Explaining Your Mental Illness to Others

You don't need to tell everyone. It's best to start slow. Just plan on telling your closest friends and immediate family. And if you have a roomate, they should probably be included. Your coworkers, basketball buddies, and Mommy-n-Me group can wait til later.

Every mental illness has myths attached to it. Everyone knows a bipolar is eventually going to explode and kill someone. And someone with depression actually just feels sorry for himself. And a borderline? Well, we're all just faking it.

It's up to us to debunk these myths. The only way to do that is to know your facts. Check out your local library for books relevant to your illness. Call your local hospital and doctor offices to ask for any pamphlets or fact sheets they might have. And of course, use the web. There's hundreds (more likely thousands) of websites with useful information on them. Just remember, there's no such thing as too much information.

I would recommend getting a book to keep with you. A beginners guide to your mental illness would probably be best. I would also recommend getting a 'How to cope' book for anyone you live with or spend a lot of time with. For anyone else, an information pamphlet or fact sheet should work.
Handing out reference material isn't necessary, but it helps a lot. A book can answer the questions you can't. And later on it can serve as a reminder to them to be patient with you.

My best discussions all stemmed from sticking to these general rules.

1. Discuss your illness with each person individually. No groups. Why? Group discussions can get out of hand and off subject.
2. Never schedule a talk ahead of time. Just wait for a time when you know ya'll won't be interrupted for a couple hours. Why? Scheduling ahead of time can lead to a big case of the nerves.
3. Don't just sit on the couch and talk. Why? This can lead to long uncomfortable silences. Instead, do something you both enjoy, like walking or baking.
4.Vary the discussions. Why? Each person has a different type of relationship with you and the content of your talk should reflect this.
5. Don't give them information overload. You can always talk again if need be. Why? The more information you give somebody, the less specific recall they'll have.
6. Try to figure out at least one good thing about your illness. I know sometimes it's impossible, but it can't hurt to try. Why? Because finding and holding on to that one good thing can be the one thing that stops you from drowning in self pity.

Sometimes a mental illness is just too hard to explain. Or maybe you know someone on your A-list is going to be difficult about it. For whatever reason, if you're still having trouble there's one more thing you can do. Schedule an appointment with your doctor and have your important people go with you so the doctor can help explain it. After all, who better to explain than the one who diagnosed you? If you do this, though, you need to make sure to participate fully in the discussion. Remember, the point is not only to educate your loved ones about your mental illness, but also to let them know how it affects you personally.

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