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Funny Wedding & Marriage Quotes

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Quotes on Weddings and Marriages

There are many who believe that 'Marriage is not a word - it is a sentence!' Whether you are indeed 'married' or if you are 'single', I am sure that funny quotes on weddings and marriages always tend to put a wicked smile to the face. It is often said that 'People who are married are often desperate to get out of it and people who are single can't wait to get in!'

Either way, please feel free to get-in and explore these selections of quotable quotes from some famous people who have managed to see the lighter side to this oft forlorn institution! Wish you a happy reading time and make sure to share it with your friends on fb or Twitter!

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Contents at a Glance

Hanged & Framed
Please Read Rules - For Men
A photograph of a wedding license from 1...
2012 Wedding Invitations with Unique Des...
Funny Quotes on Marriage
Faire part mariage pas cher, original, p...
It's Half-Past
Divorce & Diverse Quotations
The World According to Girls
Fighting for Your Marriage
Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings
Just divorced!
Bookmark This Page!
For the Love of Quotes!
Marriage!
Selections on Marriages & Weddings
Selections from eBay
Funny Marriage News

Hanged & Framed

via Wikimedia Commons

"The proper basis for a marriage is mutual misunderstanding."

Oscar Wilde

Please Read Rules - For Men

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From AllPosters.com

A photograph of a wedding license from 1883.

via Wikimedia Commons

2012 Wedding Invitations with Unique Designs

Cheap Wedding Invitations

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Funny Quotes on Marriage

"Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy." - Anon

"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner

"Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere." - Groucho Marx

"Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit." - Billy Connolly

"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together." - Hemant Joshi

"Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you." - Helen Rowland

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henny Youngman

"All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble." - Raymond Hull

"Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot." - Anon

"Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up." - Evelyn Hendrickson

"Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash." - Joyce Brothers

"For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked." - Bill Cosby

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." - Erma Bombeck

"Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too." - H L Mencken

"Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering." - Anon

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." - Rita Rudner

"Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give." - Cass Daley

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran

"Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do." - Bettina Arndt

"Marriage is like a game of cards. Starts with two hearts and a diamond and ends with clubs and a spade." - Anon

"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war." - G K Chesterton

"Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree." - Anon

"Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers." - Alan King

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late." - Max Kauffmann

"Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight." - George Lichtenberg

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open." - Groucho Marx

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." - Henny Youngman

"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

"All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage." - Lord Byron

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Faire part mariage pas cher, original, personnalisé

Meilleur faire part mariage

It's Half-Past

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Divorce & Diverse Quotations

"Marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce." - Anon

"You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince." - Anon

"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day." - Mickey Rooney

"Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success." - Jim Backus

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series." - Bob Hope

"I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much." - Bob Monkhouse

"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." - Woody Allen

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back." - Henny Youngman

"In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out." - Joey Adams

"In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues." - Helen Rowland

"The most dangerous food is the wedding cake." - American Proverb

"Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper." - Scottish Proverb

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years... then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." - Rodney Dangerfield

"I never mind my wife having the last word. In fact, I'm delighted when she gets to it." - Walter Matthau

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx

"My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce." - Joyce Brothers

"My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes." - Anon

"I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married." - Lewis Grizzard

"Mom and Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen, and I was three." - Billie Holiday

"My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't." - Anon

"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once." - H V Prochnow

"A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers." - Grace Hansen

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison

"I don't carry any cash anymore - I'm married." - Anon

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." - Patrick Murray

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry

"One man's folly is another man's wife." - Helen Rowland

"Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did." - Bette Davis

"Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?" - Carrie Snow

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The World According to Girls

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Fighting for Your Marriage

Fighting for Your Marriage: A Deluxe Revised Edition of the Classic Best-seller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce

by: Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg

Amazon Price: $11.40 (as of 05/30/2012)
List Price: $19.95

Reviews: 56 (46 five stars; 5 four stars)

Customer Review:
My husband and I married in our mid thirties thinking we had a lock on good communication skills and knowing we were mature enough to really make this marriage work. Nonetheless, it wasn't long before we were "mired in muck". When a small conflict arose, we found ourselves so caught up in being right and fighting our point to the death that small events escalated into huge issues. We could feel the good things in our relationship slipping away and felt helpless to fix the problem. (This was AFTER reading probably 20 different books on marriage, doing the Barbara D'Angelis program, the Gary Smally Program, attending several couples workshops, etc.). Contemplating calling it quits on our marriage, I happened accross this book, loved it, then went to a PREP workshop. Our marriage is AWESOME. We actually know how to hear and be heard and have the skills to RESOLVE the conflicts. (By the way, note the "I". My spouse hasn't read the book and refused to go to the workshop.) I learned the skills and used them in our marriage and our relationship changed. It even works with kids, in-laws, co-workers.... Yippee!

Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings: by rt20bg | video info

4 ratings | 1,436 views

IVONA currently speaks seven different languages with nineteen voices. http://zfer.us/gln4w American English: Salli, Ivy, Kimberly, Kendra, Jennifer, Joey, Eric and Chipmunk Skippy American Spanish: Penelope, Miguel British English: Emma, Amy and Brian Welsh English: Geraint, Gwyneth Welsh: Geraint, Gwyneth German: Marlene, Hans French: Celine, Mathieu Castilian Spanish: Conchita, Enrique Polish: Maja, Ewa Jacek and Jan Romanian: Carmen Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings. Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled, "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong." When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished. Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Marriage--a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose. A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once. My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. I fell in love at first sight... I should have looked twice. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage. Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers. Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men. Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic. I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

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Marriage!

War

food_monkey says:

"Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!"

TLRaghavan says:

Friendly fire!

Adventure

BiminiBahamas says:

Fun lens!

KaraHara says:

Awesome...

seemarahate says:

Great .....

Lavia_Pico says:

This is a very beautiful LENS .. I like it :-)

BeyondRoses says:

It's all adventure now. There's never been a war. I believe in that one about, "Divided We Fall, United We Stand" -- Don't think that was a marriage quote :) Don't remember who said it, must have been something to do with real war.

CharleneDavies says:

Love the 'please read rules for men'. How true!

squidoopets says:

Happy days <3

naheedahsan says:

interesting.!!!

WriterJanis says:

Actually, probably a little bit of both.

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Funny Wedding & Marriage Quotes

Quotes on Weddings and Marriages

Contents at a Glance

Contents at a Glance

Hanged & Framed

Please Read Rules - For Men

A photograph of a wedding license from 1883.

2012 Wedding Invitations with Unique Designs

Funny Quotes on Marriage

Faire part mariage pas cher, original, personnalisé

It's Half-Past

Divorce & Diverse Quotations

The World According to Girls

Fighting for Your Marriage

Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

Just divorced!

Bookmark This Page!

Share With Friends!

For the Love of Quotes!

Marriage!

War

food_monkey says:

TLRaghavan says:

Adventure

BiminiBahamas says:

KaraHara says:

seemarahate says:

Lavia_Pico says:

BeyondRoses says:

CharleneDavies says:

squidoopets says:

naheedahsan says:

WriterJanis says:

Selections on Marriages & Weddings

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3

4

5

6

7

8

9

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11

12

13

14

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18

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Selections from eBay

Funny Marriage News

Wedding Quotes from Twitter

Time for your Famous Quotes!

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