For Women Only

I have to be honest: When I first picked up For Women Only I expected to be disappointed. For years I had been reading book after book, many which had been written by women for women. In a couple of cases I felt as though the books were over my head (and I consider myself an intelligent woman!) and in others it simply seemed as though the author was talking down to her audience, as though she and she alone held the secrets to a wonderful marriage. I had read book after book filled with anecdotal advice and had come away in every single case feeling frustrated and out of my element.

I had nearly given up when I received my copy of For Women Only, but I trusted the friend who had sent it to me and I tore open the packaging the day that the book arrived. I read the first chapter, and then I read it again. Prone to "scanning" for relevant information I immediately recognized that this book was something different: a book that was written woman to woman.

I felt, instantly, that Shaunti Feldhahn understood me and my questions!

If you've read any book on marriage (particularly those written for women), you know that your husband needs your respect. If you're like me, the repetition of this philosophy might already be bogging you down and frustrating you. You might have tried to apply this new-found concept to your marriage only to have it fail disastrously.

If you're like me, you might already be ready to throw in the towel. This "respect" thing just might not be working for you. You still haven't seen your husband jump up after dinner and do the dishes for you as one book suggests he will. If you're like most women, you're beginning to feel discouraged, as though all of the pressure in your marriage is on your shoulders. About now, his responsibility might be seeming like a light load compared to yours.

I get it, ladies. Believe me, I get it! I have even had several arguments with my husband about why I have to "do it all!"

In spite of all that reading, my husband and I still didn't understand one another. We were frustrated and on the verge of separation when For Women Only was put in my hands.

The wonderful thing about this book is that Shaunti Feldhahn doesn't tell you what you should be doing in your marriage, but how to do it! While she covers the topic of "which is more important to your husband, love or respect," she goes deeper and gives women ways that they can show their husbands the respect that they so desperately need.

For Women Only makes respect active rather than being an obscure concept and something difficult for us to attain. For me, that leaves For Women Only and Shaunti Feldhahn heads above the rest!

Shaunti speaks to you woman to woman, and in a way that tells you she truly understands. Her book is like sitting down to lunch with one of your girlfriends. It's like ice cream and a "chick flick." It's knowing that you have someone to talk to who understands you and the way your mind works.

She doesn't point the finger of blame at you -- she informs you in a way that is safe and encouraging. Shaunti Feldhahn is in your corner and she wants your marriage to succeed! There's no agenda here, and she isn't oppressive. This author doesn't want to hold you down as a woman but wants to lift you up and see you reach your full potential.

Some (female) authors speak from a position of authority, often as a maternal figure but usually speaking from the point of view of a sage teacher offering advice. Shaunti isn't like that. She's the type of woman you can imagine being your best friend. And with this book, she certainly became the best friend I've never met!

Critics of Shaunti Feldhahn point out that her book is based on biblical principles. They claim that these principles are no longer relevant to today's people and that they pigeonhole us into gender stereotypes that don't apply to them.

But Shaunti does much more than regurgitate biblical dogma. Instead, she has taken the time to interview men from various walks of life, from her church group to "man on the street." Even better, she provides her research in an up-front manner. The book includes graphs displaying the percentages from her research, clearly and honestly pointing out that not all men fit the "stereotype."

Most significant to me is the fact that Shaunti included her husband, Jeff Feldhahn, in her research for the book. She asked him how he felt about the various issues she polled, and was often surprised by his answers.

I recommend that as you read this book, you do the same. Ask your husband how he feels about, for example, your romantic life. Ask him what he finds romantic and compare his response to Shaunti's book. You might be surprised by the results!

In the beginning of our married life, I'm sure my husband felt much like Rodney Dangerfield: "I get no respect!" As I read and learned more and more about what my husband needed in our marriage, I began to understand that he needed my respect in the form of appreciation, admiration and adoration. Even before reading For Women Only I appreciated my husband. I understood the sacrifice that he made working hard every day so that I could stay home with our daughter. I admired his single-mindedness and his determination to make better of himself. And yes, I adored him.

Being an analytical person, however, I needed to understand why! What was it about a man that demanded these things from me? And how could I better show him how much he meant to me? How could I illustrate to him that he was valued and important in his home?

The solution was not, as some women seem to take from this book, objectification. Rather, the solution was to better understand what my husband deals with on a daily basis. Because of For Women Only I have begun to understand my husband's insecurities as well as his emotional needs. Instead of looking at my husband (and often other men as well) as being unemotional and stoic, I have a better understanding of what is going on behind the scenes.

For Women Only helped to open my mind. Where I once was able to see only my own emotions and needs, I am much more aware not only of how he thinks, but of how he feels and for me, that is very, very important!

Before you purchase this book, make sure to read the negative (1 star) reviews on Amazon as well as the positive. Watch the duel in the above module and talk to women who have read it. This book isn't going to tell you how to "make your husband into the man you want him to be." It's going to tell you how to be the woman he wants you to be. The book is incredibly one-sided. Some women are more sensitive than others to this type of literature.

I do wish to state, however, that of all the books that I have read on the subject of marriage, For Women Only is the least offensive and most helpful! If your marriage is in a rut, give this book a try! If your marriage is going great but you want to understand why your husband does some of the things he does, give this book a read!

Happy reading!