Are Friends A Toxin to Your Marriage?

Some guys expect a newly married male friend to continue to be as committed to hanging out and doing things together as they've always been. They feel let down when he declines to go out, for whatever reason, and they may begin to resent him for getting married in the first place. Other times, the resentment is directed toward his wife, feeling she shouldn't have taken him away from his friends.

In situations like these, unless the married guy is able to explain the new facts of life to his friend, he will always feel caught in the middle between his friend and his wife. If he can't stand up to his friend, his marriage will suffer; if it comes down to a choice between choosing his friend over his wife, hopefully, he will honor the latter commitment, though no one likes to lose a good friend, either.

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Some women and men are famous for dropping in on a married couple at sporadic moments throughout the day, demanding immediate attention, or lingering around with no obvious purpose in mind for visiting.

When couples don't get much time to themselves, it's easy for outside influences to gradually pull the couple apart - a demand here, another there, then another one and, before realizing it, the couples' time is all used up caring for the needs of their friends as opposed to tending to their own needs. They are often exhausted before the day is half over.

Even when a need arises for friends, or multiple friends, to visit, they should consider leaving at a respectable time so that couples can get time to relax together at the end of each day.

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When friends show no respect toward their married friend's spouse, it creates strained relationships. When words are spoken, even in jest, they can resurface in a spouse's mind later. A seed has been planted that, if not cast aside, will be watered more and more until a joke has created a monstrous problem. Friends should always show respect to their friends' spouses. If they can't, they should simply stay away and remain quiet.

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When people choose to get married, often, there is a compromise in certain areas. A woman doesn't want her husband drinking too often, or vice versa, so she would be uncomfortable with him drinking with his friends every night. Likewise, a man doesn't want his wife going to clubs alone, or vice versa, because she can always pour a drink at home and avoid possible temptation from outside.

That being said, when a guy comes banging on the door of a married couple's home, demanding the husband come out and have a few drinks, the husband may be tempted to give in, unless he chooses to honor a promise he made to his wife about that very issue. As time goes on, the right decisions are easier to make but, at first, they can be extremely difficult.

Also, when a woman comes to the house asking for the wife to join her for cocktails at a bar, the wife may be tempted to go, thinking she's just going to enjoy some time with her friend. However, she should honor the promise she made to her husband, as she expects him to honor promises he's made to her.

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The last thing a couple needs is to be constantly in the presence of people gossiping about others, and friends are, often, the source of such poisonous situations. Even knowing how situations become exaggerated the more they are related, some people still tend to believe every word of gossip that falls on their ears.

As if this isn't bad enough, if such friends have too much interest in the married couple's lives, they will start spreading stories about the couple, as well. Too often, the other spouse gets the blame for talking when, in fact, it was an observation made by a friend that initiated the gossip.

Sadly, people who thrive on gossip don't know the difference between a friend or stranger when it comes to keeping their mouths shut, so married couples, beware! Steer clear of anyone who is constantly putting someone else down, for whatever reason. Gossip ultimately destroys peoples' lives and marriages and yours could be next.

Photo credit: My 7th Life