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Funny Retirement Quotes

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Here's to You!

If you're about to retire or know someone who is, there's a certain amount of emotion that goes with the whole event. You want to keep your spirits up and enter this new portion of your life with levity and a great attitude. So make yourself, or someone else, laugh.

A site called www.retirement-quotes.com offers some of the best retirement poems and sayings. They call their site the Retirement Poems Café and it's filled with lively and amusing thoughts on retirement.

You can read them yourself and chuckle or you can write them on your congratulations gifts for a friend or retiring co worker. They encourage you at the site to use them for free.

An Ode to Old Age

Poetry in Age

There's quite an art to falling apart
As the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40.
That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not:
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's Vapo Rub, not Chanel #5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But, what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names there, I'll once again start -
perfecting the art of falling apart.
- Unknown Wise Person

The money is no better in retirement but the hours sure are!

- Author Unknown

Funny Retirement Items

on Cafepress

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When you see some people work you wonder what they will do in retirement...

- Author Unknown

Another Helpful Link

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When someone is retiring, they are starting off on the rest of their lives. Most people don't retire and sit home, so you want to kick off their new future with a festive party. If you're planning the party, you'll want to make it memorable, fun, and lively. Here are some ideas to get you star
Top 10 Places to Retire in the U.S.
There are many luxurious places to call home, but when your time comes to retire, do you know where you want to live? Here are a few awesome places to call your own.
Retirement Card Message Ideas
When it comes time for someone special to you to retire, what do you say in the card? Chances are you'll be at a loss for words to tell your friend just how you feel. Here are some ideas you can use to help you get started.
10 Reasons to Congratulate Someone
There are many reasons why you might congratulate someone. Maybe it's a new baby, a new home, a recent degree, or retirement even! But do you know what some of the top reasons are? Find out!

Funny Retirement Spoof

Inspiration Video

Bill Gates' spoof retirement video
by computerworld | video info

239 ratings | 89,303 views
curated content from YouTube

Ode to Retirement

Why Not?

I can read and write and paint.
Can even aspire to be a saint.
Left alone,
I could travel, teach and tutor.
Share guide and mentor Someone.
You my friends can remain blind
And kind
Or see in me a New find
Making again a difference.

- Ramasami Natarajan

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.

- R.C. Sherriff

More Funny Goods

from Cafepress.com

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Retirement - It's All in How You Play the Game

Isn't It?

Let's see now. How will I know when I am a senior.
Hmmmmmmm.....
Some places give me a senior's discount at 55, some at 60 and some at 65.
My government pension will be sent to me when I am 65.
My company will arbitrarily retire me at 65.
(I'm going to beat them to the punch and retire at 60.)
So that means that parts of our society think 'senior' begins at 55.
How will I personally know?
Well, with a little bit of luck, I don't think I'll ever know.
It's all in how you play the game, isn't it?
- Unknown wise person

Congratulate the retirement of the golf loving type in your life with a golf gift basket.

Other Nice Lenses

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Aged Comments Please

Leave your quirky retirement quotes here!

  • Steve_Kaye Apr 7, 2012 @ 7:07 pm | delete
    Once you retire all of the rules change. I plan to be four years old for the rest of my life.
  • SayGuddaycom Apr 6, 2012 @ 4:39 pm | delete
    Good stuff.
  • CruiseReady Feb 15, 2012 @ 12:12 pm | delete
    Ha - I had to laugh at the watch quote. So true!
  • vallain Jan 31, 2012 @ 9:06 pm | delete
    Being retired is lots of fun. I certainly recommend it.
  • iCare4uk Oct 18, 2011 @ 8:18 am | delete
    Nice lens - cheered up my day
  • NevermoreShirts Sep 22, 2011 @ 2:51 pm | delete
    Great stuff - got a good laugh out of them. One of these days, that'll be me...
  • mountainstevo Jul 19, 2011 @ 2:59 pm | delete
    I love the watch joke! Why do they give someone who is retiring a watch?
  • kimark421 May 9, 2011 @ 9:39 am | delete
    Great lens! I've always thought that energy is wasted on youth.Your energy level should increase as you get older and by the time you retire you're rarin' to go all the time. Alas, life isn't always fair, or logical.
  • Ladymermaid Apr 26, 2011 @ 9:13 am | delete
    This topic would fit perfectly into Healthy living-Aging-Retirement. Best wishes.
  • Stonecutter Apr 13, 2011 @ 9:05 pm | delete
    What a great lens, the Bill Gates video was incredibly funny.
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Pinkchic18

I am a style lover with a passion for decor, party planning, and interesting stuff! I love finding new things to share with friends and family. I also... more »

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