Suzie's English Mustard Talk

Come on now, roast beef with German mustard? You just wouldn't, would you? It's not right. Yes, I know I'm a veggie, but if you must eat cow, at the very least, do it properly and with style.

I gave up meat when I was about fifteen or sixteen but the appeal of mustard was already burned within my soul. I still must have my regular English mustard fix on my veggie sausages, nut roasts and veggie burgers. You've got to admit, burgers without English mustard is sacrilege. A thin layer spread over the entire top surface is essential. It brings out the flavour and turns the whole taste into an oral delight of warmth and leaping taste buds.

Proper English mustard as a condiment can transport junk food to a higher level.

Now, before you go rushing to the kitchen to dip your finger in the mustard pot, it must be the right sort. In effect it's got to be Colman's English Mustard, but not the ready made stuff. That's absolutely okay for a substitute, but it's the 'Double Superfine Mustard Powder' that you really want. This is the powder that you mix up yourself and can therefore turn into perfect mustard.

I've been mixing Colman's mustard since I was knee high to a grasshopper and it's got to be done properly.

Take equal amounts of powder and cold water and mix together in an appropriate pot until there is a smooth paste. Take one step backwards, look at the clock, and retreat for ten minutes.

The cold water and the lapse of time are essential. The water acts as a catalyst that helps yield the essential oil of mustard which in turn produces that wonderful, unmistakable taste. If you always get the ready made variety please, please try the powder, there is a very distinct difference. It's a nicer yellow, brighter and alive looking. The flavour of fresh mixed Colman's mustard powder cannot be equalled and, as for the smell, mmmmm! If that doesn't send the power of St. George shooting through your veins then nothing will.

There is one draw back to mixing your own, the strength of the flavour does diminish as the hours tick by. I like to mix just enough for my requirements at a time. I usually buy the 113g (4 oz) tin of powder. It's easy to spot on the supermarket shelves with it's distinctive yellow colour and 'Colman's Mustard' written clearly in bright red letters. It's about 11 x 6 x 4cm in size.

Be careful as fresh Colman's mustard can be lethal - well almost.

I've seen the inexperienced insert their finger for a taster only to turn red in the face and nearly choke.

It sorts out the softies from the toughies.

It also clears the nasal passages. Spread some on a cracker and, as you munch away, your head will soon become as clear as a bell - or, there again, your eyes may water and your face turn an unusual shade of beetroot.

Mustard has been around for ages. It was believed to have first been cultivated in India back in 3000 BC. The Romans are said to have brought it to Britain but only for medicinal purposes - helps rheumatism and internal inflammations. It wasn't until the 17th Century that it started being used as a condiment.

Colman's have been making mustard since 1814.

There are three main mustard plants used to make up mustard flour (powder): white (Sinapis alba), brown (Brassica juncea) and black (Brassica nigra). The flour also contains turmeric which gives it the strong yellow colour.

For more household tips go to Suzie's Household Tips. I'll see you there!Oh nearly forgot, if you drop some mustard on your blouse, shirt, thong or whatever scrape it off quickly and rinse in hot water. If the mustard stain remains try making a paste of baking powder and water. Rub this on the back and front of the garment and let it stand for about two hours, then wash as normal.

If this still doesn't work, have a good swear and then make up a paste of mustard powder and water and then mix this in a bowl of warm water. Take the offending garment and soak it in the water overnight. In the morning, abracadabra, you'll have a blouse, shirt or thong of a distinctive mustard colour!

Okay, lets get back to where I was. Mustard plants all have yellow flowers, the seeds form in pods and the plants vary in height. The black mustard plants grow to about 2m (7 ft) whereas the white only reach 1m (3.5ft).

White mustard is also used for salads and eaten as seedlings (i.e. as in the mustard & cress we grow as kids).

Such fascinating stuff!

The word 'mustard' comes from the latin 'must' (meaning much) and 'ardens' (burning).

And, did you know? A one acre field of mustard will grow one tonne of mustard seed, sufficient for 47,600 jars of Colmans mustard - or sometimes even 47,601 jars!

I use mustard mainly as a condiment but sometimes add a teaspoon of the powder to a veggie stir fry to add an extra bite. And, of course, you can't make a decent Welsh Rarebit without English mustard!

A mustard sauce enlivens drab food bits and, if you are a flesh eater, is okay for the likes of bacon, ham and mackerel. Simply make a normal white sauce but, prior to seasoning with salt and pepper, stir in two teaspoons of Colman's dry mustard mixed with two teaspoons of vinegar - this would be for four people. Gently re-heat the sauce and pour over whatever you wish - preferably not a dead animal.

It seems some people do very strange things with English mustard.

There's a reflexologist guy who reckons that if you rub it into your feet and ear lobes it'll make you relaxed and will reduce stress.

Be warned though, it might make a bit of a mess of the bed covers and could well add an element of surprise to any ear nibbling in a romantic encounter.

Traditionally mustard has been used for colds and sore throats because of the heat that it can generate.

Spread a thick paste on a flannel and place this on the neck/throat/chest for about 15 minutes - remove sooner if it burns too much. The skin should only turn a little pink and not end up red and blistered. Wash the skin afterwards and repeat 2-4 times a day.

To all of you that like it hot, it's got to be Colmans mustard, made in Norwich, England - right?There are lots of other things to do with mustard but this is really in praise of the stuff you put on your plate. Why mess with anything so perfect? I'll be mixing up some tonight to quench my desire.

Can't wait ... the smell, the taste, the fevered brow, the ...

... oh, nearly forgot, try adding half a teaspoon of dry mustard to the chocolate sauce used for profiteroles - it could well give you a pleasant surprise! Or add a pinch or two to some mayonaise to make a tasty dip.

To all of you that like it hot, it's got to be Colmans mustard, made in Norwich, England - right?P.S. Just in case you are wondering: I don't have any connection with Colman's mustard! Other than I use the stuff - often.

To my veggie friends, apologies for this list! Like it or not I have to admit that mustard is usually associated with animal eaters.

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Pork Stroganoff

Ham, Pear and Cheese Croissants

Tuna Salad Nicoise

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Spinach and Bacon Omelette

Fasta Pasta

FOOD & DRINK
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Chocolate And Being A Chocoholic
Suzie's English Mustard Talk
My Embarrassing Experience With Smirnoff Vodka

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