How to find love after divorce

Welcome,

The coffee is brewing. It will only be a moment.

Please sit at my sacred table. Don't be afraid. It holds the energy of the unconditional Universe in its smooth top and is supported from the depths of the earth by Mother Nature. It is safe. It is healing. It is expanding. It is proud of you.

Here at my sacred table, there is no failure, only encouragement, only support, only warmth.

Try this... Shrug your shoulders tight up to your ears and take a deep breath. Now, as you exhale, drop your shoulders, relax. Yes, you're getting it. I can see that you are sitting a little taller. Is that a smile? I think you are proud of yourself. You know my table does that to people.

Coffee or tea or hot water with lemon? Isn't the aroma penetrating? I use special blends directly from Mother Nature. Isn't she incredible?

You know, there is a truth that anyone who sits at my sacred table and drinks a warm beverage with me is entitled to know. It's not my truth, but comes as a gift to me from the Universe and Mother Nature. The gift is you. The truth is that a strength as strong as iron wood and flexible as kelp is inside of you.

Yes, it's that truth. You know it, don't you? You've used it before. Remember, that time when you thought you could make it through another hour, let alone another day. Yes, that's the one. Iron wood was there, yes you do remember.

What's that wrinkle on your forehead? Oh, I see. Kelp, you're memory is not quite as good. Just take a minute. Maybe even close your eyes. That's it. It's coming back to you. I can see it on your face. Yes, I see your nod. You do own flexibility. That's a beautiful smile.

Thank you for gifting me your serene and calm presence. I will use it wisely today as I move through my life resting in your memory of strength and your memory of flexibility.

Thank you, I too can now see those characteristics in me.

Coach Colleen

PS When you are struggling with your self-esteem, your self-worth, or your very identity after a divorce, please come and visit my sacred table. We have much to learn from each other, much support to provide to each other - all of us.

PS Don't hold back, go the the Guest Book ask a question, share your sacred wisdom, cry your tears here where we can comfort each other.

The first step is to breathe. Next is to close your eyes and take another breath. Then, just notice what pops into your head.

Does it go something like this?

"My question is too silly to ask."

or maybe it's

"I'm not going to put my heart out there for everyone to see."

or maybe it's a simple

"Could I just ask one question?"

My answer is yes... one question, two, who cares... they are your questions. I'm in a learning community and I think I have posted the most questions to our forum. At first I was embarrassed, but now that I'm getting answers, I love it. I'm on there every day.

I'm getting answers from fellow participants as well as the leaders. We are all experts in life- sometimes our credentials come from the Graduate School of Hard Knocks. What matters is that we share our sacred wisdom with each other.

We have the Seattle Storm in Seattle (women's professional basketball) and their tag line is 'Seeing is believing.' They are a great team and great role model for young girls because those girls will grow up believing that they can play professional basketball.

'You gotta see it to believe it.' is a common saying in the United States. A great saying and limiting at the same time. I suggest that you start looking at life as if you were a young girl watching grown-up girls play basketball - believe.

The forerunners of anything believed that they could accomplish something before they actually did. We believed that we could walk on the moon and we did. We believed that we could fly, and we did. We believed that we could break the sound barrier, and we did.

Believe that you can find love after divorce. Believe in yourself - you are worth believing in.

If it is too hard for you to believe in yourself this very moment, believe in my belief in you. I do believe that you can and will find a wonderful, warm, lasting love.

Do you believe?

Do any of these resonate with you?

-- I gave my whole life for your relationship!
-- I stayed home with the kids!
-- I gave up my education!
-- I gave up my personality!
-- I gave up my individuality!

Enter what you gave up in the guest book and I'll keep adding to this list. I'm sure it will go on for pages.

Now, is the time to turn all of that around and make your life about you. It is time for you to become the center of your attention. (Okay, if you have kids, you'll have to share space with them.)

As usual there is good news and bad news in this list.

First, the bad news. What's done is done, what's missed is missed, what's over is over. There is no going back on these. You can not go back 10 years, or 3 or even 1. You can only move forward. And, there in lies the good news - you can move forward, past, through, beyond.

To move beyond all the resentment, despair, and discouragement, you have to grieve what you lost. Grieve, just like you would grieve the loss of a loved one.

Here is how I suggest you do that. Set asside a few minutes every day, not too many, maybe 5 to 10 and grieve your loss - the loss of an ideal life, an ideal relationship, an ideal partner.

Set a timer so you can focus without the distraction of keeping time. What to do - cry, scream, beat a pillow with your fists, make faces in the mirror. I used to fluff my futon with a baseball bat. I scream in my car with all the windows up so I don't scare anyone else.

Releasing grief is cathartic, life changing, and totally transformative - maybe not the first time you try but keep it up on a regular basis and see what happens.