How to gain 50 pounds in a month

1. Walk when it's absolutely necessary, preferable when it's a matter of life and death.

2. Stay away from all vegetables and fruits, except potatoes and bananas. Assume that there's soon going to be an extreme shortage of these two and eat as much of them as you can.

3. Eat five plates of fried rice daily.

4. Consume a kilo of been everyday.

5. Shaving uses up a lot of energy. Grow a knee-length beard. This, combined with your excessive bulk, will immediately get you a visa to Afghanistan.

6. Watch TV for atleast 10 hours daily.

7. Take a soft drink every half hour.

8. Buy all the available choclate bars in the city. Finish them before the month is over.

9. Water is full of bactaria and it's best to avoid it. Drink ten glasses of full-cream, wholesome, nutritious milk instead of water.

10. If you can afford it, there's nothing like ice cream for breakfast, brunch, lunch, supper and dinner.

11. Remember, the first thing they'll ask you, when you go into the other world, is how you spent your life. When you tell them you lived only to eat, eat and eat, they'll be so surprised they'll make a mistake and put you where the houris are. May you enjoy throughout eternity!.

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