Election Jokes

John McCain is so old; he remembers when Iraq was called Mesopotamia. -David Letterman

"John McCain is now crisscrossing the United States campaigning. Or, as they're calling it, Antiques Roadshow." -Jay Leno

John McCain may have chosen Sarah Palin so he wouldn't risk having to get CPR from Mitt Romney. -Jay Leno

John McCain may have had an affair with lobbyist Vicki Iseman (or as it's known among lobbyists; lobbying). -Amy Poehler

"Sarah Palin and John McCain make a good pair. She's pro-life and he's clinging to life." -Jay Leno

1. Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew even before she was born that Sarah Palin would never finish last.

2. As head of Alaska's Nat'l Guard, Sarah Palin taught troops in a training exercise to scare a grenade into not exploding.

3. Chuck Norris wishes he was Sarah Palin trapped in a man's body.

4. Death once had a near-Sarah Palin experience.

5. Fox is starting a new reality show: When Sarah Palin Attacks.

6. Glasses sales up 150 percent since Sarah Palin became nominee.

7. Global Warming doesn't kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does - usually with her bare hands.

8. In the original version, He-Man had the power of Sarah Palin, but the writers felt this would make him way too powerful.

9. Iran's nuclear program is a response to Sarah Palin.

10. It's not over until Sarah Palin says it's over.

Barack Obama was in New Hampshire Sunday. When informed of this, President Bush excitedly asked, 'Did we catch 'em?' -Seth Meyers

I thought about joining the 'Blacks against Obama' protest until I realized it was just Condoleezza Rice and Jesse Jackson there.

Jesse Jackson is said to openly support Obama publicly for president, but privately hates him. You know, like Bill with Hillary.

Obama told his daughters that after the election he would buy them a dog. Jesse Jackson immediately offered to neuter it for them!

When Obama gave his big speech on race; this one heckler in the audience kept screaming crazy stuff. It was just his pastor.