Helping Children Learn to Follow Directions

Toddlers just learning the language and beginning to understand what is spoken to them are at the perfect age to begin learning to follow directions. They are excited about language and eager to show what they understand. Ask any two-year-old to touch his nose or show you his feet and he will do so with a huge grin. Or ask him to get his red ball from his toy box or bring back his shoes and he gleefully toddles off to comply with your request. All is well in the following directions department.

Then, sometime soon, they reach the defiant age - those terrible twos - and it seems like overnight they forgot how to follow directions. This is where some specific attention to this skill is needed. Yes, a toddler will get defiant and throw a tantrum - it is par for the course and age appropriate. But you can still teach him to follow directions.

The defiance comes when we ask little ones to do something they don't want to do or when we won't let them have something that they want. With a "follow my directions" game, the requests you make will be fun and a bit challenging. You will be engaging your little guy in an entertaining activity that will bring him hugs and smiles and praise. When he is calm and rested (after lunch or after a nap, perhaps), make some one-sentence requests. "Put your milk cup on the tray." or "Give me a hug, please."

Keeping a toddler active also helps, so try ideas such as: "Please bring me my book." or "Please put your teddy bear on the table." Of course, after he completes the task successfully, give him a big hug and smile. He'll want to play some more.

As your child grows, his language will expand and his attention span and memory will also increase. Keep playing the "follow my directions" game, but make it more challenging. Let your child know that you want to see if you can stump him - he will be eager to follow the directions to prove that he can't be stumped.

Now you will give your child multi-step directions, meaning that he will have to follow two or three or even four directions to complete the task. For instance, you might say: "Go to the den, put the red pillow on the chair and bring me the magazine that is on the sofa." or "Please go to your bedroom, put your truck in the closet, take your stuffed dinosaur off the shelf and put it on the bed." You might even want to make this a game where you keep score - a point for each direction that he follows completely. How many directions do you need to give for him to gather 10 points?

My children used to request longer and longer directions to see if I could challenge them. So I would make requests that had four or five parts and send my young children off to see if they could remember them all. It became fun watching them try to do everything I asked.

Sometimes I added silly requests, which would make us all giggle and keep the game amusing and interesting. Try something like this: "Bring me a paper plate with a piece of bread and some jelly on it and put a napkin on your head." or "Hop on one foot while you put your ball in the toy box, grab the tambourine and walk backwards out of the playroom."

A following directions worksheet can be another easy way to introduce activities that require solid listening skills.

Parents may get into the habit of calling out directions when their child is not ready or able to hear them. We are busy and often don't take the time to think about when we are giving our children directions. Perhaps your child is still in his bedroom getting dressed for school or maybe he is watching a favorite television show. Whatever is happening, if your child is not tuned in to your voice, it is not likely that he will follow your directions. Then the repetitions start. So be sure that you have your child's attention when you make your request.

Be concise and specific when you give your child a request. To make sure that he understands what your want him to do, you might ask him to repeat to you the direction you just gave him. Try not to add other messages that might confuse him. For example, he might miss your request to put on his jacket and get into the car if your direction is part of a long conversation about going to visit grandma. You can talk about the visit once you are in the car. Keep the direction clear and simple.

Once you make a request or give a direction, expect your child to comply. Resist the temptation to repeat the request over and over again. Let natural consequences ensue if he does not listen. For instance, if you ask him to hang up his wet coat and he throws it on the floor, he will have to wear a damp and wrinkled coat later. Or if he ignores your call to come to the table for dinner, he may end up eating a cold meal when he finally decides to join the family.