Ernest Hemingway on Relationships

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more" (Heyward Jones). Love is eternal, and history proves time and time again that people desire it and need it to survive. A relationship possesses many different appearances, from friendships to families to an intimate relationship. The beauty of varying aspects and demands allows for more than one relationship to exist. Society does have rules however, and the consequences of cheating or hurting another can result in the end of a relationship. In many cases, a person is unaware of the pain he causes or the hole he creates. Ernest Hemingway deals with both the pain of a relationship, but also the fruitfulness that develops from them. His real world dealings allow him to relate directly with his characters, and to add a personal touch which some writers may lack. The context of this writing demands some attention, but between the 1920's and now the main changes that occur are the new standards. These "new standards" incorporate the modern view of a relationship and the looser restrictions on partners. Society's new views consist of more open affiliation and a lesser focus on marriage. The task with relating Hemingway's writing to today happens to be quite simple, because he manages to integrate factors of both a marriage and a friendship that are eternal. Although this view happens to be his, he brings into light several key points that were present in the 1920's. Due to the recent world war, people are slightly distraught and a solid relationship is essential. Hemingway utilizes eternal points such as these to allow for an everlasting message in his books. Still, relationships have a dark side and as much as Hemingway incorporates cheer, he does not leave out the reality. Hemingway's view of relationships in A Moveable Feast, "Hills like White Elephants" and "Snows of Kilimanjaro" reveals that perfection remains unattainable, and that relationships convey the true beauty and wickedness of a person through lies and true love.
Ernest Hemingway applies the beauty and innocence of Paris as a metaphor for the similar qualities of a relationship, but also reveals the dark areas. For instance, in A Moveable Feast, the innocence of Paris's inhabitants is evident as people "hurry to one some place to drink together, [and] eat together," only to end the night "mak[ing] love" (Hemingway 100). These residents worry about their next meal or how their nights end, and pay little attention to the reality and pain of life around them. This innocence demonstrates a relationship through the beauty on the surface, but the obliviousness to the problems that occur. Furthermore, Hadley, Hemingway's wife, "always [does] what Hemingway want[s] (Lisa Tyler, Student Companion to Ernest Hemingway 140)," allowing for the couple to live a smooth life and stay care free. In most relationships, disagreements drive people apart, and these arise through different tastes and opinions. Individuality is key for a couple though, because society manipulates personalities and changes people. However, Hemingway demonstrates the dark side through "the act homosexuals commit," for he believes it "is ugly and repugnant" and that "they are disgusted with themselves afterward" (A Moveable Feast 20). Hemingway himself is heterosexual, but Gertrude Stein, a friend and critic, is homosexual. These two develop a strong bond, even though his beliefs are evident. At this time, homosexuality is not widely accepted, and this leads to Hemingway's stereotypes and ugly thoughts. Moreover, his close friend's "advocacy of homosexuality clashes with Hemingway's heterosexuality (Fame Became of Him 194)," displaying the fine line between the belief of right and wrong as John Raeburn points out. The battle continues between these two, and although this is only one fight, the clash between the gay and straight community lasts to this day. The gay community has gained strength throughout the past few decades, but the stereotypes set this group back and keep them out of society's good graces. Paris is the city of love, and Hemingway portrays it as such, but love also possesses challenges and they cause dilemmas.

Secondly, "Hills like White Elephants" displays how a relationship changes from time to time, and how miscommunication and lies impact them. For example, in "Hills like White Elephants," the American tells Jig he "does not want anybody but [her]" in the middle of a fight and believes everything "is perfectly simple" (Hemingway 6). The average man rarely comprehend relationships enough to formulate an accurate opinion, and when the American tells Jig this, he simply attempts to stop the fight. This fight begins due to the American's lack of interest in Jig's feelings, and like men across the world he desires only to duck out of the bickering and be alone. In contrast, Pamela Smiley realizes that "women's speech is profoundly imprecise," yet "men's speech is utterly straightforward (Gender-Linked Miscommunications 82)," causing a barrier between Jig and the American. Through these complicated messages that women send out, men find themselves confused, and this triggers problems in communication. This results in arguments and fights, yet the man does not comprehend the causes. After the fights begin, the destruction that follows ebbs away at the foundation of a relationship, and this all results from simple miscommunication. In addition, Jig turns on the American, asking for him to "please please please please please stop talking ("Hills like White Elephants" 5)," at a random point in their conversation. When the discussion beings, Jig loves with the American but as it progresses, she perceives his lies. This change happens suddenly, and is not foreseen due to Jig's obvious attraction to the American, but his lies build on one another. This occurs frequently for couples and causes negative effects for the victim of the lies. However, Smiley points out that "speakers hold to the logic of their own language," yet they "refuse to entertain the possibility that alternate translations exist" (Gender- linked Miscommunications 82). As a person becomes immersed in their own speaking, they lose sight of what truly matters to them. In this case, the American believes what he says, and loses all regard for Jig's feelings. Thinking only of oneself occurs frequently, and although they do not involve relationships all the time, these are the most damaged. Lying and its effects remain a constant theme in Hemingway's writing, and he feels the breakdown of relationships results from lies.
Likewise, "The Snows of Kilimanjaro" demonstrates the disagreement between a couple, and that a person who lies destroys a relationship, while the other person loves unconditionally. For instance, the man in "The Snows of Kilimanjaro," embodies this deceitful nature when he tells his wife the he "never loved any one else the way [he] loves her," even though this is the "familiar lie that he [makes] his bread and butter by" (Hemingway 5). These kind words, with no true meaning, display the way in which lies ruin relationships. As these lies continue, the entire bond between the two people builds on false truths. Moreover, the man expresses the "fear that women get the men down (The Critical Heritage 312)," as Jeffrey Meyers points out. Through this apprehension, the man cares not about the woman's feelings, but only how he can out-think her. This carries on throughout many people's thoughts, and destroys relationships through the shallowness and deceit that it creates. Likewise, Lynda Coupe notes that "Hemingway fear[s] he [can] be Harry," and due to this he" exorcises such a demon in the writing of the story" (Images of the Hunter in American Life and Literature 133). Hemingway understands man's somewhat primitive nature and way of thinking, and realizes that if he falls into that mindset, he will lose the things that matter to him. He teaches the male readers that they must be open minded and acknowledge the possibilities and challenges that women bring to the society. Lastly, the changes within the man allow him to realize "he has loved too much, demanded too much, and he wore it all out ("Snow of Kilimanjaro" Hemingway 9)." Love only goes so far, after it stretches past its limits, the effects are drastic. Hemingway notices this, and brings the understanding to Harry that people must be treated in a way that does not abuse them. As Harry takes advantage of his spouse's feelings, he begins to comprehend the profound effects of her in his life. Throughout all three stories, reoccurring themes appear, and these themes arise throughout history as well.
Although all three stories are at least sixty years old, the elements in Hemingway's writing have grown over time to produce more relevance through timeless beliefs. Specifically, Hemingway lives in a place where marriage is not favored, and although he "feels they forgave [them] for being in love and being married (A Moveable Feast 14)," the discouragement of marriage exists today. In present day society, television and magazines shun marriage due to the focus on quick relationships and little emotion shown. Hemingway's situation varies slightly through Paris' upbeat mentality, but the belief that settling down is pointless runs through both time periods. Likewise, Hemingway believes that "racing never comes between" him and Hadley because, "only people could do that" (A Moveable Feast 61). People cause parting through lies and gossip, and although friends are a necessity, they act in favor of themselves. This leads to hurt feelings or false assumptions and ultimately in the ending of relationships. Finally, John Raeburn notes that Hemingway blames his wealth for "somehow destroying his marriage and ending the most fruitful period of his life (Fame Became of Him 198)," much to the same cause of today's problems. Celebrities and gold diggers alike ruin lives for money and power, and Hemingway's problem involves the same premise. Like a rich man facing a gold digger, he deals with the challenge of controlling his own wealth and not allowing others to take advantage of him and his money. In the same way that celebrities exploit other celebrities as stepping stones for their careers, Hemingway deals with people utilizing his fame for their own benefit. Even as conniving as people are, people are lost without human companionship, especially in their times of need.
As World War I came to a close the joy and the struggle some people had to deal with as soldiers came home or did not, demonstrates the necessity of relationships on which people rely. For instance, in "Hills like White Elephants," when the American tells Jig he "is perfectly willing to go through anything with her (5)," Hemingway displays his ability to bring the bright side of relationships to view. Throughout his stories, Hemingway presents harsh comments and bitter couples, but he manages to portray the softer side, too. Even though relationships are never perfect, moments like these make it all worth while. Similarly, Hemingway develops a relationship with Hadley, who "adores her husband, and encourages him in his work (Fame Became of Him 198)," as John Raeburn points out. Authors who write about love and couples may experience problems, or traumatic happenings, that diminish their view on relationships. Luckily for Hemingway, he understands the beauty of a relationship, and that even though there are ups and downs, love always remains. Lastly, in A Moveable Feast, Ernest Hemingway writes in his journal that "a girl [comes] into the café" and "she disturbs him and makes him very excited" (5). This displays the innocence and the mystery that relationships cause. The occurrence also portrays the broad spectrum of relationships, through the fact that Hemingway never speaks to the girl, but only admires her from afar. Through this almost childish experience, Hemingway expresses that the simplest thoughts or meetings lead to much more. Across time, people depend on others to relieve stress and to rely on, and although they solve dilemmas, they cause them, too.

Although Hemingway conveys the bright side of relationships, he displays the dark side and the set-backs a couple faces due to individuality and stubbornness. To illustrate this, Hemingway utilizes the hurt man in "Snows of Kilimanjaro" as "he no longer means what he says," and "his lies are more successful with women than when he tells them the truth" (15). Through his lies and desire to satisfy his ego, the hurt man pushes away the one person who truly loves him. Due to his stubbornness, the woman tries to break his shell and help him, but he only pushes her away and eventually lies to quiet her. Moreover, in "Hills like White Elephants," the American and Jig "end in a bickering over a drink" (Hemingway 10). This stubbornness portrays how meaningless their relationship becomes. These two love each other, and throughout the story they display this, but as soon as a small fight commences they forgo their feelings. Since they both long to be right, they forget what matters to them and fight for what they want. Likewise, Stephen Portch claims "Hemingway is capable of depicting man's insensitivity to woman's needs" (Literature's Silent Language 108). Both the American and the hurt man care little about their spouses needs, and crave only to satisfy their own. These men serve as a metaphor for relationships as a whole, because throughout history men have pleased themselves before all others. Through Hemingway's second wife's "deliberate efforts to sabotage her husband's work to her jealousy of his talent (Student Companion to Ernest Hemingway 140)," Lisa Tyler demonstrates a cause of Hemingway's distrust of the opposite gender. Hemingway reflects his beliefs toward women in his short stories, and also the problems women cause. Even though he portrays man's insensitivity, he focuses on woman's shallowness and inability to deal with a man's personality. Hemingway is a lover, whether he loves or displays another's love, he looks for the bright side in everybody, even if the trouble they cause effects others.
The beauty and hardships of relationships draws the best and worst out of people, and they form the necessary bonds for a lifetime of love and aid. Hemingway feels both the pain and benefits of relationships through his wealth and multiple wives. He understands that with power comes responsibility, and that if he leaves himself unchecked people take advantage of him. Also, his multiple wives allow him to experience true love and deceit. This shapes his views, but allows him to display the wide spectrum of relationships. In present times, people overlook how beautiful love can be, especially with the picture of a model relationship that the media creates. People need to realize what is important to them, and not focus on sex and power. Hemingway's writing are dated, but he incorporates this throughout his writing. Society creates its own image of a relationship; you need to create your own.