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Cat's Guide to Escaping the House

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How Oreo The Cat Plans To Escape From The House

Hello, my name is Oreo, the senior cat at the Easterling household. While I love my human family and they take good care of me, the call of the outdoors sometimes gets the better of me! They used to let me outdoors all the time, but I started wandering too far away from home (or so they say) so they decided that it was better for me and my "sister cat" Meeko to stay indoors.

Of course, I think otherwise! Outdoors is heaven! The squirrels, the grass, the trees, the birds! All just waiting for me to make my escape. Here are my tips (along with tips from my human "family") for any self-respecting cat who wants to enjoy the great outdoors!

For our long-time readers: You'll be happy to know that my human "parents" have been working on making my life more entertaining. Check out the new toys that I got.

Tip #1: Push out the screen of an open window.

Do not let an open window go unnoticed! And don't be deterred by a screen on the window. Many screens can be easily pushed out and you can slip out with ease!

Owner Tip: How to Repair Window Screens

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Tip #2: Use a downstairs window!

If you decide to try Tip #1, be sure to use a downstairs window. If you use an upstairs window, you may find yourself stuck on the roof, as I do sometimes. (I don't know why I can't remember some windows are upstairs. Gee whiz.)

And just so you know, my family's house has a very tall roof and it's a long way to the ground. So just stop laughing.

Owner Tip: The Little Giant Ladder

In case you get stuck on the roof, your owners will need a safe, easy-to-use ladder to help you get down. My owners love the Little Giant. Yes, that's the ladder advertised on the infomercial. Amazingly, it is quite easy to use, just like on the infomercial. That's a good thing, because I get quite anxious up there waiting to be rescued.
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Tip #3: Wait for someone to open the door.

It may sound simple, but waiting right by the front door until your human family heads outdoors is another way to escape. For the greatest chance of escape, position yourself away from the door -- so no one knows your plans -- than dart out quickly when the door opens. Run between the human's legs to confuse them!

Owner Tip: Self-Closing Storm Door

Fullview Easy-Vent Storm Door from Lowes
My owners finally got tired of their old screen door and replaced it with the storm door that you see in the photo above. It's a self-closing storm door that has a hide-away screen vent. Unfortunately for me, the screen is on the top, where I can't reach it. Rats! Anyway, this door is very nice!

Tip #4: Learn to speak "human."

Face it -- it would be much easier to get outside if we cats could just ask politely. It works for the family's children. As little ones, they learn to speak and ask for what they want. I've learned to make a meow that sounds like "water," and it works fairly well if I yell it loud enough. But they just don't seem to understand that "Yeoooouuuuut" means "Out."

(Here's a picture with me and my human "mom," Anne. She used to teach elementary school, so I can't understand why she can't teach me to talk.)

Owner Tip: Understanding Your Cat

Since we cats cannot learn to speak "human," here are some books to help our owners learn to understand our language.
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Tip #5: Nag, nag, nag until your owner gives up and lets you out!

If your human family doesn't understand your attempts to speak "human," cry as loud as you can for hours and hours. If you are lucky, eventually your human "mom" or "dad" will get so tired of hearing you cry that they will let you outside for a few minutes. It's not much but it's better than nothing!

Owner Tip: Turn on soothing music.

I'll admit it. Sometimes I get so wound up with my crying and crying that I can use some soothing music to calm down. My owner "mom" works in a home office, and she loves Disney songs and Christian music. Even if it doesn't help me very much, my "mom" says that it helps keep her from going nuts!
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Tip #6: Take a nap, and wait until later!

If none of these tips work, just take a nap! When you wake up, play some games with your cat and human "brothers" and "sisters." Check around the house in case there's an open window or door. Practice your "human" words.

Of course, napping gives you more energy for your next great escape.

Owner Tip: Cat Beds and Toys

If your owners are not going to let your outdoors, the least they can do is make sure that you have a comfy seat by the window and some fun toys to play with!

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Cat and Owner Bonus Tip: The Litter Robot

When you care enough to get your cat the very best!

A few months ago, my owners got me and my cat "sister" Meeko the absolute best litter box. Well, it's not a box. It's a sphere with a hole where we cats enter to - ahem - take care of our private business. The Litter Robot then spins and dumps our deposits in a secret drawer, where it's kept safe until "mom" puts in a new drawer liner. (The liner is a recycled grocery bag.)

My human "dad" calls it the Starship Enterprise! My human "mom" calls it a miracle. We cats just say that it's about time someone invented a self-cleaning litter box that really works.

By the way, this little miracle worker saves on how much litter we kitties use... So don't be put off by the price. It's well worth it!
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The Litter Robot In Action

Here's a photo demonstration of how the Litter Robot works. (Can you believe that my human "mom" wanted me to pose for pictures with this? Hrmph!)
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A Few Closing Comments

So that's all. My human "parents" keep telling me to be happy indoors. My cat "sister" Meeko loves the indoors. (That's Meeko in the picture; doesn't she look so peaceful?) I know that it's dangerous out there. On one of my latest escapes, a nasty cat bit me and I could have died from that terrible infection.

For now, I'll keep looking for open windows, waiting by the door, and nagging, nagging, nagging. If you know of any tips to help my human "parents" teach me to love the indoors, just write to Anne by clicking on "Contact the Lensmaster" up above. She would love to hear from you!

Update: Play Therapy

Yeah, sure, this is gonna work

So, my human "mom" has been reading all those books she bought. She's decided that play therapy is going to keep me happy indoors. Yeah, right! Anyway, the new toys are kind of fun. Here's a sampling of what she got:
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Send Me A Note

I know that I have lots of fans! So send me a note... especially if you have some tips on how I can escape from this house. Please, if you're a dog, don't tell me about going for walks. I'm tired of watching that TV guy Cesar Millan take those dogs for walks... Gee!

  • Wendy18 Mar 30, 2009 @ 2:58 pm | delete
    Great lens! I enjoyed the cat vs. the people view. I have two cats and I always have to be a step ahead of their thinking. They're both shelter cats, and one is perfectly content indoors and will sit on the deck with us during nice weather. She has no interest in wandering off the deck into the yard. But my other one!...she's a fabulous mouser and chipmunker and will jump off the deck when we're not looking. She howls to go outside and sulks when we don't let her out. She's getting older and mellowing out a bit and we hope this year she'll be even more mellow! I love your Oreo as I just love the black & white tuxedo cats. Nice lens!
  • grannysage Mar 26, 2009 @ 6:24 pm | delete
    Hi Oreo and Oreo's Mom. Wileykat sent me over to tell Oreo that he too likes to nag, and nag, and nag until he can go outside. But he will only go outside at night because he is scared of squirrels and loud noises. He also doesn't wander far because he likes to come back in and use his litterbox. (sshh, that's supposed to be a secret, he is not all that much of an all natural cat). His sister, Ghost, has spent too many years outside as a stray, and has decided that just staying inside and sleeping and eating a lot is just fine with her. They both would like you to visit them at White Cats Can't Jump. And we are giving you 5 stars and lensrolling you to their lens....wiley likes to keep track of his friends.
  • Ramkitten Feb 24, 2009 @ 11:02 pm | delete
    Hmm, me thinks I might just leave the window open in Mom's house. *evil laugh* I'm pet-sitting her destructive indoor kitties while she's in rehab (for a hip replacement, that is). What those naughty girls have done to her new carpet. I need to put them in touch with Oreo cat, so they can learn some escape tactics. :) Seriously, what a fun lens.
  • GoGreenEnergy Jan 29, 2009 @ 3:44 am | delete
    Great lens I really enjoyed reading it, 5 stars!  I have two
    wonderful cats that cheer up my days.  You can visit my new
    site about Cat
    Training Tips     if you like.
  • Jan 26, 2009 @ 10:39 pm | delete
    Amazingly awesome! I loved this page, because my cat is so adventurous. He loves being out in our screened area (lanai) - we have a canal with an alligator in the back so we don't let him outside - all the time. I think this is a really awesome page! Great job, and the cat's face (Oreo) drew me here because it was so breathtaking!
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AnneEasterling

Because I can't type (obviously), my loving and faithful human "mom," Anne, typed this lens for me. Anne is a consultant and writer. You may... more »

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