Solving a family mystery

And that is how the story of my grandfather's death has gone for some 80 years after his 29 short years of living. He faded into the background and life went on.

Oh, it's not so simple as that, of course. His own daughters, all 5 and under when he died, idealized him - he was, after all, the one who got away.

What am I doing in here now, revealing this family story and with it some family secrets and shame?

I'm trying to unravel this family mystery, sharing it with others who may have their own family secrets, the truth of which will never be known because the key players are all now long dead. In doing so, there is an attempt on my part to poke around at the effects of divorce and affairs on a family, so many years later. Maybe underneath all of that is a wish to know what really happened - that the descendants or family of my grandfather's second wife will step forward with some information, unlikely though that is. And in some small way, I want us all to realize that what we do and how we act does have an impact on our children and our children's children.

I'm not an especially moralistic person - I can't stand and lecture people on what they should and shouldn't do, from some holier than thou soapbox. The mistakes I've made myself in my own life, and from an early age, are staggering and have had their own impact on my own children. Somehow my own children have turned out well -- it may be the years of therapy I had to try to untangle my own messes -- or maybe my children are just brighter than I am, and have decided not to repeat their mother's mistakes. I used to blame my mother and her mother for the wreckage in the family tree. This is not to free myself from blame for my own mistakes -- I take more than full credit for those - but if an apple doesn't fall far from the family tree, you have to look back at the roots and give credit where credit is due (enough cliches?).

But I never took a look good at my grandfather's part - he died so young, how much damage could he have done?

He died on a cold December evening in 1929 of a gunshot wound to his stomach, in the home of his new second wife's parents in Missouri.

His name and details of his location will be left out of here as I write this and ask what others might think. Two of his daughters, in their 80's, are still alive. They have their own ideas about how he died - more on that later. And there are grandchildren among us, though two of the six of us are dead, one by illness, one by suicide. His first wife, my grandmother, is long dead. I'm sure his second wife is long gone. He came from a large family, with several brothers and sisters -- there are second cousins and other relatives around. None of us are in touch, except my sister and myself.

The divorce, of course, was bad enough, separating him from his children. But the certainty of his death and the uncertainty around it I think may have had a lot to do with the fragmented dysfunction he left behind. Perhaps I'm looking for someone to blame for what might have been but wasn't. Or perhaps it's just because I was given his name.

This is the man I was named after. Until recently, I never gave him much thought. He was gone decades before I was born. Having the name of a man who abandoned his family has always had a certain taint to it, as if my mother perhaps expected I would somehow make up for her abandonment. The name has been something I would have loved to have changed -- fun though it's been sometimes, I've never really enjoyed having a man's name with all of the explanations and jokes that go along with it.

A few months ago I decided I wanted to learn more about his death. My mother insists his new wife shot him for his money, but that never rang true. She claimed recently in an autobiography she wrote for her church paper that her mother had been widowed by his death -- when I corrected her, she insisted her mother was the widow since the couple had only been divorced for a month or so. Never mind the new wife who was with him when he was shot.

I wrote to a couple of libraries, one near my mother's home town, the other near the are where he'd died, and asked if they could send me any articles about his death.

A few days later, two envelopes arrived in the mail, each with a few sheets of paper. When I opened them, I was in for a big surprise.

ATTORNEY DALE E. COMMITS SUICIDE

Fires a Load of Shot Into His Stomach Sunday Evening, Causing His Death A Few Hours Later - Tragic End of a Useful Life - Burial Tuesday at ----

One of the greatest shocks to this community was the word that flashed over town last Sunday evening and night that Dale E. had shot himself, and that the self-inflicted wound was certain to result fatally so pronounced by all the attending physicians.

The circumstances that led to the shooting were about as follows, as near as we can collect them: Mr. ______, accompanied by his wife, to whom he was married at West Plains the 22nd of last November, were out driving and had visited his farm northwest of town in the afternoon; then they drove out to Mrs. Cummins' south of _____on Indian Creek after their washing.

On their return Mr. ______ got out of his car, taking his gun and remarking that he would kill himself. Mrs. _______ endeavored to get the gun away from him, but failed and he went out in the woods a short distance from the road, pointed the gun at his stomach and in (person did not copy the next sentence) stomach.

These occurrences appeared on the south side of the Burson hill and where the road takes a turn to the east. Mrs. ______hearing the shot, hurried to town and notified several here and returned with physicians and a number of others to search.

It was very dark in the woods and it was only after several flashlights were secured that Mr. _______was found, and evidently he had not moved after the shot, for the gun was laying as it had dropped and he was still alive but very weak with a bad wound in his stomach. The physicians examined him and told him he had no chance to live and asked if there was any measure he wanted to leave and his reply was that he wanted his children taken care of out of his property. When asked if he had done this act himself he remarked that he had and that his wife endeavored to get the gun away from him, but he did it. He was removed to the home of K.N. Salyer in town and lived until after 11 o'clock. Sunday night and was conscious most of the time.

Attorney Dale E. _______ was one of the most prominent of the younger lawyers in this part of the state, and his death is a tragic ending of a very promising career.
He was born in 1900, making him 29 years of age. The son of Frank and Anna ______of ________, and was one of ten children, eight boys and two girls. He grew to young manhood in the _________neighborhood, secured his education and began teaching school. Just after he was 21 years of age, he came to _______ and made the race for Prosecuting Attorney, was elected twice and served four years with a notable career as a prosecutor. He was honored by having his name presented to the convention for nomination for Congress and had other political aspirations, for he was a good politician and a fine public speaker. He was married to Beatrice _______ and three children resulted from this union.

Separation came and only at last court was Mrs. _______ granted a divorce. He was married November 22 to Miss Sarah Jane Salyer and is survived by her, the three children and the brothers and sisters. Dale was a member of no order but was a member of the M.E. Church South at this place.

Near a year ago Mr. _______ formed a legal partnership with Judge W. E. Barton, the firm being Barton & ______, with offices upstairs over Texas County State Bank.

The remains were cared for at the Funeral Home by Undertaker Elliott and then remained at the Salyer home until Tuesday when they were conveyed to Bethel cemetery near _________ for burial.

Our people are greatly shocked by this tragic and unexpected death and mingle their sorrow with those who are under the burden of grief at the passing of this young, capable and useful man and citizen.

[The picture at the top is of the Sheriff on the left, my grandfather on the right, and a still they'd confiscated. I got this picture from a book I ordered from a newspaper in the area where he died -- ordered it blind, hoping it would have some information. This was all there was in it about him, but I was pleased to have it!]

Deserting Family to Wed Stenographer, Fatally Shoots Himself
Strange Triangle Told
Had Been Wed But Two Weeks after Leaving Wife, Three Children

The pretty young wife and three small children who little more than two weeks ago were robbed of their husband and father by the marriage of Dale E., 35 (sic) prominent "self-made" lawyer and former prosecutor of _______ to his stenographer, last night won him back in death.

Haunted by memories of his first wife, who obtained a divorce for desertion three weeks ago, and the children he left her, _______ shot and mortally wounded himself late yesterday in a wood two miles south of ______.

WIFE AND EX-WIFE WEEP

Last night, as _______breathed his last in the home of Mr. and Mrs. K.M. Salyer, parents of his bride of two weeks, the two women who had loved him wept quietly in homes only a few yards apart. His second wife, the girl who had been Sarah Jane Salyer, blue-eyed, brown-haired, attractive daughter of a Houston merchant, who became his stenographer a year and a half after graduating (illegible) at (illegible).

At the home of an aunt a few doors away was the first Mrs. ______, the girl who left (illegible) and married ______ at 16 or 17, when he was a rising young lawyer, and who lost him to Sarah Jane after bearing and mothering their three children. She did not see her former husband from the time he shot himself until his death, though the town whispered that she wished to be at his side before he died.

Perhaps winning him back as he died, she wanted to murmur a message of forgiveness. But she did not go to him and the town said pride and the pain of hurts still fresh and unhealed held her back.

With his last words ______ ordered that his property of which he left considerable, should go to his three children - all girls, one 5, one 3 and one 11 months old. Since their mother and father separated the children had been at the home of their mother's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Tom R. _____, west of (illegible). Mrs. _____ went back to high school at Houston to try to prepare herself so she might earn a living for them.

KILLS SELF IN WOODS
Returning toward ______ after a drive late Sunday afternoon with the girl he married two weeks ago Friday, ______ stopped his car, stepped out and obtained his 16-gauge shotgun, declaring he was going to kill himself. Mrs. ______ tried vainly to take the gun away from him and he ran into the woods with it. There were a few fearful minutes of stillness and then the girl heard a shot in the woods.
Running to _______, she found him lying on the ground, a bad wound in his body, but still alive. Alone Mrs. ______ drove the two miles into ______ to summon Dr. E.P. Blakenship, Doctor Herron and Doctor T(illegible) and a crowd drove back with them as the news spread through the town. In the darkness the girl was unable to find the place where her husband lay and more than an hour passed before the dying man was found. His old friend, Forest Duniven, superintendent of schools at _______, was first to reach him, and to him he confided that worry over his domestic troubles and his children (line missing) self. He asked Dunivan to see that his property was left to the children.

DIES IN FEW HOURS
Taken to the home of Mr. and Mrs. Salyer, parents of his second wife, he was semi-conscious until a short time before his death at 11 o'clock last night.
At the time of his death, _______was law partner of W.E. Barton of (illegible) former circuit judge. Reared at ______, near the county line, _______had never gone to law school but learned the profession by study in private law offices. For two terms he served as prosecuting attorney of Texas county building up a reputation which gave him a good practice when he went out of office.

HAS RELATIVES HERE
Separating from his first wife not long ago, it is understood he told her she might get a divorce for desertion without a contest and that he agreed to payment of child support. He married Sarah Jane Salyer a few days after the decree was granted and they went to _______ on their honeymoon.

______'s brother, John, now is prosecuting attorney of _____ county at Eminence. Miss. Mabel _______, a sister, is a member of the faculty at State Teachers college here; another sister, Mary, formerly was a teacher in the _________schools and several other brothers are in the west.

When _______stopped his car to kill himself he and his second wife were returning from the home of Mrs. Larry Cummingson on Indian creek, two and a half miles from _______.

Funeral arrangements have not been completed.

TWO WEEKS, SECOND VENTURE, MAN KILLS SELF

Memories of First Wife Whom He Deserted Goad ______ Attorney to Commit Suicide

Goaded by memories of his first wife who obtained a divorced three weeks ago on charge of desertion, Dale E._____, 35, prominent ______, attorney and former prosecuting attorney of Texas county, fatally shot himself while two miles south of Houston Sunday afternoon.
_____married Sarah Jane Salyer, his stenographer, two weeks ago. She was with him when, returning to their home at _____, he stopped the car and took his 15-gauge (sic) shotgun and fired into the woods, where he shot himself.

DIVIDES PROPERTY

Before he died, ______ordered that his property be divided among his three children - all girls - whom he left when he deserted the first wife.

Forrest Duniven, superintentdent of schools at Raymondville, an old friend, was one of the first to reach ______ where he lay n the woods with a wound in his side. The lawyer confided that worry over his domestic troubles and his children caused him to shoot himself.

WAS STUDENT HERE
He died Sunday night at the home of Mr. and Mrs. K.M. Salyer, parents of his second wife. The second wife, after completing a course at a _______ business college, became ______'s stenographer.

_______, who gained his legal knowledge in private law offices, served as prosecuting attorney of _______for two terms and made a good record. He was known to many _______ attorneys. He had practiced in the courts here.
He is survived by a brother, John _______, prosecuting attorney of Shannon county Miss Mable _______, a member of the faculty of the State Teacher's college here; another sister, Mary, who formerly taught in the ______schools and several brothers living in the west.

[Picture is one I inserted, a close up of the captured still picture mentioned in the previous article. He was 29 at time of death, so he's probably about that in this picture.]

Memories of First Wife Whom He Deserted Goad ______ Attorney to Commit Suicide

Goaded by memories of his first wife who obtained a divorced three weeks ago on charge of desertion, Dale E._____, 35, prominent ______, attorney and former prosecuting attorney of Texas county, fatally shot himself while two miles south of Houston Sunday afternoon.
_____married Sarah Jane Salyer, his stenographer, two weeks ago. She was with him when, returning to their home at _____, he stopped the car and took his 15-gauge (sic) shotgun and fired into the woods, where he shot himself.

DIVIDES PROPERTY

Before he died, ______ordered that his property be divided among his three children - all girls - whom he left when he deserted the first wife.

Forrest Duniven, superintentdent of schools at Raymondville, an old friend, was one of the first to reach ______ where he lay n the woods with a wound in his side. The lawyer confided that worry over his domestic troubles and his children caused him to shoot himself.

WAS STUDENT HERE
He died Sunday night at the home of Mr. and Mrs. K.M. Salyer, parents of his second wife. The second wife, after completing a course at a _______ business college, became ______'s stenographer.

_______, who gained his legal knowledge in private law offices, served as prosecuting attorney of _______for two terms and made a good record. He was known to many _______ attorneys. He had practiced in the courts here.
He is survived by a brother, John _______, prosecuting attorney of Shannon county Miss Mable _______, a member of the faculty of the State Teacher's college here; another sister, Mary, who formerly taught in the ______schools and several brothers living in the west.

[there were no pictures in the newspaper articles - I inserted this one of my grandfather boxing with his older brother John]

The other story I read a few years ago but don't have yet in hand was in a newspaper and had most of the information shown in the articles above, but in this one the variation was that he said he and his young wife had pulled over to the side of the road and were "playing with the shotgun" when it went off. He swore in that story that she had not shot him.

Whatever happened, his family fell apart with his death. His ex-wife, my grandmother, may have gone back to school. Her two oldest girls, then 5 and almost 3, were placed with relatives for awhile on a farm. The baby, then almost one, stayed with her for a few more years.

There have been whispers of sexual molestation of the small girls by older cousins. After the summer, the girls went to live with Dale's sister, Mabel. She had a mystery of her own -- once married, the marriage then annulled and a gravestone of an infant in her backyard -- she was a schoolteacher, and was their mother substitute.

The girls all married but there were troubles. One gave up her own daughter at an early age. Although the sisters were close, their own children never really knew each other. Their mother was rarely in their lives -- I saw her once when I was eight. Our family stopped in to visit while passing through the town she lived in with her husband, who had not wanted to raise someone else's children. There's a picture somewhere of my parents and my sister, my grandmother and stepgrandfather standing stiffly, bodies facing each other, faces to the camera.

The next time I saw my grandmother was the only time the whole family gathered together. She'd arranged a reunion because she was dying of cancer and wanted to see everyone while she was still healthy. In some kind of ironic twist of fate, my own father had died a tragic and very public death when I was 17 and my sister only 12, our mother had remarried and now was divorced. I was 24 and on my second marriage, one of her sisters between her fourth and fifth marriage. One of my cousins was already dead by suicide. I was a few years away from being a non-custodial mother myself, like my grandmother, like my aunt.

That about sums up the remnants of the family Dale left behind.

I have no idea what happened to his second wife -- Sarah Jane Salyer. In searches, I found her in the same area of Missouri until 1933, and then - she vanished. Other Sarah Jane Saylers are out there, but there seems to be no relation, they aren't in the same state. Did she marry, remain a spinster, or die? She is the only one besides him who knew what really happened. Unless one of her family comes across a diary with the details, this will remain a mystery for conjecture only, forever.

[The picture is of 18 year old Dale on his way to WWI -- the Armistice was signed as he waited to ship out]

Of course, there's no saying that had my grandfather lived and had he not divorced, that the girls' lives would have been any better.

The divorce rate in the early 20th century was very high in the United States -- and unhappy people in a marriage can create a very dysfunctional family, too. It was the lack of a father, I think, that caused a lot of problems. And the disarray for a while after his death, when the two oldest girls went to live with aunts, uncles and cousins on a farm.

Perhaps if he'd lived, if they hadn't divorced, there would have been more affairs, loud arguments that would have scarred the girls in different ways.

Sometimes life just happens and you can't blame anyone. However, the effect of actions - an affair with a 16 year old, a forced marriage, another affair, a divorce and something that led to an early death -- have results that last far longer than any 29 year old, no matter how intelligent he was, could ever have imagined.

And you can get angry with someone who you never knew, 80 years after they died. Go figure.

What is the point of worrying about this story? By now, what is done is done, the past is the past (and all the other cliches that fit in here!) Dale has paid his price, lives have been lived... and fortunately, though the aftermath affected his children and his children's children, his great grandchildren seem to be far enough from the tree that their lives are not directly impacted by his.

They have little interest in who he was, though the mystery of how he died is a topic of interest.

When I, the only grandchild named after him, think about what happened, I feel a strange closeness to that young man - so much younger than I am now. Younger now than most of my children as I write this. Initially I had a need to find someone to blame for the dysfunction of our family -- but the more I think about Dale and his life, what little I can piece together, the more I just feel his is just another story, like all of our stories.

Perhaps I just have an orderly mind -- I like to put puzzles together, solve mystery, make sense of things. Sometimes when I'm reading a novel, I'll skip to the ending to find out who dies or what happens and then I can more comfortably read the whole story.

So, I spend my time wondering, what really happened? I tell this little story to a few friends and family members and we talk about it.

Did Dale, the successful newly married attorney, seem the sort who would pull over to the side of the rode and tell his new bride he was going to shoot himself - an impulsive and rather emotional move. I examine the pictures I have of him -- even at a young age, he seems a serious sort, though yes, a bit sour faced and moody in the pictures.

He doesn't look impulsive, but who knows.

Would he do this in front of his wife? Would he use a 16 gauge shot gun? Would he shoot himself in the gut instead of the head or mouth, if he did?

If not suicide, would his new bride, his stenographer who evidently was having some sort of affair with him for sometime, intentionally shoot him after two weeks of marriage?

If it were an accident, why wouldn't he have said - it was an accident?

Why did he leave his money to his children, and none - evidently - to his new wife. If, as one of the articles claims, he committed suicide over remorse over his divorce, did he not leave his money to his ex-wife? In fact, why didn't he just have his marriage annulled?

Or did poor Sarah shoot him when he suggested such a thing?

Or perhaps she'd told him she was pregnant in order to get him to leave his wife and children. Maybe that afternoon he found out she'd lied and an argument ensued.

We'll never know - but it makes a good conversation piece and a possible fiction piece!

Dale's story will remain a mystery, no matter what I do, unless we get very lucky and the descendants or family of Sarah Jane Sayler step forward with a hand-written diary she passed down!

Because the marriage was so brief, and I suspect somewhat scandalous, it may have been swept under the carpet -- I believe there were no living children from that union. From what little we know of Dale, we can see he would have left money for another child had he thought Sarah Jane were "with child". The location was so small, word would have gotten out. Also, I was able to track a Sarah Jane Sayler through the census bureau up until 1933 -- had she had a child, I believe she would have retained her married name.

Sarah Jane was the only one who could have written a truthful version of this family mystery - and I wish if she did that we had it!

Write your own family history at some time! Who married who, who divorced who, who begat who? Include pictures and dates and little notations. As you write, remember someday in the future, your grandchildren may be reading this - give some thought into what you are saying and how you say it. Be as truthful as you can, no matter how painful it is!