Gifts For Grieving Families

One of the first gifts to come to our door was a car load of paper products. There were heavy duty paper plates, napkins, disposible cups, and yes, even a 12 pack of toilet paper.

I can't tell you how nice it was to be able to reduce the amount of dishes to be done for my mother, the four of us children, our spouses, and our eight children combined. That's a lot of dishes, not to mention a lot of toilet paper. This was a blessed gift.

Another great gift we received was the gift of babysitting. Some of our kids were just too young to sit through a lengthy funeral service, and when you're grieving the loss of a parent, you are perhaps not the most patient parent to your children. Having a trusted friend come to the house, or even to the church's nursery is incredibly helpful in giving the family time to do what they have to do, especially during the funeral.

Hydration is important, possibly even more so when you are under the stress of grief. One of the most helpful gifts we received were bottled waters and gallon jugs of tea. Yes, they may not be the most environmentally friendly items, but cans and bottles can be recycled, and not having to worry about what there was to drink for each meal was a huge relief.

Plastic utensils. We received a big box of utensils that made our lives incredibly easier in those first several days after my father's death. It reduced the amount of dish washing, and we were so grateful for that. A gift of plastic utensils is a very welcome gift.

As it happens with cancer patients, you end up with a lot of drugs in the end. Drug addicts know this all too well. They are known to scour the obituaries, note the time of the funeral, and break into those houses when they know everyone will be gone.

It was a great comfort to us to have a trusted neighbor volunteer to sit at the house during the funeral and reception, making the house lit and obviously occupied to any errant addict who might have been looking for a fix.

There is a lot of correspondance that goes on after a death in the family. There are thank you notes to write, notices and death certificates to be mailed, paperwork to be done.

How wonderful it was to find a book of stamps tucked inside a sympathy card from a friend who couldn't be there to help. The stamps were certainly needed and used, and they made a thoughtful gift.

OK. Deserts are great. We received 5 pound cakes, 7 assorted pies, a carrot cake, 4 sheets of brownies, 3 batches of cookies, and 5 other assorted deserts. It's all very thoughtful, but just how much pound cake can one person eat?

We were fed well, but we were most grateful for the gifts of real food. A dish of macaroni and cheese made the kids happy. A fruit basket was gratefully received. Cold pasta salad that didn't have to be heated was wonderful.

Also wonderful was getting things in dishes that were disposible. Aluminum foil never looked so good. There were also gifts of freezable foods such as soups that were in plastic containers that didn't need to be returned. Returning food dishes is awkward, and even with copious note taking, we couldn't remember who belonged to some of the bowls and plates. It was good that some people sent food on plates to which they adhered a return address label. But the best solution, whenever possible, is disposible, non returnable dishes.

Finally, one of the best gifts we got was the gift of privacy. People who didn't expect to be invited in for long conversations, especially the first day. We were grateful for people who were willing to stick a plate through the door without being invited in, and without peppering us with questions about my father's rather sudden death. A simple condolence, a plate of food, and no expectation of return conversation was a blessed gift.