Working too much? Always stressed? Never have enough time for your kids, your spouse, friends, or even worse...yourself? We all go through these periods in our lives where slowing down just doesn't feel like an option, we have to keep moving forward every day. The problem is that the more we focus on moving forward, the faster the future passes us by. While a fast paced lifestyle can be fun when we're young, life goes by at the blink of an eye. People give themselves ulcers, heart attacks and a variety of other ailments because they can't find a way to slow down. We have to find a way to be happy, something I just recently figured out myself.
When I was much younger, I always spent my time thinking of ways I was going to make my fortune. I wanted a beach house, a yacht, a Lamborghini....the same things most young people dream about having. The only problem was that I wanted these things much more than most people.
When I was about 12 years old, I started looking for ways to help my dad make money, and I was good at it. My father has told me many times that if he'd followed the advice I gave him as a kid, that he'd be a much wealthier man today. Profitable opportunities used to 'pop out' to me, and I could find winners and losers with an uncanny ability. I knew I was going to be rich, and all my dreams would be achieved at the flip of a switch.
After graduating from high school, I began going to college at a world renowned art school. After only 18 months, I found myself looking for more, ready to make my millions. Too impatient to complete college, and with dreams far bigger than the potential career I was working towards in college, I needed out. I needed to be let loose on the world, set free to become the king of capitalism. Just as I thought I had the world in the palm of my hands, something terrible happened to me. They call it...
...life.
The specifics of what happened over the next several years aren't important. What is important is this - I barely remember those years. My twenties flew by at a breakneck pace and before I knew it, I was 30. A couple years later I found the love of my life and got married. About 6 years after that, she cheated on me, and I filed for divorce. To get as far away from her as possible, I packed up the truck with my clothes, my cat, and not much more. I arrived in Las Vegas about 4 months ago.
Now, let me back up just a little bit. One of the things I haven't told you yet is WHY I wanted all of those material things. For me, it wasn't about ego, it wasn't about girls, or fame, or anything like that. For me, it was about my freedom. Since I was a kid, money has represented the ability to spend my time doing the things that I wanted to do. If I wanted to be in Hawaii, I wanted to be able to just go, with nobody to ask and no money issues to worry about. If I wanted to have $100 a night dinners, I wanted to be able to do that. I'm actually more of a McDonalds guy myself, but I wanted to be ABLE to have those fancy dinners without any concern for money. It was freedom and the happiness I could achieve through this freedom that I was interested in.
I know what you're thinking...what about the Lamborghini? When I was 8 years old, I saw a Lamborghini Countach on the cover of magazine, and because of that car I spent nearly every waking moment after that drawing cars, all the way until college where I was destined to become a transportation designer, designing cars for a living. I wanted to know what it was like to drive in MY Lamborghini.
Throughout the years, I've had numerous times where I've realized that my life was going too fast. During these periods of time, I've also realized that I wasn't as happy as I should be. I was so busy trying to be master of the universe, that happiness was something I saw as my future reward for the hard work I was putting in today. "When I've accomplished my goals, then I'll be happy". I even remember times when I preferred - yes preferred being unhappy. When I felt unhappy, I was simultaneously inspired to work hard. Then....poof!
I was 37 years old.
What do I have to show for it? I live in a crummy apartment, in a smelly, degenerative town where I have no friends, and just enough money to survive. My divorce took a devastating toll on me. When I first moved here to Las Vegas, I didn't have any desire to work. I work for myself, out of the house, on my computer. I have nobody to tell me what time I have to be at work, or that I need to work at all for that matter. Fresh out of a relationship that for me was supposed to be forever, I spent most of my time sitting around this apartment, eating fast food and thinking about what I'd done wrong, what I had lost, the hole I was falling in. The worst part was that I couldn't figure out how to pull myself out of the hole.
So, being the manly problem solver that I am (wink wink), I started reading. I read threads on divorce support forums, self help books, and anything I could get my eyeballs on, looking for some gem I could stick in my head to help me get out of my funk. I found a friend named Kelly in the same situation as myself. She's the best and I'm grateful for her.
About 3 weeks ago, my sister sent me an invitation to visit them in Ventura, California, to celebrate my nephews 3rd birthday. My first thought was "a five hour drive, yuck". A few days later I saw the invitation laying on the pile of dirty clothes I'd set it on, and I read it again.
"This is exactly what I need", is what I said to myself. I immediately called my sister and told her I was coming, I knew that if I rsvp'd, I'd have to go , no way of getting out of it. A week and a half ago I headed off to Ventura.
As I was driving, I started listening to cd's that I loved well before I ever met my wife, back when I was still 'me'. I started to think about the days when I played in little league baseball, rode my bike all over town with my friends, and girls I had crushes on in elementary school. I thought about camping trips I'd taken with my parents, the time my dad and I rebuilt my bicycle when I was about 10 years old. I thought about going to Dodger games with my uncle who has since passed, and the time I caught a ball Manny Mota hit into the outfield during batting practice. I missed my uncle. When my grandfather was confined to a wheelchair, I used to ride my bike from all the way across town, just to take my grandfather around the block. It meant so much to him, and therefore it meant just as much to me. I remember one time as I was walking him around the block, he asked me to stop so he could read the writing that was left in the concrete sidewalk by some kids. It was somewhat vulger and I said "no grandpa, you don't want to read that". He insisted I stop long enough for him to read it. So I did. After a minute, he looked up and started laughing in a way that I hadn't seen him laugh in years. What I would give to see him laugh like that one more time. I miss my grandpa.
As I drove futher, it began to occur to me what the problem was. My happiness was inside of me, and it had been all these years. It didn't seep out of my ears one night while I was sleeping. It didn't bleed out of my skin. Happiness can't be sneezed out of you.
My happiness was right where I left it, inside a treasure chest, buried in a remote part of my brain. I put it there years ago with the idea that some day, after I'd accomplished all my goals I would come back to get it. Worse than that, not only did I forget where I hid it, but I forgot that I ever hid it at all, that it had ever existed.
On my drive to Ventura, I went searching for that treasure chest again, and I found it. When I found it, I opened it up...just a bit. A bit was all I needed. A bit was overwhelming in itself. While I was visiting, I spent some time with my little nephew, and I opened it a little more. I also had a mini-reunion with 5 of my old friends from school, kids that I'd grown up with. I opened the chest a little more. I was overwhelmed again.
When the trip came to an end and I had to come back to Las Vegas, I could've closed the chest. People would have understood as I was headed back to my crummy little apartment, in this smelly, degenerate town. Nobody would have told me I was wrong. Instead I decided it was time to open the chest all the way and leave the door open for good. I've lived my entire adult life going too fast, always looking at tomorrow, rarely enjoying today. I decided to start enjoying each and every little wonderful thing that comes my way, and find the humor in everything. Now, when my cat is yelling at me for attention, instead of pushing him aside, I lay down on the ground and play with him. I once read something about pets that said that we, as people, have our friends, our families, our vacations, the mountains, the beaches, the world. Our pets only have us. So, I spend time with the little dude now, just focusing on him and making his life more fun. When I speak to friends, I let them know that I'm listening, and that I care....because I genuinly do. I tell my friends and my family that I love them at the end of every phone call. I told my soon to be ex-wife that I forgive her. I feel so much better now, happier & healthier. It's amazing how 10 short days can completely change a persons life.
Two days ago I watched The Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Towards the end, Morgan Freeman's character talks about 'finding the joy in your life'. That hit me really hard, and reinforced everything I've been thinking about for the last several days. I literally balled my eyes out like a little baby, letting out the toxins inside my brain and my body caused from a life of stress, anger, and impatience. It cleansed my soul. I wrote 'find the joy in your life' on the top of my dry erase board that I use to keep track of my daily work tasks.
Stress, anger, and impatience is how so many people live their lives. I wasn't a rare case, I was in the majority. A sad statement for sure, and so I write this letter for anyone who may find a piece of me inside of themselves. We have only this one, short life on the planet - why should we waste it with feelings like this? What's even worse is that these are some of the things that cause our lives to end earlier than they should. It's not healthy to live life this way, and it's definitely not a life I want to live anymore.
We all have stresses in life, and most of us have goals we want to accomplish. So how do we let go of it all and become happy? First, find where you buried your happiness, the treasure chest that you tucked it away in. It's in there somewhere, you didn't sneeze it out, I promise. When you find it, open it up, and allow yourself to feel the happiness that's dying to come out. Let go of the pressures you put on yourself. How many years will it be before you are dead? Will the pressures of today mean anything when you're lying on your death bed? For me, I think I will want to know that I had great relationships with my family & friends, and that my pets had great lives. I will want to know that I enjoyed my time alive, that I made the most of every day. I don't want to look back and think that I wasted days worrying about things that I couldn't change, or didn't need to. Some things don't need to better than they are, we just need to look at them from a better perspective. Don't like your house or apartment? How would you feel about it if you had been living on the street for the last 5 years. Would you like it now? What about your car? Maybe it has a dent in it, or a radio that needs to get fixed. How would you feel if you had to walk to work tomorrow, or take the bus? Do you take the bus to work now? What if you had no job to go to?
I'm not talking about lowering our standards. What I'm talking about is this....no matter what you have, you will always want more. Instead of always wanting more and causing ourselves to hate our daily lives, working every moment to get the next better thing, maybe it's time to just appreciate what we do have....and be happy.
Find something you love, figure out how much time it will take you to do it, then give yourself twice as much time for it. If you love to shoot hoops, and think an hour is enough time to drive to the park, pop a few jumpers and drive home, give yourself 2 hours. Drive to the park slowly and see what it feels like to not care about the slow driver in front of you. Better yet, see what it feels like to be the slow driver.
If you love reading, buy a new book and give yourself an entire Saturday to read it. Cancel whatever your other plans are, snuggle into your favorite chair, and do nothing but read. Don't feel guilty, feel like you've earned it, because you have.
Fathers, take your son to a football game. Just the two of you. Leave the sisters and wives at home to do their thing, just be with your son, he needs you.
Single moms, go buy a tent and pitch it in the center of your living room. Hang out with your kids, read to them, play board games in the tent. Just be with them, and give them all of your attention.
Kids, give your parents a hug and tell them you love them. They've spent their entire lives trying to get you to understand that you mean everything to them. Let them know that you feel the same way back.
Husbands and wives, look at your spouse the same way you did the day you fell in love with them. Smile with your eyes, hold them tight and let them know that you're still their best friend. Ask them out on a date, take them somewhere you know they love to be, somewhere that the two of you are great together.
Be nice to the girl behind the counter at the drug store, or the old lady who greets you at Walmart. The girl would rather be with her friends having fun like she should be. The old lady would like to be home with her ailing husband. A smile, a genuine concern for others, a little love and happiness can completely change a persons day for the better. It can change your day too, and possibly the rest of your life.
When I was much younger, I always spent my time thinking of ways I was going to make my fortune. I wanted a beach house, a yacht, a Lamborghini....the same things most young people dream about having. The only problem was that I wanted these things much more than most people.
When I was about 12 years old, I started looking for ways to help my dad make money, and I was good at it. My father has told me many times that if he'd followed the advice I gave him as a kid, that he'd be a much wealthier man today. Profitable opportunities used to 'pop out' to me, and I could find winners and losers with an uncanny ability. I knew I was going to be rich, and all my dreams would be achieved at the flip of a switch.
After graduating from high school, I began going to college at a world renowned art school. After only 18 months, I found myself looking for more, ready to make my millions. Too impatient to complete college, and with dreams far bigger than the potential career I was working towards in college, I needed out. I needed to be let loose on the world, set free to become the king of capitalism. Just as I thought I had the world in the palm of my hands, something terrible happened to me. They call it...
...life.
The specifics of what happened over the next several years aren't important. What is important is this - I barely remember those years. My twenties flew by at a breakneck pace and before I knew it, I was 30. A couple years later I found the love of my life and got married. About 6 years after that, she cheated on me, and I filed for divorce. To get as far away from her as possible, I packed up the truck with my clothes, my cat, and not much more. I arrived in Las Vegas about 4 months ago.
Now, let me back up just a little bit. One of the things I haven't told you yet is WHY I wanted all of those material things. For me, it wasn't about ego, it wasn't about girls, or fame, or anything like that. For me, it was about my freedom. Since I was a kid, money has represented the ability to spend my time doing the things that I wanted to do. If I wanted to be in Hawaii, I wanted to be able to just go, with nobody to ask and no money issues to worry about. If I wanted to have $100 a night dinners, I wanted to be able to do that. I'm actually more of a McDonalds guy myself, but I wanted to be ABLE to have those fancy dinners without any concern for money. It was freedom and the happiness I could achieve through this freedom that I was interested in.
I know what you're thinking...what about the Lamborghini? When I was 8 years old, I saw a Lamborghini Countach on the cover of magazine, and because of that car I spent nearly every waking moment after that drawing cars, all the way until college where I was destined to become a transportation designer, designing cars for a living. I wanted to know what it was like to drive in MY Lamborghini.
Throughout the years, I've had numerous times where I've realized that my life was going too fast. During these periods of time, I've also realized that I wasn't as happy as I should be. I was so busy trying to be master of the universe, that happiness was something I saw as my future reward for the hard work I was putting in today. "When I've accomplished my goals, then I'll be happy". I even remember times when I preferred - yes preferred being unhappy. When I felt unhappy, I was simultaneously inspired to work hard. Then....poof!
I was 37 years old.
What do I have to show for it? I live in a crummy apartment, in a smelly, degenerative town where I have no friends, and just enough money to survive. My divorce took a devastating toll on me. When I first moved here to Las Vegas, I didn't have any desire to work. I work for myself, out of the house, on my computer. I have nobody to tell me what time I have to be at work, or that I need to work at all for that matter. Fresh out of a relationship that for me was supposed to be forever, I spent most of my time sitting around this apartment, eating fast food and thinking about what I'd done wrong, what I had lost, the hole I was falling in. The worst part was that I couldn't figure out how to pull myself out of the hole.
So, being the manly problem solver that I am (wink wink), I started reading. I read threads on divorce support forums, self help books, and anything I could get my eyeballs on, looking for some gem I could stick in my head to help me get out of my funk. I found a friend named Kelly in the same situation as myself. She's the best and I'm grateful for her.
About 3 weeks ago, my sister sent me an invitation to visit them in Ventura, California, to celebrate my nephews 3rd birthday. My first thought was "a five hour drive, yuck". A few days later I saw the invitation laying on the pile of dirty clothes I'd set it on, and I read it again.
"This is exactly what I need", is what I said to myself. I immediately called my sister and told her I was coming, I knew that if I rsvp'd, I'd have to go , no way of getting out of it. A week and a half ago I headed off to Ventura.
As I was driving, I started listening to cd's that I loved well before I ever met my wife, back when I was still 'me'. I started to think about the days when I played in little league baseball, rode my bike all over town with my friends, and girls I had crushes on in elementary school. I thought about camping trips I'd taken with my parents, the time my dad and I rebuilt my bicycle when I was about 10 years old. I thought about going to Dodger games with my uncle who has since passed, and the time I caught a ball Manny Mota hit into the outfield during batting practice. I missed my uncle. When my grandfather was confined to a wheelchair, I used to ride my bike from all the way across town, just to take my grandfather around the block. It meant so much to him, and therefore it meant just as much to me. I remember one time as I was walking him around the block, he asked me to stop so he could read the writing that was left in the concrete sidewalk by some kids. It was somewhat vulger and I said "no grandpa, you don't want to read that". He insisted I stop long enough for him to read it. So I did. After a minute, he looked up and started laughing in a way that I hadn't seen him laugh in years. What I would give to see him laugh like that one more time. I miss my grandpa.
As I drove futher, it began to occur to me what the problem was. My happiness was inside of me, and it had been all these years. It didn't seep out of my ears one night while I was sleeping. It didn't bleed out of my skin. Happiness can't be sneezed out of you.
My happiness was right where I left it, inside a treasure chest, buried in a remote part of my brain. I put it there years ago with the idea that some day, after I'd accomplished all my goals I would come back to get it. Worse than that, not only did I forget where I hid it, but I forgot that I ever hid it at all, that it had ever existed.
On my drive to Ventura, I went searching for that treasure chest again, and I found it. When I found it, I opened it up...just a bit. A bit was all I needed. A bit was overwhelming in itself. While I was visiting, I spent some time with my little nephew, and I opened it a little more. I also had a mini-reunion with 5 of my old friends from school, kids that I'd grown up with. I opened the chest a little more. I was overwhelmed again.
When the trip came to an end and I had to come back to Las Vegas, I could've closed the chest. People would have understood as I was headed back to my crummy little apartment, in this smelly, degenerate town. Nobody would have told me I was wrong. Instead I decided it was time to open the chest all the way and leave the door open for good. I've lived my entire adult life going too fast, always looking at tomorrow, rarely enjoying today. I decided to start enjoying each and every little wonderful thing that comes my way, and find the humor in everything. Now, when my cat is yelling at me for attention, instead of pushing him aside, I lay down on the ground and play with him. I once read something about pets that said that we, as people, have our friends, our families, our vacations, the mountains, the beaches, the world. Our pets only have us. So, I spend time with the little dude now, just focusing on him and making his life more fun. When I speak to friends, I let them know that I'm listening, and that I care....because I genuinly do. I tell my friends and my family that I love them at the end of every phone call. I told my soon to be ex-wife that I forgive her. I feel so much better now, happier & healthier. It's amazing how 10 short days can completely change a persons life.
Two days ago I watched The Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Towards the end, Morgan Freeman's character talks about 'finding the joy in your life'. That hit me really hard, and reinforced everything I've been thinking about for the last several days. I literally balled my eyes out like a little baby, letting out the toxins inside my brain and my body caused from a life of stress, anger, and impatience. It cleansed my soul. I wrote 'find the joy in your life' on the top of my dry erase board that I use to keep track of my daily work tasks.
Stress, anger, and impatience is how so many people live their lives. I wasn't a rare case, I was in the majority. A sad statement for sure, and so I write this letter for anyone who may find a piece of me inside of themselves. We have only this one, short life on the planet - why should we waste it with feelings like this? What's even worse is that these are some of the things that cause our lives to end earlier than they should. It's not healthy to live life this way, and it's definitely not a life I want to live anymore.
We all have stresses in life, and most of us have goals we want to accomplish. So how do we let go of it all and become happy? First, find where you buried your happiness, the treasure chest that you tucked it away in. It's in there somewhere, you didn't sneeze it out, I promise. When you find it, open it up, and allow yourself to feel the happiness that's dying to come out. Let go of the pressures you put on yourself. How many years will it be before you are dead? Will the pressures of today mean anything when you're lying on your death bed? For me, I think I will want to know that I had great relationships with my family & friends, and that my pets had great lives. I will want to know that I enjoyed my time alive, that I made the most of every day. I don't want to look back and think that I wasted days worrying about things that I couldn't change, or didn't need to. Some things don't need to better than they are, we just need to look at them from a better perspective. Don't like your house or apartment? How would you feel about it if you had been living on the street for the last 5 years. Would you like it now? What about your car? Maybe it has a dent in it, or a radio that needs to get fixed. How would you feel if you had to walk to work tomorrow, or take the bus? Do you take the bus to work now? What if you had no job to go to?
I'm not talking about lowering our standards. What I'm talking about is this....no matter what you have, you will always want more. Instead of always wanting more and causing ourselves to hate our daily lives, working every moment to get the next better thing, maybe it's time to just appreciate what we do have....and be happy.
Find something you love, figure out how much time it will take you to do it, then give yourself twice as much time for it. If you love to shoot hoops, and think an hour is enough time to drive to the park, pop a few jumpers and drive home, give yourself 2 hours. Drive to the park slowly and see what it feels like to not care about the slow driver in front of you. Better yet, see what it feels like to be the slow driver.
If you love reading, buy a new book and give yourself an entire Saturday to read it. Cancel whatever your other plans are, snuggle into your favorite chair, and do nothing but read. Don't feel guilty, feel like you've earned it, because you have.
Fathers, take your son to a football game. Just the two of you. Leave the sisters and wives at home to do their thing, just be with your son, he needs you.
Single moms, go buy a tent and pitch it in the center of your living room. Hang out with your kids, read to them, play board games in the tent. Just be with them, and give them all of your attention.
Kids, give your parents a hug and tell them you love them. They've spent their entire lives trying to get you to understand that you mean everything to them. Let them know that you feel the same way back.
Husbands and wives, look at your spouse the same way you did the day you fell in love with them. Smile with your eyes, hold them tight and let them know that you're still their best friend. Ask them out on a date, take them somewhere you know they love to be, somewhere that the two of you are great together.
Be nice to the girl behind the counter at the drug store, or the old lady who greets you at Walmart. The girl would rather be with her friends having fun like she should be. The old lady would like to be home with her ailing husband. A smile, a genuine concern for others, a little love and happiness can completely change a persons day for the better. It can change your day too, and possibly the rest of your life.
Contents at a Glance
My 5 best tips for staying healthy
Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to succeed. Pressure is not a replacement for happiness.
Slow down and enjoy every moment.
Appreciate your family and friends.
Do something you love to do, and give yourself plenty of time to do it.
Be nice to everyone, see if you can put a smile on the face of an unhappy looking person.
Slow down and enjoy every moment.
Appreciate your family and friends.
Do something you love to do, and give yourself plenty of time to do it.
Be nice to everyone, see if you can put a smile on the face of an unhappy looking person.
This stuff helps keep me healthy
This book has changed millions of lives, mine included. I give this book to friends when they are confused about life or looking for direction. Matthew McConoughey credits this book as the reason he became an actor and decided to go after his dreams. It's for anyone looking to accomplish goals, while maintaining a happy lifestyle.
