funny quotes and sayings

cool mug by peepalala
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A sign of celebrity is often that their name is worth more than their services.
Daniel J. Boorstin

Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
- Gordon Dickson

Dance like no one's going to put it on YouTube.
- SellyBear

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- Dan Quayle


Mustache Aviator Mug by the_little_gift_shop
Sell art online at Zazzle.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. George Burns

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
Joey Adams

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
Tallulah Bankhead

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. Oscar Wilde

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- W. C. Fields.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?" --Lily Tomlin

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?" --Robin Williams

Sugar Skull w/ flowers by Keldug
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For I don't care too much for money, for money can't buy me love." - The Beatles

Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who'll get the blame. - Bertrand Russell

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have on something they don't need.
- Will Rogers

"Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin."
- John von Neumann

A penny saved is a penny earned." - Benjamin Franklin

It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
- Dolph Sharp