Food Storage - Prepare For The Bleak Future

Finally, the answers to the questions you've been asking for so long. No, no, no, I can't tell you what your major is supposed to be, or who you are going to marry, or why he can't ever seem to put the toilet seat down... I'm talking about the Top 5 things you should have in an emergency. And here they are. (Really there's six, but I was too lazy to think up 10, and who ever heard of a top 6 list?)

1. Pocket Knife - Being the Boy Scout that I am, the first thing I think of when I hear the word 'emergency' is a pocket knife, and it's not because I like to cut things. There are some really awesome knifes out there that do more than just cut bark off of trees. My personal favorites all come from the Leatherman collection. These knives will act as anything from a pair of pliers to a set of fingernail clippers or even a fish de-scaler. You might even be detect enriched uranium or turn water into wine with some of the extensions... but don't quote me on that.

2. Flashlight - Nothing is more frustrating than darkness. Even going to the bathroom becomes a chore when the power is out (although I'm known to be a pretty good shot, even in the dark). Make sure you've got a reliable flashlight with fresh batteries in a *convenient spot. This will leave you feeling confident that you won't be lost in the dark during something as simple as a power outage, or Armageddon. If you're feeling extra ambitious, make it a high power LED flashlight. That way, if you're in serious trouble, you can signal the space station with your laser-like beacon of brilliance.

3. Canteen - It's good to have clean water, it's even better if you can drink it. Having clean water and nothing to put it in is almost as bad as having a stink bomb in a crowded school auditorium without a match. Not only does it become useless, but you feel pretty stupid for not having thought through things like you should have.

4. Matches - Fire. Fire is important because it provides things like warmth, clean water (if you boil it), safety from wild beasts and even communication. Use smoke signals to hail your local wigwam to order a pizza or you could ask to be rescued.

5. Shelter (Tarp/Tent/Hammock) - If something bad happens to your home, like it gets burned down by a fire, or flooded by water, or ripped in half by an earthquake, or carried away by a tornado, you will want somewhere else to live. Most likely you will want it to be a large, homey place very much like your last place. Well, that's not very likely, and until you have a summer home in the neighboring state, you should have a tent or tarp packed away for protection from the elements. For some reason, these same elements that destroy houses, don't seem to be able to destroy tarps. Use a tarp as a hammock, or a tent as a tent. At least you'll have something to keep the rain off of you and the warmth in you.

Honorable mention: Solar Powered Battery Charger - I really like having my ipod and cell phone all the time. I have a solar powered battery charger packed away in my 72 hour kit. As long as there is reception and sunlight, I can be texting my bff's so we can lol about this crazy disaster while I listen to my new Avril Lavigne CD.

*I emphasize the word convenient because there is nothing worse than having to search for something such as a light source, without light.

With all of the crazy and insane things that are happening in our world today, it can't hurt to be prepared to take care of yourself and your loved ones in case of an emergency. You know you've had that eerie thought run through your head more than once... "Hey, did I turn off the iron?"... wait... that's not the thought I was thinking about, it was, "what would happen if we got hit with an (insert unfortunate event here) right now? What would I do? Where would I go? How would I survive?" This lens is dedicated to helping you get started (and hopefully finished) with preparing yourself for the unexpected... like a vampire cow attack, or a flood.

First thing's first. One must remember the rule of 3's. A human being can only survive for about:
-3 minutes without air
-3 days without water
-3 weeks without food

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do to prepare for air loss. Once the air is gone, you are basically screwed. You can, however, plan for air contamination. Start by having some type of protective mask, whether it be the kind the dentist wears to keep your spit from landing in his mouth while he drills away at those pesky cavities, or an industrial strength military gas mask. You know how the saying goes, "when the breathing gets tough, the tough get gas masks."

As far as water goes, the average adult requires between 2 and 3 quarts of water per day. Water is likely the easiest place to begin your food storage. As a matter of fact, you have probably already started without even knowing it. Did you know that the water in the back of the toilet *tank is drinkable? If you have at least one toilet in your residence, you are already prepared with a day or so of emergency water. I don't recommend you rely solely on your toilet tank for hydration though... (Remember how long it took FEMA to get water to the Super Dome.) An easy way to start is by cleaning out and filling plastic 2 liter soda bottles (use hot water for sterilization purposes) with water. The beauty of these bottles is that they are virtually indestructible. Store them on a shelf in the back of your pantry, under your bed, or in a coat closet. To be extra safe, just carry your water bottles around with you everywhere. You'll NEVER go thirsty.

Food is by far the most difficult thing to begin storing. Many people have the tenancy to store food that they would never eat in normal circumstances, such as Spam, Viennese sausages or freeze-dried cauliflower. Remember! Your tummy need not suffer, just because your circumstances suck. If you prepare correctly, you can maintain a fairly normal diet for a couple of weeks or even months relying fully on your food storage (and maybe Walmart). This doesn't mean you're going to be eating steak or prime rib every night, but at least you won't have to deal with lentil loaf.

Here's a good way to start. Begin by purchasing a something extra every time you go to the store. If you normally buy 1 box of cereal, buy 2 this week. Put one in a designated food storage location. If you normally buy 5 cans of soup, buy 7 this week and do the same. Over a period of a couple of months, you can accumulate a substantial amount of sustenance necessary for your survival... and behold, it is also delicious!

Keep checking back for more specific tips tricks and products that will help you prepare for life's little unfortunate events.

*Toilet TANK, not toilet BOWL. Just thought I'd reiterate that for your sake.

One of the biggest problems related to food storage is when your food goes bad. There really is no point in having food saved up for an emergency if it is already decomposing, and looks better coming out than it does going in. To prevent having a pantry full of *exploding pineapple cans and radioactive SpagettiO's, take a look at these shelves by Shelf Reliance.

These shelves are more useful than a set of dentures at a Willie Nelson concert. You can load up nearly any size of can into the shelving contraption and it will cycle it down to the front for easy access. If you always add at the top and take from the bottom, you food will always be used before you pass the expiration date of doom.

If not used for food storage, these shelves are a great way to just organize your pantry, or cupboards.

Also, while browsing through the Shelf Reliance site, I came across what appears to be their own line of emergency preparedness food called THRIVE. They have more freeze dried and preserved products for you to choose from than Depeche Mode has albums. If you choose your products well, you can be eating banana pancakes and blueberry muffins... or you could cook up some gruel and lima bean stew. It's your choice, of course.

So, if you are looking to start your food storage, but don't want to go to Walmart, check out the THRIVE products. They look juicy and delicious... and edible, which is a change from the stereotypical food storage.

*I heard a story of a lady who left a can of pineapple in the back of her pantry for too long and it fermented... and then exploded. It made quite a mess, and may have killed a small child with the shrapnel.