Christian Advice On If You Should Forgive Your Spouse for Cheating

Mat 5:32 "But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, cause her to commit adultery"

Jesus said that divorce is not permissible except for unfaithfulness. This does not mean that divorce should automatically occur when a spouse commits adultery. The word translated "unfaithful" implies a sexually immoral lifestyle, not a confessed and repented act of adultery. Those who discover that their husband or wife has been unfaithful should first make every effort to forgive, reconcile, and restore their relationship. We are always to look for reasons to restore the marriage relationship rather than for excuses to leave it.

John 8:4-11 "Teacher," they said to Jesus, "this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The Law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?" They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up and said, "All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!" Then Jesus said to the woman, "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?" "No Lord," she said. And Jesus said, "Neither do I. Go and sin no more."

Jesus didn't condemn the woman accused of adultery, but neither did he ignore or condone her sin. He told her to leave her life of sin. Jesus stands ready to forgive any sin in your life, but confession and repentance mean a change heart. With God's help we can accept Christ's forgiveness and stop our wrongdoing.

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Matthew 18:21-22 "Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven Times?" "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!"

Peter, trying to be especially generous, asked Jesus if seven (the "perfect" number) was enough times to forgive someone. But Jesus answered, "Seventy times seven," meaning that we shouldn't even keep track of how many times we forgive someone. We should always forgive those who are truly repentant, no matter how many times they ask.

God, who "does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent" (2 Peter 3:9), has no limits on forgiveness for those who will repent, obey, and ask him for his forgiveness. Jesus told his followers (Luke 17:4), "Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day each time turns again and asks for forgiveness, you must forgive." I don't think he meant that we are only restricted to forgiving once every three hours, but that he was saying there should be no restriction on our forgiveness. Would God hold himself to a less strict standard than that to which he holds us? No, he will forgive without limit.

But, that does not mean that we should keep on sinning thinking that we will not be in danger if we have repented and habitually still live in a fixed state of sin. For forgiveness to take place there must also be a changed heart, a repentant heart.

Certainly not! That doesn't mean we won't stumble. It doesn't mean we won't stumble often, especially when trying to overcome an addiction. It doesn't even mean we won't commit the same sins over and over. There are some addictive sins, for instance, that are very hard to overcome and we may fall to the temptation many times as we try to overcome them. But we are to do what we can to try to walk in the way of righteousness. What God wants is our intent and our heart. Certainly, if we ask for forgiveness with no effort to stop sinning, then we are indicating that we are not a new creature, but the old man of sin. We must also repent, which means to turn from sin, to change the direction in your life from selfishness and rebellion against God's laws. God will forgive if we admit our sins and honestly determine to do better in the future.

Since back in Jesus' time there was no dating, I will rephrase this question into modern times. "Should you breakup with your spouse if they cheated?"

My answer would be to pray about it. Don't take advice that is not Godly, don't take advice from those who are not wiser than you, don't take advice from those who think they know what's best, but are in no better situation than your own or who have not been in the situation themselves. How can one give you good advice when they do not have a successful relationship either or who have not experienced the same situation? Would you get surgery because your best friend says you need it, without seeking help from a Doctor who thoroughly understands your condition? Everyone thinks they know best and everyone thinks they're a doctor, a lawyer or relationship expert. God does know what's best for you and has a plan for you; seek his advice and his advice only! He will show you what you are to do. Don't let the judgmental eye of others cause you to not follow God's word.

Those who love you will tell you to just leave your spouse because they don't want you to hurt again and because we as humans see one sin as being worse than another, but, trying not to first make every effort to forgive, reconcile, and restore your relationship with a confessed and repented spouse, would be going against God's advice.

You need to look at the situation through God's eyes. Not only does he want us forgive, reconcile, and restore our relationships, God loves your husband or wife even though they cheated. God wants to salvage what there is of their life and turn it into something useful for God's glory. If you choose to stay with your spouse, God has a much better chance of helping them grow spiritually. If you divorce/leave them or live with them with anger and bitterness for the remainder of your marriage or relationship, God will not be able to use you and your spouse for His kingdom and glory.

God told Hosea to marry a prostitute and keep taking her back after she cheated. God did this to demonstrate how God keeps loving us, even though we commit spiritual adultery by loving the things of the world.

If you forgive your spouse after cheating, God can use you to change them into a pure vessel. While it may seem they don't deserve it, your forgiveness will be a great testimony to them of God's love and your love. Jesus taught that if you forgive them, they will end up loving you more, because they have been forgiven for so much. So forgiving your spouse and realizing that God can use it to make you both have a better marriage or relationship in the long run is the way you may need to think about it.

So seek your answer through God and God only, pray for him to show you whether you should forgive your spouse and reconcile your relationship. You prayers will surely give you an answer, the one and only answer!

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