Best Marriage Jokes

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.

She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?", aske the woman

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

While doing routine a checkup, a man tells his doctor that he thinks his wife is losing her hearing.

The doctor says, "You should do a simple test. Stand about 15 feet behind your wife and say 'honey? Then move 3 feet closer and call her name again. Keep moving 3 feet closer until she finally responds. Remember how close you were when she gives you an answer. That will help me know how bad her hearing loss is."

About a month later, the same guy is at the doctor again, and the doctor asks, "Well, did you do that experiment with your wife's hearing?”

The man says "yes."

"How close did you get before she answered?"

"Well, by the time I got about 3 feet away, she just turned around and said, "For the FIFTH TIME... WHAT???"