the gruffer a person was on the outside, the softer inside. Knowing that helped me immensely in my life. Every time anyone came into her room, Mom would say "Isn't he the most wonderful husband!" I got a kick out of that because I remember when she didn't always think that way.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 12:05 pm | delete
    Thanks for sharing your story. My Dad was also a gruff (to put it mildly) person, and it shocked me to later see him cry at sad movies or things he would see on TV. The man had a heart after all :). Some people just don't seem to want others to know they are softer than they appear. Glad your mother could see through that hard shell, and that you found a different side to your father.
  • Reply
    aj2008 Sep 17, 2010 @ 6:03 am | delete
    My 81 year old father cares for my mother and I dont know how he does it. This lens is so helpful for anyone in the position of carer.

    Congratulations on getting LOTD.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 12:05 pm | delete
    He is a saint if he is caring for your mom at his age. It is not easy caring for someone else. Thanks for your kind words and for stopping by.
  • Reply
    mbgphoto Sep 16, 2010 @ 6:45 pm | delete
    My mother is in an assisted living facility. She has the beginnings of Alzheimers and we needed a place where they could give her medicines too her and where she would have lots of activities. Mom can't stand to be idle and she loves to play cards and bingo and such.

    She complains that there is nothing to do on weekends and she frets about missing her ride to church so several months ago I started picking her up each Saturday morning and keeping her till Sunday night. This seems to work well for her...but I can tell you I sure have a new appreciation for anyone who watches their parent fulltime. Thanks for all the great tips.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 16, 2010 @ 8:41 pm | delete
    That's nice that the two of you can spend time together on the weekend and she can get to church which she probably has the support of her pastor and friends. Also, that she has the care she needs during the week and you have time to yourself. Sounds like a win-win for both of you.
  • Reply
    DebMartin Sep 16, 2010 @ 6:32 pm | delete
    Thank you so much for this needed and important lens. I wrote about my mother in my lens, The Sands of Time. http://www.squidoo.com/Sand-1
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 7:03 pm | delete
    Thanks for your comments and your link. I added it to the list. Glad you stopped by!
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    TerriLorah Sep 16, 2010 @ 6:10 pm | delete
    This is full of information and I have worked in a nursing home for quite a few years. Making their time there as pleasant as possible is a must for many elders. The transitions they go through is hard enough. You've written a beautiful lens.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 7:02 pm | delete
    Thank you. It's good to hear from someone on the other side of the coin, so to speak. There are a number of transitions in our senior years and a number of tough decisions to make. Whether at home or in a nursing home, it is definitely a challenge to get older, isn't it?
  • Reply
    Maravick Sep 16, 2010 @ 5:49 pm | delete
    I want to commend you on your lens on a topic I know very well, as a longtime caregiver of my mother of 88 years, she will turn 89 on 9/29, I am so familiar with the trials and tribulations family caregivers face on a daily basis, especially as in my mother's case dementia/alzheimer's has started taking its' ugly toll. I could go on but I will say that as more and more of this nation's population increases in age, more help will be needed to care for these once vibrant individuals.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 7:01 pm | delete
    My Dad will be 88 in October, and had expressed his desire to "join your mother" for several years now. I told him he is still here for a reason and that he should make the most of each day. Unfortunately, he disagrees. :) Caregiving can certainly be a trial, but thank God I tend to be a positive person. If I was a negative person, I don't know where he and I would be. Thanks for stopping in a sharing your information. As the population ages and the baby boomers continue into their sixties, there will certainly be a greater strain on the health care and home care arenas. Lots of challenges ahead, I'm sure.
  • Reply
    emerald125 Sep 16, 2010 @ 5:48 pm | delete
    Hi Gail... I am currently going through choosing aged care for my mum... what an eye opener! Thanks for all your tips... My sister volunteered in aged care homes for several years and in her experience residents who's families are regular visitors and are involved in the centre seem to get more attention.. I am not sure if thats true but its something to think about Great lense
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:57 pm | delete
    Unfortunately, when my mother was in a nursing home we found that the more we visited, the better care she got. I showed up unexpectedly at different times once in a while and there was quite a bit of scurrying around. Especially, when she hadn't been tended to in a while. That made us amp-up our visits. I would like to make sure that people who have a loved one in a home, visit at various times of day and night just to make sure they are properly care for.
  • Reply
    skiesgreen Sep 16, 2010 @ 4:20 pm | delete
    Lovely information for caregivers and how to best look after them. The trouble with getting older is the fear of what will happen when you cannot take care of yourselg. *-*Blessed*-* and featured on Sprinkled with Stardust and also on Squidoo LOTD lenses
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:55 pm | delete
    Thank you for your kind words and for the blessings. I do wonder sometimes what is going to happen to me - probably because I am caring for Dad. If I wasn't, it probably wouldn't occur to me. :) Thank you for featuring this lens. I appreciate it!
  • Reply
    OhMe Sep 16, 2010 @ 3:56 pm | delete
    Congratulations on a well deserved LOTD. You have done a marvelous job with this lens and I am sure it will mean a lot to anyone who has or is experiences being a caregiver. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers at the early age of 56 and I helped to take care of her for the 9 years that she lived with the disease. Being a Caregiver of someone you love is emotionally and physically draining but it can also be a time to make some very special memories. Hang in there! Blessed.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:50 pm | delete
    Thank you for stopping by and for the encouragement. I'm sure your mother appreciated your willingness to care for her. She died way too young, and I am glad you got to spend quality time with her.
  • Reply
    Papier Sep 16, 2010 @ 3:16 pm | delete
    Beautiful! Thanks for sharing some top notch ideas, resources for enrichment, and tips for making a difficult transition, when it is unavoidable. Your work is inspirational.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:49 pm | delete
    Thank you! Glad it inspires someone! Sometimes I have to reread what I wrote, then I feel better about what I am doing. :)
  • Reply
    clouda9 Sep 16, 2010 @ 2:56 pm | delete
    Congratulations on LOTD, you have put together a wonderful resource for families and caregivers.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:48 pm | delete
    Thank you, and thanks for stopping by.
  • Reply
    DecoratingforEvents Sep 16, 2010 @ 2:36 pm | delete
    My mom cared for both her parents in her home for a time. Her doctor finally told her she was compromising her own health by doing it. It's a hard job and a hard choice!
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:48 pm | delete
    I can see that it would be easy to compromise ones' health when caring for others. I feel like I have aged 10 years in the last four. It is a difficult choice, but, most of the time, I am not sorry I made the decision.
  • Reply
    MysticLady Sep 16, 2010 @ 2:36 pm | delete
    Very well written and such a touching story
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:47 pm | delete
    Thank you! Glad you stopped by and thanks for leaving a comment.
  • Reply
    The_Idea_Gal Sep 16, 2010 @ 2:07 pm | delete
    First, congratulations on such a wonderful lens. I love the grampa-grandson pictures! I too am a caregiver to my mom who is a CVA stroke survivor and wrote my first lens about her. She is single, so the joy of spending time with family and grandchildren means a lot, as well as being able to still live at home. As a caregiver you are probably as busy and tired as I am at times, but you also know that at the end of the day, you've given a wonderful gift of your time and care. Thanks for sharing!
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:46 pm | delete
    You are right in that sometimes I am so tired, and even frustrated, that I have to step back and realize I am doing the best I can and that it is worth it. I can't imagine Dad in a nursing home, but the day may come. Thanks for sharing your story and for the encouragement.
  • Reply
    GramaBarb Sep 16, 2010 @ 1:58 pm | delete
    I am the aging Senior and I live in Assistedliving for Seniors and it is perfect for me. My time with my kids and grandkids is pure quality fun time with no stress - I love my independence here yet I recieve help when I need it. Life only got better when I moved here.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:44 pm | delete
    Everyone has a different take on what works for them. I'm glad that your living arrangement is working for you and your family. I know I want to be as little problematic for my daughters as possible. I keep thinking of the movie with Andy Griffith in the nursing home and how he ended up having the time of his life.
  • Reply
    Pastiche Sep 16, 2010 @ 1:06 pm | delete
    I helped my mother out a bit as caregiver to my father before he passed on. She learned alot about the issues you highlight here and has taken steps to make things simpler for her 6 offspring should she need elder care in the future. She's 80, and still driving, volunteering at Meals-on-Wheels and is a hospice aid ... I hope I can do as well for as long as she has when I hit my 80s. Congratulations on a helpful, well-developed and thought-provoking lens.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:42 pm | delete
    LOL! I hope I am that active when I hit 80. Caregiving can take a lot out of a person and sometimes I wonder if I'm not shortening my lifespan. Glad to hear she is doing so well and I think it is great that she has taken the steps to make things simpler for the family. My daughters and I have talked about what I want and I hope I can place as little burden on them as possible as I get older. Especially after seeing my sister care for my mother and now I am caring for Dad. Preplanning really helps the rest of the family, doesn't it?!
  • Reply
    jenms Sep 16, 2010 @ 12:31 pm | delete
    Good lens and important topic. Congrats on LOTD!
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:40 pm | delete
    Thank you!
  • Reply
    Heather426 Sep 16, 2010 @ 12:08 pm | delete
    P.s. I took my father out of the 2 nursing homes we tried, and took him home where he wanted to be, and got care for him 24/7 so he could be in his own surroundings and have the attention he so deserved.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:39 pm | delete
    My cousins place my aunt in an assisted living, but she really went down hil. They ended up taking her to live with my oldest cousin and my aunt thrived and lived for several more years. She died last December at the age of 92. Home care is the way to go if the family can handle it in many cases, although not every case, of course.
  • Reply
    Heather426 Sep 16, 2010 @ 12:07 pm | delete
    Congrats on LOTD! I cared for my father in his last 2 years of life too. Hard, but wonderful too. I got to know him so much better during that time... it was an honor to take care of him.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:37 pm | delete
    You do get to know the person you are caring for in a much more intimate way - whether positive or negative. Caregiving is hard work, but also fulfilling. Thanks for sharing your experience and for stopping by.
  • Reply
    Don Sep 16, 2010 @ 12:06 pm | delete
    Excellent lens and congrats as LOTD, your nursing home and elder care information is fantastic.

    I would only suggest that your visitors consider NOT leaving home unless absolutely necessary. The home care industry is growing rapidly and offers an affordable and often preferable alternative to nursing home care.

    For more information please visit -
    www.preferhome.com and don't hesitate to call.....
    Frank and Judy would probably love to hear from you
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:36 pm | delete
    There is certainly a lot more help than there used to be for those who are caring for a loved one at home. Whatever works best for each individual family is the way to go - but, I know that staying at home as long as possible has really become a popular choice. Thanks for the url and encouragement for those who are still in the decision-making stage.
  • Reply
    Lisa-Marie-Mary Sep 16, 2010 @ 11:37 am | delete
    Wonderful lens, Gail!! So much information with all kinds of small details, like special robes that are nursing home adaptive, etc, etc... Precious and awesome photos of Great Grandpa and David - so special that you shared those with us! My grandmother-in-law just passed away this summer - there was a lot of caretaking going on for the last few years, most especially in the last year. I cherish my time I had with her, she wasn't in our home - she was in my mother-in-law's, but, I helped out all that I could! Thank you for the lens - very well-deserved LOTD!!!
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:34 pm | delete
    Thank you for your kinds words and for stopping by. I still feel like there is more to add to this lens and probably will over time. There are so many needs that caregivers and their loved one have that there is probably a lot more I could add. Thanks for sharing your story.
  • Reply
    JMark Sep 16, 2010 @ 11:30 am | delete
    Gail, such a beautiful and poignant lens! Thank you. As the primary caregiver for my 89 year old mother, it's always an eye opening and heart felt experience to know we're not alone on this caregivers journey.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:32 pm | delete
    You are so right - sometimes it does feel like we are alone. That's where being online has really helped me a lot. I'm able to connect with others who are going through similar situations. Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving your comment.
  • Reply
    ajgodinho Sep 16, 2010 @ 11:29 am | delete
    Congrats on the LOTD for this very resourceful lens. It's important to care for our parents and elders. May God give us the willingness, patience and strength when we need to take on this role. All the best to you and God bless! :)
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:31 pm | delete
    It takes the stringth, wisdom, and patience of God to care for someone else. I couldn't do it alone, that's for sure. Thanks for your uplifting comments.
  • Reply
    a2zof Sep 16, 2010 @ 10:53 am | delete
    What a great lens and so informative. I wish we had all this information when my Mum needed care. It was a full time job taking care of her.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 6:30 pm | delete
    I wish we had this much info when MY mom needed care. This has been quite a learning experience, mostly at Dad's expense. Yes, it is a full time job and I feel for those who also must work outside the home. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
  • Reply
    d-artist Sep 16, 2010 @ 10:35 am | delete
    Congratulations on LOTD! I bought Long Term Care Ins. cause saw so many of my senior friends have problems and hope this will help me and my family.
  • Reply
    Gail47 Sep 18, 2010 @ 12:01 pm | delete
    Nursing homes and extended care facilities are so expensive and not always the best place for your parent to be. Certainly depends on the situation. Glad if anything I share on this lens can help someone else in their particular situation.
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Gail47

As caregiver to my elderly father, I understand what challenges caregivers and family members undergo. Hopefully, this lens will provide information a... more »

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"As a gerontological social worker and teacher of future social workers, I know how very important it is for family members to understand and cope with the issues facing their aging relatives. This book offers current and comprehensive information on all relevant topics, and it's written in a style that will be accessible to every reader. I strongly encourage people to add this to their home libraries ASAP!"

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