Home » Travel & Places » Transportation » Air Travel and Airports

The Future of Airport Security in America

Ranked #10,787 in Travel & Places, #271,546 overall

How Far Do We Go for Security?

We've all heard the arguments in favor of full body scanners and pat-downs at the airport. If you don't like these new security measures that are being thrust upon you, then you either have something to hide, feel ashamed of your body, or you're one of those heat-packing, chest-thumping Republican-types who would rather go down in a burning plane than sacrifice something so trivial and outdated as your privacy. What's the matter with you? The only reason they're virtually peeking under your clothes and groping you and your children is to keep us all SAFE. If you don't accept it cheerfully, then you're just an ungrateful pansy.

How far does TSA have to go before the vast majority of Americans feel like they're being violated without justification?

Since TSA has a history of modifying their procedures in response to new threats, you can bet we'll see more changes at security checkpoints. Here's a peek at what the future may bring...

Cavity Searches Necessitated by the Infamous Butt Bomber Incident

My First Cavity SearchIn spite of the advanced technology of full body scanners, a terrorist who had explosives concealed in his anus managed to slip through the net of airport security. Fortunately, his attempt to blow up the plane was foiled by brave flight attendants and passengers who restrained him after they saw him removing his pants.

Because of this incident, the government has given TSA the authority to perform cavity searches on any passenger who requires additional screening. TSA has assured the public that very few travelers will be subjected to a cavity search, and that the few who are selected will be given as much respect and consideration as they can expect under the circumstances.

Anyone selected for this screening process has the right to have their bodily orifices searched in private.

TSA to Gain Full Access to Travelers' Online Information

In the interest of public security, the government has ruled that TSA will have full access to a history of each traveler's online activities. This mainly includes their Gmail accounts, Facebook accounts, Google searches, and comments left on news sites and blogs.

In addition to other security procedures already in place, a TSA agent will use a computer to access logs of each traveler's online activity. The software will use special algorithms to detect insidious patterns. Those who have visited controversial websites, wrote suspicious emails, or have ever done searches on subjects such as marijuana, bombs, terrorists, or the Fourth Amendment may be flagged as potential threats to airport security.

When Will You Stop Flying?

Airport security will continue to change, and the procedures are likely to become more invasive. At what point would you finally give up flying?

Loading poll. Please Wait...

Sanitary Napkins Pose a Security Risk

Following an incident where a woman attempted to blow up a plane using explosives hidden inside her sanitary napkin, women are now required to remove their tampons, menstrual cups, and menstrual pads for inspection before boarding the plane.

To preserve the dignity of female passengers, they will be escorted to the nearest bathroom by a female TSA agent. The passenger can remove the sanitary napkin or tampon in the privacy of a bathroom stall and hand it under the door to the TSA agent (who will be wearing gloves for obvious reasons).


Airport Body Scan shirt
Airport Body Scan by wherethelaughteris
More Airport T-Shirts

Have Your Say!

Do You think TSA Has Gone Too Far with Full Body Scanners and Pat-Down Procedures?

Loading

Yes, they are violating our rights.

No, TSA is just taking reasonable precautions.

 

TSA Approves Design for Mandatary Spandex Body Suit

Because pat-downs and full body scans are not 100% effective, and because they frequently cause long delays at security checkpoints, travelers are now required to wear special TSA-approved body suits. These spandex suits fit snugly, revealing every lump and bulge on a person's body. This makes it nearly impossible for terrorists to hide weapons and explosives on their person.

Since everyone will be dressed the same, there will be nothing unusual to arouse suspicion or trip off metal detectors. The process of scanning and patting down passengers is expedited, which means fewer people will miss their flights due to long lines through security checkpoints.

Passengers must purchase these body suits in advance. Those who fail to show up in a TSA-approved body suit will be subjected to a strip search. Those who refuse to be searched can expect to either be arrested or fined $11,000.



Underwear Check shirt
Underwear Check by StudioYamaguchi
Browse other tees made on zazzle

Closing Remarks

Rant, rave, and share your experiences with TSA procedures here.

  • JaguarJulie Dec 14, 2010 @ 10:40 am | delete
    OMG ... leave my cavities ALONE -- well unless you are a dentist!
  • JaguarJulie Dec 14, 2010 @ 10:39 am | delete
    OMG ... leave my cavities ALONE -- well unless you are a dentist!
Show All

by

Victoria_Neely

I read, write, bake, and make Squidoo lenses. I also make designs for T-shirts and gift items available at my Zazzle stores, Rubber Duck Designs and Designs... more »

Feeling creative? Create a Lens!

Explore related pages

Related Tags