Feel Better - Tools for Happiness and Acceptance
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Feel better - A small toolbox for folks building happier lives
I have Attention Deficit Disorder with a side of depression and maybe a hint of Asperger syndrome. This means I have the attention span of a flea, no impulse control, and a very low tolerance for human interaction. So you will not find your typical smarmy all-you-need-is-love kinds of tips here. Or suggestions about improving self-control either. And my perspective may be a little different than yours. But what you will find are 10 stories or ideas (I call them tools) that might be useful for folks who have not found the answers they need elsewhere. I have collected these tools over time and they help me on a regular basis. And while MY tools may not help each of you, maybe this article could inspire you to gather YOUR OWN tools together as you start to notice what works for you.
(This article and the included graphics were created by Melissa A. Robinson. Last updated: 12/3/11.)
Contents at a Glance
Please Note:
1. Crime and Punishment
I once read an interview with the real-sized model named Emme where she was asked about her positive attitude. She said she keeps things in perspective. I do not recall her exact wording, but what I took from the interview was this.... Cookies are not murder. Lying is not murder. Getting drunk is not murder. Bad choices are not murder. Some of us have a tendency to react to any and all of our "mistakes" as if we just killed somebody. Eating a cookie may be bad for your health and regretting a choice here and there is natural, but punishing yourself for a cookie as if you had just killed someone will only create a lot of distracting drama and keep you locked in a needless cycle of self-abuse. Try to keep your inner drama queen in check. I am not advocating unlimited cookies, lying, and mistake making. But I am suggesting WE ARE HUMANS. Not machines. We eat things. We screw up. We hurt other people. We have regrets. Stuff happens. If your mistakes do not involve raping, robbing, molesting, shooting or otherwise profoundly damaging others, then feel the regret and let it go. 2. Cows Can't Spell
You can buy your cow all the best learning toys. You can get her a tutor. You can sit there patiently teaching her syllables and drawing out the alphabet for her. You can send her to a speech therapist. You can send her to a psychotherapist. In the end, though, nothing you do will help. Cows can't spell. They just can't. Some people are like that, too. We do not all have the same instincts and abilities. We just don't. So when someone fails you, then you have to determine whether that failure is a "teachable moment" or not. If not, don't beat yourself up for not being able to help. Don't beat them up for not being able to learn whatever it is. No matter how much you may need your friend to hear you or your Mother to love you or your boss to explain himself better. Sometimes you have to accept what is. Cows just can't spell.
Happiness Poll
3. The Talk Show Rule
I saw a family once on Oprah that went to Disney World every year even though they were dirt poor. When asked how they do it, the Mom said that they eat macaroni and cheese a lot. She said they never order pizza. They never waste money on ANYTHING that they will not think about in two weeks. They save their money in order to make memories. Think about it. Do YOU remember what you ate for breakfast two weeks ago? This lesson set off a lightbulb for me when I was watching Montel Williams one day. I had better things to do, but I felt I had to see the end of the show. And then I thought of the Disney World family and I asked myself, "Whether I see the rest of this silly show or not, will I remember this episode in two weeks?" The answer was NO so I shut the TV off and got on with my life. Save your time/money/resources for stuff that actually matters. 4. Shredded Trash
I came home from an AWFUL day at work to find my adorable little white dog coated in filth and standing in the middle of my dining room table. How did she get up there? And what was that smell? My kitchen trash was shredded into tiny disgusting piles spread all over my house. I was SO mad and SO exhausted. I wanted to scream. But I didn't. All I could do was laugh. Even while I was picking up the trash and washing my gross furry friend. Because she was so freaking cute and it was obvious that she had SO MUCH FUN while I was at work. I couldn't be mad. Dogs like trash.Now I TRY to forgive humans as easily and as completely as I forgave my little dog. Sometimes I fail because humans are not as cute as little white dogs. But I try.
A few books that help me
5. Water is Good
Water always helps. With any problem.Drinking water helps.
Sitting by water helps.
A hot shower helps.
A cool swim helps.
Get on or in or near water.
Get water in you and on you.
Water helps.
StickyNote
***
Also, don't forget gratitude!
Gratitude is the fastest easiest way to boost happiness.
Take a few moments to focus on your gifts and blessings.
***
6. Breathing is Kinda Important
So simple, but really really helpful. Breathing can calm you when you are upset. Breathing can give you a moment to truly enjoy something lovely. Breathing can help you escape from a difficult situation. Breathing can help connect you to the world. Take a moment here and there to breathe deeply. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Deep slow breathing. Instant peace and happiness.
More helpful books
7. Fast Forward
Commercials are bad. There are legions of people paid tons of money to dream up ways of "creating a need" and then motivating shoppers to address that need. Marketers study human psychology and stick their experiments all over tv. Sending us subtle messages that we are inadequate and need to go buy stuff. It's a bunch of crap. You probably do not need whiter teeth or vitamin infused shampoo or two pizzas for $10. And you definitely do not need all those messages about how your life is inferior unless you buy or do whatever it is they want to sell. So pay a little extra for the cable box that lets you record tv and then fast forward through the commercials. You will be surprised how much more confident you feel. 8. So What?
This may be the most important tool of all. Whatever has you stuck. Whatever is diminishing your happiness. Whatever past experiences haunt you. Try responding to your own issues with, "So what?" Nothing brings you back to the present moment faster or more effectively. When you are listing the traumas you have been through, the wrongs that have been done to you, the losses you have suffered - the most helpful response, the response most likely to get you over the past and on to the rest of your life is, "So what?" Yes, awful things have happened. Yes, awful things are awfully sad. But so what? Here you are. You survived the awful things. And now you need to move on. Who do you want to be from this point forward? What would make today happier than yesterday? How do you feel about these ideas?
Can tools like these really help?
Yes, people can learn to live happier lives by remembering happiness tools and lessons.
aesta1 says:
I think that taking control of yourself is important. One way to do it is seek medication when you need one.
howards522 says:
Good Tips!
Graceonline says:
I use versions of a number of these tools myself, and they work wonders, so yes, tools like these really help.
goo2eyes says:
tools can help. whenever i want to be amused, i go back to my animal lenses and have a good laugh. i have 2 animal lenses and i get the kick out of the conversation i made for them.
Lifeboost says:
Hmm, I actually agree with part of the "No" statement as well. I think that the tools you've shared in this lens are absolutely brilliant - and very effective - and I also agree that in some cases depression and other mental problems may need medical help. It depends on the individual. But I do think everyone should start here :)
No, self-help stuff may sound good, but depression and other mental problems require medication.
MelissaInTheSky says:
I totally agree with you about TV, Timewarp, it is just that some of us are weak! So weak. I have tried many times to give up that blasted magical box and I never make it more than a month or two before I needs me some Grey's Anatomy. :) He he ...
Timewarp says:
Okay, I actually think your tips are great but I will post in this column because it is mostly empty and there is one tip I disagree with - instead of getting a box to skip commercials I would say skip the TV all together. Almost every program pushes the same fear/consumeristic agenda that commercials do. It is also a black hole of time. Yes there are some good shows but they can be streamed on demand and can be watched as a conscious decision rather than just vegging out to whatever is on.
ShellB says:
Thinking happy thoughts won't cure clinical depression. These are great tips for feeling happier but if someone has depression, they should seek medical help. There's no shame in suffering from depression.
One of my kids has suffered from depression since they were 8 years old. Depression isn't anything to mess around with.
9. Let's Pretend
Pretending is a powerful tool! Dreaming. Wishing. I often think we are not sure how to be happier because we are not sure what we really want. Pretending helps you free up your subconscious a little. I sometimes think to myself, "If I was a strong woman I would..." That helps me make stronger choices. Or I imagine I am brave. Or I daydream about being more rational and less flighty. Pretending brings clarity and focus. Daydreams have value. Use your imagination to try on different scenarios. To find your joy. Toolbox Poll
10. If In Doubt, Go Back to Bed
This may seem like an odd way to end a list of tools for happier living. But the first step towards a happy life is staying alive. And reasonably sane. So if you are having a bad bad day and you just need a way to get through, go to bed. The cliche is true, you will feel better in the morning. Bring a book or don't bring a book. Bring chocolate or a beer or whatever gets you through. And just go back to bed. Try again tomorrow. In conclusion
Life can be really really hard. A big old stinky mess. But life can also be an amazing mind-blowing miracle, too. These tools often help me to accept the whole confusing mess as it is and to enjoy the good parts more. Please feel free to take with you any tools that make sense for your journey. And then add to them with your own unique anecdotes and realizations.
We are each on our own personal journeys. We come into this world alone and when the time comes to check out, you will have no one to praise or blame for your choices but yourself. So please do not be afraid to live authentically. Life is too short to hide all the time. Find your happy place. Get your freak on. Enjoy being you.
Thank you for spending a moment with me!
Wishing you much happiness,
Melissa
PS: I want to shout out a very special thank you to Squid Angels Ladymermaid, hotbrain, KarenKay, JDWheeler, RainbowRuffles, TravelingRae, Timewarp and aesta1 for blessing this lens! Thank you so much for your support! :) I really appreciate the help.
Please share your thoughts, reactions, tips and suggestions
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iMANDY
Mar 18, 2012 @ 8:41 am | delete
- I would 'like' this 100 times if I could!
Great Lens, lovely person, lovely insight! :)
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davespeed
Mar 14, 2012 @ 9:06 pm | delete
- Melissa, I loved this lens. The biggest takeaway for me is the story about the family on Oprah. Spending time and money on things that will create lasting memories makes so much more sense than spending money on things like fast food restaurants and wasting time watching insipid TV shows. Thanks for sharing this lens with us! Oh, and your artwork is terrific!
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Lifeboost
Feb 25, 2012 @ 3:05 am | delete
- Had to pop back and give this lens a very well-deserved blessing now that I'm a Squid Angel. :) Great reading through this again, and being reminded of the fabulous information here!
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MelissaInTheSky
Oct 25, 2011 @ 3:13 am | delete
- Yay! Thank you so much, everyone, for your kind supportive comments! And thank you, SquidAngels, for your blessings. You have all made me so happy to know this very personal little lens has brought you comfort or joy. :)
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aesta1
Oct 24, 2011 @ 7:54 pm | delete
- I was happy I found this lens today as my inner drama queen has been acting since last night. After reading this, I was no longer angry. I really enjoyed reading this lens and your art works is just fabulous.
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Oct 24, 2011 @ 3:19 pm | delete
- What a great lens! One of my faves. Squid-liked it!
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mutter Oct 24, 2011 @ 9:41 am | delete
- So profound in it's simplicity. Thank you for sharing!
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Rhidawn
Oct 23, 2011 @ 8:47 pm | delete
- GreAt lens! I love the bit about your dog! Don't sweat the small stuff!
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howards522
Oct 23, 2011 @ 7:31 pm | delete
- Needed these tips today thank you!
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Duane_Jackson
Oct 21, 2011 @ 1:46 am | delete
- Very interesting and inspiring lens!
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Happy things and other happy webpages
I invite artists, writers and designers to share links here. Add a link to your favorite design or page featuring happy art or mental health tools. (Please add just one link per Zazzle or Etsy shop or website. Thank you!)
1
Riding to the Recital
My happiest painting ever! :) Shown here on invita more...1 point
2
Know Yourself
Essential for happiness! Shown here on a mug.1 point
3
Among The Clouds
Bright cheerfull blue sky with white puffy clouds. more...1 point
5
http://www.zazzle.com/dreaming almawad gifts
alma wad gifts on dreams1 point
6
Understanding our dreams
WE like telling about our dreams to each other . W more...1 point
7
Scruff: Happy Dancing Cats
Two little black cats and a happy girl hold hands more...1 point
8
Bokeh in Spring Pro Keds Lo-top Shoe
Perk up your mood with some fun sneakers from Rocklawn more...1 point
9
Dance for Joy!
A sweet pine siskin is dancing for joy on this tot more...1 point
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Meditation Benefits and Techniques
I recently started my journey into meditation duri more...0 points
About the Author
Melissa A. Robinson
by MelissaInTheSky
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