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Gift Giving Jokes

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Jokes to Cheer You Up!

Looking for a gift for someone can be a very stressful experience. What to get? Will they like it?

It can be very stressful trying to come up with the right thing especially when you haven't much time or inspiration!

Here are some jokes to help you relax while you look for that perfect gift.

One year, a particular harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

Mother-in-law

Weigh the Consequences!

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birthday. But she was willing to let it pass if he made it up to her in the right way.

His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

A Practical Gift

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty
four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

Diamond Ring

The Perfect Gift

"Thanks for the electric guitar you gave me for Christmas," little Chris Cody said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."

"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."

Electric Guitar

Optimist and Pessimist

A family had twin boys were totally opposite. If one was too hot, the other was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with the best toys and games. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

Summarized from Aha Jokes

Be Specific!

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

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Get the Message?

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

Anniversary Gift

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.

"Would you like a new mink coat?" he asks.

"Not really," says Mary.

"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John.

"No," she responds.

"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."

"Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks.

"John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says John.

Books on Divorce

Cheap Husband

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

Funny? Not? Let me know!

If you have any jokes to share, or comments to make, do it here!

Reply

cffutah Jan 12, 2012 @ 10:33 pm | delete

these sure were good, enjoyed reading them tonight!

Reply

Irenemaria May 14, 2011 @ 3:27 am | delete

I woke up with a head ache and found this lens. LOL! Thanks for a grin...

Reply

cannedguds Mar 30, 2011 @ 8:29 pm | delete

Very funny jokes especially your first one! hehehehe..... I also have a mother-in-law joke of my own! Check out some of my lenses! Will lensroll this to my appropriate lens! Thanks for sharing!

Reply

dadaas Jul 9, 2009 @ 4:52 pm | delete

very nice and clean lense, thanks it make my day.

Reply

tdove Jan 29, 2009 @ 4:45 pm | delete

Thanks for joining G Rated Lense Factory!
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Gift Lenses

Here is a list of other gift-related lenses. Please feel free to vote and/or add your own suggestion.

Don't forget they are gift-related and Squidoo lenses.

Gift Giving Jokes

Jokes to Cheer You Up!

Contents at a Glance

Contents at a Glance

Ouch!

Mother-in-law

Weigh the Consequences!

A Practical Gift

Diamond Ring

The Perfect Gift

Electric Guitar

Optimist and Pessimist

Be Specific!

Red Roses

Get the Message?

Anniversary Gift

Books on Divorce

Cheap Husband

Funny? Not? Let me know!

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