Tips for Finding A Good Therapist

What Can Therapists Help With?

If we don't know, we'll look it up.

• THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID . . .
  Counselors can teach, and role model, more effective communication skills. They will pin point what you need help with, and provide opportunity for you to learn and practice the skill(s) in session. Yup, practice makes perfect enough.
• CAN'T LIVE WITH EM' - CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT EM'
  Therapists can help you communicate effectively (see above), learn good relationship habits, and accept reasonable expectations from self and others. Then there's the relationship with yourself . . . just as important, maybe more.
• I'M JUST HIGH-STRUNG
  Its normal to be anxious at times, but if you're in a constant state of anxiety that interferes with everyday functioning, a mental health professional can help you rethink the beliefs, thoughts and perceptions that contribute to your anxiety. For example, how you think other people see you; if your perception is negative it will trigger your anxiety when you're around others. Medication is an option a therapist may recommend.
• IN THE PITS
  Depression can be situational (getting married, getting a divorce, moving). Counselors help people address the perspectives and feelings that contribute to the session, and provide support.
  For some people, depression is chronic and seems to have little to do with particular situations. Therapists can help you address your negative thinking, help you express your feelings, and teach you ways to deal with the stress in your life. You might explore your beliefs, the ones that affect your perception of the world. Some people choose medication in conjunction with counseling.
• ALL LIFE IS A STAGE - AND FULL OF CHANGES
  Going off to college? Having your child go off to college? Turning 30, 40, 50 or more? Want to change direction after retirement? If you need help navigating a stage of life change, professionals can be objective sounding boards and mirrors that bring clarity.
• BUMP-IN-THE-ROAD CHANGES
  Got fired from work? Your spouse wants a divorce? You discover your former beliefs no longer sustain you? Changes sometimes involve a difficult transition. Again, a counselor can supply feedback, and mirror your feelings and intentions. They provide a different perspective while supporting yours, and yes, support.
• THE SKY IS FALLING!
  Therapists can point out your thought distortions, and then assist you in changing ineffectual ways of thinking. Some people constantly worry and envision catastrophy. Others run into problems because they see the solution to an issue in black or white (nothing in between). Un-distorting your thinking habits will make life more enjoyable. Guaranteed.
• I'LL NEVER BE _____________ ENOUGH
  So many people are done in by a low sense of self-worth, and by carrying an enormous amount of guilt and shame about who they "are." Most people need the help of a professional to climb out of this hole. Life is brighter with self-acceptance and self-forgiveness.
• RA-RA YOU: Support, Encouragement and Validation
  It doesn't take a professional to give support or validation. But . . . its common that the people who know us best make the worst cheerleaders. A counselor will not have the emotional history that you have with family members and friends. They can see you with fresh eyes.
• HELP! I'M STUCK
  Many things keep us stuck. Indecision, lack of confidence, lack of social skills, negative thoughts about the self, etc. Moving on is difficult if the mud is deep and sticky enough. A therapist can throw you a strong rope.
• I'LL NEVER GET OVER IT
  Letting go of the past. It's not about forgetting - like that would happen. It's more like being able to put that disturbing picture from the past in a photo album . . . then choosing to look at it only when you want to. If the memory is painful and/or vivid, counseling can help.

Do I Need Counseling?

Here are some road signs.

• CHAOTIC RELATIONSHIPS
  Pulling someone toward you, then pushing them away.
  Constant/frequent arguing.
  Have relationships but never feel "filled up" or loved.
  Criticize others.
  Hop from one relationship to another.
• NO RELATIONSHIPS / FEAR OF RELATIONSHIPS
  Always alone when you'd rather not be.
  Avoiding social situations or other contact with people.
  Lack of intimacy with spouse.
  Freeze in social situations.
• CAN'T TELL OTHERS HOW YOU FEEL, OR WHAT YOUR OPINION IS
  Can't express anger (or other feelings).
  Don't know what you feel a lot of the time.
  Too afraid of rejection to give an opinion or share a feeling.
  You believe everything you say is "stupid", or unimportant.
• ALWAYS FEEL TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF OR USED
  Can't say "no" when you want to.
  Over-booked: always taking on too much.
  Always doing for others, never yourself.
  Afraid to speak up to get what you want or need.
• OFTEN IN TROUBLE BECAUSE OF IMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR
  Spending/charging more than you make.
  Lose friends or jobs due to erratic behavior or speech.
  Get involved in situations that you really don't want to be in.
• ANGRY ALL THE TIME
  You express anger with violence, or by being verbally abusive to others.
  Walk around with a constant sense of resentment.
  Lose friends or jobs because of your temper.
  Believe others, or the world, is always against you.
• ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING FROM THE PAST
  Constantly thinking about something that happened in the past (on purpose or otherwise).
  Live with shame, resentment, hate, or sadness about a person or incident from the past.
  Flashbacks of traumatic events.
• LOW CONFIDENCE - KEEPS YOU FROM DOING WHAT YOU WANT
  Feel invisible most of the time.
  Overlooked for promotions.
  Stay in a job or relationship you dislike because its "comfortable."
  Fear of people in authority.
• SHAME AND GUILT ARE CONSTANT COMPANIONS
  Shame is a constant companion and you think its obvious to others.
  Always apologizing.
  Often feel there's something inherently wrong with you.
  Blame yourself for everything that doesn't go as planned.
• STUCK IN GRIEF
  Still unable to function at home or work 1-2 years after a loved one's death.
  Constantly think about the deceased; perhaps feel you should have done more for them.
  Stuck thinking you didn't love them enough, or show it enough.
• STUCK IN LIFE
  You know you want to move on but have no direction.
  You have a direction but never move.
  Worry about everything that could go wrong, or of making the wrong decision.
  Feeling bored, lethargic, or perhaps depressed.
  Constantly feel un-fulfilled.

Models of Therapy: Standard Features

• 
  COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY
  
  THIS IS FOR GETTING YOUR CAR'S ELECTRONIC SYSTEM RE-WIRED OR RE-DIGITIZED.
  
  Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helps a person to replace negative thought patterns and behaviors with positive ones that promote well-being. It's a popular approach for treatment of depression and anxiety, and is sometimes accompanied by medication.
  
  CBT is helpful to people with obsessive-compulsive issues, panic attacks, social phobia, and post-traumatic stress symptoms. Some research has shown CBT is more effective than medication for the problems listed above. It works well as a short term therapy approach and is used in group therapy as well. [Note: see the YouTube video below]
• 
  GESTALT
  
  THIS THERAPY IS LIKE TAKING YOUR MECHANIC FOR A DRIVE SO HE CAN SEE/HEAR WHAT'S GOING ON NOW.
  
  Gestalt therapy focuses on your experience (mental, emotional, physical) in the here and now. It's based on the idea that we can only truly know ourselves as we exist in relation to other things/beings.
  
  Gestalt therapy rests on the belief that what is going on in the here and now is also a living picture of the past. So, if you're exploring yourself in the moment, you are also working on the past. Used in group therapy. [Note: see the YouTube video below]
• 
  INTERPERSONAL THERAPY
  
  THIS IS FOR TAKING YOUR CAR IN BECAUSE THE HORN EITHER WON'T WORK, OR IT GOES OFF ON ITS OWN (AND TOO OFTEN).
  
  Interpersonal Therapy (IPT) is usually a short-term therapy, effective for depression. ITP focuses on increasing relationship skills, and improving your social support network.
  
  The idea is to buff-up communication skills, learn how to express emotions effectively, and how to be assertive (rather than being a wall-flower, or too aggressive like The Hulk). Used individually or in groups.
• 
  PSYCHODYNAMIC
  
  THIS IS LIKE LOOKING UNDER THE HOOD WITH YOUR MECHANIC.
  
  In this approach, you look inside yourself to excavate and understand emotional conflicts that underly emotional issues. The goal is to become aware of unresolved problems and patterns from childhood, and how those motivations influence present behavior and feelings. This is usually a lengthy process.
  
  This is the kind of therapy most often portrayed in movies. It works best with people that enjoy gaining insight into themselves. It can be used in conjunction with other types of therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral (see above). May be used in groups.
• 
  PHOTOTHERAPY (light therapy)
  
  THIS IS LIKE PARKING YOUR CAR IN THE SUN TO WARM IT UP.
  
  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD, a depressive disorder) is relieved by being in the presence of a specific type of lighting. SAD is related to change in the amount of sunlight available, which varies with the seasons. A physician or therapist can teach you how to use high-intensity lights to improve SAD symptoms.
• 
  MUSIC / ART / MOVEMENT / THERAPIES
  
  THIS IS LIKE PUTTING BIG WOOFERS IN YOUR CAR, PAINTING IT WITH STRIPES, OR BEEFING UP THE ENGINE AND GOING FOR A SPIN.
  
  These therapies are most often given by therapists that have specialized in them. However, many therapists draw on them to supplement their approach. For example, I use poetry and journaling in my practice.
  
  The expressive therapies are useful in facilitating therapy, unlike traditional psychotherapy that just uses talking. The term action therapies is often used to describe them. Using the arts distances emotions, making things easier to see objectively for the client.
• 
  HUMANISTIC THERAPY
  
  
  THIS IS LIKE A MECHANIC FOCUSING ON FINE TUNING YOUR ENTIRE CAR, AND NOT JUST FIXING THE TWEET IN THE ENGINE THAT BROUGHT YOU THERE.
  
  Humanistic therapy looks at people less in terms of pathology or illness, and more in terms of choices, seeking meaning, and creativity.
  
  Five Tenants of Humanistic Psychology are:
  
  1. Human beings cannot be reduced to components.
  2. Human beings have in them a uniquely human context.
  3. Human consciousness includes awareness of self in the context of others.
  4. Human beings have choices and non desired responsibilities.
  5. Human beings are intentional, they seek meaning, value and creativity.
• 
  TRANSPERSONAL PSYCHOLOGY
  
  THIS IS LIKE A MECHANIC USING MEDITATIVE INSIGHT AND MINDFUL INTUITION, ALONG WITH HIS TRADITIONAL TOOLS, TO CARE FOR YOUR CAR.
  
  Transpersonal Therapy focuses on the Essential Self. It is a holistic approach, where client and therapist are considered equals in a journey of discovery.
  
  Transpersonal psychology draws from spiritual traditions of the world. Methods such as mindfulness, meditation, and/or yoga exercises, are integrated with contemporary psychology.
  
  The word "transpersonal" comes from the Latin "trans," which means beyond and through, and "persona," meaning mask or personality.
• 
  POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY
  
  THIS IS LIKE A MECHANIC POINTING OUT YOUR CAR'S STRENGTHS TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH ITS CURRENT PROBLEM.
  
  Positive Psychology focuses on the an individual's strengths and character. It is based on the concept that people want to find and use the best in themselves - to live fulfilling, enjoyable lives. The central concerns of Positive Psychology are positive individual traits and emotion, and positive centers for learning.
  
  Positive Psychology seeks to foster environments where children and adults flourish, such as :
  1. Families and schools
  2. Workplaces
  3. Communities
  4. Therapy offices and counseling centers