Franklin P. Jones

*Franklin P. Jones was a brilliant humorist and writer whose body of work is often attributed to other people. My mission is to clear up the confusion and have his wit and wisdom duly attributed. Hopefully this biography will clear up the mystery surrounding my Grandfather's name and work.*

Franklin P. Jones (1908 - 1980) was a Philadelphia reporter, public relations executive and humorist. He wrote quips and quotes that entertained readers of major publications for years.

He was known nationally during the 1940s and 50s for his column "Put it this Way" in the Saturday Evening Post. "Put it this Way" set a record as the longest continuously published feature in the Saturday Evening Post.

He was an accomplished "paragrapher" - a writer who condenses humorous or thought provoking ideas into paragraph form. His quips and quotes were published (often anonymously) in numerous publications, including Reader's Digest, the Wall Street Journal, Changing Times and Quote magazine.

Born in Saratoga, NY, he moved to Philadelphia, PA at an early age. He graduated from Haverford College in 1933 with a Bachelor of Science degree.

He began his writing career at the Philadelphia Record in 1934 as a police reporter and rose through the ranks working as a general assignment reporter, rewrite man and features writer. He was on the editorial board when the paper ceased publication in 1946. From 1941 through 1946, he was also a Philadelphia correspondent for the now defunct New York newspaper PM.

In 1947, he joined Gray and Rogers Advertising Agency, one of Philadelphia's largest advertising and public relations firms as director of publicity and became a partner in 1954. He created ad programs for major clients and headed the 40-man public relations staff until he sold his interest in the firm and retired in 1960 to work full-time as a humor writer.

Mr. Jones continued his freelance writing, producing more than 35,000 paragraphs, epigrams, anecdotes, gag lines and definitions in the years before his death.

He was a member of The Committee of 70, Philadelphia Public Relations Association and the Pen and Pencil Club.

Franklin P. Jones died December 29th, 1980 of cancer in his home in Wayne, Pennsylvania. He was 72.

A sampling of Franklin P. Jones' quotes:

"The only thing that will really prevent baldness is hair."

"The best way to keep a man is in doubt."

"The only problem with having nothing to do is you can't stop and rest."

"A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they're loaded or not."
"All women should know how to take care of children. Most of them will have a husband some day."

"An autobiography usually reveals nothing bad about its writer except his memory."

"Anybody who finds it easy to make money on the horses is probably in the dog food business."

"Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice."

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."

"Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next."

"Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

"Experience is that marvelous thing that enable you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger."

"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water."

"It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon; which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to."

"Love doesn't make the word go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

"Nothing makes it easier to resist temptation than a proper bringing-up, a sound set of values - and witnesses."

"Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there." 

"One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening."

"One trouble with developing speed reading skills is that by the time you realize a book is boring you've already finished it."

"Originality is the art of concealing your source."

"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job."

"Sex is a two-way treat."  

"The British have a remarkable talent for keeping calm, even when there is no crisis."

"The easiest way to solve a problem is to pick an easy one."

"The most efficient labor-saving device is still money."

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."

"What makes resisting temptation difficult for many people is they don't want to discourage it completely."

"When you get something for nothing, you just haven't been billed for it yet."

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."

"You never realize what a good memory you have until you try to forget something."

"You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech."