Funny One Liners - 3

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I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.

Conference, n. The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

My biggest problem with the younger generation is I'm not in it.

My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.

Some open minds should be closed for repairs.

If you need space then work at NASA.

Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

It's okay to let your mind go blank; but please turn off the sound.

If at first you don't succeed, buy her another beer.

Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.

I don't love salsa dancing. I love salsa just the way it is.

A dollar saved is a dime earned. The rest is taxes.

Why do doctors call what they do "practice?"

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