Excessive Flatulence in Public: How to Avoid These Traps

1. Elevator...Once the doors open you may or may not know what you are about to encounter. Once the doors close, it is too late. Your fate is sealed until you get to your desired floor. If you are seeking a top floor in a high rise, you are doomed.
2. Movie rental store....Always seems to strike in the "new releases" section at the local video store. This smog forces me to go check out other aisles for a few minutes until the smoke clears the aisle. I am convinced it could be the work of a store employee to get you to browse more merchandise in the store.
3. Grocery aisle....Frustrating. You work your way through just about all of your shopping list items and get blindsided by a noxious cloud hanging about the produce section. I don't prefer my lettuce to be THAT organic.
4. Rest room..Obvious, but quite unnerving. You have been holding it for quite some time only to walk into another trap left from the turdglur that was there before you. Hold your breath, get in, and get out.
5. Train car...Not sure if the bumpy train ride upsets digestive systems of some folks. This one is a mystery. There is the option of trying to move to the next train car for safety, that is unless that car has also been booby-trapped.
6. Airplane.....Nothing worse than being thousands of miles up in the air and inhaling this noxious odor for a two to three hour flight. You are trapped. Just hope this isn't a long flight. If so, there are masks above your seat. Oxygen anyone?
7. Taxi Cab.....Again no escape. This is especially deadly if this toxic cloud includes the essence of cab driver b.o. Do I endure this cab ride for another 3 miles or do I brave the 10 below windchill and walk??
8. Restaurant........Glass of wine, white linen table clothes, good conversation, and then....the candles flicker all of a sudden. The invisible intruder descends over your table from the next table over. Your neighbors just got done with their meal and find it necessary to express their "gratuity" for a fine meal. Arggggg!....check please.
9. Church........This is sacrilegious. I have even heard it echo off the wooden bench. Now I know why the call this bench a.....Pew.
10. Work Meeting - Conference Room...This is really bad because no one has the courage to call out the odor so the twelve people sitting in the meeting all eye each other wondering "who dealt it"?