The Girl List: Eleven Things Every Girl Should Have

The Bible gives us wisdom. "Train up a child in the way (s)he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6. Almost every tradition, whether religious or secular, brings us a similar message. Provide training in what is right, and the child will live her life that way when she gets older.
So what is right? Here are some ideas to consider...
The Girl Scouts of the USA say that a girl should do her best to be:
* Honest and fair,
* Friendly and helpful,
* Considerate and caring,
* Courageous and strong, and
* Responsible for what she says and does,
* Respect herself and others,
* Respect authority,
* Use resources wisely,
* Make the world a better place
And notice that the Girl Scout Law doesn't say a girl HAS to be these things. It takes into account the understanding that life is a journey. We stumble, and sometimes we fall. I have; you probably have too. I can almost guarantee the girl in your life will do so as well. All that's asked is that she "DOES HER BEST." I like that a lot!

This is all about perspective. Many children grow up with the idea that the way it is where they live is the way life is everywhere. They have the idea that everyplace in the world looks just like it does "here" (wherever "here" is), and that anything outside their experience is somehow a fairy tale. We know, of course, that this is not the case. A globe and a magazine subscription can do wonders in communicating this to a child.

First, let's look at the globe. Location, Distance, and Direction are very hard concepts for kids to grasp. It is a great idea to give children a general idea of these concepts when they are still quite young.


When I was in Kindergarten my Grandparents gave me a jigsaw puzzle of a map of the United States. The outlines of the states were there, so it was a puzzle a kindergartener could handle. Doing that puzzle when I went to visit my grandparents gave me a good idea of the locations and sizes of the states. I learned where the mountains were, as well as the major rivers and lakes. When I got to elementary school I already had an idea of "where, how big, and how far" which many other students didn't have. Receiving a globe when I was still quite young was another giant step. An even better understanding of where things are, of night and day, and even seasons was created by playing with that globe.

The knowledge provided by maps is great, but knowing about the geography, the people, the animals, the art and so many other things about places is critically important to becoming a well-rounded woman. Hand-in-hand with maps, supplemental knowledge provided by other sources create a much broader understanding. National Geographic is a magazine that is of tremendous value to kids. The pictures are outstanding. The scope is marvelous. I wish every child could have a subscripton to this wonderful resource. If the adult version of the magazine is too difficult to read, National Geographic Kids and National Geographic Little Kids are available to start that understanding while kids are still very young.

It is impossible to overstate how important reading is for a girl, although most girls don't realize it, won't admit it, and will probably deny it if you ask them about it. It seems that more girls are avid readers than boys, but it also seems that nowadays most girls would rather play (whether that be on the computer or with friends) or watch television than pick up a magazine or a book, and that is a tremendous loss for them and ultimately for society.

Reading can be an escape in times of trouble or loneliness (as well as a source of inspiration to climb out of the pit), an avenue to adventure, a means of learning all sorts of wonderful facts, or a hobby in and of itself. Reading is a key to good grades and achievement. Learning to love reading at an early age is the beginning of a lifelong relationship with great thinkers from the past, the most influential of the present, and the promise of the future.

A little guidance choosing reading material helps too. But remember, she's the reader, not you.

Finally, realize that you can gain tremendous insight into what is going on in her mind by reading the things that she chooses for herself! You might even learn about something you didn't know you had an interest in until your daughter's reading pointed it out to you!

It is almost impossible to say how much influence having a pet can have on a child...girl or boy. On one hand, a pet is something for which she can care, and who cares for her no matter what. A pet can teach responsibility (or point out a lack thereof). A pet can take her mind off hard times, seemingly duplicitous friends, uncaring boyfriends, and a plethora of other slings and arrows which will be launched at her (Whether in fact, or imagined -- and yes, we all perceive attacks or snubs which were never meant that way at all.). A pet is someone to celebrate your arrival at the end of a hard school day who will knock you down, lick your face, and who will be willing to instantaneously forgive you when you abandon him again the next morning.

Whether used as a comfort to hug in the dark of the night or a little sister with whom she can hold tea parties long after Daddy and Mommy have grown weary of drinking water from plastic cups, a doll is an integral part of growing up GIRL.

Dolls are substitute friends on rainy days to whom your girl can tell her deepest secrets, or giggle with over the latest revelation in the teen magazine that she saw at the check-out stand in Wal-Mart. Dolls allow your girl to "mother" someone who will never tire of her ministrations, will never suffer from mistakes made, will always forgive wrongs, and will always give just the right answer when asked a question.

In today's culture there seem to be two definitions that would fit here, and I think that both apply.

First, I think it's important that a girl has "A GAME." That is a way to intereact with other people in a fun, competitive way. Am I saying that we should enroll every girl in a competitive, cut-throat basketball league? Not at all. But competition allows a child to learn how to win and how to lose gracefully. It allows her to understand that it takes practice to develop a skill set, and that following a practice regimen causes improvement ... and all of this through a game which she enjoys. It helps a girl understand that working together has benefits, and good teamwork produces good results. If the game is a physical one, so much the better. She'll be getting some exercise at the same time she's learning valuable life lessons. Properly handled, there is almost no downside to participating in well-run multiplayer endeavor.

But there's another definition that comes to mind.

The Urban Dictionary defines "Got Game" as, "When a person is very good at something- it doesn't even have to be a game, just anything there (sic) good at."

A girl needs to find out what she is good at ... what she enjoys. She needs to see that life is not only about doing what her parents and teachers tell her to do (although those things are important). She is an individual. And her interests and talents will probably lead her in directions that her parents never dreamed. If she invests the time and effort and gets better and better at her chosen endeavor, she'll grow in ability and confidence. And sooner or latter you'll hear one of her peers say, "That girl's got game." And they'll be right!

Music:
Sings Thoughts That Words Just Can't Express
Soothes Mind and Spirit, Gives One Rest
Heals the Heart and Makes it Whole
Flows Down From Heaven to the Soul
~unknown

All deep things are song. It seems somehow the very central essence of us, song; as if all the rest were but wrappages and hulls!
~Thomas Carlyle

Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them!
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Music is the medicine of the breaking heart.
~Leigh Hunt

Music takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are, and for what, whence, and whereto.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Music is God's gift to man, the only art of Heaven given to earth, the only art of earth we take to Heaven.
~Walter Savage Landor

I don't know that I can improve on what these wise people have said. Music has the power to express, to motivate, to embrace, and to assuage. We each have a song that speaks to our heart. My song is not yours. Your song is not hers. Don't try to impose your song on her, it will never work. And let her sing or play her song right out loud!

Everybody does something well. And everybody needs to hear about it!

When I was young, my talent was that I was smart. I did well in school, sometimes without trying. I wasn't an athlete. I wasn't the rugged outdoors type. I didn't work well with my hands. I certainly wasn't a ladies' man. But I sure could get the grades.

Mom was really quiet. I know she was proud of me, I could see it in her eyes. Dad bragged on me to his friends, but in front of me he always seemed upset that I needed to do something better. My teachers were never effusive in their praise because I never was at the absolute peak of anything. But once a quarter we used to get a certificate if we made the "Honor Roll" in school. I so looked forward to getting that certificate. I graduated from high school in 1972, but I still have some of those certificates from elementary school telling me that i did a good job. Those were my rounds of applause.

I earned my Eagle Scout award in 1969. That plaque and a picture from the ceremony still hang on my wall. The neck kerchief slide carved for me by the Scout I admired most is on my desk. The presentation ceremony in which I received those thigs was a round of applause. Those things, that ceremony...and I still treasure them. They were a round of applause.

Every kid needs a round of applause.

And every girl is good enough at something to earn deserve applause. Maybe she's fast as lightning and can win the hundred yard dash at the All State track meet...or maybe she's just faster than anyone her age at this end of the block. When you see her do something well, compliment her! It's especially effective if you find out what SHE's proud of and compliment her on that!

It's really special if you can give your girl some sort of trophy to commemorate that thing she does so well. It doesn't have to be anything big or expensive. A photograph. A certificate of some sort. Something unique to her that she can look at while she's alone. Something that will make her feel good when she's doing well, lift her spirits when she's down in the dumps, and help her remember that she's got at least one person in her fan club.

If you want to have an impact on a girl forever...
GIVE HER A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

There comes a time, actually there come MANY times when your girl will decide that she is independent, and not in need of assistance from you. That's a time when you need to step back and watch. If she succeeds, see # 8 (above). If she fails ... wait a moment and think. She may want help, but not need it. She may need help, but not want it. She may not want help, nor indeed need help. She may need help, and welcome your intervention.

"Friends are angels sent down to earth to make good days and help us find our way."
~unknown

"If you want happiness for a lifetime - help the next generation."
~Chinese Proverb

"You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could do for themselves."
~Abraham Lincoln

"There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being - to help someone succeed"
~Alan Loy McGinnis

"The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care."
~Colin Powell

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me?
~The Beatles

If your girl is truly in over her head, first help her to realize it. Jumping in with your skill, wisdom, and knowledge may be exactly that which will do the most harm. But it's not a good thing to let her flounder forever and experience long-term failure in an area in which she SHOULD succeed. (And no, I don't believe that everyone should succeed in all their undertakings. Sometimes we learn more from failure than we ever do from success.)

If you decide to help, here are some things to consider:

1. Help only to the extent necessary, don't step in and take over the project.

2. Help in a manner which will let your girl (not you) complete the task.

3. Help only until your help is no longer necessary.

4. After all is said and done, talk about what happened and how things could go better the next time.

Your girl is unique. The path she takes is not the same as the path taken by anyone before, nor will it be exactly reproduced by anyone in the future. Help your girl to remember those things which are important.
~ Failure, with ultimate success.
~ Joys and Sorrows ... Laughter and Tears.
~ Foes turned to Friends.
~ Where She Came From.
~ Where She Can Go.
~ Who Can Help Her, And Where that Help Can Be Found.

I like scrapbooks. They're better than photo albums in that you can personalize them more than a simple collection of pictures.

Setting the young lady who was once your little girl loose is an exciting, terrifying experience. You've done your best. You've given her the things she needs, now she needs the freedom to succeed and fail...the freedom to grow and thrive on her own. But don't forget to pack away in a secret place that your daughter will be able to find if she ever needs it, the needle and thread to mend those apron strings if needed!