The Funniest Hurley Quotes Ever

s1e1 - Pilot, Part 1:

Anymore, uh ... you know, baby stuff?

Technically, you know, we don't even know if we're on an island.

s1e2 - Pilot, Part 2:

I'm not so good around blood, man.

Dude.

s1e3 - Tabula Rasa:

So how do you know it wasn't a dinosaur?

s1e4 - Walkabout:

Jethro here's hoarding the last of the peanuts.

There is no rest of the food, dude. We kind of-ate it all.

s1e5 - White Rabbit:

Maybe we can make one of those water finding sticks.

I mean, dogs can find pot and bombs, so I'm sure they can find water.

s1e6 - House of the Rising Sun:

Guys, that Chinese dude is going to get pretty crispy out here. How long are you going to keep him tied down like that?

s1e7 -The Moth:

Locke's out in the jungle killing stuff. Who knows where he is.

Dude, you rock.

s1e8 - Confidence Man:

Wow, man. That was awesome. I mean, that was like a -- Jedi moment.

I'm a big guy, it's going to be a while before you're going to want to give me a piggy back ride, okay?

s1e9 - Solitary:

Dude, I'm just saying, it'd be sweet if we could have, I don't know, something to do.

Welcome, to the first, and hopefully last, Island Open.

Rich idiots fly to tropical islands all the time to whack balls around.

I mean, we're lost on an island, running from boars and monsters -- freakin' polar bears.

s1e10 - Raised by Another:

Right on, love Canada, great. Uh, well that should do it. Thanks for your time, dude.

s1e11 - All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues:

Back home, I'm known as something of a warrior myself.

s1e13 - Hearts and Minds:

I hope so, because people need food, man -- solid food. This isn't a game, man.

You're going to have to pee on my foot, man.

s1e14 - Special:

Yo, dudes. Got a new tourney lined up. We're playing for the last of the deodorant sticks.

s1e15 - Homecoming:

Scott Jackson worked for an internet company in Santa Cruz. He won a sales prize: two week Australian vacation, all expenses paid. He was a good guy. Sorry, I kept calling you Steve, man. Um, amen, I guess.

s1e16 - Outlaws:

This is going to end with you and me running through the jungle screaming and crying. He catches me first because I'm heavy and I get cramps.

s1e17 - ...In Translation:

You should try sea urchin. They've got more ping.

Look, everybody chill out.

s1e18 - Numbers:

Dude, I could really use some alone time right now.

I'm a big guy, I get dehydrated easy.

Yo! French chick!

The numbers are cursed. Dude, don't look at me like that, I'm not crazy. This is real.

Dudes, chill.

Okay, that thing in the woods, maybe it's a monster, maybe it's a pissed off giraffe, I don't know.

When you find a laundromat, let me know.

s1e19 - Deus Ex Machina:

Dude, it looks like someone steam rolled Harry Potter.

s1e20 - Do No Harm:

Whoa, dude. You alright, man? You're looking kind of goth.

s1e21 - The Greater Good:

Dude, it's washed -- washed the spider out. Unless it's some kind of British version?

Any deposits? You know, diaper-wise?

s1e22 - Born to Run:

I'm on bamboo duty, but yeah, sometimes I help refill the water.

s1e23 -Exodus, Part 1:

Why not? I remember it from the plane's manifest. I think Leslie's a bitchin' name.

Dude, we've got to book.

Dude, I thought you were dead.

s1e24 - Exodus, Part 2:

Like the security system that eats people?

Stacks of TV dinners from the 50's, or something. And TVs with cable, some cell phones, clean socks, soap, Twinkies -- you know, for dessert, after the TV dinners. Twinkies keep for, like, 8000 years, man.

Hey, old guy? I'll give you 500 bucks to borrow your scooter.

Can I have the flashlight? Because, uh, the torch with the dynamite thing, that's not making a whole lot of sense to me.

s2e1 - Man of Science, Man of Faith:

Great idea, dude, go look into the burning death hole.

s2e2 - Adrift:

What about all that stuff you said about waiting 'til morning and watching the sun rise?

s2e3 - Orientation:

It's about time things are finally returning to normalness.

s2e4 - Everybody Hates Hugo:

Dude, you speak English.

DHARMA Initiative Salad Dressing - Ranch composite. Sounds tasty.

s2e5 - ...And Found:

So, Seoul. Is that in the good Korea or the bad Korea?

Dude, dogs will eat anything. When I was a kid, my dog, Buster -- I had this drawer where I'd throw in all my change, right -- and I guess there were some Smarties in there -- so, like, the next day, Buster craps out a $1.35 in nickels.

s2e6 - Abandoned:

Oh, it's because of the doomsday button, isn't it?

s238 - Collision:

Dude, double or nothing, there's no way you're hitting it that far.

s2e9 - What Kate Did:

So, Rose's husband's white. Didn't see that one coming.

s2e11 - The Hunting Party:

He stole some guns and he went all commando. He said he was going after Walt. Later dudes, gotta get to the hatch.

She's kind of cute, right? You know, in a I've-been-terrorized-by-the-Others-for-40-days kind of way.

s2e12 - Fire ± Water:

That Libby chick seems pretty cool. I mean, is she?

I'm kind of waiting for my moment.

It washes clothes. That's all I need to know.

s2e13 - The Long Con:

Just trying to cheer you up, dude.

s2e14 - One of Them:

This is how people get killed in scary movies.

Fine, go ahead. Tell everyone the fat guy's been hiding ranch dressing -- the fat guy likes to eat. Yeah, I'm fat. Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat. You think I don't know that? At least people like me. You know what? Find the damn frog by yourself.

s2e16 - The Whole Truth:

Hey, Sun. Look what I found in the middle of the jungle. It's not even melted or nothing. Crazy, huh? You want to split it?

s2e17 - Lockdown:

Dude, I got a killer hand, here.

Jack and Sawyer are finally going to beat each other up.

s2e18 - Dave:

I kind of prefer breathing.

Did either of you see a guy run through here -- in a bathrobe, with a coconut?

Dude, that's celery. Celery is not a snack.

I'm just going to live alone and be one of those guys -- you know, the crazy guys -- with a big beard and no clothes who's naked and throws doodie at people.

s2e19 - S.O.S.:

No way. I'm on a new diet. Nothing but fish and water; and fish and water.

Dude, we, like, built a raft. But it got blown up.

s2e20 - Two for the Road:

Dude, nice hole.

They didn't have "Say Anything" in Baghdad? It's awesome. This dude, like, gets his boom box and he holds it over his head outside this chick's window and he plays some Peter Gabriel song for her and bam, the girl's, like, his. I mean, after her dad goes to jail. But then he gets her.

s2e21 - ?:

I'm sorry I forgot the blankets. I'm sorry I forgot the blankets.

s2e23 - Live Together, Die Alone:

No way. I'm not even going to kill someone.

s3e3 - Further Instructions:

Dude.

Bear? Is that you? Who's there?

So, like, the hatch blew off your underwear?

I'm just saying, if you had this magic key the whole time why didn't you, like, use it?

You're not going to, like, turn into the Hulk, or something.

s3e4 - Every Man for Himself:

Is that -- art?

s3e5 - The Cost of Living:

Not that we, like, know what a trail looks like.

s3e8 - Flashes Before Your Eyes:

He would want us to ransack his tent and take his stash? Yeah, that sounds exactly like Sawyer.

I'll tell you how he knew -- that guy sees the future, dude.

s3e10 - Tricia Tanaka Is Dead:

I'm kind of cursed. Death finds me, dude.

Uh, I like chicken.

Mr. Clucks got hit by a meteor, or an asteroid. I don't know the difference but it's gone.

Yeah, crafty. It's like, when you're good at -- crafts. Nevermind.

Dude, that beer's been sitting there since before Rocky III, maybe even II. It's probably poison by now.

Shut up! Red -- neck -- man.

s3e11 - Enter 77:

Look, dude, all I know is the sky turned purple. After that I don't ask questions. Just make myself a salad and move on.

s3e14 - Exposé:

Only of the most awesome hour of television ever. It's like Baywatch only better. Its about Autumn and Crystal, two strippers that solve crimes with the help of their swarve smooth-talking club owner, Mr. LaShade.

What exactly is a perimeter sweep?

No offence dude but, as far as superpowers go, yours is kinda lame. Thanks anyway.

s3e15 - Left Behind:

Dude you stink. What is that, fish?

Moms love it when you show an interest in their babies. You should go over there, say something nice. Call her Claire.

s3e16 - One of Us:

So. You're like one of them, huh?

s3e17 - Catch-22:

And Flash would totally win cause he can like, vibrate through walls and stuff.

This is future crap isn't it?

Just one thing, last time I followed this wire into the jungle, I almost got ca-bobbed by one of Rousseau's spiky death-trap things.

Dude, seriously I'm gonna have a coronary.

s3e18 - D.O.C.:

Just a book, fancy radio phone thingy.

s3e19 - The Brig:

So is that like a radio?

s3e20 - The Man Behind the Curtain:

Dude, you know what I'm saying? It can't be worse than haggis.

s3e21 - Greatest Hits:

I dunno. Stuff. Probably secret stuff.

s3e22 - Through the Looking Glass:

Attention, Others. Come in, Others. If you're listening in, I want you to know that we got you bastards. And, unless the rest of you wanna be blown up, you best stay away from our beach

s4e1 - The Beginning of the End:

Hey. Did you guys make it to that radio tower thingy yet?

I wanna do a cannonball. I've been walking up and down this beach everyday and looking out at this water. And I wanna do a cannonball.

You don't wait with warnings dude, you warn.

No need to freak out? I'm trying to buy some jerky and a slushy, and suddenly you're standing over there by the Ho Hos. You're dead, what do you expect me to do?

Never say never, dude.

s4e2 - Confirmed Dead:

Fourty-eight of us survived the crash, that's not counting the tail-section. They're pretty much all dead now

s4e3 - The Economist:

Oh, awesome. The ship sent us another Sawyer.

I saw you snap that guy's neck with that break dancing thing you do with your legs. I think I'll hang back here.

s4e4 - Eggtown:

You just totally Scooby-Dood me, didn't you.

s4e9 - The Shape of Things to Come:

Can't believe you're just giving him Australia. Australia's the key to the whole game.

s4e10 - Something Nice Back Home:

'Cause we're dead... all of us. All the Oceanic Six--we're all dead. We never got off that island.

s4e11 - Cabin Fever:

Who builds a cabin in the middle of the jungle anyway?

Here you go. Drink up, dude. Digging through dead bodies takes it out of you.

s4e12 - There's No Place Like Home, Part 1:

Was that directed at me, Dude?

Well, if you could move the island whenever you wanted, why didn't you just move it before the psychos with guns got here?

s4e13 - There's No Place Like Home, Parts 2 & 3:

I don't know. Leader stuff?

Dude, I've been having regular conversations with dead people. The last thing I need now is paranoia.

s5e1 - Because You Left:

You know, maybe if you ate more comfort food you wouldn't have to go around shooting people.

I need a cool code name.

s5e2 - The Lie:

I like Shih Tzus.

We go to a hospital, they'll find us! Like--like The Godfather. It's the last place you go. Everyone knows it. Wh--they--they smother you with pillows and make it look like an accident.

He is my friend... but he's also got this double life where he does crazy Ninja moves and spy stuff.

s5e6 - 316:

Dude... you might wanna fasten your seat belt.

s5e7 - The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham:

I'm sorry, dude. I don't think that's gonna happen. Jack's a doctor now, and--and Sun's, like, got her baby, and Kate's got Aaron.

s5e9 - Namaste:

Dude, your English is awesome.

What if they start asking us questions we can't answer, like, uh, who's president in 1977?

s5e10 - He's Our You:

"Together" as... They live together. Like, not as roommates. You know, "together" like you guys were. I thought it was kind of obvious.

s5e11 - Whatever Happened, Happened:

"Back to the Future," man. We came back in time to the island and changed stuff. So if little Ben dies, he'll never grow up to be big Ben, who's the one who made us come back here in the first place. Which means we can't be here. And therefore, dude? We don't exist.

s5e13 - Some Like It Hoth:

Why don't we carpool? It'll help with global warming, which hasn't happened yet, so maybe we can prevent it.

You're just jealous my powers are better than yours.

You know, and maybe he'll let you hold baby you, or you can change your own diaper.

In Empire, Luke found out Vader was his father, but instead of putting away his lightsaber and talking about it, he overreacted and got his hand cut off. I mean, they worked it out eventually, but at what cost? Another Death Star was destroyed, Boba Fett got eaten by the Sarlacc, and we got the Ewoks. It all could've been avoided if they'd just, you know, communicated. And let's face it. The Ewoks sucked, dude.

s5e14 - The Variable:

After all we did to get back here? And now we're just gonna run off again? It'd be kinda wishy-washy.

s5e15 - Follow the Leader:

All right, dude, we're from the future. Sorry.

s5e16 - The Incident, Parts 1 & 2:

Look, dude... there are men with tranquilizer guns hunting me down like an animal.

Jail. I was there 'cause I killed three people. But I didn't really. I guess they figured it out.

Don't worry, dude. Everything'll be fine when Jack changes the future... or the past. One of those.

s6e1 - LA X, Parts 1 & 2:

• Nothing bad ever happens to me. I'm the luckiest guy alive.


• Hey, excuse me, I carried that case across the ocean and like, through time, so I wanna know what that paper says.

s6e2 - What Kate Does:

• It's the Others, dude. They caught us. Again.


• You're not a zombie, right?

s6e3 - The Substitute:

• Call this number and tell them that Hugo said to hook you up with a new job, pronto.

s6e4 - Lighthouse:

• I'm just you know...looking...because I'm a fan of ...temples and like history...Indiana Jones stuff.


• OK it's bad enough you already made me write down way too much stuff, and I just lied to a Samurai.


• He's kind of dead. Turns up whenever he wants, like Obi-Wan Kenobi.


• Wait a sec. What if we time-travelled again? To, like, dinosaur times?

s6e5 - Dr. Linus:

• Is this, like, a Terminator thing? Are you a cyborg?