Gift of the Gab

The "gift of the gab" is the ability to readily, glibly, and convincingly. More often than not, it involves the eloquent use of words to persuade or influence others. Beware of apple-polishers, back-scratchers, candy-strippers, and cat's paws, (their gregarious gifts come with sticky strings attached).

Those who enjoy the "gift of the gab" are often described as people who excel in the art of:

1. chewing the rag or the fat (usually with grace and aplomb)

2. talking an arm or a leg off (likely without pain but much gain on the part of the palavering person)

3. piping up (without any difficulty either with or without musical accompaniment)

4. shooting the bull or the breeze (more than likely without any ill-effects from a foul-wind)

5. popping off (without the aid of either flavored fizzy water or champagne)

6. meeting of the minds (without the assistance of a psychiatrist, a Tarot card reader, or a Ouija board)

7. passing the time of day (preferably with people who are not distressed at having to wait for Godot or those who are wondering why their train has not arrived at the bus station)

8. engaging in conversation (hopefully a tad more interesting than the price of the tea in China, or the latest tacky tabloid tidbit about a bleeping blunder-bunny)

9. exchanging opinions (with people who don't mind blaming global warming on the "carnival atmosphere on Saquo-Pilia Hensha" or accepting that "Neptune was in Virgo and Ruper was rising") which is responsible for "The Whole General Sort of Mish Mash")

10. being in contact with (influential icons like "The Big Bopper", "The Big Guy in the Sky" or the "White Buffalo" who keep the universe running smoothly).

However, it is also said that "you can win more friends with your ears than with your mouth", so be careful when flapping your gums at the gorilla who rules your workplace jungle.

Word has it that there are at least three ways to get the "gift of the gab".

1. Kiss the "Blarney Stone" (but you'll need to fly to Ireland, and be prepared to romance a stone in a craggy castle along with the other million or so tourists that flock there every year).

2. Be born with a silver spoon in your mouth, (that way those eloquent words just slide off your tongue with ease).

3. Look at yourself in the mirror every day, smile, and repeat after me: "God didn't give me beauty but he did give me a titillating tongue to wag around all I want!" All of which makes you the best pontificating Papa in the whole wide world!

However, be careful what you wish for, (especially if it's pearly white teeth and new set of flapping gums). Remember, when all else fails that "a closed mouth gathers no feet" and "a man's silence is a wonderful thing to listen to".
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Image Credit: JoeAlterio@flickr.com

Baby boomer bunnikins, probably remember "Chatty Cathy", (manufactured by Mattel in 1959), as a revolutionary product in its day.

If you pulled a string in her upper back, this platinum blond doll could dish out 11 phrases randomly, among them:

"Will you play with me?"

"I love you.

"Please take me with you."

The second best doll on the block, (after the most popular one, "Barbie", also marketed by Mattel), "Chatty Cathy" was produced for six years.

The toy manufacturer realized that it had tapped into a "lucrative lippy lass" market segment, and so began a whole chatty clan of kids named "Chatty Baby", "Tiny Chatty Baby", "Tiny Chatty Brother" and "Charmin' Chatty".

So popular were these chatterbox chicks that they flogged them again in the 1970's with a new voice of course. And by the 1980's, Mattel had come up with a new version "Chatty Patty"!

And, these "chatty" cherubs represented no chump change! In 1998 and again in 2001, the company put out a special edition of the doll, retailing for $99.00!

A words of advice to men, never say a bad word about "Chatty Cathy" or "Chatty Patty" in the presence of your mother, marvellous partner, or your mistress, because you may end up with stone soup for supper tonight, or worse yet, sleeping on the couch or possibly in the doghouse tonight!

Parents can tell from an early age whether their little cherubs are destined for stardom, especially if they won't stop talking (let alone listen) when do-this-do-that types or the darned dogs are barking.

Chatterboxes, jabberers, and prattlers have one thing that is very much in demand these days - a willingness and talent for flapping one's gums enthusiastically, positively, and vigorously about all manner of things being pitched by product manufacturers on clueless clients or consumers.

For "Little Miss Chatterbox" or those who can chinwag, chortle, and choose the right words to win friends and influence people, there are oodles of off-beat occupations for you!

1. A telemarketer (who's willing to work over the dinner hour to sell credit cards, clean carpets, or contribute to a charity you never knew existed).

2. A customer service associate (who's willing to smile while listening to complaints about dustbunnies in hotel rooms, Chia pets that won't grow, or how to program a DVD player that came with an instruction manual written in 57 languages except English).

3. A stand-up comedienne (provided she can remember to take her happy pill prior to doing her ripsnorting routine before a crowd of heckling hooligans in a biker bar or a grin-and-bear-it group of seniors in a crazy care home).

4. A personal advice or gossip columnist (the media is always looking for juicy tidbits about which celebrity, politician, or preacher has just slipped on a very big banana, or how to avoid fruits that toot in the first place).

5. A spiritual guide (who's willing to talk like an angel, fly like a nun, and navigate the invisible universe like a space-cadet), or a beauty queen (who can bat her eyelashes felicitously, wiggle her proboscis with dignity, and tackle any topic on the planet including the ridiculous price of green-tea in China).

If that fails to inspire "Little Miss Chatterbox", then have her take a wee peek at "Chinwag", a great place to meet digital media practitioners in the U.K. and beyond!

There's plenty to choose from when it comes to names for those who flap their gums frequently.

A
adulator, all gong and no dinner, alligator, alligator-mouth, all mouth and trousers, all prick and breeches, all talk and no cider, all yaw, announcer, apple-polisher, apple-saucer

B
babbler, bag-puncher, bag of wind, baloney bender, bangster, bat the breezer, barker, beefer, bellswagger, bellyacher, big mouth, bilge artist, bitcher, blabberer, blabberguts, blabbermouth, blathergab, blatherskite, blowbag, blower, blowhard, blow hole, bone carrier, bosher, breeze-puncher, bucket mouth, bull artist, bullshitter, bull shooter, bull slinger, bunny, buttinsky

C
cacafuego, cackler, cat-whipper, chaff-cutter, chatterbox, chatty-chatty, chaw-mouth chinwagger, church-bell, clashbag, clatterbrain, clatterbox, conversationalist, crap artist, crap slinger, crib-biter, croak, crooked rib, crusty gripes

D
death adder, debater, declaimer, devil's daughter, dingo, discourser, discussant, drama queend, drivel-mouth

E
ear-basher, earwig, earwigger, effusively entertaining, elocutionist, empty barrel, engages in chinfest

F
fire-eater, flannel mouth, flapjaw, flatterer, foghorn, fret-kidney, full of hot air, furphy king, fusspot

G
gabber, gabberlooney, gabble-grinder, gabbler, gabster, gabby-guts, garrulous guy/gal, gaser, gasman, gas pipe, gasser, gibberist, glib guy/gal, gobberloony, gobbler, gospel-slinger, gossiper, Granny Grunt, grandstand-artist, greaser, griper, grizzle, grootbek, grouser, grumble-guts, grumbletonian, grunt, gum-beater

H
harranguer, hinge-jaw, honeyfoogler, hot-air artist, hot-air merchant

J
jabberer, Jack Bragger, jaw-me-dea, jaw-me-dad, jawsmith, Johnny Walker

K
kibbitzer, kill-cow, know-it-all, kvetch

L
lecturer, line-shooter, long-playing record, long-tongued, long-winded, loudmouth, loudspeaker

M
meddling duchess, mighty mouth, misery-moany, moaner, monologist, mout-hab-nuttin-fe-do, mouth almighty, mother hen, mouth have mercy, mouthpiece, muffin walloper

O
oil merchant, old biddy, old palaver, orator

P
persiflagist, pickthank, pillow-talker, poll parrot, prattle-box, pump-thunder

Q
quiller

R
ranter, ratchet mouth, ratchet jaw, rattle bag, rattle-bladder, rattle-brain, rattle-cap, rattle-head, rattle-pate, rattletrap, rhetorician, rubberneck, rumor-monger, run-mouth, run off at the mouth

S
satchel mouth, sheep's head, silver-tongue, spellbinder, sputterbudget, storefront preacher, schmoozer, smart alec, smarty boots, smarty-drawer, smoodger, smoothie, snake oil salesman, soft-sawderer, soft-soap artist, speechmaker, stress merchant, stump speaker, surly boots, swankpot, sweetmouth, sycophant

T
talk off the top of his/her head, talking head, tarleather, tattlebudget, tattle-basket, tattle-box, tattler, tattle-tale, toadeater, tufthunter

V
voluble vixen, verbose viper

W
waffler, wax bore, waxing eloquent, whirling spray, windbag, windjammer, windy wallets, worryguts

Y
yapper, yarn-chopper, yarn-slinger, yarn-spinner

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Image Credit: Chatty Cathy illustration - ericscalessketchbook.blogspot.com

Buying gifts is often an arduous ordeal or a thankless task even at the best of times.

Sometimes one doesn't really feel comfortable picking up something for someone who already has everything, or worse yet, can't figure out what to get weird Uncle Horace, klutzy cousin Winky, or that tittle-tattler at work.

Fret no more, the solution is as easy as pie (just avoid throwing it at your giftee). For glib guys with a magnificent motormouth or long-tongued ladies with loose lips, why not consider a gift-of-the-gab game!

1. BOXERS OR BRIEFS?: When you're in the hot seat, which wild and wacky statements will your friends use to describe you ...or more to the point, which wild and wacky statements will you use to put them in the hot seat?

2. LOADED QUESTIONS: For verbose vixens and vaunting vassals who adore a bit of tantalizing trivia to keep them twittering all night and then some!

3. QUIDDLER: This will appeal to those who have a way with words, and who like "Scrabble" (only the letter combinations are printed on playing cards).

4. TIP OF THE TONGUE: A terrific tongue-tied game of two-second trivia.

5. NEW YORKER CARTOON CAPTION GAME: Get your creative juices going and your tongue by coming up with your own comical captions for these cartoons!