Best of Funny Quotes on Twitter

Best of:

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  retweet | reply CarlGiwa Dec 21, 2011 @ 11:18 pm

  "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." (Dan Quayle) http://twttrlist.com/111k

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  retweet | reply TreyPinczewski Oct 21, 2011 @ 10:19 pm

  Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the fuck is the ceiling!? #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply MarvinMacatol Oct 21, 2011 @ 8:23 pm

  Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. - P. Poundstone #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply MarvinMacatol Oct 21, 2011 @ 8:22 pm

  "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." -Lily Tomlin #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply MarvinMacatol Oct 21, 2011 @ 8:22 pm

  Best time to give advice to children is while they're young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. -Evan Esar #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply shadowstains Sep 15, 2011 @ 12:48 pm

  Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply Archangel3_16 Sep 15, 2011 @ 8:25 am

  He who laughs last , didn't get it :P #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply _AWESOME_one Jul 25, 2011 @ 8:54 am

  "Thats not a talent, thats a birth defect" ctfu #FunnyQuotes

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  retweet | reply _ka_1 Jul 25, 2011 @ 3:08 am

  Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply pixelmakers_uk Jul 25, 2011 @ 2:05 am

  #funnyQuotes "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder"

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  retweet | reply jackwpayne Jul 24, 2011 @ 11:53 pm

  Politicians and diapers have 1 thing in common; they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. #FunnyQuotes #Fun #Plot

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  retweet | reply eachshininghour May 11, 2011 @ 9:49 pm

  "She decorated her kitchen according to the color of her juice"

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  retweet | reply eachshininghour May 10, 2011 @ 4:36 pm

  "Yesterday I studied for an hour, and then I found myself on the floor on a robe singing 'This Land Is Your Land' to myself"

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  retweet | reply eachshininghour May 9, 2011 @ 6:47 pm

  "My #cat is a horrible #human being. Except he's not a human being. Anyways, my cat is a horrible person"

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  retweet | reply Fajriperdana Apr 15, 2011 @ 12:03 pm

  "Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply DarrenP_82 Apr 15, 2011 @ 6:56 am

  If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends? #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply BrittasLegacy Apr 15, 2011 @ 4:25 am

  "I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply TheQuotesBot Apr 14, 2011 @ 3:32 pm

  The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. #FunnyQuotes #Quotes

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  retweet | reply MelissaPappas Apr 14, 2011 @ 10:39 am

  “I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” -Britney Spears #funnyquotes

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  retweet | reply Mighty_PP Mar 8, 2011 @ 5:44 pm

  Why has the US stopped printing the Pamela Anderson Stamp? Because guys keep licking the wrong side." #funnyquotes

Community write-ins:

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  retweet | reply 0_Bingo Jan 27, 2012 @ 4:03 am

  Just because you invented fire,doesnot mean you have to burn your fingers http://twttrlist.com/111k