Return of the Friend Request
Ranked #7,214 in Entertainment, #88,960 overall | Donates to Squidoo Charity Fund, ASPCA
Lord of the Facebook: A Facebook Parody of Lord of the Rings - Part 3
LOTR's The Two Towers, told through the characters' facebook accounts
This is part three of the Lord of the Facebook/The Fellowship of the Facebook Statuses more or less covering The Return of the King. For the first two, see The Two Notifications and The Fellowship of the Friend Request.
There is also a collection of some of the funnier sites collection Facebook Status Update fails, flops and flights at the bottom!
The 'other' Fellowship on Facebook
There's also a facebook application called The Fellowship, which is an RPG game that has (apparently) nothing to do with the Fellowship of the Ring. If that's what you were looking for, great, but stop to have a read before you go?
Warning: I've only edited and updated about half of this last story - after Chapter Six (Chapter Seven: The Song of Fail), it suddenly becomes plain text. As you read that, please thank me for trying to pretty it up, as the imaginary fumes of gratitude are all that's motivating me to continue in the herculean task! (That is also why this lens is under my account still - the previous two parts of the trilogy are under Aotearoan's account.)
This is part three of the Lord of the Facebook/The Fellowship of the Facebook Statuses more or less covering The Return of the King. For the first two, see The Two Notifications and The Fellowship of the Friend Request.
There is also a collection of some of the funnier sites collection Facebook Status Update fails, flops and flights at the bottom!
The 'other' Fellowship on Facebook
There's also a facebook application called The Fellowship, which is an RPG game that has (apparently) nothing to do with the Fellowship of the Ring. If that's what you were looking for, great, but stop to have a read before you go?
Warning: I've only edited and updated about half of this last story - after Chapter Six (Chapter Seven: The Song of Fail), it suddenly becomes plain text. As you read that, please thank me for trying to pretty it up, as the imaginary fumes of gratitude are all that's motivating me to continue in the herculean task! (That is also why this lens is under my account still - the previous two parts of the trilogy are under Aotearoan's account.)
Have You Read The First and Second Updates?
Read the Fellowship of the Facebook and the Two Notifications first!
The Lord of the Facebook trilogy
1. The Fellowship of the Facebook
2.The Two Notifications
3. The Return of the Friend Request
Loading poll. Please Wait...
Chapter One: Smoke and Shiny Things
Awesome Merry knows we should get on with this cool quest thing, but you know, I kind of don't feel motivated...
Aragorn right, you slack weed-smoking hippies, get your hairy feet
moving or we'll leave you behind!
Gimli Sonofgloin We didn't come all this way to rescue you to find
you idling and eating...and SMOKING! Where did you get that?
Pippin Genius Took you want some?
Aragorn yes.
Legolas Greenleaf will never understand the strange things mortals do... like breathing smoke...
Aragorn I'm just glad you've stopped screaming and throwing cups of
water into my face.
Legolas Greenleaf That was one time. And I thought you were on fire.
Aragorn Maybe. But why didn't you just throw the liquid, instead of the
whole cup?
Legolas Greenleaf I had to act quickly or you would have had
no face! ...flammable beards... breathing smoke and flames...
it's a stupid combination
Vauen Aragorn Lord of the Rings Briar Pipe
Amazon Price: (as of 05/31/2012)
Gimli Sonofgloin Legolas, for the last time, there are no flames.
Pippin Genius Took why don't you try some? It will help you relax.
Saruman my tower! My life's work! My army! I knew this was a bad deal.
Sméagol Orcs don't taste very nice, do they, precious?
Gollum No, preciousss. They don't.
Samwise Gamgee hey, anyone in the area want to drop in and give us some more water or lembas? only... we're running a bit low here.
Samwise Gamgee couldn't Mr Gandalf ask one of them eagles to drop
us off something to eat?
Mister Frodo No, Sam. They probably have some important things to
see to. And they'd eat Smeagol by mistake.
Samwise Gamgee but the fate-of-the-whole-of-Middle-Earth thing,
doesn't that mean anything?
Mister Frodo No, the eagles are strictly for deux-ex-machinas. And
there's some mystical geographic/narrative boundary to all
our facebook updates. For some strange reason, we can only
access the facebooks of people we're with at the time. It
creates comic and dramatic tension.
Samwise Gamgee sigh.
Gollum cute little hobbitses, fatty sharing his food with skinny! Not for long. Soon, we makes them hates one another.
Samwise Gamgee Frodo, they're up to something!
Mister Frodo Oh Sam. You're so paranoid.
Samwise Gamgee I've only been paranoid since everyone started
being out to get us.
Mister Frodo cause and effect, Sam. Cause and effect.
Pippin Genius Took ooh, shiny.
Gandalf give it here!
Pippin Genius Took but but pretty shiny glowy round thing!
Awesome Merry By the Valar, Pippin's taken the ring!
Aragorn! okay, nobody... nobody panic... Someone, do something!
Gimli Sonofgloin Not Pippin... he looked so innocent! Do you think
he's murdered Frodo?
Gandalf Pippin, kill Frodo? Ha! Maybe by accident.
Legolas Greenleaf Pippin killed Frodo by accident? I thought he was
in Mordor!
Aragorn! Pippin's in Mordor? How did he get there? Did he use the
ring?
Gimli Sonofgloin Durin's beard, now Sauron will find him for sure.
Awesome Merry we're doomed.
Gentle Giant Lord of the Rings Saruman Bust with Light-Up Palantir
Amazon Price: $48.99 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price:
Gandalf you see what I have to work with?
Lord of the Rings Gandalf the White Action Figure
Amazon Price: $49.95 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price:
Awesome Merry who are you talking to?
Gandalf Myself. The most intelligent person around.
Legolas Greenleaf You're talking to yourself on
Facebook?
Aragorn really, Gandalf. That is kind of sad.
Chapter Two: Not Quite As Genius Anymore
Mister Frodo must be the only person who's saving the world and still isn't getting any attention from girls.Samwise Gamgee come off it, Mr Frodo, what sort of girls would therebe in Mordor? Besides, you have me.
Samwise Gamgee *blushes*...I mean...you have me to... give youplatonic foot rubs, cook for you, and help carry your pack... you know,
platonic things
Mister Frodo you don't need to help me with my pack, yours is biggerthan mine. Remember how everyone used to comment on how big your
pack was for only a Hobbit?
Samwise Gamgee ...Mister Frodo curses! Hey, does anyone know if you can deletecomments?
curated content from YouTube
Pippin Genius Took just one quick look... Pippin Genius Took Wizards sleep with their eyes open, WTF.Gandalf changed Pippin Genius Took's name to Pippin Foolofa Took
Pippin Foolofa Took how did you do that?Pippin Foolofa Took changed his name to Pippin Took
Awesome Merry definitely more fitting, Pip. Awesome Merry is sad.Pippin Took where am I going?Gandalf to Gondor!Aragorn did somebody say Gondor?Awesome Merry gave Pippin Took the "Last of the Longbottom Leaf" using Superpoke
Samwise Gamgee hates heights, hates stairs, and hates high stairs. Gollum and hatess being framed for sstealing nasssty lembas?Samwise Gamgee why, you-Mister Frodo hey, who stole the lembas?Gollum He did! Fat Hobbit eats lembas in secret! Doesn't even stop tocount the calories!
Samwise Gamgee and Mister Frodo are no longer friends.
Samwise Gamgee is very sad. "Don't you leave him," Gandalf said. Well, Gandalf, that would be a sight easier if not for Stinker there and his nasty little lies! Sméagol sent Sam Gamgee a "Smug Raspberry Noise" using Superpoke
Sméagol phbbrrrt!Samwise Gamgee how can you do that?? we're not even friends!Aragorn! created the event THE PATHS OF THE DEAD
Gimli Sonofgloin may be attending THE PATHS OF THE DEAD
Galadriel sent Gandalf an "I told you so" using DestinyPoke
Aragorn! will take the Paths of the Dead! It is Destiny!Legolas Greenleaf looks like there's some more of yourDestiny! waiting for you outside.
Halbarad, Elladan, Elrohir and Some Random Rangers are attending THE PATHS OF THE DEAD
Aragorn! ooh, Arwen sewed me a pretty present! She will make such a wonderful wife. 
Elladan you'd better check it carefully before you gloriously unfurl it...last time Arwen had to sew, the end product was pink, bloodstained,
covered in buttons and toast crumbs, and said "a plague on sewing"
in neat, ladylike embroidery.
Elrohir and that was just a pocket hanky.
Funko Lord of the Rings Orc Plushies
Amazon Price: $4.99 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price: $12.99
Most Fitting Name for Pippin?
Which name suits him best?
Loading poll. Please Wait...
Chapter Three: Size Matters Selectively
I'm afraid that I let Gimli and Legolas get a little carried away in this one. I think it's because they are bored, waiting for battle. They have short attention spans. You know how it is.
Legolas Greenleaf GHOSTBUSTERSGimli Sonofgloin That's not funny.Legolas Greenleaf Wuss.Aragorn come on Gimli, are you coming or not?Legolas Greenleaf Nah, I think he's too SCAREDGimli Sonofgloin Am not!Legolas Greenleaf Are so!Gimli Sonofgloin Excuse me, but this is a cave, and I am not the onewho's scared of CAVES
Legolas Greenleaf I'm not scared of caves! In Greenwood, we LIVE incaves.
Gimli Sonofgloin but you're always insisting that they AREN'T cavesin Mirkwood. Anything but caves. Airy cellars, you said. Although that's
not where my father stayed...
Legolas Greenleaf Don't call it Mirkwood! How would you like it if wecalled your stupid caves something insulting?
Aragorn Well 'Moria' does mean 'black pit' so I suppose...Legolas Greenleaf take my advice and don't get involved, Aragorn.Gimli Sonofgloin Yeah, skinny human, mind your own business.Legolas Greenleaf because it's none of your business that poor littleGimlikins is afraid of GHOSTS
Aragorn: can we get on? There are ancient oaths to hold people to,ghosts to meet and greet? More important things, is what I'm hinting at.
Gimli Sonofgloin did you just call me Gimlikins?Legolas Greenleaf Why do you ask, Gimlikins, can't you read? What happened to Gimli's Father?
...and why does he dislike the elves of Mirkwood?
Loading poll. Please Wait...
Gimli Sonofgloin I hope your tree-hugging relatives have all beeneaten by spiders by the time you get back to Mirkwood, Leggy.
Gimli Sonofgloin Aragorn, he punched me! Aren't you going to tellhim off?
Aragorn No, I don't think I will. You deserved that one.Gimli Sonofgloin Oh come on, I was joking about the spiders!Legolas Greenleaf you called me Leggy.Aragorn you called him Leggy.Gimli Sonofgloin well... I hate you both.Legolas Greenleaf not as much as I hate YOUR FACEAragorn Sweet Valar, you two are infuriating.Gandalf think of it as training in how to be diplomatic.Aragorn Talking of which... don't kill him! We need him.Gimli Sonofgloin Why do we need him? Give me a reason.Aragorn No, I'm not falling into this. I have learned by now neverto get into any kind of argument, debate, discussion or dispute with
either of you on your own, and certainly not the two of you together.
Gimli Sonofgloin You're just jealous cos you've been dying to beat upLegolas for ages
Aragorn That's not true! What I said was that I wanted to knock bothyour heads together.
Legolas Greenleaf That's not fair! He's got a helmet on!Gimli Sonofgloin Whereas you don't need a helmet, because youhaven't got much brain to protect
Legolas Greenleaf In that case, that helmet is totally wasted on you.
United Cutlery - Le Seigneur des Anneaux réplique 1/1 casque de Gimli
Amazon Price: $550.00 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price: $399.00
Aragorn! wrote on Gandalf's wall. Gandalf, please. They will happily continue this all night. And I can't sleep, because I might need to separate them. Can't you do something?
Gandalf kicked Gimli Sonofgloin and Legolas Greenleaf off Facebook using INEXPLICABLE WIZARD POWERS
Aragorn! wrote on Gandalf's wall: Thank you, thank you. You are a miracle worker. I don't know what you did, but it's brilliant.
Gandalf wrote on Aragorn!'s wall: unfortunately, it's only temporary
Gandalf received an energy pack from Radagast the Brown in MAFIA WARS
Éowyn wrote on Aragorn!'s wall: You're so wise and responsible. You make a great babysitter... maybe someday, you'll make a great father ;). I like a man who can look after the kids while I fight glorious battles. Are you free this evening?
Aragorn! wrote on Éowyn's wall: babysit? You insult my friends! They are warriors and- no, it's no good, I can't keep a straight face and write that. To be fair, they're usually fine, but Facebook does tend to bring out that side of people... err... I'm not free this evening, I'm kinda doing Destiny King Stuff, you know. And... errr... what does that arcane rune mean? the one like this ;). And did I mention I have a girlfriend? I have a girlfriend.
Éowyn changed her relationship status to "single"
Éowyn wrote on Aragorn!'s wall: That's OK... it makes no difference to me whether or not you have a girlfriend! I wasn't flirting with you anyway! I was just asking because the Rohirrim are riding out tonight, and I'm going too.
Aragorn! wrote on Éowyn's wall: but you're a girl!
Arwen Evenstar is glad she has such a modern boyfriend with a strong sense of equality
Gandalf kicked Gimli Sonofgloin and Legolas Greenleaf off Facebook using INEXPLICABLE WIZARD POWERS
Aragorn! wrote on Gandalf's wall: Thank you, thank you. You are a miracle worker. I don't know what you did, but it's brilliant.
Gandalf wrote on Aragorn!'s wall: unfortunately, it's only temporary
Gandalf received an energy pack from Radagast the Brown in MAFIA WARS
Éowyn wrote on Aragorn!'s wall: You're so wise and responsible. You make a great babysitter... maybe someday, you'll make a great father ;). I like a man who can look after the kids while I fight glorious battles. Are you free this evening?
Aragorn! wrote on Éowyn's wall: babysit? You insult my friends! They are warriors and- no, it's no good, I can't keep a straight face and write that. To be fair, they're usually fine, but Facebook does tend to bring out that side of people... err... I'm not free this evening, I'm kinda doing Destiny King Stuff, you know. And... errr... what does that arcane rune mean? the one like this ;). And did I mention I have a girlfriend? I have a girlfriend.
Éowyn changed her relationship status to "single"
Éowyn wrote on Aragorn!'s wall: That's OK... it makes no difference to me whether or not you have a girlfriend! I wasn't flirting with you anyway! I was just asking because the Rohirrim are riding out tonight, and I'm going too.
Aragorn! wrote on Éowyn's wall: but you're a girl!
Arwen Evenstar is glad she has such a modern boyfriend with a strong sense of equality
Return of the King 6" Figure III: Eowyn
Amazon Price: $7.50 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price: $9.99
Awesome Merry feels very alone.Pippin Took has lots of questions...Gandalf and don't I know it...
Awesome Merry is now a knight of Rohan.Gollum She will do it for us... yess preciouss... and we find It among the bonesses...Mister Frodo is beginning to miss SamAragorn! That's funny, I can hear the pattering of hundreds of little feet...Éowyn changed her name to Dernhelm
Dernhelm changed her gender to MALE
Dernhelm is attending THE RIDE OF THE ROHIRRIM
Awesome Merry I am NOT too short! Awesome Merry How come Frodo's not too short to carry the Ring, and yet suddenly, after all I've been through, I'm too short to ride a bloody horse?
Lord of the Rings Return of the King Action Figure Eowyn in Armor
Amazon Price: $11.89 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price:
Used Price:
Awesome Merry and Dernhelm are now friends.
Awesome Merry is attending THE RIDE OF THE ROHIRRIM
Awesome Merry Awesome!
Chapter Four: I just can't wait to be King
Lord Elrond is feeling both depressed and doom-laden. Time to spread it around!
Gimli Sonofgloin does not like these ghosts...
Awesome Merry is off to war!
Awesome Merry is off to war all alone
Awesome Merry misses his friends :(
Arwen changed her name to Arwen Undomiel
Arwen Undomiel changed her name to Arwen Evenstar
Arwen Evenstar found a lost warg cub wandering around. Adopt the warg cub! Play Arda Farms today!
Pippin Took the pipweed Merry gave me has already run out! I've hardly had time to smoke! I suspect That Wizard have subtly meddled in my affairs
Pippin Took LOL I spelt pipeweed Pipweed.
Awesome Merry Oh no, Pip. I thought you'd grown out of that. Where?
Gimli Sonofgloin does not like these ghosts... Awesome Merry is off to war! Awesome Merry is off to war all alone Awesome Merry misses his friends :(Arwen changed her name to Arwen Undomiel
Arwen Undomiel changed her name to Arwen Evenstar
Arwen Evenstar found a lost warg cub wandering around. Adopt the warg cub! Play Arda Farms today!
Pippin Took the pipweed Merry gave me has already run out! I've hardly had time to smoke! I suspect That Wizard have subtly meddled in my affairsPippin Took LOL I spelt pipeweed Pipweed.Awesome Merry Oh no, Pip. I thought you'd grown out of that. Where? Gandalf wrote on Pippin Took's wall: Now, Pippin... it may be better if you don't say anything at all when we visit him. Let me break the news...
Pippin Took wrote on Gandalf's wall. Do you mean Denethor? What news? Oooh you mean about Boromir dying? I won't say anything. Not a word. And I'll remember this time. I promise!
Denethor commented on Pippin Took's wall post: Interesting. Very interesting.
Pippin Took oops
Pippin Took became the Steward of Gondor's Impertinent Hobbit and Singing Entertainment
Pippin Took wrote on Gandalf's wall. Do you mean Denethor? What news? Oooh you mean about Boromir dying? I won't say anything. Not a word. And I'll remember this time. I promise!
Denethor commented on Pippin Took's wall post: Interesting. Very interesting.
Pippin Took oopsPippin Took became the Steward of Gondor's Impertinent Hobbit and Singing Entertainment
curated content from YouTube
Lord of the Rings: Eowyn as Dernhelm (Miranda Otto) Statue by Sideshow Collectibles!
Amazon Price: $89.99 (as of 05/31/2012)
Used Price:
All Shall Fade...
Singing Entertainment from Pippin
The Steward Of Gondor
Boe le henio
E si car athad iyn
Ane ah a phen
I u athelitha. [Sindarin]
You must understand.
He does the duty of two sons now.
For himself; and for the one
who will not return. [translation]
The Edge Of Night
Home is behind
The world ahead.
And there are many paths to tread.
Through shadow,
To the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight
Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
All shall fade
All shall...fade.
* Vocals and Music by Billy Boyd
* Lyrics by J.R.R. Tolkien
* Arranged by Philippa Boyens
* Orchestration by Howard Shore
Faramir crap, we lost Osgiliath.Faramir Osgiliath? This never would have happened if Boromir was stillalive! I wish you were dead instead blah blah blah. Blah favourite son blah...
tidy your room, blah blah blah why haven't you got a girlfriend blah blah just
not Manly enough blah Osgiliath blah blah try harder...
Denethor What are you talking about this time, you useless failure andwizard's pupil?
Faramir just getting in first, dad.Denethor I always knew you were crazy.Arwen Evenstar Yay, Glee is on tonight! But got to finish this book first. My life is so hectic.Aragorn! Ghosts. Curse. Destiny. Oath. Armies of the Dead. I'm on it. Gimli Sonofgloin and Legolas Greenleaf like this
Denethor wrote on JRR Tolkien's wall: Are you sure I'm in the right story? I sound like such a bastard.
JRR Tolkien Look, take it up with that Jackson fellow. This is nothing todo with me
Denethor Can't I go back to Shakespeare now? Maybe one of hisromantic comedies this time? But not A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Elves called Mustard Seed? So unrealistic.
JRR Tolkien Just.. just get on with it. Please.Aragorn! even the ghosts obey me! It's so awesome having Ancestors. Aragorn! took the "Which King are YOU?" quiz.
With your wild looks, habit of singing, and Sense of Destiny, you are one archetypal King. You lost your parents at a young age, and grew up far from your true home in the company of people who you call family, but let's be honest, aren't even the same species as you. A wise old mentor, who uses his old man's staff to kick the bad guys' asses, counsels you to accept your Destiny. After some star gazing and a (vaguely incestual) love interest, you return to your home to rescue it from Dark Forces, in the company of a pair of mismatched companions who provide comic relief. You get rid of the usurper to your throne (who meets a fiery end), get the girl, and take your true place in the great Circle of Life. Congratulations! You are SIMBA from THE LION KING.
Gandalf stubborn bloody line of bloody stubborn Ecthelion.
Boromir Ofgondor is frustrated to be DEAD. Faramir well, can't you just come back to life, or something? We coulduse your help.
Boromir Ofgondor Sorry, dude. Haven't killed enough Balrogs.Boromir Ofgondor wrote on Faramir's wall: Oh, and take my advice. Don't ride out on some last desperate charge to Osgiliath. You're only doing it to prove some silly point to Dad, and you're not a teenager any more. Ignore the old grump. The horses look pretty, but it's really stupid. Anyway, think of the Minor Characters. You're endangering their lives with your whims!
Faramir but the Minor Characters are so, well.. they're minor!Faramir is attending LAST RIDE ON OSGILIATH
Dernhelm is practising her sword fighting. Dernhelm is practising his sword fighting. His. Gimli Sonofgloin Boats. I hate boats. Almost as unnatural as horses. Legolas Greenleaf wtf, is that extra corsair Peter Jackson? I have a bone to pick with him... let's see how he likes being prettyGimli Sonofgloin Don't worry. You're not that pretty.Aragorn! ha, not as pretty as Galadriel, for example?Gimli Sonofgloin *blushes *
Lord of the Rings: Peter Jackson as a Corsair (Peter Jackson) Statue by Sideshow Collectibles!
Amazon Price: $119.95 (as of 05/31/2012)
Saruman is off to sack the Shire! don't tell anyone.
Samwise Gamgee better go and rescue Mr Frodo... something will surely have happened to him by now...
Mister Frodo maybe I shouldn't have sent Sam away... this cave gives me the creeps. Oh well, luckily I've got Sméagol with me!
Chapter Five: Dear Gimli, Look After Your Axe
I do not own or profit from Tolkien, Pratchett, Jackson... just borrowing
Mister Frodo Sméagol is a good chap really.Sméagol yess, yess, Sméagol is. Nice Masssster....Mister Frodo changed his name to Master Frodo
Master Frodo It's only one little letter, but.. it feels so different. :(Gollum sent Master Frodo a Nasty Betrayal you should have Seen Coming! via Nefarious Gifts.
Sméagol sent Master Frodo a Reluctant Betrayal via Slightly Less Nefarious Gifts.
Pippin Took is hungry. Master Frodo wrote on Gollum's wall: curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Master Frodo What on Arda is that? it felt like spi-Samwise Gamgee Are you all right, Frodo?Gandalf Frodo, what happened?Samwise Gamgee felt like a what? Spit? Spiralling-out-of-control?Spilt drink? Hmmm... maybe I should go and see if you're OK
Gollum It felt like the outcome of a very clever plan, preciouss. We areso clever.
Samwise Gamgee Maybe he meant split personalityGollum Maybe he meant WHAT A FAT HOBBIT.Pippin Took just lit up like seventeen mountains just by setting fire to the first one. I don't know how it worked. It must have been THE SHEER POWER OF MY MIND!!Pippin Took added "setting things on fire with the sheer power of my mind!" to his interests.
Awesome Merry is hungry. And hopes that Pip isn't getting into trouble... Gandalf a fool's hope...Gimli Sonofgroin sent Gimli Sonofgloin a message: Subject: Dear Gimli, Look After Your Axe.
Hello Son,
I hope everything is getting on well with you. Sorry I haven't been in contact. You know how it is. Give my regards to cousin Balin. Hope you are killing lots of orcs with that axe I made you. I am sorry that I sent you on that boring old quest, but I hope at least you are being attacked by innumerable hordes of savage orcs to cheer you down a little. I know you'd rather be at home, watching the exciting developments in the Rock Seams of Mine 23. I have saved some ore samples for you to analyse. Don't let the humans bring you up.
Yours with awkwardly expressed father-son affection,
Gloin.
P.S stay away from that elf!
Pippin Took is hungry. Quite a Lot of Orcs are attending SIEGE ON GONDOR
Aragorn! why are the ghosts green? it's not like it's good camouflage... Were they green in their lifetimes? What did they do, die of grass consumption?Gimli Sonofgloin added "Sea Shanties" to his favourite music.
Three of your friends are attending THE CORSAIR SHIPS
Legolas Greenleaf is going to make up for the humiliation of Helms Deep... I'm going to win this one. Gimli Sonofgloin likes this.
Gimli Sonofgloin and by "like" I mean "snort derisively and pity yourdelusions"
Pippin Took by the Shire, Gandalf knows magic!
Denethor Lord of the Rings Trilogy The Return of the King Action Figure
Amazon Price: $29.99 (as of 05/31/2012)
Denethor is attending PREMATURE FUNERAL PYRE
Faramir might be attending PREMATURE FUNERAL PYRE
Awesome Merry is hungry.
Chapter Six: Seagulls, Sparkles and itsy bitsy Shelob
Faramir now, nobody say I told you so, but... desperate last charge = stupid idea. Ouch.Faramir And great, now dad's trying to set me on fire. Bloody typical.Legolas Greenleaf Seagulls! Curses! And I was doing so well... :(Aragorn! No, Legolas, no! Block your ears and think of dry land!Gimli Sonofgloin I'm missing something here... what am I missing?Legolas' seagull fetish? If that is the case, I'd like to continue to 3
miss it...
Master Frodo just got attacked by a giant bloody spider. Lame.Master Frodo I wonder if Sméagol has anything to do with this?Master Frodo A little help?Master Frodo help!Samwise Gamgee hold on, Frodo, I'M COMING!Galadriel gave Master Frodo "The Light of Earendil" using FANCY ELVISH FANCIES
Aragorn! can't help worrying about those hobbitsFaramir... shit.. i should never have let the small men go to CirithUngol
Boromir Ofgondor you let them go to Cirith Ungol?? What kind ofidiot brother are you?
Faramir just cos you would have taken the ring to Gondor for dad!Boromir Ofgondor at least Dad wouldn't have injected Frodo with venom! Well, maybe.. in a manner of speaking.. .but he wouldn't
have stored him in cobweb to suck all the juices out of him later!
Faramir he poisons me with his venom all the time... actually, that'squite good. I think I'll write a poem about that for my LiveJournal. If
i'm not roasted alive.
Aragorn! what are you saying? The hobbits could have been attackedby a giant spider?
Legolas Greenleaf ha, last time the hobbits got attacked by a"giant spider",
I rushed to save them and it turned out to be just a baby, hardly as
big as your forearm..
Aragorn! sigh... you and your "I grew up in Mirkwood" stories.Boromir Ofgondor Wait, what? Roasted alive? Awesome Merry is glad of all that practice chopping orcs up earlier, and just hopes it's enough...Denethor courage, Merry.Awesome Merry I don't need courage... I'm so awesome, the orcs aren'tgonna know what hit them. I'm going to put an end to heightism on
Middle Earth once and for all.
Faramir is on fire!
Pippin Took I'm so sorry! Did I do it with my mind??Faramir err... i don't think it was your faultPippin Took I wish Merry were here... he'd know what to do. He's gotlots of experience with things going wrong... he babysat me for
years.
Faramir Crap, I'm feverish and I'm imaging more small men.Denethor is dealing with his son's death in a sane and reasonable manner.Faramir Huh, bet you wish it could be Boromir you're setting on fire, butit's only your second best second son. Or maybe this is an excuse
to get rid of me: "Oh sorry, I thought he was dead and went slightly
crazy with grief"
Denethor he's alive after all! This is the mother of all dramatic ironies. Denethor bugger.Denethor left Facebook.
Awesome Merry is hungry. Faramir and Pippin Took are now friends.
Master Frodo is frothing a little at the mouth... Master Frodo oh well, it takes my mind off Temptation. Andat least now I can fall over backwards legitimately.
Legolas Greenleaf that's funny.. there's a man standing on the docks we're sailing to, and he looks like he's sparkling in the sunlightAragorn! Can you shoot him from here?Legolas Greenleaf yes, but why would I waste an arrow on that? Things that sparkle are hardly threatening.
Aragorn! and there's that sound of hundreds of little legs again... it'sstarting to make me paranoid
Gimli Sonofgloin in answer to both your musings, that wooden boxon legs just charged across to the sparkling guy, and ate him.
Aragorn! in a way, it was probably a mercy ki- swallowing.Legolas Greenleaf I wonder if the box will sparkle too, now?Gimli Sonofgloin something about the set of its lid makes me doubtthat.
Super Poseable Shelob Lord of the Rings Trilogy Action Figure
Amazon Price: $21.99 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price:
Used Price:
Samwise Gamgee :( Frodo's dead!
Samwise Gamgee dislike! dislike!
Samwise Gamgee Frodo's dead, and a spider as big as a house is trying to stab me with its poisonous bits!
Sam Gamgee borrowed "The Light of Earendil" using IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S USING IT, ANYWAY
Sam Gamgee just set his weekly high score in Epic! *Play Epic!*
Chapter Seven: DER DERN! DERN! DERDER DERN!
The Song of Fail
Samwise Gamgee In Mordor. Had to take the ring. Frodo's dead. :(. Day not going v. well.Samwise Gamgee It doesn't help that I've been hearing "this quest has been appointed to YOU, Frodo" "If you do not find a way. NO-ONE WILL". "YOU were meant to have the ring" since the start of this bloody quest. No-one said "You're meant to have the ring, Frodo, but if you happen to cark it on the road and Sam here doesn't have any other choice but to take the ring for you, when the only alternative is to leave it behind in some spider's lair in Mordor, then maybe he's got a small shot at success too. My confidence is a little undermined right now!Pippin Took I'd barely been in the service of the Stewart of Gondor five minutes when he goes mad, sets himself on fire and falls off the bloody city.Pippin Took Is this my fault? I'm always being told that I drive peoplemad.
Faramir It's OK, Pippin. I BLAME MYSELF TOOPippin Took but what for?Faramir oh, you know. Whatever goes down. Things happen.My job is to angst about it.
JRR Tolkien Faramir, stop this nonsense. You have a job todo! I did not create you to be angsty.
Faramir sorry, Professor.Samwise Gamgee He's alive! :)Samwise Gamgee likes this.
Samwise Gamgee He's alive, and I left him to be taken by Orcs... Not your finest hour, Sam Gamgee.Samwise Gamgee just set a rather lower score in Epic! *Play Epic!*
King Théoden King Rohan will answer!
Eomer We're already riding, Uncle.King Théoden King We're already riding, *Uncle King*, if you please.Eomer wrote on King Théoden King 's wall: Uncle King, I feel a bit guilty about Eowyn. Do you really think we should have left her behind, when it's obvious to everyone that we're just afraid of being shown up on the battlefield?
King Théoden King wrote on Eomer's wall: what, are you crazy? Do you really want everyone knowing she can kick your ass?
Dernhelm is ready to kick some ass.Master Frodo Smeagol betrayed me? How unexpected. Never mind, there's probably some reasonable explanation for it.Master Frodo changed his name to Frodo Baggins
Frodo Baggins where am I? Ouch.Aragorn! dern-DERN dern der-der-DERN!! der der DERN der der DERN der der DERN DERN-DERN.Gimli Sonofgloin look, Aragorn. It's one thing to gallop across thecountryside or leap onto ships while humming your very own theme tune,
but to write it as your facebook status? LAME
Aragorn! DERN..DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.Gimli Sonofgloin what is THAT supposed to be?Aragorn! it's the theme tune for people who kill my buzz. I call it the Song ofFail. Notice how towards the end it sounds kind of let down and
disappointed? Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Aragorn! It'll cue every time you speak, from now on until I get boredGimli Sonofgloin well, I am glad I am not going to be subject to the strange and immature new laws the destined King is sure to pass if he ever gets his bum on the throne...Aragorn! DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.Gimli Sonofgloin Oh ffsAragorn! DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.Aragorn! added EPIC THEME TUNE, SOUNDTRACK TO MY LIFE and THE SONG OF FAIL to his music.
Samwise Gamgee misses the wise guidance of his ever so wise warrior friends.Aragorn! when I am King, I'm going to have people following me around everywhere, providing a soundtrack to my life.Legolas Greenleaf you mean like a fanfare? They already do that in courtsand stuff, don't they?
Aragorn! I am going to have an orchestra and also a Welsh men's choir.They will follow me EVERYWHERE. EVERYWHERE!
Gimli Sonofgloin every bowel movement will be epic.Aragorn! Gimli spoke! Quick! Play the song of fail! DERN... DERn... DErn...Dern... dern.
Legolas Greenleaf wait, now you're annoying Gimli? Can I join in?Aragorn! no.Gimli Sonofgloin I think he has the potential to be more annoying than youever were.
Aragorn! DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.Legolas Greenleaf My life's work! In ruins!Gimli Sonofgloin but you're also less likely to find an axe where your headwas, whereas Aragorn! is definitely heading that way.
Aragorn! DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern. Awesome Merry For the Shire! For my cousins and Sam! For all my friends and for Middle Earth! I will not let them down.Awesome Merry Even if I'd quite like to crawl under my bed and stay there.Aragorn! Is totally stabbing orcs. You know, for Frodo and stuff. King Théoden King now for wrath! And for ruin! And a red dawn! Awesome Merry no longer wants to crawl under his bed. Let's do this.The Riders of Rohan just set a high score in Epic! *Play Epic!*
Gimli Sonofgloin seventeen!Aragorn! DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.Gimli Sonofgloin Aragorn, stop it. Everytime I shout a number, you sing thatstupid tune, Legolas cracks up, all the orcs stop and stare at him in
bemusement, then he kills them all and he wins.
Aragorn! DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.Legolas Greenleaf Aragorn, please keep singing the fail song! It'shila- AAAARGH!
Gimli Sonofgloin well, that was always going to happen if you keepstopping to clutch your ribs and laugh in the middle of a battlefield.
You're lucky it was only a scratch.
Aragorn! DERN... DERn... DErn... Der- AAARGH! Gimli, that HURT!Gimli Sonofgloin as I said to Legolas, you're lucky it was only a scratch..
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Amazon Price: $4.14 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price: $13.98
Chapter Eight: A Woman's Place is on the Battlefield
Aragorn! is going to piss off dwarves more carefully in future. Preferably from a distance.Gimli Sonofgloin we have throwing axes, laddy.Legolas Greenleaf Gimli, I think you mispelt that word. Surely it only hasone d, when applied to Aragorn?
Aragorn! just you two wait til I'm King...Dernhelm funny how everyone is trying to out-King everyone else... Éomer I think my horse-tail helmet is actually quite dashing. Especially in battle. Aragorn! to Gondor!Legolas Greenleaf on second thoughts, let's not go there. It is asilly place.
Aragorn! No! No quoting.Gimli Sonofgloin And there's the small matter of the several thousandugly orcs in the way.
Aragorn! isn't "ugly orcs" a tautology?Legolas Greenleaf your mom's a tautology.Aragorn! *Sigh*Gimli Sonofgloin Uglier than usual, I mean. That orc leading the army lookslike an animated tumour. Compared to him, the orcs I usually hack to death
are quite pleasant looking.
Dernhelm I seem to be doing well at this battle stuff. Good job I'm not a woman... Awesome Merry just helped bring down a Mumûk. You couldn't do that in the Shire.Legolas Greenleaf just set a new high score in Epic! *Play Epic!*
Gimli Sonofgloin and yet it still only counts as one.
Lord Of The Rings Return of the King Collectors Series Action Figure Gothmog
Amazon Price: $15.99 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price:
Used Price:
Legolas Greenleaf the armies of the dead look like minty mouthwash, washing away the plaque of the orcs...
Gimli Sonofgloin Legolas, don't give up your day job.
Aragorn! what's mouthwash?
Legolas Greenleaf oh, you wouldn't have come across it, Smellagorn.
The Witchking of Angmar puny mortals. No man can kill me!
Dernhelm what about women?
The Witchking of Angmar Ha ha! Everyone knows that women get all confused by the shiny metal when they try to wave swords around. Anyway, there are no women on this battlefield!
Dernhelm I am no man!
Dernhelm is now listed as female
Dernhelm changed her name to Éowyn
The Witchking of Angmar Oh.
Éowyn exactly.
The Witchking of Angmar is no longer online.
Awesome Merry when is stabbing someone in the knee epic? When it's the king of the ringwraiths. High five!
King Théoden King I was defeated by something my niece finished off in about two seconds... I think I'm going to expire of shame. Or internal bleeding from being crushed by a horse. One or the other.
Éowyn Uncle! I will save you!
King Théoden King If you were going to save me, you should have killed
that thing about a quarter of an hour earlier. You know, BEFORE I was
fatally wounded? Otherwise, what's the point of disobeying my orders
to stay home?
Éowyn ...
King Théoden King you did a bloody sight better than your brother though.
Where on Middle Earth was he when I was getting clobbered?
King Théoden King at least I got to do an awesome and very epic speech
Dernhelm what about women?The Witchking of Angmar Ha ha! Everyone knows that women get all confused by the shiny metal when they try to wave swords around. Anyway, there are no women on this battlefield!
Dernhelm I am no man!Dernhelm is now listed as female
Dernhelm changed her name to Éowyn
The Witchking of Angmar Oh.
Éowyn exactly.The Witchking of Angmar is no longer online.
Awesome Merry when is stabbing someone in the knee epic? When it's the king of the ringwraiths. High five! King Théoden King I was defeated by something my niece finished off in about two seconds... I think I'm going to expire of shame. Or internal bleeding from being crushed by a horse. One or the other.Éowyn Uncle! I will save you!King Théoden King If you were going to save me, you should have killedthat thing about a quarter of an hour earlier. You know, BEFORE I was
fatally wounded? Otherwise, what's the point of disobeying my orders
to stay home?
Éowyn ...King Théoden King you did a bloody sight better than your brother though.Where on Middle Earth was he when I was getting clobbered?
King Théoden King at least I got to do an awesome and very epic speech 
Morgul Lord Witch-King with Fiery Sword and Mace
Amazon Price: $39.99 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price:
Used Price:
Frodo Baggins life sucks right now.
Mordor Orcs set a new high in "Squabbling Amongst Yourselves! TM "
Table of Contents
- Chapter One: Smoke and Shiny Things
- Chapter Two: Not Quite As Genius Anymore
- Chapter Three: Size Matters Selectively
- Chapter Four: I just can't wait to be King
- Chapter Five: Dear Gimli, Look After Your Axe
- Chapter Six: Seagulls, Sparkles and itsy bitsy Shelob
- Chapter Seven: DER DERN! DERN! DERDER DERN!
- Chapter Eight: A Woman's Place is on the Battlefield
- Chapter Nine: Only Momentarily Tempted
- Chapter Ten: The Name Game
- Chapter Eleven: The Mouthwash of Sauron
- Chapter Twelve: It's Complicated
- Chapter Thirteen: Trolling
- Chapter Fourteen: Hugs for Everyone!
- Chapter Fifteen: Aragorn is Culturally Sensitive
- Chapter Sixteen: The Scouring of the Shower
- Comment here!
Chapter Nine: Only Momentarily Tempted
Arwen Evenstar is thinking of changing her name to Arwen Justaroundlunchtime. This whole 'Evening of my people' thing... it's a little pessimistic. Samwise Gamgee is only momentarily tempted and would really prefer to be gardening. Shame, ring! You fail!Pippin Took is now friends with Beregond
Aragorn! totally killin' orcs, totally awesome. Gandalf courage is now your best defence...Gandalf (and only defence)Pippin Took added "Guard of the Citadel" to his Position.
Awesome Merry aw, how come every time you clobber a Ringwraith you fall over? Never mind, someone will notice me soon... Éomer nooooooooo!Éowyn stop moaning, bro, and do something useful! Like getting me to theHouses of Healing... or are you just having a little tantrum because I kicked arse
and you kicked arse slightly less?
Gimli Sonofgloin Durin's Beard! I've- I've lost count!Legolas Greenleaf Ha! I'm going to randomly shout numbers out, so you willlose count even more and I WILL WIN HAHA!
Gimli Sonofgloin dude, in canon, this competition was supposed to be away of expressing our manly affection for each other and covering up our
anxiety about each other in the midst of battle! Not this competitive, juvenile
competition
Legolas Greenleaf aw, really? That's... sweet. I feel a bit ashamed now forbeing so competitive and sneakily stealing some of your orcs.
Legolas Greenleaf Wait.. now I've lost count! Was this your plan all along?Gimli Sonofgloin Wait, you stole some of my orcs?Legolas Greenleaf calling people 'dude' isn't canon, anyway.Samwise Gamgee is off to rescue Frodo. Awesome Merry a little help, someone?Gandalf walk softly, carry a big stick, and hit orcs with it. Pippin Took likes this.
Aragorn! hopes that his beloved Arwen is thinking of him, out on the battlefield, whence he may never return. Arwen Evenstar ooh, Harry Potter three is on telly! Awesome Merry Curses! I'm too short to be seen! Clearly, I didn't drink enough Entdraught.Gandalf is pretty pleased that he got to do some proper fighting, instead of disappearing at key moments and falling off things all the time. Gandalf added "killing orcs" and "rallying the troops" to his interests.
Mordor Orcs: oooh... shiny.
Legolas Greenleaf impressive how all the dead sort of ... disappeared. Is that what all mortals do when they die?Gimli Sonofgloin I still think Aragorn should have kept those guys around.Aragorn! is off to see the Wizard!Gimli Sonofgloin only instead of a wizard in an Emerald city, it's awhite wizard and a white city. Not so very PC.
Legolas Greenleaf And your road isn't yellow brick, it's littered with thecorpses of men and orcs.
Aragorn! you guys are depressing.Pippin Took luckily I'm around, to take care of the important things, like rescuing overlooked Hobbits!Awesome Merry and that is very important. Yay! Aargh! Where am I?Mordor Orcs: are afraid of the great and fierce elvish warrior coming to beat the crap out of them....
Samwise Gamgee that's right! Be afraid! I'm gonna... wait, what? Awesome Merry I see dead people. Aragorn! the hands of a king are the hands of a healer. I guess that makes me THE KING!Mordor Orcs: are killing each other.
Samwise Gamgee likes this.
Aragorn! *heal heal heal.* Aragorn! this healing stuff is more complicated than I thought.
Shadow Rider T-Shirt by " Street Threads Clothing " 100% Cotton Short Sleeve Dragon Shirt Adult Sizes (Large)
Amazon Price: (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price: $35.00
Used Price:
Chapter Ten: The Name Game
Awesome Merry fighting ringwraiths is lame... you end up with a sort of hangover of darkness when really I'd rather have a hangover of beer.Aragorn! No! No beer. I am Healing you. No beer until you are Healed.Awesome Merry but beer is good for you!Pippin Took at least you got to fight! I got to run around being patronised. Andalmost flattened by siege weapons.
Awesome Merry yeah, but now I'm stuck in bed, and I'm sure there'll bemore fighting soon. And you got a really spiffy uniform!
Pippin Took Yes, it is rather spiffing. But then, we Knights of Gondor can't beexpected to run around looking scruffy, like those smelly blond horse-
appreciaters. We have a reputation to maintain and a proud city to defend.
Awesome Merry I think by "smelly blond horse-appreciaters," you mean "thepeople who saved your 'proud city' because they actually know how to fight".
When Rohan does a Last Desperate Charge for Death and Honour, we make
sure the Death part isn't ours. That's the sensible way of doing things.
Pippin Took well, there's not much honour about being covered in horse-sweat, is there?
Awesome Merry Gondorians are so morbid they should be called... Morbidorians.
Pippin Took oh, run along to your horse-appreciation meeting.Awesome Merry: I just hope you take those pointy helmets off duringthunderstorms.
Éowyn and Faramir are in a relationship.
Awesome Merry gosh, I never saw that one coming...Samwise Gamgee well, that was easier than I expected. Thank the Valar for the Orcs' bad tempers.Frodo Baggins give It back now!Frodo Baggins sigh. I can't wait to be rid of this damn thing. Sorry Sam.Smellagorn I'm the King! Nearly. Smellagorn wait... Smellagorn changed his name to Aragorn!
Aragorn! wrote on Legolas Greenleaf's wall. You and your bloody elvish hacking skills.
Gimli Sonofgloin commented on Aragorn!'s wallpost: Ain't got nothing on MY "hacking" skills. Hur hur hur.
Aragorn! what? How does that even make sense?
Gimli Sonofgloin...because I hack stuff with my axe?
Aragorn! Oh you made a pun! I'm so proud of you. But, just for future
reference, the hur hur hur is usually reserved for dodgy sexual innuendo
puns, OK? But that was a good first effort.
Gimli Sonofgloin you mean you humans even have special categories of
pun within punning? Wow.
Legolas Greenleaf wait, I think I've got one... can you- HACK- it?
Aragorn! another thing (and I hate to be so picky when you're both so new
at this) but puns should ideally relate somehow to the conversation. And puns
don't need to be capitalised.
Gimli Sonofgloin ha, I get it! PICK-y!
Aragorn! *Sigh*
Aragorn! changed his name to Smellagorn Mortalbreath
Samwise Gamgee is really sad. :(
Frodo Baggins never mind, Sam. We can get you some more pots and pans when we get back.
Smellagorn Mortalbreath changed his name to I'm Practically King So Stop Fucking With Me, Legolas, Or You Will Be Royally Beaten
Frodo Baggins changed his name to Frood Baggins
Frood Baggins I still know where my towel is.
Samwise Gamgee Really? I threw out all my beloved saucepans and you've
still been lugging around a friggin' towel?
I'm Practically King So Stop Fucking With Me, Legolas, Or You Will Be Royally Beaten wrote on Legolas Greenleaf's wall: *in long-suffering yet patient tone of voice befitting the practically king* I'm changing my passwords and I will cause you great pain if you hack my account one more time.
Legolas Greenleaf hey, why do you always blame me, Mr
I'm-Practically-King?
I'm Practically King So Stop Fucking With Me, Legolas, Or You Will Be Royally Beaten changed his name to Smellagorn!
Smellagorn! changed his name to Aragorn!
Aragorn! wrote on Legolas Greenleaf's wall: That's it. I'm going to put a seagull in your pack.
Legolas Greenleaf it's not me, for the last time! I have better things to do,
thank you very much, then indulge in petty jokes on the eve of battle! I'm
worrying about Frodo and Sam.
Aragorn! No, you're not. You're on Facebook playing "BeSilmarilled Blitz".
And if it's not you, who is it? You're the one who calls me "Smellagorn"
Legolas Greenleaf and you're the one who doesn't brush his teeth very
often. We all have our roles to play.
Legolas Greenleaf a diversion!
Gimli Sonofgloin your intellecte never fails to astound me...
Pippin Took you spelt "intellect' wrong.
Gimli Sonofgloin remind me, why did we ever try to rescue you again?
Aragorn! changed his name to Not Even that Attractive and Certainly Not Worth Giving up Immortality For
Awesome Merry thanksss PIP! Fo smugglingging the beer here into the hosuesofhealering!
Pippin Took Don' telll Arara- Ararara- Ara- don' tel Strider!
Not Even that Attractive and Certainly Not Worth Giving up Immortality For changed his name to I Am Totally Worth It
I Am Totally Worth It changed his name to Why Don't you Marry a Nice Elvish Boy, Instead?
Why Don't you Marry a Nice Elvish Boy, Instead?: ...ELROND! YOU BASTARD! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE UP ALREADY? WHY DON'T YOU STOP INTERFERING WITH MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT AND WITH YOUR DAUGHTER'S CHOICES? NEXT TIME I SEE YOU I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SORRY, YOU BLOODY CROSS-DRESSING TWERP.
Legolas Greenleaf see, Aragorn? I told you it wasn't me!
Gimli Sonofgloin Small chance of success? Almost certain death?.. It's times like this I wish I had some sort of survival instinct...
Aragorn! wrote on Legolas Greenleaf's wall. You and your bloody elvish hacking skills.
Gimli Sonofgloin commented on Aragorn!'s wallpost: Ain't got nothing on MY "hacking" skills. Hur hur hur.
Aragorn! what? How does that even make sense?Gimli Sonofgloin...because I hack stuff with my axe?Aragorn! Oh you made a pun! I'm so proud of you. But, just for futurereference, the hur hur hur is usually reserved for dodgy sexual innuendo
puns, OK? But that was a good first effort.
Gimli Sonofgloin you mean you humans even have special categories ofpun within punning? Wow.
Legolas Greenleaf wait, I think I've got one... can you- HACK- it?Aragorn! another thing (and I hate to be so picky when you're both so newat this) but puns should ideally relate somehow to the conversation. And puns
don't need to be capitalised.
Gimli Sonofgloin ha, I get it! PICK-y!Aragorn! *Sigh*Aragorn! changed his name to Smellagorn Mortalbreath
Samwise Gamgee is really sad. :(Frodo Baggins never mind, Sam. We can get you some more pots and pans when we get back.Smellagorn Mortalbreath changed his name to I'm Practically King So Stop Fucking With Me, Legolas, Or You Will Be Royally Beaten
Frodo Baggins changed his name to Frood Baggins
Frood Baggins I still know where my towel is. Samwise Gamgee Really? I threw out all my beloved saucepans and you'vestill been lugging around a friggin' towel?
I'm Practically King So Stop Fucking With Me, Legolas, Or You Will Be Royally Beaten wrote on Legolas Greenleaf's wall: *in long-suffering yet patient tone of voice befitting the practically king* I'm changing my passwords and I will cause you great pain if you hack my account one more time.
Legolas Greenleaf hey, why do you always blame me, MrI'm-Practically-King?
I'm Practically King So Stop Fucking With Me, Legolas, Or You Will Be Royally Beaten changed his name to Smellagorn!
Smellagorn! changed his name to Aragorn!
Aragorn! wrote on Legolas Greenleaf's wall: That's it. I'm going to put a seagull in your pack.
Legolas Greenleaf it's not me, for the last time! I have better things to do,thank you very much, then indulge in petty jokes on the eve of battle! I'm
worrying about Frodo and Sam.
Aragorn! No, you're not. You're on Facebook playing "BeSilmarilled Blitz".And if it's not you, who is it? You're the one who calls me "Smellagorn"
Legolas Greenleaf and you're the one who doesn't brush his teeth veryoften. We all have our roles to play.
Legolas Greenleaf a diversion!Gimli Sonofgloin your intellecte never fails to astound me...Pippin Took you spelt "intellect' wrong.Gimli Sonofgloin remind me, why did we ever try to rescue you again?Aragorn! changed his name to Not Even that Attractive and Certainly Not Worth Giving up Immortality For
Awesome Merry thanksss PIP! Fo smugglingging the beer here into the hosuesofhealering!Pippin Took Don' telll Arara- Ararara- Ara- don' tel Strider!Not Even that Attractive and Certainly Not Worth Giving up Immortality For changed his name to I Am Totally Worth It
I Am Totally Worth It changed his name to Why Don't you Marry a Nice Elvish Boy, Instead?
Why Don't you Marry a Nice Elvish Boy, Instead?: ...ELROND! YOU BASTARD! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE UP ALREADY? WHY DON'T YOU STOP INTERFERING WITH MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT AND WITH YOUR DAUGHTER'S CHOICES? NEXT TIME I SEE YOU I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SORRY, YOU BLOODY CROSS-DRESSING TWERP.
Legolas Greenleaf see, Aragorn? I told you it wasn't me!Gimli Sonofgloin Small chance of success? Almost certain death?.. It's times like this I wish I had some sort of survival instinct...
The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King (Platinum Series Special Extended Edition Collector's Gift Set)
Amazon Price: $69.97 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price: $29.98
Used Price: $49.95
One does not simply walk into Mordor
...without any Ninja wizards.
Boromir puts a downer on things again.
Silent captions.
Silent captions.
powered by Youtube
Chapter Eleven: The Mouthwash of Sauron
Elrond, Galadriel and Gandalf joined the group Really Cool People who Wear Awesome Rings United Against Sauron who is Making Us All Look Bad.
Legolas Greenleaf Lothlorien: magical protective ring. Imladris: magical protective ring. Mirkwood: spiders and sorcerers and battles and dragons and dwarves traipsing through all the bloody time, and holding off the forces of darkness before tea. Sometimes I know exactly how Boromir felt...
Boromir Ofgondor: Thank you! Exactly!
Gimli Sonofgloin Excuse me; did you just compare Dwarves to the forces of darkness?
Legolas Greenleaf yes. And...?
Why Don't you Marry a Nice Elvish Boy, Instead? changed his name to Aragorn!
Gandalf that's funny... I can hear the sound of hundreds of little feet, following our army...
Aragorn! Oh yeah, I'm totally leading an army, woo! If I win, everyone will love me even more than they already do. If I lose, no-one will blame me because this war's unwinnable anyway.
Gimli Sonofgloin If you lose, we are all going to die. Screw my previously gung-ho attitude to battles, I want to live!
Aragorn! Oh stop whining, Grumpy.
Gimli Sonofgloin Aragorn, if you die, you won't be the king.
Aragorn! Oh, come on! I can't die- I'm going to be the king!
Gimli Sonofgloin Wait, did you just call me Grumpy?
Aragorn! Yes, you're always Grumpy, except when you're Dopey.
Legolas Greenleaf and when he's talking to Galadriel, he's Bashful
Gimli Sonofgloin I'm about to Bashful someone in the face.
Legolas Greenleaf added *nancing* to his interests
The Mouth of Sauron: likes to crush peoples' hopes. Mwahaha!
Gimli Sonofgloin wrote on Aragorn!'s wall: Man, the Mouth guy has even worse breath than you do. He needs the Mouthwash of Sauron.
Aragorn! what's Mouthwash?
Aragorn!: Why will nobody tell me what Mouthwash is??!!?
Legolas Greenleaf: the Mouth of Sauron is not a very nice person!
Éomer yes, Eowyn had to stay home in bed. Win!
Eomer: Although I'm not entirely happy about why she was suddenly so keen to stay in bed. Must resist the urge to punch him on the nose when we get back. That wouldn't be very kingly.
Eowyn added "another kind of swordplay" to her interests.
Faramir: is loving how bouncy the beds in the Houses of Healing are. And pondering the fate of Middle Earth, of course.
Eowyn wrote on Faramir's wall: Hey, how about I teach you how to ride the Rohirrim way...
Faramir: sounds good!
Sam Gamgee: I can't carry It for you, Frodo... but I can carry you!
Frodo Baggins: OK.
Sam Gamgee: OK? err.... well... er.... OK, then. I guess I can give it a shot.
Gandalf: A wooden chest on hundreds of little legs! what new treachery of Sauron is this?
Aragorn! it's accelerating towards the Mouth of Sauron...
The Mouth of Sauron: how come everyone's stopped paying attention to me? I've practised this speech! ... what are they all looking at?
Gandalf ouch.
Eomer: and right in the middle of parlay.
Legolas Greenleaf Lothlorien: magical protective ring. Imladris: magical protective ring. Mirkwood: spiders and sorcerers and battles and dragons and dwarves traipsing through all the bloody time, and holding off the forces of darkness before tea. Sometimes I know exactly how Boromir felt...Boromir Ofgondor: Thank you! Exactly!
Gimli Sonofgloin Excuse me; did you just compare Dwarves to the forces of darkness?Legolas Greenleaf yes. And...?Why Don't you Marry a Nice Elvish Boy, Instead? changed his name to Aragorn!
Gandalf that's funny... I can hear the sound of hundreds of little feet, following our army...Aragorn! Oh yeah, I'm totally leading an army, woo! If I win, everyone will love me even more than they already do. If I lose, no-one will blame me because this war's unwinnable anyway. Gimli Sonofgloin If you lose, we are all going to die. Screw my previously gung-ho attitude to battles, I want to live!Aragorn! Oh stop whining, Grumpy.Gimli Sonofgloin Aragorn, if you die, you won't be the king.Aragorn! Oh, come on! I can't die- I'm going to be the king!Gimli Sonofgloin Wait, did you just call me Grumpy?Aragorn! Yes, you're always Grumpy, except when you're Dopey.Legolas Greenleaf and when he's talking to Galadriel, he's BashfulGimli Sonofgloin I'm about to Bashful someone in the face.Legolas Greenleaf added *nancing* to his interests
The Mouth of Sauron: likes to crush peoples' hopes. Mwahaha!
Gimli Sonofgloin wrote on Aragorn!'s wall: Man, the Mouth guy has even worse breath than you do. He needs the Mouthwash of Sauron.
Aragorn! what's Mouthwash?Aragorn!: Why will nobody tell me what Mouthwash is??!!?
Legolas Greenleaf: the Mouth of Sauron is not a very nice person!
Éomer yes, Eowyn had to stay home in bed. Win!Eomer: Although I'm not entirely happy about why she was suddenly so keen to stay in bed. Must resist the urge to punch him on the nose when we get back. That wouldn't be very kingly.
Eowyn added "another kind of swordplay" to her interests.
Faramir: is loving how bouncy the beds in the Houses of Healing are. And pondering the fate of Middle Earth, of course.
Eowyn wrote on Faramir's wall: Hey, how about I teach you how to ride the Rohirrim way...
Faramir: sounds good!
Sam Gamgee: I can't carry It for you, Frodo... but I can carry you!
Frodo Baggins: OK.
Sam Gamgee: OK? err.... well... er.... OK, then. I guess I can give it a shot.
Gandalf: A wooden chest on hundreds of little legs! what new treachery of Sauron is this?
Aragorn! it's accelerating towards the Mouth of Sauron...The Mouth of Sauron: how come everyone's stopped paying attention to me? I've practised this speech! ... what are they all looking at?
Gandalf ouch.Eomer: and right in the middle of parlay.
Sam Gamgee: I can't carry It for you, Frodo... but I can carry you!
Frodo Baggins: OK.
Sam Gamgee: OK? err.... well... er.... OK, then. I guess I can give it a shot.
Gandalf: A wooden chest on hundreds of little legs! what new treachery of Sauron is this?
Aragorn! it's accelerating towards the Mouth of Sauron...
The Mouth of Sauron: how come everyone's stopped paying attention to me? I've practised this speech! ... what are they all looking at?
Gandalf ouch.
Eomer: and right in the middle of parlay.
Aragorn! I was going to do that. I was. That damn box on legs, it stole my idea.
Gandalf I don't believe you. You're not the sort of low, cheating backstabber who'd kill someone during parlay!
Aragorn! I totally am! I mean... yeah. Joking.
Pippin Took: Great. All I'm allowed to do is sit on this bloody horse under bloody Gandalf's nose. I won't be able to do anything cool. I wanted to attack the Mouth, but noooo, Gandalf has to be a big old spoilsport. I hope he gets squashed by a troll.
Frodo Baggins: OK.
Sam Gamgee: OK? err.... well... er.... OK, then. I guess I can give it a shot.
Gandalf: A wooden chest on hundreds of little legs! what new treachery of Sauron is this?
Aragorn! it's accelerating towards the Mouth of Sauron...The Mouth of Sauron: how come everyone's stopped paying attention to me? I've practised this speech! ... what are they all looking at?
Gandalf ouch.Eomer: and right in the middle of parlay.
Aragorn! I was going to do that. I was. That damn box on legs, it stole my idea.Gandalf I don't believe you. You're not the sort of low, cheating backstabber who'd kill someone during parlay!Aragorn! I totally am! I mean... yeah. Joking.Pippin Took: Great. All I'm allowed to do is sit on this bloody horse under bloody Gandalf's nose. I won't be able to do anything cool. I wanted to attack the Mouth, but noooo, Gandalf has to be a big old spoilsport. I hope he gets squashed by a troll.
The Lord of the Rings Mouth of Sauron Polystone Bust By Sidehsow
Amazon Price: $99.99 (as of 05/31/2012)
Chapter Twelve: It's Complicated
Gandalf: In some strange reversal of logic, the Mouth has been eaten. By a wooden box on legs, no less. Hmmm.
Arwen took the quiz "What should you have for dinner?" Arwen's result: Toast.
You should have toast for dinner. You like the home comforts, and you can eat toast curled up in front of the fire with a good book. Let other people eat hard tack or hunt spiders for their meal. You don't need to stoop to that level of uncivilised survival.
*Take this quiz*
Awesome Merry: non-canon = Merry attacking orcs in front of the Black Gate!
Pippin Took: but verily, Merry, are you attacking them merrily?
Awesome Merry: Shut up, Pip.
Pippin Took: Verily.
Pippin Took: Curse those people with the longer legs! We would have been first!
Arwen Evenstar took the quiz "what is Your Deepest Fear?" Arwen Evenstar's result: Your Deepest Fear is that you are unnecessary to the plot!
Somewhere deep inside you have a nagging feeling that you are, in fact, unnecessary. Everyone else is off doing something important, while you sit at home and do, well, not a lot. Well, don't worry, you are important in your own way! It's hardly your fault if everyone you know is bloody stupid. They just have their priorities all wrong! Who'd want to go traipsing off all over Middle Earth when they can hang around you and bask in your radiance? Out there it is dirty, smelly, and lacking in tasteful furniture to drape oneself over. Anyway, you ARE doing important things! Being in love is an activity! You've already made your choice, yes, but now you have to look pretty and wistful! Everyone else may be Driving out Darkness, but you are Suffering.
Arwen Evenstar: Screw that. I totally changed a light bulb just now. Let it not be said that Arwen Evenstar did not do her bit to drive out the darkness!
Legolas Greenleaf: I really hate fighting orcs.
Gimli Sonofgloin: What?!?
Aragorn!: WHAT? you hate fighting orcs, really?
Legolas Greenleaf: Of course I do. It's distasteful.
Gimli Sonofgloin: And I suppose you'd rather be nancing through the forest, holding eloquent conversations with the trees? I thought you liked killing orcs!
Legolas Greenleaf: No, I hate killing orcs. I only like killing more orcs than you. It's a specific level of killing orcs.
Aragorn!: well, you picked a hell of a time to tell us.
Arwen Evenstar took the quiz "Do I have too much spare time on my hands?" Arwen's result: Yes.
Yes. Yes, you do.
*Take this quiz*
Saruman: meanwhile, the character everyone has forgotten about sneaks off back to the Shire. Mwahaha!
Sam Gamgee wrote on Frodo Baggins' wall: do you remember the taste of strawberries, Frodo?*
Frodo Baggins: No, Sam, and nor do I want to. I'm allergic to strawberries. Don't you remember that strange rash? How insensitive to bring that up. Especially at a time like this.
Sam Gamgee: Sorry, Mr Frodo. It was only a small rash.
Frodo Baggins: I have enough on my plate, thank you. What with the ring, the
volcano...
Gollum: the sudden attack by usss...
Frodo Baggins: aaaargh!
Chapter Thirteen: Trolling
I don't own Tolkien's work (I doubt he'd appprove of Facebook) nor any of the talented people whose work I rip off...
Sam Gamgee: wishes I'd saved a frying pan or two to clout that nasty Gollum with. I really should have seen this attack coming...
Gimli Sonofgloin: Ha, fifty-eight! What are you on, three? Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with a loser.
Legolas Greenleaf: how about fighting side by side with your mum?
Aragorn!: the deep inter-species friendship you have forged inspires me, it truly does, now watch out for that orc!
Pippin Took: trying to concentrate on the battle, but worrying about Frodo and Sam, also missing elevenses.
Awesome Merry: curses, Pip, you've made me think of those crumpets with the blueberry jam we used to have for elevenses back in the Shire
Pippin Took: No, Merry, the scones are definitely what I miss the most. Clotted cream and a nice cup of tea...
Awesome Merry: mushrooms fried in herb butter and potatoes done just right
Legolas Greenleaf: er, hello? Hobbits, meet reality. Reality looks like orcs attacking, not a menu. Unless you're on the orcs' menu...
Gimli Sonofgloin: I'll have you know that if either of you dies now, after all the hard work Legolas and I have put into keeping you safe, I shall be very pissed off. Not to mention we shall lose a bet.
Awesome Merry: it's OK, Gimli. Everytime I need to update my status, I duck behind this massive Rohirrim warrior and do it. Then I duck out again and chop at orcs' knees. The system hasn't failed me yet.
Pippin Took: a bet with who?
Boromir Ofgondor: Talking of wasted effort, I will make your after-life not worth living if you die now and waste my totally noble sacrifice.
Pippin Took: A bet with who?
Frodo Baggins: running up the mountain! Sudden burst of strength ftw.
Awesome Merry: is hungry.
Sam Gamgee: showing mercy is all well and good to let everyone know you're a Good Character, but really, after the sixth or seventh treacherous attack, you'd think *someone* would grow a brain.
Pippin Took: the eagles are coming! Only about a year too late.
Gandalf: it gets less impressive each time I see them do this.
Awesome Merry: Noooo! Pippin! Don't be squashed by a troll, Pippin! :(
Awesome Merry: And I had to be here to see it and be all traumatised. :(
Aragorn!: And now I'm getting squashed by a troll! This place is more full of trolls than an internet forum.
Awesome Merry: something about this doesn't seem right... why are you BOTH getting crushed by trolls? Is it a two-for-the-price of one special?
Awesome Merry, Aragorn! and Pippin Took joined the cause "End Selective Canon Loyalty Now!"
Éomer: is it just me, or was it a stupid idea to hang around here to get surrounded by Mordor's army? Also, Aragorn's speech was kind of lame.
Gandalf: is hoping that Frodo didn't take that thing about pitying Gollum too seriously...
Frodo Baggins: is standing over the fiery lava of Mount Doom. After all that build up, no matter how dramatic these next few moments are, they're still going to be a let down-
Sam Gamgee: destroy it! DESTROY IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Frodo Baggins: -not least because I've just decided I'm keeping the ring.
Sam Gamgee: Oh, bugger.
Gollum: mussst save the preciousss!
Sméagol: Sméagol agrees.
Sauron: hmmm. Maybe I should have set guards on the entrance to Orodruin, and not left that handy walkway there.. . but no, nobody would think of destroying it. That would be inconceivable!
Legolas Greenleaf: ninety-seven!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Oh shut up, Elf Face. Some of us have more important things on our minds.
Legolas Greenleaf: I translate that as "I am losing, oh wise Legolas".
Arwen Evenstar: maybe I'll just visit the library
Aragorn!: Help your future king is getting minced you bastards don't back away someone help or i'll be no more than royal troll toejam help-
Legolas Greenleaf: I'm trying! I'm swishing my hair around all over the place, with a really intense expression!
Awesome Merry: :(
Sam Gamgee:wow. That must suck. He finally gets his slimy little hands on the ring and plop, straight into the volcano.
Sauron: inconceivable!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Ha, fifty-eight! What are you on, three? Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with a loser.
Legolas Greenleaf: how about fighting side by side with your mum?
Aragorn!: the deep inter-species friendship you have forged inspires me, it truly does, now watch out for that orc!
Pippin Took: trying to concentrate on the battle, but worrying about Frodo and Sam, also missing elevenses.
Awesome Merry: curses, Pip, you've made me think of those crumpets with the blueberry jam we used to have for elevenses back in the Shire
Pippin Took: No, Merry, the scones are definitely what I miss the most. Clotted cream and a nice cup of tea...
Awesome Merry: mushrooms fried in herb butter and potatoes done just right
Legolas Greenleaf: er, hello? Hobbits, meet reality. Reality looks like orcs attacking, not a menu. Unless you're on the orcs' menu...
Gimli Sonofgloin: I'll have you know that if either of you dies now, after all the hard work Legolas and I have put into keeping you safe, I shall be very pissed off. Not to mention we shall lose a bet.
Awesome Merry: it's OK, Gimli. Everytime I need to update my status, I duck behind this massive Rohirrim warrior and do it. Then I duck out again and chop at orcs' knees. The system hasn't failed me yet.
Pippin Took: a bet with who?
Boromir Ofgondor: Talking of wasted effort, I will make your after-life not worth living if you die now and waste my totally noble sacrifice.
Pippin Took: A bet with who?
Frodo Baggins: running up the mountain! Sudden burst of strength ftw.
Awesome Merry: is hungry.
Sam Gamgee: showing mercy is all well and good to let everyone know you're a Good Character, but really, after the sixth or seventh treacherous attack, you'd think *someone* would grow a brain.
Pippin Took: the eagles are coming! Only about a year too late.
Gandalf: it gets less impressive each time I see them do this.
Awesome Merry: Noooo! Pippin! Don't be squashed by a troll, Pippin! :(
Awesome Merry: And I had to be here to see it and be all traumatised. :(
Aragorn!: And now I'm getting squashed by a troll! This place is more full of trolls than an internet forum.
Awesome Merry: something about this doesn't seem right... why are you BOTH getting crushed by trolls? Is it a two-for-the-price of one special?
Awesome Merry, Aragorn! and Pippin Took joined the cause "End Selective Canon Loyalty Now!"
Éomer: is it just me, or was it a stupid idea to hang around here to get surrounded by Mordor's army? Also, Aragorn's speech was kind of lame.
Gandalf: is hoping that Frodo didn't take that thing about pitying Gollum too seriously...
Frodo Baggins: is standing over the fiery lava of Mount Doom. After all that build up, no matter how dramatic these next few moments are, they're still going to be a let down-
Sam Gamgee: destroy it! DESTROY IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Frodo Baggins: -not least because I've just decided I'm keeping the ring.
Sam Gamgee: Oh, bugger.
Gollum: mussst save the preciousss!
Sméagol: Sméagol agrees.
Sauron: hmmm. Maybe I should have set guards on the entrance to Orodruin, and not left that handy walkway there.. . but no, nobody would think of destroying it. That would be inconceivable!
Legolas Greenleaf: ninety-seven!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Oh shut up, Elf Face. Some of us have more important things on our minds.
Legolas Greenleaf: I translate that as "I am losing, oh wise Legolas".
Arwen Evenstar: maybe I'll just visit the library
Aragorn!: Help your future king is getting minced you bastards don't back away someone help or i'll be no more than royal troll toejam help-
Legolas Greenleaf: I'm trying! I'm swishing my hair around all over the place, with a really intense expression!
Awesome Merry: :(
Sam Gamgee:wow. That must suck. He finally gets his slimy little hands on the ring and plop, straight into the volcano.
Sauron: inconceivable!
Chapter Fourteen: Hugs for Everyone!
I am afraid this one is more comments than statuses. The characters all kind of ran away on me with this one. I think it is because my mind is frazzled because the computer ate four hours of my work today. *excuses excuses*
Gandalf: wow… the box on legs, it's herding the orcs into those handy crevasses that just opened up out of nowhere.
Aragorn!: waste of good food in my opinion. My subjects could have eaten those orcs for weeks.
Aragorn!: Before you judge me, my subjects have been in siege situation and most of the farmland and food stores that my subjects survived on have probably been destroyed. I am thinking of the practicalities for my subjects' survival, people! That's what a king does! My subjects depend on me!
Legolas Greenleaf: Your subjects like to be arbitrarily mentioned in every sentence, to ensure that the whole of Middle Earth knows you're king!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Well, technically, you're not the king yet.
Aragorn!: You mean, "you're not the king yet, your Majesty".
Gimli Sonofgloin: No. No, I don't.
Aragorn!: well, you can just treat me with due respect or else- wait- oh no! What's this? It's the SONG OF FAIL! DERN DERn DErn Dern dern.
Gimli Sonofgloin: if you sing the song of fail and offend the Dwarves, you will start a major international incident!
Aragorn!: How can I spark a major international incident if I'm not even king yet?
Gimli Sonofgloin: Haha!
Awesome Merry: When you've all quite finished discussing these things of tiny importance, Pippin is still crushed under a tonne of troll, and Frodo and Sam are being covered in molten lava! GET A BLOODY MOVE ON.
Aragorn!: Or what? *smirks* You'll bite us in the knee?
Aragorn!: OUCH! Ok, ok, I'm moving!
Gandalf: Don't worry, Merry. I'll take the Eagles for Frodo and Sam and the rest of you can find Pippin. And I am impressed that my passing comment about Orcs became a conversation about the nature of royalty via food distribution that ended in Aragorn being bitten in the knee by an enraged Brandybuck.
Frodo Baggins: I am sitting on an erupting volcano, while giant eagles- one of which has a wizard riding it- fly out of the sky to rescue me. And my gardener. What's wrong with this picture?
Sam Gamgee: I know! Gandalf's hat- how on Middle Earth is it staying on?
Frodo Baggins: Gandalf? Isn't he dead? Nosy old git, he was... maybe it's a good thing; we could never have got him to retire otherwise.
Frodo Baggins: This is ridiculous. I really want to go home.
Pippin Took: Yay! I didn't think I was going to survive being squashed by that troll, yet here I am! Thanks Gimli! Gimli's so nice, he spent hours searching for me when everyone thought I'd died. He must really care about me :)
Aragorn!: wait, you survived?... crap, now I owe Gimli and Legolas a beer each. I mean... good. Good. Yay! You survived!
Aragorn!: I'm actually happy about this.
Gimli Sonofgloin: haha! Beer! Sooo worth the hours spent looking.
Pippin Took: beer? THAT'S why you looked for me? I thought... I thought you were my friend :(
Gimli Sonofgloin: Are you kidding? beer is nice, but we've spent the last year keeping you safe from things. I would feel extremely hurt if you had the ingratitude to get offed in the final battle.
Legolas Greenleaf: It would have been most inconsiderate.
Boromir Ofgondor: Not to mention strangely haunting
Pippin Took: can you haunt people in the afterlife? It doesn't make sense?
Boromir Ofgondor: probably. I mean, I'm haunting my facebook account, and that's hardly traditional, is it? More useful than haunting a building though- you can still talk to your friends and I'm getting really good at Arda Farms.
Pippin Took:… er… well, anyway. Thanks Gimli.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Merry would have helped me look, but he had a sudden attack of Canon. He's recovering in the houses of healing.
Aragorn! is now engaged to Arwen Evenstar.
Pippin Took: Aragorn and his adopted sister, K.I.S.S.I.N.G…
Aragorn! Shut up, Pip… didn't you hook up with one of your relatives at Bilbo's going away party?
Awesome Merry: To be fair, in the Shire, it's hard not to.
Pippin Took: Strider! You are stalking me! That happened ages before we were friends on facebook.
Aragorn! No, I just… I was just curious…
Pippin Took: Stalky stalky stalker!
Legolas Greenleaf wrote on Arwen's wall. Is it true you're staying? For *Elessar? Why? *Haven't you *smelt* him?
Arwen Evenstar: I was totally going to go to the Grey Havens, but sometimes parents nag so much you just want to do the opposite to spite them. Plus, ain't no way that blonde Eowitch is getting her unhygienic warrior's hands on *my* mortal. I don't trust her to be satisfied with that Faramir for long.
Legolas Greenleaf: I know what you mean. I'm only doing this quest thing cos Ada wanted me to go to law school. "I don't want you to die" blah blah blah. I couldn't care less about Middle Earth. Parents can be so embarrassing... do you know he tried to join *Myspace* last week? That's sooo second age.
Arwen Evenstar: Ha, was it as embarrassing as the time Thranduil got roaring drunk and declared war on Rivendell last year?
Legolas Greenleaf: hey, we would have won!
Arwen Evenstar: I doubt that. Your father can be scary, but he doesn't have the Power of the Eyebrows.
Gimli Sonofgloin sent a message to Gloin Sonofgroin:
Hi Dad,
Thanks for your email. Sorry it took me so long to reply, you know what it's like. I find staying in touch awkward and I don't know how to write letters. I'd rather catch up over a beer and another beer and an epic song about gold and then some chips. I have been looking after my axe. Miss the mines. Saw some pretty sparkly caves, stupid humans don't know what a treasure they have there at Aglarond. Trying to educate the tall people in Dwarvish mannerisms. Aragorn's showing some promise, but Legolas is hopeless (he's the elf you warned me to be careful of, remember?).
Aragorn's beard growing out a bit, but I feel I have failed with Legolas as his face is still pathetically bare. Feel quite sorry for him, actually. Fancy not being able to grow anything on your face. His chin must feel lonely and cold. Neither of them has been able to swear in Dwarvish yet, but then, Dwarvish is a secret language anyway and I have refused to teach them. Well, Aragorn can a bit, but his accent is terrible. Had to talk to the elf a bit - we're kind of questing together, so it's hard not to. But he's OK and hasn't done any of the things you told me elves did, to terrify me when I was small. He hasn't chopped my beard off and eaten it, and he looked quite disgusted when I mentioned the possibility to him. He hates me because I killed more Orcs than him and then I drunk him under the table.
Nothing interesting has been happening here, no mining, no discussions about ore, but at least Gondor has some good rock. We had an epic battle and Frodo destroyed the ring, which is quite good. The one ring… now, that was a waste of good gold, if ever there was. I call that disrespectful, pouring the powers of evil into a nice piece of metalwork. Quite proud of Frodo, now if he could just grow a beard...
Sonly affectionate greeting,
Gimli.
PS please video Back to the Future for me. I heard it's on TV
Aragorn!: we did it!
Legolas Greenleaf: Yay Frodo and Sam!
Gimli Sonofgloin: yes!
Awesome Merry: Awesome!
Pippin Took: HUGS FOR EVERYONE! :D
Aragorn!: waste of good food in my opinion. My subjects could have eaten those orcs for weeks.
Aragorn!: Before you judge me, my subjects have been in siege situation and most of the farmland and food stores that my subjects survived on have probably been destroyed. I am thinking of the practicalities for my subjects' survival, people! That's what a king does! My subjects depend on me!
Legolas Greenleaf: Your subjects like to be arbitrarily mentioned in every sentence, to ensure that the whole of Middle Earth knows you're king!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Well, technically, you're not the king yet.
Aragorn!: You mean, "you're not the king yet, your Majesty".
Gimli Sonofgloin: No. No, I don't.
Aragorn!: well, you can just treat me with due respect or else- wait- oh no! What's this? It's the SONG OF FAIL! DERN DERn DErn Dern dern.
Gimli Sonofgloin: if you sing the song of fail and offend the Dwarves, you will start a major international incident!
Aragorn!: How can I spark a major international incident if I'm not even king yet?
Gimli Sonofgloin: Haha!
Awesome Merry: When you've all quite finished discussing these things of tiny importance, Pippin is still crushed under a tonne of troll, and Frodo and Sam are being covered in molten lava! GET A BLOODY MOVE ON.
Aragorn!: Or what? *smirks* You'll bite us in the knee?
Aragorn!: OUCH! Ok, ok, I'm moving!
Gandalf: Don't worry, Merry. I'll take the Eagles for Frodo and Sam and the rest of you can find Pippin. And I am impressed that my passing comment about Orcs became a conversation about the nature of royalty via food distribution that ended in Aragorn being bitten in the knee by an enraged Brandybuck.
Frodo Baggins: I am sitting on an erupting volcano, while giant eagles- one of which has a wizard riding it- fly out of the sky to rescue me. And my gardener. What's wrong with this picture?
Sam Gamgee: I know! Gandalf's hat- how on Middle Earth is it staying on?
Frodo Baggins: Gandalf? Isn't he dead? Nosy old git, he was... maybe it's a good thing; we could never have got him to retire otherwise.
Frodo Baggins: This is ridiculous. I really want to go home.
Pippin Took: Yay! I didn't think I was going to survive being squashed by that troll, yet here I am! Thanks Gimli! Gimli's so nice, he spent hours searching for me when everyone thought I'd died. He must really care about me :)
Aragorn!: wait, you survived?... crap, now I owe Gimli and Legolas a beer each. I mean... good. Good. Yay! You survived!
Aragorn!: I'm actually happy about this.
Gimli Sonofgloin: haha! Beer! Sooo worth the hours spent looking.
Pippin Took: beer? THAT'S why you looked for me? I thought... I thought you were my friend :(
Gimli Sonofgloin: Are you kidding? beer is nice, but we've spent the last year keeping you safe from things. I would feel extremely hurt if you had the ingratitude to get offed in the final battle.
Legolas Greenleaf: It would have been most inconsiderate.
Boromir Ofgondor: Not to mention strangely haunting
Pippin Took: can you haunt people in the afterlife? It doesn't make sense?
Boromir Ofgondor: probably. I mean, I'm haunting my facebook account, and that's hardly traditional, is it? More useful than haunting a building though- you can still talk to your friends and I'm getting really good at Arda Farms.
Pippin Took:… er… well, anyway. Thanks Gimli.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Merry would have helped me look, but he had a sudden attack of Canon. He's recovering in the houses of healing.
Aragorn! is now engaged to Arwen Evenstar.
Pippin Took: Aragorn and his adopted sister, K.I.S.S.I.N.G…
Aragorn! Shut up, Pip… didn't you hook up with one of your relatives at Bilbo's going away party?
Awesome Merry: To be fair, in the Shire, it's hard not to.
Pippin Took: Strider! You are stalking me! That happened ages before we were friends on facebook.
Aragorn! No, I just… I was just curious…
Pippin Took: Stalky stalky stalker!
Legolas Greenleaf wrote on Arwen's wall. Is it true you're staying? For *Elessar? Why? *Haven't you *smelt* him?
Arwen Evenstar: I was totally going to go to the Grey Havens, but sometimes parents nag so much you just want to do the opposite to spite them. Plus, ain't no way that blonde Eowitch is getting her unhygienic warrior's hands on *my* mortal. I don't trust her to be satisfied with that Faramir for long.
Legolas Greenleaf: I know what you mean. I'm only doing this quest thing cos Ada wanted me to go to law school. "I don't want you to die" blah blah blah. I couldn't care less about Middle Earth. Parents can be so embarrassing... do you know he tried to join *Myspace* last week? That's sooo second age.
Arwen Evenstar: Ha, was it as embarrassing as the time Thranduil got roaring drunk and declared war on Rivendell last year?
Legolas Greenleaf: hey, we would have won!
Arwen Evenstar: I doubt that. Your father can be scary, but he doesn't have the Power of the Eyebrows.
Gimli Sonofgloin sent a message to Gloin Sonofgroin:
Hi Dad,
Thanks for your email. Sorry it took me so long to reply, you know what it's like. I find staying in touch awkward and I don't know how to write letters. I'd rather catch up over a beer and another beer and an epic song about gold and then some chips. I have been looking after my axe. Miss the mines. Saw some pretty sparkly caves, stupid humans don't know what a treasure they have there at Aglarond. Trying to educate the tall people in Dwarvish mannerisms. Aragorn's showing some promise, but Legolas is hopeless (he's the elf you warned me to be careful of, remember?).
Aragorn's beard growing out a bit, but I feel I have failed with Legolas as his face is still pathetically bare. Feel quite sorry for him, actually. Fancy not being able to grow anything on your face. His chin must feel lonely and cold. Neither of them has been able to swear in Dwarvish yet, but then, Dwarvish is a secret language anyway and I have refused to teach them. Well, Aragorn can a bit, but his accent is terrible. Had to talk to the elf a bit - we're kind of questing together, so it's hard not to. But he's OK and hasn't done any of the things you told me elves did, to terrify me when I was small. He hasn't chopped my beard off and eaten it, and he looked quite disgusted when I mentioned the possibility to him. He hates me because I killed more Orcs than him and then I drunk him under the table.
Nothing interesting has been happening here, no mining, no discussions about ore, but at least Gondor has some good rock. We had an epic battle and Frodo destroyed the ring, which is quite good. The one ring… now, that was a waste of good gold, if ever there was. I call that disrespectful, pouring the powers of evil into a nice piece of metalwork. Quite proud of Frodo, now if he could just grow a beard...
Sonly affectionate greeting,
Gimli.
PS please video Back to the Future for me. I heard it's on TV
Aragorn!: we did it!
Legolas Greenleaf: Yay Frodo and Sam!
Gimli Sonofgloin: yes!
Awesome Merry: Awesome!
Pippin Took: HUGS FOR EVERYONE! :D
Chapter Fifteen: Aragorn is Culturally Sensitive
Frodo Baggins: It's gone!
Everyone likes this.
Aragorn!, Boromir ofgondor;Frodo Baggins;Gimli Sonofgloin; Merry Brandybuck; Legolas Greenleaf Pippin Took and Sam Gamgee like this.
Aragorn!: oh Eru, I don't know whose idea of a traditional stag night is worse- elves, dwarves, maia or hobbits. My aching head.
Sam Gamgee: I don't think you should have insisted on being so culturally sensitive
Aragorn!: I have now learned there is such a thing as too much cultural sensitivity
Pippin Took: trying out all our stag night customs in one night was a bit ambitious
Merry Brandybuck: I don't think he expected us hobbits to have a tradition each
Frodo Baggins: well, he should have done. We hobbits come from very ancient families, with their own customs
Legolas Greenleaf:Yes, some of what you tiny mortals are capable of took me by surprise.
Gandalf: hobbits really are amazing creatures.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Hey Aragorn! You want to know the worst stag night tradition? Well, you had the Brandybuck's pre-wedding drunken boat race, the Gamgee's custom of intoxicated potato peeling, the Baggins' carefully choreographed dance routine, the Took's jumping off things, shouting, singing and throwing the peeled potatoes tradition, the Mirkwood tree-climbing-while-outdrinking-a-squirrel, or even Gandalf's staff tricks…
Aragorn!: I don't remember half of that…I guess it explains the fact I woke up soaking wet, with a peeled thumb and a squirrel bite on my ear and a sore... er… staff.
Gimli Sonofgloin: well, even worse than all of those, is the Dwarvish custom of carefully recording all of the groom-to-be's antics, and giving them to the bride to view at her pleasure. And posting the photos on facebook.
Aragorn!: oh, Eru…
Gimli Sonofgloin: lovely shot of you making out with Pip.
Aragorn! Oh Eru, she will kill me with her pointy elf sword. I told Peter Jackson not to give her any weapons.
Pippin Took: Yuk! I swear I felt tongue. Kissing you is like being attacked by angry facial hair.
Merry Brandybuck: or kissing a Wookiee.
Boromir: I felt quite left out. All I could drink was spirits.
Gimli Sonofgloin posted the album 'Aragorn's stag night!' on Facebook.
Gimli Sonofgloin tagged Aragorn! in three hundred and seventeen photos.
Pippin Took: very long, very boring ceremony behind very tall Gondorians. What exactly is going on?
Merry Brandybuck:They're crowning Aragon, Pip.
Pippin Took: What? Crowning him? Why?
Merry Brandybuck: He's the king of Gondor, stupid. And this is Gondor.
Pippin Took: wait, what? Strider is the king of this place?
Frodo Baggins: as of about two seconds ago, yes. That's why everyone's been talking about the return of the king.
Pippin Took: I thought the king was that setting-things-on-fire man?
Sam Gamgee: That was the steward of Gondor, I think. He just kept the throne warm, in a manner of speaking.
Pippin Took: Why does no-one ever tell me anything? :(
Aragorn! and Arwen Evenstar changed their relationship to married.
Elrond: this is why facebook needs a dislike button :(
Legolas Greenleaf: now they seem to be kissing. How could you bring yourself to kiss Aragorn? Most unnatural.
Pippin Took: Legolas, I think I speak on behalf of all hobbits when I ask you please, as a freakishly tall being, to keep us all informed of what on Middle Earth is going on?
Legolas Greenleaf: Ha ha, you short people. Ok, Aragorn just kissed Arwen far too enthusiastically. The crowd feels sick. Even Arwen looks faintly disgusted. She's wiping her mouth on her sleeve. They've just got married, I think. Elrond looks pissed off. Aragorn is king, finally… People are cheering half-heartedly. Now they're making a dash for the free food. They look much more cheerful. Aragorn has called them all back. They had to obey him. He's going to gloat terribly.
Aragorn!: is the king!
Gondorian 1: Well, I didn't vote for you.
Aragorn!: If you start with stupid quotes, I will throw my throne at you!
Gondorian 1: Help, I'm being oppressed!
Aragorn!: ... I walked right into that one, didn't I.
Aragorn! Changed his name to King! Aragorn!
Sam Gamgee: Why is everyone bowing at us?
Frodo Baggins: maybe because we saved the world? Or maybe they're just trying to bend down and give us a better look at the coronation?
Merry Brandybuck:that must be it. Nice of them to realise we're short.
King! Aragorn!: KING KING KING AND I GET THE HOT CHICKS OOOOH YEAH
Arwen Evenstar: *Ahem*
King! Aragorn!: I mean the hot chick, singular, ooh yeah.
Arwen Evenstar: I know I've just given up my immortality, but somehow it feels like my life with you is stretching into eternity anyway. Sigh.
King! Aragorn! Cos that's the power of LURVE
Gimli Sonofgloin: Man, human weddings are boring. Not enough beer or gold.
King! Aragorn!: DERN DERn DErn Dern dern.
Gimli Sonofgloin: YOU HAVE JUST STARTED A MAJOR INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT.
Pippin Took: Goodbye, Gondor! Hugs for everyone!
King! Aragorn! Manly hugs for everyone!
Everyone likes this.
Merry Brandybuck: Yay!
Aragorn!, Boromir ofgondor;Frodo Baggins;Gimli Sonofgloin; Merry Brandybuck; Legolas Greenleaf Pippin Took and Sam Gamgee like this.
Aragorn!: oh Eru, I don't know whose idea of a traditional stag night is worse- elves, dwarves, maia or hobbits. My aching head.
Sam Gamgee: I don't think you should have insisted on being so culturally sensitive
Aragorn!: I have now learned there is such a thing as too much cultural sensitivity
Pippin Took: trying out all our stag night customs in one night was a bit ambitious
Merry Brandybuck: I don't think he expected us hobbits to have a tradition each
Frodo Baggins: well, he should have done. We hobbits come from very ancient families, with their own customs
Legolas Greenleaf:Yes, some of what you tiny mortals are capable of took me by surprise.
Gandalf: hobbits really are amazing creatures.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Hey Aragorn! You want to know the worst stag night tradition? Well, you had the Brandybuck's pre-wedding drunken boat race, the Gamgee's custom of intoxicated potato peeling, the Baggins' carefully choreographed dance routine, the Took's jumping off things, shouting, singing and throwing the peeled potatoes tradition, the Mirkwood tree-climbing-while-outdrinking-a-squirrel, or even Gandalf's staff tricks…
Aragorn!: I don't remember half of that…I guess it explains the fact I woke up soaking wet, with a peeled thumb and a squirrel bite on my ear and a sore... er… staff.
Gimli Sonofgloin: well, even worse than all of those, is the Dwarvish custom of carefully recording all of the groom-to-be's antics, and giving them to the bride to view at her pleasure. And posting the photos on facebook.
Aragorn!: oh, Eru…
Gimli Sonofgloin: lovely shot of you making out with Pip.
Aragorn! Oh Eru, she will kill me with her pointy elf sword. I told Peter Jackson not to give her any weapons.
Pippin Took: Yuk! I swear I felt tongue. Kissing you is like being attacked by angry facial hair.
Merry Brandybuck: or kissing a Wookiee.
Boromir: I felt quite left out. All I could drink was spirits.
Gimli Sonofgloin posted the album 'Aragorn's stag night!' on Facebook.
Gimli Sonofgloin tagged Aragorn! in three hundred and seventeen photos.
Pippin Took: very long, very boring ceremony behind very tall Gondorians. What exactly is going on?
Merry Brandybuck:They're crowning Aragon, Pip.
Pippin Took: What? Crowning him? Why?
Merry Brandybuck: He's the king of Gondor, stupid. And this is Gondor.
Pippin Took: wait, what? Strider is the king of this place?
Frodo Baggins: as of about two seconds ago, yes. That's why everyone's been talking about the return of the king.
Pippin Took: I thought the king was that setting-things-on-fire man?
Sam Gamgee: That was the steward of Gondor, I think. He just kept the throne warm, in a manner of speaking.
Pippin Took: Why does no-one ever tell me anything? :(
Aragorn! and Arwen Evenstar changed their relationship to married.
Elrond: this is why facebook needs a dislike button :(
Legolas Greenleaf: now they seem to be kissing. How could you bring yourself to kiss Aragorn? Most unnatural.
Pippin Took: Legolas, I think I speak on behalf of all hobbits when I ask you please, as a freakishly tall being, to keep us all informed of what on Middle Earth is going on?
Legolas Greenleaf: Ha ha, you short people. Ok, Aragorn just kissed Arwen far too enthusiastically. The crowd feels sick. Even Arwen looks faintly disgusted. She's wiping her mouth on her sleeve. They've just got married, I think. Elrond looks pissed off. Aragorn is king, finally… People are cheering half-heartedly. Now they're making a dash for the free food. They look much more cheerful. Aragorn has called them all back. They had to obey him. He's going to gloat terribly.
Aragorn!: is the king!
Gondorian 1: Well, I didn't vote for you.
Aragorn!: If you start with stupid quotes, I will throw my throne at you!
Gondorian 1: Help, I'm being oppressed!
Aragorn!: ... I walked right into that one, didn't I.
Aragorn! Changed his name to King! Aragorn!
Sam Gamgee: Why is everyone bowing at us?
Frodo Baggins: maybe because we saved the world? Or maybe they're just trying to bend down and give us a better look at the coronation?
Merry Brandybuck:that must be it. Nice of them to realise we're short.
King! Aragorn!: KING KING KING AND I GET THE HOT CHICKS OOOOH YEAH
Arwen Evenstar: *Ahem*
King! Aragorn!: I mean the hot chick, singular, ooh yeah.
Arwen Evenstar: I know I've just given up my immortality, but somehow it feels like my life with you is stretching into eternity anyway. Sigh.
King! Aragorn! Cos that's the power of LURVE
Gimli Sonofgloin: Man, human weddings are boring. Not enough beer or gold.
King! Aragorn!: DERN DERn DErn Dern dern.
Gimli Sonofgloin: YOU HAVE JUST STARTED A MAJOR INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT.
Pippin Took: Goodbye, Gondor! Hugs for everyone!
King! Aragorn! Manly hugs for everyone!
The Art of The Return of the King (The Lord of the Rings)
Amazon Price: $194.69 (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price: $35.00
Gimli Sonofgloin and Legolas Greenleaf are attending 'Terrifying Journey into the Scary Green Darkness of Fangorn Forest, where they Probably eat Dwarves."
Legolas Greenleaf:%u2026 could you rename the event, please? I was thinking more along the lines of 'Wow! Trees! Awesome!'
Chapter Sixteen: The Scouring of the Shower
King! Aragorn!: I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware!
Gimli Sonofgloin: I've never seen a King with such pathetic facial hair
Frodo Baggins wrote on King! Aragorn!'s wall: I think it's time that you and I arranged a heart-to-heart
King! Aragorn!: Kings don't need advice from little hobbits for a start
Frodo Baggins: If this is where the monarchy is heading, count me out! Out of Gondor, out of Middle Earth, I wouldn't hang about.
Gimli Sonofgloin: I've never seen a King with such pathetic facial hair
Frodo Baggins wrote on King! Aragorn!'s wall: I think it's time that you and I arranged a heart-to-heart
King! Aragorn!: Kings don't need advice from little hobbits for a start
Frodo Baggins: If this is where the monarchy is heading, count me out! Out of Gondor, out of Middle Earth, I wouldn't hang about.
Merry Brandybuck: well, that was quite an adventure.
Sam Gamgee: I hope my potatoes are OK... can't wait to go home and check on them
Frodo Baggins: we're all keen to go home
Pippin Took: I'm not. I met someone here that I rather like.
Merry Brandybuck: WTF, Pip? I didn't know you had any relations here…
Pippin Took: you will pay for that comment, you Brandybuck.
Pippin Took changed his relationship status to it's complicated
Merry Brandybuck: Well, it would be rather complicated if you met someone here... they'd be twice your height!
Pippin Took: Try to keep your jealousy under control, cousin. In fact, this fine lady is a mere foot and a half taller than me
Sam Gamgee: Please tell me you are joking.
Pippin Took: It is a quite reasonable height difference, easily traversed. I just stand on something and the problem is solved.
Merry Brandybuck: You stand on something?
Pippin Took: Legolas found me a box.
Frodo Baggins: as long as you never have children... I don't think Middle Earth is ready for three-quarterlings.
Legolas Greenleaf: this city needs more trees
Sam Gamgee: I agree. And more plants in general. And more potatoes.
Gimli Sonofgloin: elves like trees in the same way Australians like sheep...
Legolas Greenleaf: what's an Australian? Was that an insult?
Gimli Sonofgloin: I... I don't know... I don't know what came over me just then. It felt like someone was writing through me.
Pippin Took changed his relationship status to "in a relationship"
Pippin Took changed his relationship status to "single"
Merry Brandybuck: aw, never mind Pip. You'll be very popular back in the Shire!
Pippin Took: She- she said I was cute! I'm not cute... I thought I was fierce!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Is regretting a rather hasty deal he made with That Elf. Anyone know how to defend yourself from an angry tree?
King! Aragorn!: Alas, that is a branch of warfare unknown to me.
King! Aragorn!: ...
King! Aragorn!: BRANCH of warfare?
Legolas Greenleaf: We got it, Aragorn. It just wasn't funny. Gimli, you need to man up.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Man? Up? That expression is both specieist and heightist!
The Fellowship of the Ring is attending Last Goodbye/ Yet Another Excuse for Mad Drinking up at Aragorn's place!
Arwen: oh for Eru's sake, how many of these have you had? And every one of them ends with someone passed out on the roof, and someone else throwing up on my nice curtains. And I know who it was last time Pippin because a) whoever threw up had consumed a large amount of mushrooms and b) because of the hidden video camera.
Pippin Took: we are the Fellowship of the Pub Crawl now!
Gimli Sonofgloin: let's spike Legolas' drinks. I want to see if it's true that elf-vomit glows in the dark.
King! Aragorn!: If anyone makes any reference to getting royally pissed, spirits or the drinking horn of Gondor, the party is cancelled.
Boromir Ofgondor: these drinking parties are so corporealist.
Pippin Took: Sam, bring your potato vodka! It's amazing!
Merry Brandybuck: most drunk person at midnight has to update their facebook status.
Gimli Sonofgloin: I HATE that rule.
Gandalf: goodbye evevveryryones! LOVES YOU ALL! LOVES YOUOUU youe the bBEST fellowship any one ever had. ,
Merry Brandybuck: OK, I didn't expect it to be Gandalf.
Legolas Greenleaf: I am definitely going to hate this cave. Dark, UNDERGROUND, smelly, full of rocks and distinctly lacking in trees or anything else remotely interesting.
Gimli Sonofgloin: well, you can't back out of it now!
KIng! Aragorn! : don't be too hard on him. He's just scared of the dark.
Legolas Greenleaf: I am NOT scared of the dark. I just happen to be a little... claustrophobic. It's a cultural thing.
King! Aragorn!: Oh, a cultural thing, is it? Like the males doing the cooking in elvish society? Arwen claims that's a cultural thing too. I saw right through it, of course! She can't trick me with that one!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Then why do you always do the cooking? And the cleaning?
King! Aragorn!: ...
Gimli Sonofgloin: Ha!
Merry Brandybuck: In the Shire, we all cook. And then we all eat.
Legolas Greenleaf: Cook, eat, repeat. Yup, we had that figured out.
Pippin Took: you can pretty much reduce our cultural heritage to those three words.
Merry Brandybuck: except when it's 'drink, eat, repeat'. or 'Smoke, eat, repeat'.
Pippin Took: we tried 'drink, cook, eat' and decided not to repeat.
Merry Brandybuck: I told you that you couldn't eat the curtains, but you insisted they were 'some kind of delicious biscuit."
Pippin Took: I was quoting!
Merry Brandybuck: you were on fire. I don't mean 'High five, dude, you were on fire!'. I am talking about extensive damage to my furniture, and second degree burns.
Legolas Greenleaf: I never know if I should interrupt you two quickly before you get going and no-one else can get a word in, or just prepare to be surprised at where the conversation ends up.
Sam Gamgee: I like cooking.
King! Aragorn!: I don't mind doing the cooking and cleaning, but she expects me to be the breadwinner and lightbulb-changer as well! I'm doing the non-traditional and the traditional tasks, and she just watches the telly.
Legolas Greenleaf: just don't expect her to sew.
Frodo Baggins, Sam Gamgee,Merry Brandybuck, Pippin Took,Gimli Sonofgloin and Legolas Greenleaf are attending Journey Home
Legolas Greenleaf; Sparkly. Sparkly caves.
Gimli Sonofgloin: that's elvish for "Gimli was right! I was wrong!"
King! Aragorn!: Aw, I miss you guys. Being King is boring. You're not supposed to chop people's heads off. Apparently there are rules about that sort of thing... Even Boromir's always haunting the tavern so I have no-one to talk to.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Now who's failing? Aw, I don't mean it! We'll be back soon for another EPIC PUB CRAWL OF DOOM unless of course Legolas' pet trees eat me.
Legolas Greenleaf: Sparkly.
Gimli Sonofgloin: ... yes. I think this may have been a bad idea.
Saruman changed his name to Sharky
Sharky: Curse you, Peter Jackson! CURSE YOU AND YOUR SLIGHTLY HAPPIER ENDINGS!
Pippin Took:Green Dragon! I missed you so!
Sam Gamgee: So did I...
Frodo Baggins: and I'm sure Rosie missed you too, Sam.
Merry Brandybuck: yes, proper beer!
Pippin Took likes this.
Pippin Took: proper weed!
Frodo Baggins: I didn't save the Shire for me
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now in a relationship
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now engaged
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now married
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now abundantly fertile.
Sam Gamgee: I hope my potatoes are OK... can't wait to go home and check on them
Frodo Baggins: we're all keen to go home
Pippin Took: I'm not. I met someone here that I rather like.
Merry Brandybuck: WTF, Pip? I didn't know you had any relations here…
Pippin Took: you will pay for that comment, you Brandybuck.
Pippin Took changed his relationship status to it's complicated
Merry Brandybuck: Well, it would be rather complicated if you met someone here... they'd be twice your height!
Pippin Took: Try to keep your jealousy under control, cousin. In fact, this fine lady is a mere foot and a half taller than me
Sam Gamgee: Please tell me you are joking.
Pippin Took: It is a quite reasonable height difference, easily traversed. I just stand on something and the problem is solved.
Merry Brandybuck: You stand on something?
Pippin Took: Legolas found me a box.
Frodo Baggins: as long as you never have children... I don't think Middle Earth is ready for three-quarterlings.
Legolas Greenleaf: this city needs more trees
Sam Gamgee: I agree. And more plants in general. And more potatoes.
Gimli Sonofgloin: elves like trees in the same way Australians like sheep...
Legolas Greenleaf: what's an Australian? Was that an insult?
Gimli Sonofgloin: I... I don't know... I don't know what came over me just then. It felt like someone was writing through me.
Pippin Took changed his relationship status to "in a relationship"
Pippin Took changed his relationship status to "single"
Merry Brandybuck: aw, never mind Pip. You'll be very popular back in the Shire!
Pippin Took: She- she said I was cute! I'm not cute... I thought I was fierce!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Is regretting a rather hasty deal he made with That Elf. Anyone know how to defend yourself from an angry tree?
King! Aragorn!: Alas, that is a branch of warfare unknown to me.
King! Aragorn!: ...
King! Aragorn!: BRANCH of warfare?
Legolas Greenleaf: We got it, Aragorn. It just wasn't funny. Gimli, you need to man up.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Man? Up? That expression is both specieist and heightist!
The Fellowship of the Ring is attending Last Goodbye/ Yet Another Excuse for Mad Drinking up at Aragorn's place!
Arwen: oh for Eru's sake, how many of these have you had? And every one of them ends with someone passed out on the roof, and someone else throwing up on my nice curtains. And I know who it was last time Pippin because a) whoever threw up had consumed a large amount of mushrooms and b) because of the hidden video camera.
Pippin Took: we are the Fellowship of the Pub Crawl now!
Gimli Sonofgloin: let's spike Legolas' drinks. I want to see if it's true that elf-vomit glows in the dark.
King! Aragorn!: If anyone makes any reference to getting royally pissed, spirits or the drinking horn of Gondor, the party is cancelled.
Boromir Ofgondor: these drinking parties are so corporealist.
Pippin Took: Sam, bring your potato vodka! It's amazing!
Merry Brandybuck: most drunk person at midnight has to update their facebook status.
Gimli Sonofgloin: I HATE that rule.
Gandalf: goodbye evevveryryones! LOVES YOU ALL! LOVES YOUOUU youe the bBEST fellowship any one ever had. ,
Merry Brandybuck: OK, I didn't expect it to be Gandalf.
Legolas Greenleaf: I am definitely going to hate this cave. Dark, UNDERGROUND, smelly, full of rocks and distinctly lacking in trees or anything else remotely interesting.
Gimli Sonofgloin: well, you can't back out of it now!
KIng! Aragorn! : don't be too hard on him. He's just scared of the dark.
Legolas Greenleaf: I am NOT scared of the dark. I just happen to be a little... claustrophobic. It's a cultural thing.
King! Aragorn!: Oh, a cultural thing, is it? Like the males doing the cooking in elvish society? Arwen claims that's a cultural thing too. I saw right through it, of course! She can't trick me with that one!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Then why do you always do the cooking? And the cleaning?
King! Aragorn!: ...
Gimli Sonofgloin: Ha!
Merry Brandybuck: In the Shire, we all cook. And then we all eat.
Legolas Greenleaf: Cook, eat, repeat. Yup, we had that figured out.
Pippin Took: you can pretty much reduce our cultural heritage to those three words.
Merry Brandybuck: except when it's 'drink, eat, repeat'. or 'Smoke, eat, repeat'.
Pippin Took: we tried 'drink, cook, eat' and decided not to repeat.
Merry Brandybuck: I told you that you couldn't eat the curtains, but you insisted they were 'some kind of delicious biscuit."
Pippin Took: I was quoting!
Merry Brandybuck: you were on fire. I don't mean 'High five, dude, you were on fire!'. I am talking about extensive damage to my furniture, and second degree burns.
Legolas Greenleaf: I never know if I should interrupt you two quickly before you get going and no-one else can get a word in, or just prepare to be surprised at where the conversation ends up.
Sam Gamgee: I like cooking.
King! Aragorn!: I don't mind doing the cooking and cleaning, but she expects me to be the breadwinner and lightbulb-changer as well! I'm doing the non-traditional and the traditional tasks, and she just watches the telly.
Legolas Greenleaf: just don't expect her to sew.
Frodo Baggins, Sam Gamgee,Merry Brandybuck, Pippin Took,Gimli Sonofgloin and Legolas Greenleaf are attending Journey Home
Legolas Greenleaf; Sparkly. Sparkly caves.
Gimli Sonofgloin: that's elvish for "Gimli was right! I was wrong!"
King! Aragorn!: Aw, I miss you guys. Being King is boring. You're not supposed to chop people's heads off. Apparently there are rules about that sort of thing... Even Boromir's always haunting the tavern so I have no-one to talk to.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Now who's failing? Aw, I don't mean it! We'll be back soon for another EPIC PUB CRAWL OF DOOM unless of course Legolas' pet trees eat me.
Legolas Greenleaf: Sparkly.
Gimli Sonofgloin: ... yes. I think this may have been a bad idea.
Saruman changed his name to Sharky
Sharky: Curse you, Peter Jackson! CURSE YOU AND YOUR SLIGHTLY HAPPIER ENDINGS!
Pippin Took:Green Dragon! I missed you so!
Sam Gamgee: So did I...
Frodo Baggins: and I'm sure Rosie missed you too, Sam.
Merry Brandybuck: yes, proper beer!
Pippin Took likes this.
Pippin Took: proper weed!
Frodo Baggins: I didn't save the Shire for me
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now in a relationship
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now engaged
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now married
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now abundantly fertile.
Puzz 3D Lord of the Rings The Return of the King Hobbiton
Amazon Price: (as of 05/31/2012)
List Price:
Pippin Took: the worst thing about coming home after being away for so long is that everything's in a mess. You have to air the rooms, wash the curtains, clean the bathrooms...
Sam Gamgee: weed the gardens...
Frodo Baggns: yeah, and it's hard when you only have nine fingers.
Merry Brandybuck: Oh well, we might as well get on with it. Come on, everyone- let's go and scour the shower.
Sam Gamgee: well, that was all very exciting,, but I am really looking forward to returning to the Shire… where they cook potatoes properly, where there's peace and quiet and a distinct lack of evil villains, where you can get beer at the Green Dragon and where lovely lovely Rosie Cotton lives…
Sam Gamgee: *blushes* er, and lots of other lovely hobbits besides. Um. How do you delete posts?
Frodo Baggins: Oh, come on, Sam! You fought off a massive spider and put up with me whining. You can ask Rosie out!
Merry Brandybuck: peace and quiet? Er…. Anyone remember that foreboding?
Sam Gamgee: *blushes* er, and lots of other lovely hobbits besides. Um. How do you delete posts?
Frodo Baggins: Oh, come on, Sam! You fought off a massive spider and put up with me whining. You can ask Rosie out!
Merry Brandybuck: peace and quiet? Er…. Anyone remember that foreboding?
Relive the Journey Through Music
Check out 'Psychopathic, Chronic, Schizophrenic Gollum Blues'
In January 2001, we released our Lord of the Rings music tribute song, "Tolkien (The Hobbit & Lord of the Rings)" to MP3.com. Within a month, the song skyrocketed up the charts to #14 of the MP3.com charts out of over two million songs!
Two years later, the Brobdingnagian Bards are at last completing a music CD dedicated to the JRR Tolkien's. This album is soundtrack, if you will for the books, filled with entirely original Lord of the Rings music. It is a mostly instrumental album that aspires to show our memories of the Lord of the Rings music world.
If you enjoy the music of JRR Tolkien, consider checking out the album that started it all--Songs of the Muse which features the original release of our #1 hit song that is still the most-popular Celtic song on MP3.com, "Tolkein (The Hobbit & Lord of the Rings)"
Two years later, the Brobdingnagian Bards are at last completing a music CD dedicated to the JRR Tolkien's. This album is soundtrack, if you will for the books, filled with entirely original Lord of the Rings music. It is a mostly instrumental album that aspires to show our memories of the Lord of the Rings music world.
If you enjoy the music of JRR Tolkien, consider checking out the album that started it all--Songs of the Muse which features the original release of our #1 hit song that is still the most-popular Celtic song on MP3.com, "Tolkein (The Hobbit & Lord of the Rings)"
Which Alternate Popular Culture Reference Was Your Favourite?
Or did you not even see them?
(NB: For all three parts, not just this page!)
Loading poll. Please Wait...
Read the Entire Trilogy!
All the Fellowship of the Facebook Status Updates!
More Awesome and Funny Facebook Status Updates
See these sites for more collections of hilarious, cute, clever or just stupid facebook statuses!
- The Funny Facebook status update website.
- Download funny facebook status updates any layouts completely free with thousands to choose from.
- 50 Funny Facebook Status Ideas
- I have to admit it, to my eternal shame, I have actually sat in front of Facebook and spent a good five minutes trying to think of something funny to say..... and then failed miserably, so turned to google...
- Cute Status Ideas
- Here are more cute facebook or myspace status ideas just for you! Use them for your cute status upda...
Comment here!
What did you think?
-
-
Amber
Dec 9, 2011 @ 6:33 pm | delete
- Frodo <3
-
-
-
moonlitta
Oct 2, 2011 @ 11:21 am | delete
- Thanks for that smile you put on my face:)
-
Aotearoan Around The Web
Other Sites and writing accounts
- Aotearoan on deviantART
- Art - community of artists and those devoted to art. Digital art, skin art, themes, wallpaper art, traditional art, photography, poetry / prose. Art prints.
- aotearoan - FanFiction.Net
- aotearoan is a fanfiction author that has written 4 stories for Lord of the Rings, Twilight, and Discworld.
- Facebook Fan Pages for Lord of the Rings
- Follow the Fellowship on Facebook! A list of fanpages for the various characters.
by Flynn_the_Cat
What if the Lord of the Rings characters had Facebook?
Hi, I'm Emily. I live in NZ and I like LOTR and the Discworld series. And grammar. And other...
more »
- 249 featured lenses
- Winner of 29 trophies!
- Top lens » Dermographism - The Skin Writing Allergy
Feeling creative?
Create a Lens!
Explore related pages
- The Fellowship of the Facebook The Fellowship of the Facebook
- The Two Notifications The Two Notifications
- The Lord of the Facebook and other LOTR Parodies The Lord of the Facebook and other LOTR Parodies
- Beautiful Elf Posters From Zazzle Beautiful Elf Posters From Zazzle
- Hobbit Wallpaper Hobbit Wallpaper
- The Hobbit 2012 The Hobbit 2012
The Lord of the Rings: The Motion Picture Trilogy (Special Extended Edition)
Amazon Price: $54.50 (as of 05/31/2012)
The Lord of the Facebook
Read the Rest
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Super Poseable Gollum Action Figure
Amazon Price: $4.99 (as of 05/31/2012)
CHAPTER LIST
Chapter One: Smoke and Shiny things
Chapter Two: Not Quite As Genius Anymore
Chapter Three: Size Matters Selectively
Chapter Four: I just can't wait to be King
Chapter Five: Dear Gimli, Look After Your Axe
Chapter Six: Seagulls, Sparkles and itsy bitsy Shelob
Chapter Seven: DER DERN! DERN! DERDER DERN! (the Song of Fail)
Chapter Eight: A Woman's Place is on the Battlefield
Chapter Nine: Only Momentarily Tempted
Chapter Ten: The Name Game
Chapter Eleven: The Mouthwash of Sauron
Chapter Twelve: It's Complicated
Chapter Thirteen: Trolling
Chapter Fourteen: Hugs for Everyone!
Chapter Fifteen: Aragorn is Culturally Sensitive
Chapter Sixteen: The Scouring of the Shower
Guestbook and More
