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Working With Difficult Co-workers

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Learning to Work With Difficult Co-Workers

Some people are just hard to work with. No matter what you do or say, they seem to argue with you, ignore you, or in some other way cause trouble for you. I call them difficult co-workers.

While it can be really frustrating to work with difficult co-workers, there is hope. Using assertive communication skills to handle the inevitable confrontations you will have with them, you can often resolve conflicts and find a way to work together.

You may never learn to like each other, but you can learn to work with difficult co-workers.

For regular communication, conflict resolution, team building, and parenting updates, check out my blog: The Recovering Engineer.

Photo from www.sxc.hu

Here's What You Will Find On This Page

  1. Practice Self-Control
  2. Video on the Power of Controlling Your Emotions
  4. Reminder: Control Your Response
  6. Ideas To Keep In Mind As You Work With Difficult Co-workers
  7. Related Lenses
  8. Where To Get Further Insights
  9. RecoveringEngineer.com
  10. Recommended Reading
  11. What Other Bloggers Have To Say About Working With Difficult Co-Workers
  12. What do you think? What's your experience? What have you done that works?

Practice Self-Control

Probably the hardest part of working with a difficult co-worker.

I have had my share of difficult co-workers. I have had the person who whines all day about how bad their life is and how bad the company treats them. I have worked with the person on the verge of retirement that simultaneously avoids work and complains about being overworked. I have worked along side people who had body odor, bad breath, loud voices, argumentative spirits, angry outbursts, and pretty much anything else you can imagine. And the hardest lesson I have learned is this: I have to control me so that they don't.

I'll offer specific suggestions for working with difficult people in another part of this page. For now, I want to make this one point very clear. I don't like the lesson. It puts much of the burden on me. You may not like it either. I definitely understand. However, whether you or I like it or not does not seem to change its value.

When you lose it in a conversation, gossip about them, argue with them, ignore them, or criticize them; you supply the ammunition they use against you. Your behavior helps them to justify any bad behavior they might take towards you.

Step one - practice self-control.

Image from www.picapp.com

Video on the Power of Controlling Your Emotions

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Important!

Reminder: Control Your Response

You are the only person that you can control. No matter what they do, control your response. Self-control will give you greater influence with them.

Ideas To Keep In Mind As You Work With Difficult Co-workers

Not a step-by-step guide. Just some guiding thoughts.

  1. They don't usually have any direct control over you. Don't give it to them. Control your response so that you don't encourage their negative behaviors by giving them any ammunition to use against you or to justify their bad behaviors.

  2. Treat them with unconditional respect no matter what they do. Sarcasm, verbal attacks, and gossip will seldom help the situation.

  3. Protect your interests without violating theirs. Assertively confront their bad behaviors.

  4. Be prepared to listen to them. They may have a perspective or outlook that you have not considered. As Patrick Lencioni says, "people don't have a need to get their way as much as they have a need to be heard and understood." When you listen to them, they just may cease to be a difficult person.

  5. Focus most of your energy on clear communication skills. Many difficulties with other people stem from misunderstanding. Your effort to understand their perspective and to clearly state yours does not guarantee that they will cease being "difficult." Your efforts in this area will improve the odds of resolving your differences.

Related Lenses

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Where To Get Further Insights

Executive Leadership Coaching
Articles, tips, and insights to help business leaders and business owners grow their teams and get results.
Principle Driven Consulting
This is my main website.

Resolving Conflict in Teams Blog
My blog on this topic.

Co-Worker From Hell? 5 Ways to Deal
How YOU deal with a difficult co-worker can make all the difference in the world. You'd be surprised how much you can do to change a difficult co-worker.

The Impossible Colleague - Tips For Dealing With Difficult Coworkers
Got a co-worker who is difficult, impossible or hard to get along with? You have to read these tips and reduce stress.

Dealing with difficult co-workers
When it comes to dealing with difficult co-workers, however, HR managers may struggle with when and how to intervene. They don't want to over-react every ...

Ten Tips for Dealing with Difficult Coworkers | Labor & Employment ...
A good list of things to think about as you work with difficult co-workers.

We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations
What you have here is a brief synopsis of best practice strategies: a checklist of action items to think about before going into the conversation.

Leadership and Management Success Tips: Communication Success Tips ...
You can become effective at holding difficult conversations. Practice and these steps will help build your comfort level to hold difficult conversations.

Free DISC Profile
Insights to understand yourself so that you can control your response more effectively.

RecoveringEngineer.com

The Recovering Engineer's Blog

RecoveringEngineer.com is about learning to get out of your own way. It is about learning to take a close look at your thoughts, feelings, responses, and reactions to find better and more effective ways to build and maintain relationships.



I write from the perspective of a person who does not, by nature, enjoy interacting with people, and who has chosen to constantly work on developing the skills necessary to connect, communicate, live, and work effectively with others.


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Recommended Reading

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What Other Bloggers Have To Say About Working With Difficult Co-Workers

Book review: The Founder's Dilemma by Noam Wasserman
Founding Team Issues: Here's one which I know that it might have implications for start-ups seeking funding: ?Should I launch the business myself or try to attract co-founders?? or ?Should I ask my friends, family, acquaintances, co-workers or ...
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What do you think? What's your experience? What have you done that works?

Contribute your thoughts on the subject here.

  • KReneeC Apr 7, 2012 @ 6:10 pm | delete
    I have learned how to control myself. I also have learned to distance myself from others when needed. Keeping it mature and professional is what I preach. Great lens and certainly one many others can read from.
  • ih8mycow Feb 18, 2012 @ 10:07 pm | delete
    Self control is important but sometimes even that can be put in vain. One time, I was already so pissed at my co-worker that I sent him an anonymous email via this site called ihatemycoworker.com just so I can release the pent up emotions.
  • traceysfolly Oct 27, 2010 @ 6:22 pm | delete
    Good advice for everyone. There are way too many difficult people out there!
  • TimArends Jul 29, 2010 @ 10:35 pm | delete
    Great "Self-Control" image! LOL
  • TimArends Jul 29, 2010 @ 10:35 pm | delete
    Great "Self-Control" image! LOL
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recoveringengineer

Hi, my name is Guy Harris. I am a trainer, speaker, author, and consultant. I am a certified human behavior specialist and a workplace conflict resolution... more »

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