Fix Marriage? I Need To Fix My Marriage!

One of the disturbing things about unhappy couples is that it's not only the couple who is unhappy, but the children, the family, and often times the friends who get caught in the middle of the relationship. It's not a good place to be no matter who you are.

If the marriage is abusive in ANY way, cut the ties and don't walk, but RUN in the opposite direction. Abuse is wrong and you and the kids shouldn't have to deal with it in any way, shape, or form!

However, if it was a good marriage, but inattention has made the marriage crumble, wouldn't it be worth it to see if you can rekindle the love?

Do you REALLY want to give up your marriage, but don't know how? Do you have children that will be affected?

While I truly believe that many, many couples can overcome the troubles in their marriage, I also believe that if there is abuse in the marriage, don't just walk out of the marriage, RUN!

Abuse doesn't just affect the relationship between you and your spouse, but your children and other family members, your friends, and often extends into relationships at the workplace. YOU have worth and should not think that you have to continue to accept the abuse your spouse gives you. Whether the abuse comes in a physical or mental form, abuse is abuse. You DON'T have to live your life that way.

Here are a few commons signs of spousal abuse (also called domestic abuse). If you experience these signs inside of your marriage, worry about your marriage AFTER you get help first. Removing yourself (and the children) from your marriage may be the first step.

When your spouse tries to dominate or control you, that is abuse. If you feel belittled, are told you have no worth, are useless, are hurt physically, are threatened or afraid, there is abuse happening in your home.

Do you get yelled at? Do you avoid certain subjects because they cause issues? Do you feel like you can't do anything right? Do you feel that you "deserve" to be harmed? Do you feel helpless and cut off from everyone else?

There are many ways that abuse can happen and many of them occur and ramp up over a period of time. Sometimes the behaviors trickle in intensity over a period where one day, all of a sudden, you think, it didn't used to be like this. How did this happen? Why didn't I notice that it was building?

While physical abuse is more obvious, it isn't more harmful. When your self respect, sense of worth, feelings of value and safety are tampered with, it affects every part of your life. It bleeds into every other relationship that you have. THAT is abuse!

While fixing a marriage is often possible, if there is abuse within the relationship, put fixing the marriage on hold and get help for the abuse first. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Women don't have to live in fear:

* In the U.S., call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
* UK: call Women's Aid at 0808 2000 247.
* Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010
* Australia: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1800 200 526
* Or visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a worldwide list of helplines, shelters, and crisis centers.

Male victims of abuse can call:

In the US, The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women specializes in supporting male victims of abuse and offers a 24-hour helpline: 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754)
UK: ManKind Initiative offers a national helpline at 01823 334244.

Australia: One in Three Campaign offers help and resources for male victims.

While I may be happily married now, that wasn't always the case. When my husband of 20 years and I broke up, it hurt. A LOT! Then, after that, I was in a "committed" relationship with someone where it didn't work out. Again, it hurt. A LOT! I didn't even want to get close to anyone after that, I was NOT going to go through that pain, confusion, and self doubt EVER again! No way, no how!

The sad thing is I realize it happens every day, to some very nice people. Every day, people break up for different reasons, sometimes it's even beyond their control.

After reading T "Dub's" Magic of Making Up I realize that when my relationships broke up, I did EVERYTHING totally wrong to get back with my former husband and boyfriend. And I do mean everything!

Maybe you are, too?

Would you like to know what you should be doing instead to attract your spouse instead of pushing them away?

T Dub explains in very deep detail (even gives you a LETTER that you can fill in the blanks so there is no question about how to do this!) and takes you by the hand with not just one psychological trigger, but MANY of them to use to Fix Marriage and get your relationship back on track.

Let T Dub help with Magic of Making Up and get your spouse back!

FOR THE WOMEN: (Men, your section is below this one)
We all know that men think differently than women, they just do. There have been bestseller books written on the subject that try to explain why and how.

Men are visual. That's a given. Have you tried to use that to your advantage?

When was the last time you put on some soft perfume and lacy underwear? When was the last time you fixed your hair sexy and put on some discreet makeup JUST BECAUSE? When it comes to intimate time, have you initiated anything a little different than the routine you-know-what?

Men are visual - Use IT!

When "that part" of the marriage is doing well, the rest of the marriage that isn't doing as well usually smooths out . It's easier to deal with the bad parts of your marriage when you have a common ground to work from. If you want to fix your marriage, will it really hurt to try?

FOR THE MEN!
Now, Fellas, you know that women need intimacy and sharing more than you guys do. They do, even though you may grouch about it and make fun of it, many of you like it when your woman gets all mushy and gives you that special attention. Most women also like SMALL surprises just because you were thinking of them.

Have you called her from work lately and told her, "Honey, don't bother with dinner, I'm picking up take out on the way home so you can take it easy!" Can you just imagine how such a small thing could thrill her, I mean, here you are at work and you are thinking of her. That's going to make her smile and think thoughts about how she could fill up that extra time, if you know what I mean! :)

When was the last time you gave her some cuddle/snuggle/lovey dovey time without asking for something in return? Instead of going out with the guys, why not ask her if she'd like to take a walk on the beach at dusk? Make a date this weekend and go paddleboating! Tell her you'd like to take her out dancing!

Women LOVE that stuff! It makes them feel all mushy inside and they will look at you in a different light.

What is it going to hurt to try? If you still love her and things are not going so well in the marriage department, trying one of these suggestions could help to start turning things around!

Good Luck! Everyone deserves a second chance. I truly believe that.
Michelle

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