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Funny Stories To Make Your Day

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Do You Need A Funny Story Today?

Life in today's world can really be a drag or a party. We spend most of our day working, parenting, digging and scratching. Have you ever wanted to have a place to go to absolutely unwind and laugh? That is the point of this lens. To make you laugh.

I have been writing for many years, and without a doubt my funny stories are the ones that people always ask about. Sometimes they are articles, how to's (with appropriate sarcasm), or just plain old true stories that found their way into my brain. Whatever the case, they are the things that make me unique in this huge world of the internet.

I welcome you to this page, and I hope I can elicit at least one or two nuggets of laughter from you during your visit. If nothing else, I hope these funny stories at least make you smile, and take a break from your day....

Please be sure to bookmark this lens as I will be adding at least one story to it every other day or so. If you like what you read, please take the time to send funny stories to someone that you love. If you do not like these funny stories, then send them to someone you hate.

Either way, I hope you will send them......

Enough rabble, lets get to the funny!

The Insane Woman Driver In My Life

It really is a funny thing....those women drivers

Having just gotten back from our family vacation, a wonderful 300-mile trek to the beach, I got a heaping helping of my wife and her driving expertise. Regardless of who was behind the wheel, she was clearly the expert, and she taught me some things about driving safely.

Several hundred spooky miles later, I am back in the safety of my chair and writing this article. Since this particular subject is one that I am certain my fellow husbands have also dealt with, I decided to share some nuggets of insane driving wisdom that my wife shared with me. Some are observations of my own, while others are directly from her though I am not sure that really matters while doing 90 down the highway.

Insane Driving safety tip number 1 -- Stop signs, stop lights, yield signs, traffic lights, and speed limits are merely suggestions. My wife can smell a yellow light coming miles before she actually gets to it. She has no qualms about hitting the gas and speeding to get through it if it will save us twelve seconds. Yielding is a personal challenge to my wife. If she comes to a yield sign and sees someone coming, that means to step on it, and let them follow the yield sign instructions.

Insane Driving safety tip number 2 -- Speed limits are the minimum. If the sign says 70, this actually means that it is acceptable to go 80. If it is raining, snowing, or you are passing through the eye of a hurricane, then she feels that you should stay at the speed on the sign. When questioned about her logic on this, she simply said that if I did not be quiet, that she would pull over and let me drive instead. She did not mean that because I tried.

Insane Driving safety tip number 3 -- Merge means to get the hell out of her way. No explanation needed.

Insane Driving safety tip number 4 -- Stopping at the gas station for the occasional bathroom break is a sign of weakness. While not an actual driving tip, this one still comes into play when going on a long vacation. I thought about bringing a bedpan but it just was not practical. Two kids, a bouncing car, and a wife driving 90 does not make for optimal peeing conditions.

Insane Driving safety tip number 5 -- Unexpected car problems are always my fault. Blew a tire? My fault. Blown head gasket? My fault. Stroke from the argument? My fault.

Insane Driving safety tip number 6 -- Being early means being on time. This is traditionally a husband thing, but my wife will hit the turbo button in our car before being 5 seconds late to our destination. I honestly think that she would rather die than be late or go at a normal speed. I have often wondered if her mother was visited by Richard Petty around the time of her conception.

Insane Driving safety tip number 7 -- Turning into a curve means everything in the car will fly to the other side. She turns and hits the gas. Everything on the dash ends up in the floor and we pick it all up once again. (Repeat after every turn)

We are planning another vacation in October....... Someone please get me my inhaler.

Dating My Daughters Will NOT Be Easy

Good Luck Buddy

My daughters are running back and forth as I write this, laughing and playing with innocence. Life experience tells me that the years of innocence is growing shorter by the generations. It will not be long and they will be coming to me and wanting to date. Assuming my heart remains ticking when that day comes, I wanted to come up with a list of requirements of all of their potential suitors now while I have some small measure of a sane mind. The following are some of the more important aspects of my requirements.

All boys must be smaller than my girls - I do realize the emotional ramifications of forcing my girls to date boys smaller than them, but in a tough situation my girls will have the physical edge.

All potential suitors must pass a lie detector test - I did hijack this rule from "Meet the Parents" and I do not see what was so funny about his using it.

The boy must be willing to date on my couch with me in the room for the first three dates. Any boy that is not willing to do so has bad intentions.

The boy must not be shaving yet. If he has bristles, he has puberty raging in his loins. That is simply unacceptable until they are thirty.

The boy must be willing to recite this rules back to me, and express full understanding of them in a way which makes me feel better. Multiple attempts to do so will result in immediate disqualification.

The boy must be polite and open the door for my girls. If they are not willing to do so, they are not worthy of my daughter's attentions.

The boy had best not have his pants dragging the ground with his butt crack showing to me. That will incur the wrath of the highest order. Nothing perturbs me more than baggy pants flashing underwear at me.

Finally, the boy had better be able to behave himself during our acceptance dinner. Our acceptance dinner is where he comes for dinner and sits down at the table with our family. I will then proceed to observe him for an hour or two, and find out all about him.

It really is not to hard to win me over. Each of the rules are completely logical and easy to follow. I do realize that I might just lose my mind when that time comes, and might need some completely reasonable thoughts nearby to refer to. This is my attempt. I may have them posted on the wall of my living room. It would not be fair for them not to see the requirements after all.

For those of you that are going to take this seriously, please know that this is written in jest. I am not nearly this unreasonable, and will be flexible when the time comes. I do not really expect that any boy follow all of these rules...... Or do I?

Links To Other Funny Stories on the Web

Hilarious Stuff Here

This list is going to be a treasure trove of funny material. If you would like to have a link listed here, please contact me and I will likely add it....if it makes me laugh!
Is Dora the Explorer The Next Celebrity Scandal?
Dora the Explorer must be feeling the pressure to adapt to the current trends of child stars trying to grow up to soon. Having spent a large number of years as a child superstar and hero, Dora the Explorer...
Idioms that Irritate - Eight Expressions that Must Die - Associated Content
Funny story this is not, but it certainly will tickle your funny bone. Check out just how silly our expressions have become in today's society.
Five Tips for Men to Survive Chick Flick Night - Associated Content
Want to hear something truly funny? Here is a great article about men, women, and the dreaded chick flick night.
Adorable Babies and Their Nasty, Annoying Ways - Associated Content
This is a view of babies that is sure to make you think about that adorable baby in a new way. You have to read this one!
Five Southern Fried Stereotypes - Countrified Racism? - Associated Content
Have you ever heard those redneck jokes? This is one country boys views on just how silly some of them are, and how true they may be.
Top Ten Ways People Are Disgusting in Public - Associated Content
People can truly be disgusting while out in public. This article reveals the ten worst habits found in our society today, and makes it funny. If we can not laugh about it, then we would cry after all.
The Top Ten Reasons that Women Lose Their Men
Women throughout the world love their men. Men love to be loved by their women. What then, is the problem with relationships between a man and a woman? Sometimes it is the delivery, sometimes it is the package, but it is always funny. If you are a woman, and you are losing your man, then here are the top ten things that you should look into quickly to see if you recognize yourself.
The Top Ten Signs That You Are Addicted to Free Online Games: Do You Recognize Yourself?
Are you or a loved one addicted to free online games? Many of us certainly might be, but just how would we judge that? In response to this question, I have come up with a brand new top ten list of how to know if you are addicted to free online games.
Walmart, Starbucks and Other Minor Pains in The...
Now this is funny. Everyday problems put into perfectly short and funny jokes. Come and have a brisk funny story wash over you.
Public Bathroom Etiquette for Dudes
Men and public bathrooms simply were not made for each other. Whether it is the underlying machismo, or the repeated need to urinate in strange places, a public bathroom just goes against most every male instinct.
Top Ten Ways to Lose Your Woman Quickly
After sitting through another viewing of the movie How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, my mind could not help but run through how this movie might go in reverse. For those that have not seen the movie, it is about all the things that a woman does to drive a man away.

Not to be outdone, we men have some pretty quirky habits ourselves. What better opportunity to list the top ten things that men can do to lose his woman?
What is with the Remote Control and My Wife? Give it Already!
Having a remote control is like holding the keys to a brand new car to my wife. If you happen to be sitting in the living room while she has the remote control in her hand, you may as well figure on not focusing. Something about the remote control makes my bride lose all common sense. She will flip channels so fast that there is no way on Earth she actually saw what was on.
Men! Dummy Proof Your Valentine's Day Gift
From the beginning of time, man has been put into a mismatch of the mind with women. We men have long been able to bring down the mighty buffalo, but always seem to falter when we pick out a Valentine's Day gift our woman will love. What is it in our DNA that keeps us from thinking like our women when it comes to Valentine's Day and an expression of love. What pushes us towards the toaster when we know that she really wants perfume? Is it selfish thoughts that control us and send us down the aisle of shame every year, or is it something deeper? I agree with you, it is selfishness.
Call Me Middle Age Crazy -- One Man's Descent into a Middle Age Crisis
Hitting middle age has been an adjustment for me. I have heard that the middle-age crisis is very difficult, but I never expected it to hit me. Over time I have learned that middle-age craziness is quite real. It also sneaks up on you.

Somewhere along the way, my brain did not process the fact that I was hitting middle age. I looked down one day and realized that my six pack had been switched out for a seven. I am still in pretty great shape for a middle-aged 39-year-old man, and certain parts have remained quite young looking. Father Time crept up on me somewhere between "Cheers" and "American Idol."
The Ten Commandments that a New Groom Must Follow to Survive - Associated Content
Here are ten commandments for new grooms that I have constructed to ensure a peaceful, happy marriage.

Thou shalt not lie to your bride unless it is about weight. Truth is paramount in any new marriage, and a new groom would be wise to always remember this. A new groom must be completely forthright with his bride, because she will find out. Trust me, she will.
The Ultrasound and the Viking -- a Tale of Viking Countenance
As my wife lay prone on the table nervous and shaking, I stood before her the pinnacle of manhood. I stood with the countenance of a Viking, the posture of an English gentleman, and the confidence of a peacock in a chicken's beauty contest. Most notably, my face was in full defiance of any possibility of bad news. Hopefully, my manly confidence held my wife in a cradle of security, as I was totally uncertain of how to comfort a half naked wife on a table with stirrups.
Baggy Pants and Thongs - Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?
Etiquette says that an open fly should be closed by whatever means necessary. I have always wondered if an open fly is even a big deal anymore given the current trends of wearing your pants sagging down to your crotch and flashing the world your unmentionables. The t-bar sticking out of the top of your pants has become a sex symbol throughout the world for any given female. Now, if you wear your underwear like a badge, it is a good thing. For those that are particularly cool, they simply wear none at all though you could hardly call that a style.
Idioms that Irritate - Eight Expressions that Must Die
Annoying sayings and idioms in particular really irritate me for some reason. I guess it is because they end up getting used by everyone, and half of the people do not even know the meaning of the idiom itself. Here are a number of idioms used all the time, and why they annoy me.

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rodneysouthern

My name is Rodney Southern and I am a writer. I have a wonderful wife and two beautiful twin daughters that are simply fantastic. I love nature, sport... more »

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