Coping With Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty Nest Syndrome: Strategies for Dealing with Emotions After Your Teenagers Move Away

They grow, we nurture them, and watch them fly off. Suddenly our nests are empty, our children are gone - off to make their fortunes in the world. What ever will we do with ourselves? How will we cope?

When the family home empties parents often start feeling very lonely. Their purpose for living - taking care of the children - has vanished. That's when Empty Nest Syndrome sets in. This lens focuses on coping with Empty Nest Syndrome and finding new solutions for our lives.

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Facing Empty Bedrooms

If your life has gone from this:

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to this:

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...then this lens is for you!

Dedication

This lens is dedicated with love to all parents who are missing their children.

Reactions

Everyone feels differently.

Mothers Talk About Empty Nest Syndrome

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Your Feelings

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Love Your Feelings

...whatever they are.

Whatever your feelings are, accept them. Realize that this is your way of adjusting to the loss of children in the home, and love yourself regardless. We all have our reasons for our individualized emotions. Whether you're happy, sad, grieving, or overjoyed and relieved to see them off after all these years, your feelings are perfect just as they are.

The Empty Nest: 31 Parents Tell the Truth About Relationships, Love, and Freedom After the Kids Fly the Coop

Empty Nest, The: 31 Parents Tell the Truth About Relationships, Love, and Freedom After the Kids Fly the Coop

by: Karen Stabiner

Amazon Price: $13.95 (as of 12/22/2009)

A collection of 31 revealing essays from the hearts of parents whose kids have flown the coop.

Coping

If you're lonely and depressed, how will you cope with your feelings?

A Story of Motherhood and Change

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Barbara & Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest: Discovering New Purpose, Passion & Your Next Great Adventure

by: Barbara Rainey, Susan Yates

Amazon Price: $13.59 (as of 12/22/2009)

This book offers encouragement and hope to those who are truly hurting, and will help parents find their path to a new, different, and satisfying life. Highly recommended.

Finding New Hobbies

...in case you haven't latched on to anything yet.

I decided that once my children left home I'd get into painting again. It was something I put away many years ago, along with my beloved guitar, because it was something I felt I couldn't do and take care of my kids at the same time.

Do you have any deferred interests like that, or are you floundering? If you don't know what to do with all your new-found spare time, get cozy with a cup of tea or coffee, and a notebook with your favorite kind of pen, and write a list of all the things you've ever wished you could do. Then pick two or three feasible things, and get busy!

Working, or Volunteering

Many empty nesters stay busy with work. If you don't work and don't need the money, you might find that volunteering will fulfill your needs to get out of the house, interact with others, and feel useful. For more information see Volunteer Match.

Pets, anyone?

Some people just have to have pets. It isn't for everyone, but if you're sure you'll love them and not feel tied down by them, this might be the time to get a new companion.

As for me, I've still got the pet the children left behind.

Journal Your Blues

...write about it!

If you're feeling sad because your children are moving out, get into the habit of writing about what you're going through. Journaling is a healing, life-affirming way to cope with problems. As you write you'll understand yourself better and come to terms with your reasons for feeling blue.

The New Diary

by: Tristine Rainer

Amazon Price: $11.53 (as of 12/22/2009)

Tristine Rainer has written an amazing and comprehensive book about journaling that kept me fascinated and inspired throughout.

Flown The Nest

Flown the Nest is a website for parents whose children have left home. If you want more information and perhaps some other empty nesters to communicate with, you might find them here.

Be sure to stop by the message board and read the experiences of other parents; they will inspire you and you'll know for sure you're not alone.

Changes

Things you can do for yourself and for your adult children.

Keeping In Touch

Yes, the kids left, but they still need you. Find ways to communicate. Some prefer phone calls, some like emails. I like a combination of both with a few handwritten letters tossed in.

The Care Package

Some parents send them once a month. Others seldom do. I think the kids always like them - at least, they'll appreciate the thought. One man in his thirties told me his parents still sent him care packages constantly. He said, "My mother always puts in a bottle of Tylenol. I hardly ever use them." I imagined his medicine cabinet overflowing with Tylenol. He didn't look too upset.

Claim Your Space

...you can use those rooms for something else, you know...

Have you decided what you want to do with your extra bedrooms yet? In my house, one of them is an office with my computer, bookcases, and a table to play games or write at. My other empty bedroom became a storage space.

What are you planning to do?

133 Ways to Avoid Going Cuckoo When the Kids Fly the Nest: A Parent's Guide for Surviving Empty Nest Syndrome

If you're ready for a laugh, this book is for you!

133 Ways to Avoid Going Cuckoo When the Kids Fly the Nest: A Parent's Guide for Surviving Empty Nest Syndrome

by: Lauren Schaffer, Sandy Fleischl Wasserman

Amazon Price: (as of 12/22/2009)

While warming your heart with humor, these authors advise on everything from when to redecorate an absent child's room to what to put into the care packages you intend to send them.

Happiness

How can you be happy in a home without children?

Beyond The Mommy Years

...living joyfully without children.

I know, it isn't easy to adjust, and we've got to work through those feelings. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

Beyond the Mommy Years: How to Live Happily Ever After...After the Kids Leave Home

by: Carin Rubenstein

Amazon Price: $32.72 (as of 12/22/2009)

Carin is the lovely woman in the following two videos who speaks on behalf of women who will recover from child-dependence and learn to thrive joyfully on their own.

Carin Rubenstein on the Today Show

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Carin at an Empty Nest Seminar

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Yes, you CAN be happy again!

It may take some working through. If you feel totally useless, cannot stop crying a lot, and are isolating yourself from friends, family, and work, then no doubt you may need professional counseling.

As for the rest of you, find something to do, enjoy your spare time, and stay busy. You can't control your children's lives when they're living elsewhere and it is a useless waste of energy to try. So find something that makes you happy, and be glad for it.

My Story

For months I looked forward to the time when my youngest would leave home. I'd been parenting continuously for thirty-four years and thought this should be a time when I'd finally have the opportunity to do things for myself instead of always doing and being for the kids.

For a while I didn't have much of a reaction when my youngest son finally left at the age of eighteen. I got on with my life, cleaned his room and tried to help him cope with our separation. I think it was harder for him because he was my fifth child to leave, and I was used to it by then.

Months later I realized I was experiencing symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome. I looked at his room door and longed for his presence. I didn't feel lonely, but I did feel a lot of sadness.

My job of mothering minors is over and I can't bring it back. Just like the rest of you who are missing your kids, I will have to move forward and learn new ways of relating to them as adults.

Can you relate to this?

A Baby Boomer Defines Life After World War II

I was born in 1952 in Oakland California. My father had been in the Army during World War II. My mother was very young. I was raised in the San Francisco Bay Area towns of El Cerrito and Richmond. The following free-form narrative explains my feelin...

Empty Nest Syndrome Links

Empty nest syndrome - Wikipedia: Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives may feel when one or more of their children leave home.
Flown The Nest: This websites offers information, support, and a message board for empty nesters missing their kids.
Unknown: Video: How To Deal With Empty Nest Syndrome: counselor Hillie Marshall talks through various tips and advice for parents on dealing with their children leaving home.
Psychology Today's Diagnosis Dictionary: Empty Nest Syndrome: Psychology Today's Diagnosis Dictionary, definitive resource for psychological terms and info, Empty Nest Syndrome.
Empty-nest syndrome: Expert advice on this psychological condition that can affect a woman when one or more of her children leaves home.
Empty Nest Syndrome - My Personal Empty Nest Story: Are you suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome? This is the personal story of one woman learning to live without her adult children.
DrCarin.com - Beyond the Mommy Years: Dr. Carin Rubenstein's website. She's the lovely woman in the videos, and author of Beyond the Mommy Years.

Your comments are welcome

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Chatterbox Chatterbox Jan 30, 2009 @ 1:59 pm

Next phase of life - I remember this really hit home when my daughter was preparing to leave for college and then the reality that in five short years, my son would graduate from high school. All I could think of and said out loud to my children one day ... "That's it, I get your father?" "Mom!" Although the kids and I laughed hard that day, they knew we would be alright.

Our son is now a Junior in college - our daughter now married and a teacher - still knowing that we miss all the hub bub and distractions our kids thought we needed a puppy (a mixed breed - golden retriever, husky and German Shepherd) now 14 months old. Ha ha! a few more stories to tell.

The roles of parenting certainly change with grown children. Thank you for affirming "It is your turn to live your life ... go out in the middle of the week and ramp up your social life" ... life is an adventure.

Reply

WindyWinters WindyWinters Dec 16, 2008 @ 11:19 pm

My daughter spent a year at home after she graduated from high school. She worked part-time & attended a local college before moving away to Vancouver, BC. It has been 3 1/2 years since she moved to attend college/university/work in the big city. I appreciate that extra year she lived at home. This year I finally cleaned out her dresser & put her souvenirs in storage boxes. My son finally moved out for the last time to Victoria, BC this past May. He has been attending college/university over the past 6 years and now has a second diploma. (I think he is finally on the right career path) He has been living back and forth at home during his studies. (Once for a whole year, saving up for his second diploma, & attending the local college) His room at home has been more of a storage closet for his stuff rather than his bedroom.
I talk to both of my children weekly; sometimes almost daily. I'm keeping busy & finding new things to do on a daily basis. I think I'm doing ok. Thank you!

Reply

ElizabethJeanAllen ElizabethJeanAllen Nov 28, 2008 @ 3:32 pm

I didn't have a problem when my oldest left, and my youngest if flying-the-coop next fall. I will miss them, but I'm also proud. I raised them to stand on their own two feet and they are.
Great lens
Lizzy

Reply

Billco Billco Nov 26, 2008 @ 8:23 am

My son has been out of our home for 8 years and our daughter for 4. Both my wife and I never had a problem staying busy. If each day was twice as long, we still couldn't do all the things we need to or would like to do. But I wish they were both still at home. Not so much because I miss them, but because I worry about them. And I've had good reason to worry.

Nice lens.

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Here are some of my postings from my home and hearth journal. I'm honestly surprised (and pleased) that this journal now gets more than 100 hits daily! Could it be that the younger generation somehow respects what we old-timers have to say?

What Sweeteners Do You Use?: Choosing a sweetener is one of the most important parts of designing a natural diet.
Facts About Snowflakes: Snowflakes are beautiful when falling from the sky, and most of us love to see the first snow of winter.
Herbs and pregnancy - what to use and what not to use: Herbs safe to use during pregnancy, and those dangerous to use while pregnant.
Herbed Pasta: Herbed pasta is easy to make and a favorite of vegetarians everywhere.
Cleaning The Pantry: Cleaning the pantry helps revitalize the country kitchen.
What I Keep In My Jars: One gallon pickle jars are ideal for holding dry staples for a vegan or vegatarian diet.
Fasting with the Lemonade Diet: The Master Cleanser, the Lemonade Diet, is a juice fast that helps people heal and lose weight.
Paying the Bills: Times are changing, and people are being pushed into poverty, selling their prized possessions to have money to eat.
What is Starvation, and Why Should We Care?: Starvation is a real possibility in America; we should store food and prepare for the future.
Ug99, the Destruction of Wheat Crops, and Prices In Our Local Supermarkets: Prices are rising around the world. Check your own supermarkets. Time to stock up and start your gardens!
Learning to Cook: Learning to cook was a difficult thing for me. I felt like nobody taught me to cook, and it took many years for me to teach myself.
Vegetarian Broccoli Cream Soup: A good recipe for Vegetarian Broccoli Cream Soup.
Lentil Tacos - Tortillas Made From Rice Flour: Lentil Tacos - Tortillas Made From Rice Flour - a simple recipe.
Why I became a vegetarian…: My vegetarian story.
Brown Rice and Vegetables: How I make Brown Rice and Vegetables. I've been making variations of this for about forty years now.
Pacific Madrone Berries and Madrone Bark Tea: The Pacific Madrone grows all along the USA West Coast from Santa Barbara to Washington.
Clif Bars for a Nutritious Snack While Hiking, or Daily Breakfast: I love Clif bars for a quick snack. I love that they are healthy, vegetarian, and delicious!
Hummus: Just a short recipe for hummus.
Best Massage Ever - Waterfall Swimming Hole: I love this little swimming hole in the South Fork of Indian Creek, here in Northern California.
Essential Oil For Eczema Skin Care: Essential oils can be used for eczema skin care. Be sure to use only a few drops essential oil in a nourishing carrier oil such as Avocado Oil or Hazelnut Oil.
Spicy Lemonade: Spicy Lemonade is a refreshing summertime drink made with cloves and honey or maple syrup.
St. John’s Wort: St. Johnswort helps alleviate anemia, depression, menstrual cramps, and insomnia.
Peanut Butter Sweet Potato Pie: This recipe for Peanut Butter Sweet Potato Pie is a healthy desert, worth cooking.
Clary Sage - Essential Oil: Clary sage has been used to alleviate depression, stress, labor pains, high blood pressure, skin inflamations, acne, hair loss, and more.
Illinois River Memories: Giving thanks for swimming in Happy Camp's Indian Creek and Clear Creek, and in Southern Oregon's Illinois River.
Memoir: My Sister’s Records: My sister chose three records for her first singles purchasea and changed my life.
Perfect Rice Every Time: Perfect rice every time - it isn't hard to do when you follow this simple recipe.
Cinnamon and Honey Weight Loss Tea: Cinnamon and honey can make a weight loss tea - an idea from Ayurvedic and Yunani medicine.

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