Emotional Intelligence and Moral Development

Although we seemingly can detect physical pain in others in a flash, the research indicates that it takes longer for us to let two of the emotions which define humanity -- admiration and compassion -- register in our minds. (See report of research results in UK Telegraph here) As we watch a newscast of an accident or the aftermath of a suicide bomber flash by the screen, it is immediately replaced by another news story about a protest --or maybe even a commercial. As we quickly scan our Tweets, we quickly go from one snippet to the next, with almost no time to reflect on what we read. We read that a man has just pulled an accident victim from a car that erupts into flames immediately afterward, and then we read the next Tweet about dirty politics. We have not really stopped to reflect on what it meant to the hero or the victim during the rescue, or the fear of the victim before the rescue, or the courage the rescuer showed in the face of danger. There was no time to reflect. If we do stop to reflect on emotional suffering, we learn to feel compassion, and that emotion will last longer than the brief recognition we have when we recognize physical pain in others. When images and information in our social networks flit by too fast for us to recognize the implications of heroism and emotional pain in others, our moral development is stunted.

So how can we develop more emotional intelligence and moral sense? Researchers say that reading a book or newspaper, rather than just watching a newscast, slows us down enough to let ourselves identify with the actors in the human drama. We have time to let our eyes fully see the details in a newspaper photo and we get a lot more details in an account of several paragraphs than in the few seconds it takes for a newscaster or Twitter to summarize the headlines.

Compassion by gln3066
Browse other Kindness Posters

Anyone who has read Little Women will probably remember crying when Beth dies. I even cried when Charlotte the spider died in Charlotte's Web. When we read, we have time to identify with the protagonist and feel along with him or her. Folk and fairy tales introduce children to characters they can empathize with. Children are afraid with Hansel and Gretel. They see injustice in Cinderella's life with her stepmother and step sisters.

As children get older, they can share the pain of characters who suffer from the death of parents and friends in books like Bridge to Terabithia and On My Honor. See description and reviews. I have written a long review of Walk Two Moons in "Death and Dying in Children's Literature" I've covered two other books, After the Rain and Out of the Dust in "Death and Dying in Children's Fiction, Continued" .

Nonfiction offers other opportunities to admire the courage of real heroes and heroines and develop compassion for those who have suffered. Biographies also give us fodder for discussing all sorts of emotional and moral issues that aren't easy to resolve. One such issue is the legal dilemma Emma Moody faces at the end of Man of the Family in the Little Britches series by Ralph Moody. I will offer you a chance to purchase some of these books in my Amazon module below, along with others I recommend. You probably have your own favorites.

The reason reading at least some of these books aloud is so important is that it gives you a chance to discuss them together with your class or family. That way you can see how the children are responding and you can ask them to share what they think and help them look for clues as to what the protagonists are thinking and feeling. Children will not all respond the same way. Help them "see" body language and "hear" what might not be spoken. Do gestures and actions express feelings one who does not look carefully might miss?

Another book one should not overlook in moral and emotional development is The Bible. Many of the Psalms express grief over sin, anger, helplessness and a range of other emotions. What did Peter feel when he denied he knew Jesus? What did Job experience? What of the courage Daniel displayed when he disobeyed his king, knowing he would be thrown to the lions? How about Abraham when he thought he might have to sacrifice his son? How did Samson feel when Delilah cut his hair and left him powerless against his enemies? So many possibilities in the book of books!

Any well-written piece of fiction will have characters who have moral or emotional struggles. You will probably discover some I haven't read yet. What you want to do is make sure your children are exposed to the best books. As it's been said, "Garbage in, garbage out." Books can both entertain us and help us think. Pick the ones that do both. The more your children can learn about how to understand and communicate with people on all levels, the better they will be equipped to face life as a friend, a spouse, an employer or employee, or a parent.