End Verbal Abuse Now

I've been reading Patricia Evans' book on verbally abusive relationships because I live with a verbally abusive man, and need to learn what to do about it. Some people say I should just leave him, but it isn't that simple or easy. For one thing, I love him! ...And there are other issues. So I'm learning more about verbal abuse.

The book explains a lot about types of verbal abuse. It isn't just insults or name-calling. There's so much more!

For example - countering. This means that if I suggest something or express my belief in something, I'll be "countered" by a contrary opinion. Some people have noticed that if they agree with a verbally abusive person, that person will change opinions mid-conversation! It is all about being contrary. The abuser wants to have a "superior opinion" and disagree with their partner, no matter what the topic or opinion may be.

Another example - discounting - which means that the abuser considers the spouse to be worthless, and expresses that in so many ways. It is hard to keep your self-esteem when getting a lot of these kinds of messages.

If you're being verbally abused, I recommend you get a copy of Patricia Evans' book. She also has a message board which she guards carefully. She takes time to talk to each and every person wanting access. She called me on my cell phone to discuss my situation and set up access to the board for me. Very kind of her!

I have got to admit, my self-esteem is at an all-time high because I'm happy with my career success. So the verbal abuse isn't exactly making me feel like a quivering mass of submissive jello! However I do understand that many people have had much longer relationships with abusive partners and that the experience has eroded their self-esteem to an extreme measure.

When I'm attacked by the verbal abuser I feel angry, impatient, frustrated, confused, and disgusted. These are definitely not pleasant feelings and not things I want to feel toward the person I am living with.