Fixing Xbox 360's Red Lights of Death

You'll need a number of things. Stop at Target and pick up Goo Gone, in a spray bottle, located in the cleaner aisle. Also here get Rubbing Alchohol, QTips, and Toothpicks.

Next, head over to Lowes. You need to pick up both a Torx 10 Screwdriver and a Torx 8 Screwdriver. I got the kit, came with those plus more. Also, get one of those Mini-Screwdriver kits. You're looking to have something long, thin, and strong to get a couple of the XBox pieces off. More info later.

Fasteners Aisle: You need to get THESE EXACT PART numbers:

#138433 - M5-.8x10 Machine Screws - they will come 2 in a package, buy 5 packages to get 8 screws + 2 Extra.

#139065 - #10 Flat Washers - NYLON. They come ~4 to a pack. Get 5 packs to get 16 washers + 4 extras.

#138319 - 5mm Flat Washers - METAL. They come ~8 to a pack. Get 3 packs to get 16 washers + 8 extras.

You're done with Lowes. Go pay for all that and head over to Radio Shack (Last Stop) and pick up Arctic Silver Thermal Compound.

Next! Go Home! It's time to fix your console.

BEFORE PROCEEDING: BY DOING THIS YOU WILL BE VOIDING YOUR WARRANTY, IF YOU STILL HAVE ONE. IF YOU STILL HAVE A WARRANTY, STOP HERE, CALL 1-800-4MY-XBOX AND MICROSOFT WILL FIX YOUR CONSOLE FREE OF CHARGE. I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY IF YOU DESTROY YOUR XBOX FURTHER.

With my disclaimer out of the way, follow the instructions at this link to take apart your console:
Taking apart your console
Follow them through Page 3, "Removing the Motherboard." After that, stop.

Now, you have the motherboard lying in front of you.
Head over here
And follow the instructions on removing both of the X-Clamps on the bottom of your motherboard.

Aside: It turns out that these 2 dinky pieces of metal are what is causing all the issues the XBox 360 is having.

Now that your heatsinks are removed, grab your Goo Gone. Spray a bit of it into a Dixie cup or some sort of container, and using QTips and Toothpicks, clean off the processors. Be Patient, and clean off EVERY LAST SCRAP off the old thermal paste, until the processors have a Mirror-like finish! It's under there, so keep scrubbing! After you have it all off, wipe the excess goop off with a QTip covered in alcohol. Blow on it to dry it. Clean off the heatsinks as well.

Apply a drop of Arctic Silver to each of the shiny surfaces of the Processors.

I attempted to attach LawDawg0931's image to this post, but it didn't work too well, so here's a link:
LawDawg0931's Image
Notice in the image, that you need to put a metal washer, and then a nylon washer on one of the screws, and then insert it through the motherboard. The heatsinks have weird screw things in them, remove them. Now, tighten down the screws until they are a little snug, but not all the way tight.

At this point, you have to put your motherboard back into the metal frame, and attach the power cord, A/V cable, and DVD Drive back to the motherboard. Also put on the front plate, so that you can hit the power button. Turn your TV on to see if it comes right back, and set a Timer for 2 minutes.

Turn the XBox on, and start the timer. At 2 minutes, turn your XBox off. My XBox booted perfectly with video at this point. YOURS MIGHT NOT. Don't panic.

Let it cool down while removing the motherboard from the case again, and tightening down the screws holding the heatsinks down the rest of the way. Don't power drive them, just tighten them until you can't tighten them any more without elbow grease.

Put your XBox back together, and hopefully you will be one of the many other people blessed by this fix working.