Loss, Grief and Bereavement
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A Look at Loss, Grief and Bereavement
Loss is the disappearance of something cherished, often the death of a person, loss of a relationship, loss of a job or loss of health. Grief is the entire response--mind, body and spirit--to the loss. Bereavement is the often term used when the loss is due to the death of a loved one.
Although a disorienting, disturbing and distressing process, grief is a normal response, one that most people can cope with given enough time.
This lens explores the many different types of losses and the normal grief response to a loss.
You will also find some helpful strategies for making it through the first few hours and additional resources for more information to cope in the subsequent days.
Image of Angel of Grief from LuciusCommons.
Although a disorienting, disturbing and distressing process, grief is a normal response, one that most people can cope with given enough time.
This lens explores the many different types of losses and the normal grief response to a loss.
You will also find some helpful strategies for making it through the first few hours and additional resources for more information to cope in the subsequent days.
Image of Angel of Grief from LuciusCommons.
My Professional Opinion on Grief & Loss
- Ignorance is not bliss.
Knowledge returns a sense of control
over seemingly random occurrences
and makes it easier to cope.
Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS
I believe that education is one of the best ways to understand the grief response and aid people in incorporating a major loss into their life.
I have spent more than a decade educating people about the normal grief response by teaching, lecturing, writing articles and through the Journey of Hearts website.
Image Source: Ilker Yavuz. Water Ripple. Royalty Free Use.
Background Information on Loss Worth Knowing
Loss is the disappearance of something cherished, such as a person, possession or property.
Loss is a common experience common experience that can be encountered many times during a lifetime; it does not discriminate for age, race, sex, education, economic status, religion, culture or nationality.
Most people have experienced some type of personal or professional loss at some point in their life as simply as a byproduct of living.
Loss is a common experience common experience that can be encountered many times during a lifetime; it does not discriminate for age, race, sex, education, economic status, religion, culture or nationality.
Most people have experienced some type of personal or professional loss at some point in their life as simply as a byproduct of living.
Quote: Grief is a Powerful Emotion
- Grief is a powerful, universal feeling,
but it is survivable.
Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS, FT
Angel of Grief
What to know about Loss...
Facing a sudden loss can be scary and disorienting. You are suddenly thrust into an unfamiliar territory that is frightening and unsettling.
Knowing that grief is a normal response to a loss and what you can do to make it through the first few days or hours can be very helpful.
Types of Losses
There are many different types of losses that a person may experience in a lifetime, in addition to those experienced following a death. All of these losses have the potential to result in a grief response.
The types of losses are listed alphabetically.
The types of losses are listed alphabetically.
-
Loss of Body Function
Hearing, vision, mental capacities, mobility, communication -
Loss of Body Image
Body part through surgery, accident, change in appearance, aging -
Loss of Control
Natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, social conditions, hospitalization of loved one -
Loss of Freedom
Political, employment, incarceration, stigmatized disease or culture impacting access to health care -
Loss of Health
Medical conditions, illnesses, disability, debilitating or terminal diseases -
Loss of Home, Property
Homelessness, natural or man-made disasters, aging -
Loss of Identity
Marriage, career, new parent, empty nest syndrome, relocation, retirement -
Loss of Independence
Change in living situation e.g. entering nursing home, marriage -
Loss of Innocence
Early sexual experiences, advertising and media influences children to grow up too soon -
Loss of Job, Income
Downsizing, layoffs, retirement, career change -
Loss of One's Own Life
Death, suicide, accident, homicide, murder, war -
Loss of Plans, Hopes & Dreams for the Future
Miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, adoption, infertility, relationship, job, career -
Loss of Relationship
Death, divorce, pet, breakup, illness, adoption, miscarriage -
Loss of Religious Beliefs
Questioning beliefs, disillusioned with church, organized religion, impact of sexual misconduct scandals -
Loss of Role
Occupation, job, relationship e.g. parent, child, friend -
Loss of Safety
Vulnerable feelings after rape, robbery, betrayal, unanticipated events, crises, traumatic events or disasters -
Loss of Sexual Function
Physical or psychological etiology -
Loss of Significant Person
Death, divorce, illness, relocation, military duty, missing person -
Loss of Treasured Object(s)
Favorite objects, family heirlooms destroyed in fire/flood, theft -
Loss that is Unexpected or Unanticipated
The sudden loss, which is often traumatic, that comes without warning from out of the blue, or the unexpected phone call.
Quote: Feeling Alone in Our Sadness
- Grief is on one of the great common experiences of human beings,
an yet sometimes
We feel so alone in our sadness.
Martha Withmore Hickman
Alone in Her Grief
Information on Grief Worth Knowing
Grief is a multifaceted, normal reaction to a loss; it is the psychological, behavioral, social and physical reactions to loss.
Grief reactions may be seen in response to physical or tangible losses (e.g., a death or disaster) or in response to symbolic or psychosocial losses (e.g., divorce, losing a job).
Grief reactions may be seen in response to physical or tangible losses (e.g., a death or disaster) or in response to symbolic or psychosocial losses (e.g., divorce, losing a job).
What to know about Grief...
A grieving person may feel like they are going "crazy" with the physical reactions and intense emotions that is like a roller coaster ride.
Yet the emotional & physical responses are really just normal reactions to an abnormal event.
Normal Physical Response to Grief
When faced with a major life challenge, a person can experience a wide range of physical and emotional responses. These intense, overwhelming and unbearable responses often come in waves.
The grieving person may feel fine one moment and then depressed, anxious, distressed or angry the next; this causes some people to think that they are "going crazy."
Common Physical Responses
Some of the more common physical responses a loss include:
The grieving person may feel fine one moment and then depressed, anxious, distressed or angry the next; this causes some people to think that they are "going crazy."
Common Physical Responses
Some of the more common physical responses a loss include:
- Fatigue
Headache
Lightheaded
Dizziness
Palpitations
Restlessness
Crying, sighing
Trouble sleeping
Short of breath
Empty Stomach
Abdominal pain
Back pain
Nausea
Diarrhea
Constipation
Weight change
Increased appetite
Decreased appetite
Chest heaviness
Throat Tightness
Am I going crazy?
Quote: Grief as a Companion
She was no longer wrestling with the grief,
but could sit down with it
as a lasting companion
and make it a sharer in her thoughts.
George Eliot
but could sit down with it
as a lasting companion
and make it a sharer in her thoughts.
George Eliot
Emotional and Behaviorial Responses to Grief
In addition to experiencing actual physical responses grieving people can also go through confusing, fluctuating and conflicting emotions that range from joy to profound grief or distress. Strong emotions such as sorrow, sadness, fear, anger, terror, aching and guilt are among the very normal, common emotional responses for a person in grief.
Emotional and Behavioral Responses
Some of the more common emotional and behavioral responses include:
Emotional and Behavioral Responses
Some of the more common emotional and behavioral responses include:
- Anger
Irritability
Panic
Anxiety
Fear
Guilt
Numbness
Denial
Apathy
Avoiding
Relief
Sadness
Self Blame
Disbelief
Vulnerability
Longing
Helplessness
Loneliness
Meaninglessness
Abandonment
Emotionally labile
Forgetfulness
Slowed thinking
Difficulty concentrating
Quote: My Favorite Descriptive Quote on Grief
- Grief is a tidal wave that over takes you,
smashes down upon you with unimaginable force,
sweeps you up into its darkness,
where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces,
only to be thrown out on an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped...
Grief will make a new person out of you,
if it doesn't kill you in the making.
Stephanie Ericsson
Grief is a Tidal Wave...
Different Responses to Grief
People experience and respond to a loss in many different ways. Some downplay the event and repress emotions. Some cope with angry verbal or physical outbursts. Others respond more emotionally by sighing, crying or sobbing. Still others cope physically with bodily complaints, pain and physical responses.
It may help to know that each person's reaction to a loss is unique, even if it is the same event. As a result, different people may experience, react and respond very differently when faced with a loss; this can be particular difficult if you and your spouse or family members have different coping strategies and styles.
Knowing that there are different ways of coping may help you to understand someone else's response to the loss. You can then look for ways that you can cope together and ways that you can cope apart.
It may help to know that each person's reaction to a loss is unique, even if it is the same event. As a result, different people may experience, react and respond very differently when faced with a loss; this can be particular difficult if you and your spouse or family members have different coping strategies and styles.
Knowing that there are different ways of coping may help you to understand someone else's response to the loss. You can then look for ways that you can cope together and ways that you can cope apart.
Grieving Styles - Intuitive, Instrumental or Blended
Professors Terry Martin and Kenneth Doka studied how people respond to a major life challenge and grieve the loss and published some of their results as part of their book, "Men Don't Cry, Women Do: Transcending Gender Stereotypes of Grief."
They determined there are two main ways people respond-the intuitive griever (stereotyped as female) and the instrumental griever (stereotyped as male).
Martin and Doka believe these Patterns occur along a continuum. Those grievers near the center show a third style or a blended style of grieving. The "blended style griever who is somewhere in between a little Intuitive (emotional/feeling) and a little Instrumental (physical/thinking).
What is important to realize about their descriptions of grieving styles is that these patterns may be related to gender, but are not determined by gender. Each coping style has it's own distinctive strengths and weaknesses.
The Continuum of Grief is show in the graphic below:
They determined there are two main ways people respond-the intuitive griever (stereotyped as female) and the instrumental griever (stereotyped as male).
Martin and Doka believe these Patterns occur along a continuum. Those grievers near the center show a third style or a blended style of grieving. The "blended style griever who is somewhere in between a little Intuitive (emotional/feeling) and a little Instrumental (physical/thinking).
What is important to realize about their descriptions of grieving styles is that these patterns may be related to gender, but are not determined by gender. Each coping style has it's own distinctive strengths and weaknesses.
The Continuum of Grief is show in the graphic below:
Men Don't Cry, Women Do: Transcending Gender Stereotypes of Grief on Amazon
Men Don't Cry, Women Do: Transcending Gender Stereotypes of Grief (Series in Death, Dying, and Bereavement)
Amazon Price: $29.94 (as of 02/13/2012)
An important look at the differences in grieving styles with Professors Martin and Doka answer the question, "Do men and women grieve differently?"
They take a look at the traditional gender stereotypes of grief and offer some suggestions for strategies likely to be effective with different types of grievers.
Same Loss - Different Grieving Styles
The Intuitive Griever
The intuitive griever feels the experience intensely and can be helped by expressing his or her grief emotionally often with crying.The intuitive grief style is the one often associated with typical female grief.
One of the best ways for the intuitive griever to cope is to express his or her emotions, possibly even in a group setting.
Common Characteristics of Intuitive Grievers include:
- Openly expresses feelings.
- Expresses anguish or sorrow with tears.
- Is not afraid to seek support from others.
- Allows time to experience the inner pain.
- May become physically exhausted or anxious.
- May experience prolonged periods of confusion and problems concentrating.
- Is able to discuss the grief.
- May benefit from support groups.
The Instrumental Griever
The instrumental griever feels grief, but less intensely and more physically. They tend to think and problem-solve ways of coping with the experience.The instrumental grief style is the one often associated with typical male grief.
The instrumental griever needs physical ways to express the grief and may be reluctant to talk about feelings.
Common characteristics of Instrumental Grievers include:
- Pushes aside feelings to cope with the present situation.
- Chooses active ways of expressing grief.
- Often is reluctant to express feelings.
- Uses humor to express feelings and to manage anger.
- May only express feelings in private.
- Seeks solitude to reflect and adapt to loss.
- May not do well with a support group.
Quote: Grief must be carred alone
- Grief can't be shared.
Everyone carries it alone,
his own burden, his own way.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Carrying the Burden of Grief
Reader Feedback on the Grief Response
Fetching blurbs now... please stand byEveryone grieves the same.
LaraineRose says:
I like to grieve in private but a number of times have had others around and if I handn't experienced the benefits coming from that, I wouldn't have believed it. I do believe that all grieve the same but how they react to that grief is different.
Posted September 15, 2008
PetMemorialWorld says:
Although we may express it differently (or not express it) I believe we all share the same grief experience.
An experience that transcends the loss of ALL of our family members - even our beloved animals.
Posted June 12, 2008
sidnelson says:
This is a very excellent and informative lens and I added a link to it on my blog on funeral poems. I think everyone is right on the feedbacks because there are two sides to all of us. There is the outward "person" or ego or Id, that interacts with others in it's own unique way so in that extent we all grieve differently. But the true spirit or consciousness that we are is the same for all of us. We're all just different manifestations of the very same One spirit. We, in reality, are the One that is the "observer" when we dream while participating in the dream at the same time. So to that extent we do grieve the same. So in both contexts, everyone is correct. The outward self or ego acts a certain way but the inner true self is the same for all of us! :-)
Posted June 07, 2008
Barry Wah Lee says:
I like it that you mention many ways to lose.I was feeling terribly about efforts to stop fireworks.I also grieve at changes to rules.New departments and new rules come by the day.But my dad helped me by always talking about the happiest funeral he went to,where people were warned not to be sad .My cat was put down the other day, but I had extra time with her because my mum paid for an expensive operation.Puss had a cancer in her mouth.
Posted June 03, 2008
BlessedOne says:
I do believe that everyone grieves differently and no one can tell another the proper way to grieve. Saying stupid things like "maybe it's for the best" don't help either. However, I also believe that our loved ones can offer us comfort in our time of need. I'm new to squidoo and recently made a lens about my experience with a miscarriage and the grief I went through. I'd love to get your opinion of it, since you are an expert. It is called A Memory of Miscarriage and you can get to it by clicking on my picture. Thanks and have a very blessed day! ~ Tracy
Posted May 20, 2008
spirituality says:
Everyone grieves the same: we all feel loss, sorrow, anger etc. But how that gets expressed does differ. Grief in one of those things that is part of life, because change, illness and death are part of life.
Posted March 29, 2008
Comfortdoc says:
It is a popular belief that we should be 'over it' within two weeks...or at least this is the time frame given for those lucky enough to have bereavement leave from work.
Posted January 09, 2008
Everyone grieves differently.
CountrySunshine says:
From personal experience, I know that everyone handles grief differently. Too bad there isn't a simple solution!
Posted February 09, 2012
bec says:
it has helped to find out about instrumental grief..i feel so relieved..i'm not abnormal or repressed. to know that we are all individual and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Posted February 06, 2012
MaryQuinlin says:
Because we're individuals, we grieve in individual ways, and while there are "stages of grief," individually, we sometimes go back and forth among each stage out of order and...many times.
Posted January 31, 2012
rainbowbutterfly says:
As we are unique individual, reaction to a certain loss varies. Some deal it quietly while others wanted to be in a circle of crowd accepting their support.
Posted January 28, 2012
goo2eyes says:
before my father died, we were praying and singing Lord, make me a channel of your peace. we accepted the loss but we are still grieving. we missed him a lot. when my mother died, i was not there and i feel the lump in my throat while i'm writing this comment. right now, i am teary-eyed. i miss my mom too.
Posted January 24, 2012
nelsonkana says:
We are all different and we differ in our ways of reacting to events.
Posted January 19, 2012
CNelson01 says:
I ignore it to carry on but in quiet moments it rolls over me like a wave. I break down if I try to talk to others so I mostly try to process it on my own.
Posted January 06, 2012
jadehorseshoe says:
The feeling of grief is universal; it's expression varies.
Posted December 20, 2011
SiochainGraSonas says:
Each person is unique and each situation surrounding the loss is different. I can't see how everyone would grieve in the same way.
Posted November 29, 2011
Articles on the Myths of Grief and Loss
- HFA Grief And Loss - Shattering Eight Myths About Grief
- From the Hospice Foundation of America.
- Common Myths about Grief
- Common Myths about Grief from the Journey of Hearts site.
- Myths of Grief
- From SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) Mid-Atlantic.
- Five Myths About Grief
- Doherty Funeral Homes looks at five myths about grief.
- Helping Dispel 5 Common Myths About Grief
- From Grief Works, a look at 5 common myths about grief.
- Ten Common Myths & Realities About Grief
- A look at ten common myths about grief from the National Funeral Directors Association. The article originally appeared in the March 1999 issue of The Director, the official publication of NFDA
Remember the Basics When Coping with Loss
Healthy Ways to Face A Loss
Following a loss, death or other tragic event it may be difficult to remember to take care for oneself. When facing a loss it is helpful to focus the basics.
This short list provides healthy coping strategies that I recommended to patients and to friends, to keep them moving during the first few days.
This short list provides healthy coping strategies that I recommended to patients and to friends, to keep them moving during the first few days.
- Take it one hour at a time, one day at a time, if need be one moment at a time.
- Get enough sleep or at least enough rest.
- Try and maintain some type of a normal routine.
- Remember that regular exercise helps relieve stress and tension.
- Eat a balanced diet. Limit high calorie and junk food. Drink plenty of water.
- Avoid using alcohol, medications or other drugs in excess or to mask the pain.
- Do those things and be with those people who comfort, sustain and recharge you.
- Talk to others, especially those who have lived through and survived similar experiences.
- Find creative ways-journal, paint, photograph, build, woodwork, quilt, knit, collage or draw-to express intense feelings.
- Remember coping skills you have used to survive past losses. Draw upon these inner strengths again.
Your Thoughts on Coping with a Loss
What have you found to be the most helpful when coping with a loss?
1
Someone to recognize that I am grieving.
10 points
2
Staying busy.
9 points
3
A listening ear.
8 points
4
Reading books on how to cope.
5 points
5
Understanding about the grief process.
3 points
6
Realizing that I'm not going crazy.
Realizing that I'm not going crazy.3 points
7
Talking to others who've been through the same thing.
3 points
8
Time off to help cope with the loss.
2 points
10
People treating me as normal
not avoiding talking to me1 point
11
Poetry, reading and/or sharing
Especially, Emily Dickinson1 point
12
Walking and talking with God
I Believe in Angels and Their Blessings!0 points
Heart Ache Leave vs. Bereavement Leave
In Japan, workers can take off 'heartache leave' to mend a broken heart. The time off increases as you age.In the United States, bereavement leave is frequently more limited. I remember two weeks after the September 11, 2001 tragedy, the flags were no longer flying at half mast, an indication that we were supposed to be moving on and getting over it.
Perhaps we should be looking at offering shitsuren kyuka in the United States, or a [paid] holiday you take when you feel too devastated to come to the office.
Photo Credit: Modified Microsoft Image.
- Japanese firm offers "heartache leave" for staff
- TOKYO (Reuters) - Lovelorn staff at a Japanese marketing company can take paid time off after a bad break-up with a partner, with more heartache leave on offer as they get older.
- Taking heartache leave: time off work to mend your broken heart
- A Japanese marketing company offers time off after a bad breakup.
- Heartbreak heaven for staff
- An article on Heartbreak leave from The Japan Times Online.
Cost of Grief
For a 2003 study by the Grief Institute used more than 12 recognized studies to compute the cost of a lost work hours due to grief.They estimated that grief in the workplace grief costs U.S. businesses over $75 billion a year in reduced productivity, increased errors and accidents.
These numbers get broken down as following:
- Death of a Loved One Cost: $37.6 billion
Divorce/Marital Woes Cost: $11 billion
Family Crisis Cost: $9 billion
Death of an Acquaintance Cost: $7 billion
Money Trouble at Home Cost: $4.6 billion
Pet Loss Cost: $2.4 billion
- "When your heart is broken, your head doesn't work right."
Source: The Grief Institute. 2003.
Grief in the Workplace
- The Annual Cost of Despair
- Jeffrey Zaslow takes a look at the Annual Cost of Despair for the Wall Street Journal.
- How's It Going?
- An article that looks at times and ways that executives have dealt with difficult and distressing personal situations while keeping up professional appearances in the Associations Now Magazine.
- Sacked bankers can grieve like the bereaved
- Former bankers, who once had hectic, crowded lives fuelled by excitement, large salaries and lottery-sized bonuses, are now filling their days
drinking coffee in Notting Hill from Times Online. - Workers' bereavement benefits often fall short
- While some bosses show abundant compassion when employees experience the death of a loved one, many others are left with not enough time off to properly grieve from the Careers section of MSNBC.com.
August - September Many Anniversaries that Bring Grief
It is interesting to me that in a relatively short period of time starting at the end of August within the span of just a few weeks we experience the Anniversaries of several major deaths:- * The 2nd year anniversary of the death of Michael Jackson (June 29, 2009)
* The 6th year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina (August 29, 2005)
* The 14th year anniversary of the death of Princess Diana (August 31, 1997)
* The 5th year anniversary of the death of Steve Irwin (Sept 4, 2006)
* The 14th year anniversary of the death of Mother Teresa (September 5, 1997)
* The 10th year of September 11th (Sept 11, 2001)
Photo Source: Kevin Smith. Honor the Fallen. Royalty Free Use.
More about the Anniversary Reaction or Anniversary Response
I've update the Anniversary Reaction lens for this year remembering those who have died.
Remember September 11 with My Good Deed
My Good Deed gives people a positive way of remembering September 11, by turning 9/11 into a national day of service and compassion.
Blog Posts on the Anniversary Reaction
- What is an Anniversary Response or Anniversary Reaction?
- From the Grief, Loss & Transitions - Journey of Hearts Blog an post looking at an Anniversary Response.
- Anniversary Reaction - Anniversary Response
- From the Comfortdoc on Squidoo Blog a post on the Anniversary Reaction.
Time to Grieve
How Long Will I Grieve?
- People in mourning have to come to grips with death
before they can live again.
Mourning can go on for years and years.
It doesn't end after a year, that's a false fantasy.
It usually ends when people realize that they can live again,
that they can concentrate their energies on their lives as a whole,
and not on their hurt, and guilt and pain.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
The dual process model is one of the current ways of explaining the grieving process; it is a dynamic struggle between the pain of the death of the loved one (loss-oriented) and recovery (restoration-oriented).
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross may have described the process of grieving (mourning) best in her quote and how long grief lasts.
Therefore, the grieving process usually ends when people realize that they will survive and begin to focus their energy on living.
Piecing Together a New Life
Learning to Live Again
- Piece by piece, I reenter the world.
A new phase. A new body, a new voice.
Birds console me by flying, trees by growing,
dogs by the warm patch they leave on the sofa.
Unknown people merely by performing their motions.
It's like a slow recovery from a sickness, this recovery of one's self.
Tony Talbot
More Healthy Coping Strategies
After making it through the first few days just focusing on the basics, the grieving person may need some helpful suggestions to keep going.
This short list provides additional healthy coping strategies to keep the person moving and doing something beyond first few days following the loss.
Source: Dyer K. 2002. How to Cope with Loss, Grief, Death & Dying - Professionally & Personally. Presentation for California Maritime Academy's Dying: The Final Stage Course.
This short list provides additional healthy coping strategies to keep the person moving and doing something beyond first few days following the loss.
- 1. Create a Memorial. Depending on the circumstances and the person you may want to create roadside memorial, a home shrine or a bulletin board filled with letters, notes, poems and pictures. You may decide to create a sculpture, a collage or fill a scrapbook with memories.
2. Help to plan and organize the funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life to honor the person who has died. Planning a service, tending to the details, is something active to do, during a time when people often feel helpless.
3. Plant a tree or flowers in a garden in memory of the person lost.
4. Donate--money, time, food, clothing or other needed items--to a favorite charity, homeless shelter, animal shelter or home for abused women.
5. Donate blood at your local blood center. Donating is another way of doing something active and giving something back.
6. Write sympathy and condolence notes, letters of encouragement and support to those affected by the loss.
7. Thank the emergency and hospital personnel, highway patrol, police and firefighters for helping if the loss involved an accident or emergency.
8. Be kind to others. Make space for the car merging in on the freeway. Don't use your horn unless it is absolutely necessary. Let someone with fewer items go first in the grocery store.
9. Perform random acts of kindness. This will help to remind one there is tenderness and thoughtfulness in the world. Pay the bridge toll for the person behind you. Smile at the store clerk. Some choose to perform random acts of kindness in memory of the person lost.
10. Volunteer your services or skills. Offer assistance to someone in need.
11. Do something that can benefit others. Take a first aid or CPR class.
12. Remember to tell your loved ones, friends and family how much you care about them often.
Source: Dyer K. 2002. How to Cope with Loss, Grief, Death & Dying - Professionally & Personally. Presentation for California Maritime Academy's Dying: The Final Stage Course.
More on Coping with Loss and Grief
You can created a Circle of Healing using CarePages as a way of coping with a life changing event.
Remembering to Breathe, Listening to Comforting Music, Lighting a Candle, Saying a Blessing and Writing Condolence notes are just some of the ways of helping yourself or others cope with a loss.
Remembering to Breathe, Listening to Comforting Music, Lighting a Candle, Saying a Blessing and Writing Condolence notes are just some of the ways of helping yourself or others cope with a loss.
- August - September Many Anniversaries that Bring Grief
- More about the Anniversary Reaction or Anniversary Response
- Remember September 11 with My Good Deed
- Blog Posts on the Anniversary Reaction
- Create a Circle of Healing
- More on Creating a Circle of Healing
- Creating a Circle of Healing Hands
- Create a CarePage to Connect, Share and Care
- More about Using CarePages
- Breathing as a Helpful Coping Strategy
- More Articles on Breathing as a Coping Strategy
- Music to Comfort Available on Amazon
- More about Music Therapy as a Way to Cope with Loss
- More on Coping with Loss with Candles and Blessings
- Candle Lighting Featured Lens to Help in Coping with Loss
- Lenses on Writing Sympathy Cards, Condolence Notes and Condolence Letters
- More Articles on Writing Condolence Cards, Notes and Letters
- Sending Condolences by Email, Text or Instant Message
- Lifetimes Book
- The Dragonfly Secret
- The Most Important Thing
- The Most Important Thing
Create a Circle of Healing
I have long had the belief that there is a healing power in holding a person in one's thoughts-whether through saying prayers or blessings or lighting candles.These are the same beliefs echoed by Jim Reeves, the urologist who treated Lance Armstrong who recited the ancient Chinese belief, that when a person is held in the hearts and minds and souls of so many other people, they can do better.
Creating a circle of healing and positive thoughts and positive intention is something that friends and family can do when someone is sick or facing a life crisis to feel a little less helpless.
If nothing else, creating a circle of healing gives everyone something to do during a very difficult time.
More on Creating a Circle of Healing
Creating a Circle of Healing Hands
Create a CarePage to Connect, Share and Care
CarePages unique service allows you to create a personal, private web page to help family and friends communicate when a loved one is facing illness whether at the beginning of life as a newborn, at the end of life, or somewhere in between.Creating a CarePage can be a way of generating support, providing information and updates easily. I think the greatest benefit may be that of holding the loved one in everyone's thoughts so they can do better and get healthy, or feel the love and support of family at the end of life.
More about Using CarePages
Breathing as a Helpful Coping Strategy
Whether is is coping with the loss of a loved one, managing a life changing event or just coping with everyday stressors, remembering to "Breathe, Just Breathe" is a very helpful strategy for the grieving person.Breathe helps get oxygen flowing to the brain so you can think more clearly, which is important during stressful times.
When we are tense during stressful times, we often forget to breathe. Something simple as focusing on breathing can be very helpful.
Breathe, Just Breathe
More Articles on Breathing as a Coping Strategy
Several articles
- Breathe...Just Breathe: Breathing Techniques to Help Cope with and Reduce Stress
- Taking a moment to focus on one's breathing is a simple but effective way of coping with and reducing many of the stresses faced as a part of living.
- Breathe, Just Breathe - An Effective Strategy for Daily Coping | Type-A Mom
- The lyrics to Anna Nalick's song Breathe have been my new mantra when things start getting difficult. I stop for a moment and remember to Breathe, Just Breathe.
- NICU Parent Support Blog: Breathe, Just Breathe - An Effective Strategy for Coping with a Challenge
- Breathing can be used as a healthy coping strategy to help in calming the frazzled nerves that NICU Parents may frequently experience.
- Strategies for Dealing with NICU Stresses - Try a Relaxing or Cleansing Sigh
- Strategies for coping with stresses in the NICU or otherwise from the NICU Parent Support Blog.
Music to Comfort Available on Amazon
Listening to comforting Music is a helpful way of coping with a loss. One of my favorite comforting musicians is Steven Halpern.
More about Music Therapy as a Way to Cope with Loss
More on Coping with Loss with Candles and Blessings
- Create a Candle Lighting Ceremony: Candles Can Help to Focus, Reduce Stress or Remember a Loved One
- Lighting a candle is one of the simplest ways to reduce stress, help a person focus or to put together a ritual or ceremony to remember someone who has died.
- A Cleansing, Healing Candle Burning Ceremony
- From the Grief, Loss & Transitions - Journey of Hearts Blog a look at creating a cleansing, healing candle ritual.
- Blessing: A Wish, A Prayer, A Hope: A Collection of Blessings for Peace, Healing & Comfort
- Blessings can be a helpful invocation, a prayer, a wish or a hope. Blessings are frequently used to help in coping when people are facing challenging times.
- Creating a Circle of Healing and Support
- How we created a Circle of Healing on the NICU Parent Support Blog.
- An Easter Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery
- A look at the Easter Healing Blessing from the NICU Parent Support Site.
- An Easter Wish for NICU Parents
- An Easter Wish for NICU Parents from the Type-A Mom site.
Candle Lighting Featured Lens to Help in Coping with Loss
Lenses on Writing Sympathy Cards, Condolence Notes and Condolence Letters
Writing a condolence note, card or letter is a beneficial way of helping someone else who has experienced a major loss.
More Articles on Writing Condolence Cards, Notes and Letters
- Writing a Condolence Card: How to Write a Sympathy Card or Condolence Note for a Loss Survivor
- Handwritten Sympathy Notes and Condolence Cards are a very important of the grieving and healing processes for those who have lost a loved one.
- Writing a Condolence Letter: How to Write a Sympathy Letter or Condolence Letter for a Loss
- Sending your condolences or sympathies in a letter following a death is a very old tradition that is still very beneficial for the person who has lost a loved one.
Sending Condolences by Email, Text or Instant Message
With all of the technology available to us these days, there are a variety of ways that messages can be sent, other than the old styles letters (snail mail) or by phone.Email is slowly starting to be recognized by some etiquette experts as an alternative way of sending at least initial condolences.
Most of the etiquette experts believe, and I concur, that texting and IM (instant messaging) are too informal and should only be used for casual topics or informational briefs.
More Articles on Sending Condolences by Text, IM or Email
- Six Questions to Ask Before You Hit "Send": Etiquette for Sending Condolences by Email, Text or Instant Message
- With all of the modern technology there are many ways that messages can now be sent from email to texting. Not all of these are recommended for sending condolence.
- Can I Send Condolences by Email? Etiquette for Emailling Sympathies and Condolences
- Email is one of the ways that people use to communicate with each other daily. However there are some situations where email is not appropriate, like sending condolences.
- Can I Send Text Message Condolences? Etiquette for Texting Bad News, Sympathies and Condolences
- Text Messages are one way routinely used by many to communicate with each other. However experts feel that text messages should not be used with more serious topics.
- Can I Send Instant Messages as Condolences? Etiquette for Sending Sympathies and Condolences by Instant Message
- Instant messages are used by many people to communicate with each other. However experts feel that text messages should not be used at all with more serious topics.
A Featured Lens on Texting, Instant Messaging or Emailing Concolences
A Featured Lens on How to Write an Obituary
More Lenses by Dr. Dyer on Loss and Grief Topics
- How to Cope with Loss and Grief - Healthy Coping Strategies
- Helpful information on coping with loss and grief.
- Anniversary Reaction - When Remembering Isn't Always a Happy Occasion
- Coping with the anniversary of the death of a loved one or other major loss can be difficult for the loved ones left behind.
- Holiday Blues - Feeling Sad, Lonely or Depressed During the Holidays?
- For some people the holiday season can be a very difficult time time of year. This article offers insights and suggestions for getting through the holidays.
- Are You Having a Charlie Brown Christmas?
- A look at Charlie Brown, from the perspective that he may be having a blue Christmas. A slightly more upbeat look at the holiday blues.
- I'll Be Home for Christmas - A Wish of Hope and Peace for the Holidays
- This lens also includes resources for coping with the holidays for those who are apart from loved ones.
- Children and Grief
- Children and adolescents are not immune to facing loss, death, dying and grief; they encounter loss, will experience a grief response and must learn how to cope.
- Caregiver Grief
- Grief is important part of the caregiver experience that is often overlooked.
More Grief and Loss Articles from Dr. Dyer
Loss, Grief and Bereavement articles from Suite 101.
- Navigating the Grief Journey: How to Find Your Way During Challenging Times
- Learning how to navigate the Journey of Grief and understanding the Grieving process following a major loss can make the grief experience more survivable.
- Am I Grieving or Am I Depressed? How to Decide if You Are Experiencing Normal Grief or Depression
- Learning how to tell the difference between grief and depression can help greatly in the recovery process of the person experiencing either of these responses.
More Helpful Info on Loss, Grief and Breavement
Add your favorite to the list.
1
Loss, Grief, and Bereavement - National Cancer Institute
Expert-reviewed information summary about grief, b more...3 points
2
Coping with Grief and Loss: Guide to Grieving and Bereavement
Empowering article on coping with loss, grieving, more...2 points
3
Coping With Death, Grief, and Loss Handout
An article on coping with grief and loss after a d more...2 points
4
Grief Symptoms, Seven Stages and Tips for Coping with the Death of a Loved One on MedicineNet.com
Read about the seven stages of grief (shock, denia more...2 points
5
FCA: Grief and Loss
A helpful article from the Family Caregiver Allian more...2 points
6
ACS :: Coping with Grief and Loss
A series of articles on Coping with Grief and Loss more...2 points
7
Mental Health America: Coping with Loss: Grief and Bereavement
Factsheet: Coping with Loss: Grief and Bereavement2 points
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MedlinePlus: Bereavement
Information on Bereavement from MedlinePlus.2 points
9
Bereavement - the process of grieving a loss
BUPA (British United Provident Association) health more...2 points
10
Grief and Loss, Funeral Arrangements, End of Life - AARP
Information and resources from the AARP on coping more...1 point
11
Grief and Loss -- Beliefnet.com
Grief and Loss resources from Beliefnet.com, a web more...1 point
12
Grief Article, Article on Grief, Bereavement, Grief Support
Bereavement and grief support resources to help yo more...1 point
13
Angel Pets Memorials
www.in-memory-of-pets.com %uFFFD www.petloss.com % more...0 points
14
Pet Loss Services, Cremation, Burial, Pet Urns, Pet Memorials ...
Pet loss services including cremation, burial, pet more...0 points
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The Road of Grief: She Cries - He Sighs
The differences between men and women and how they more...0 points
16
When Sorrow Strikes: Gender Differences
A look at gender differences in grieving from Beyo more...0 points
17
Grieving Parents
Osteosarcoma Online takes a look at grieving paten more...0 points
18
Ghost Bikes - What are they?
I have to admit I don't often read newspapers. I'm more...0 points
19
Coping with Grief and Bereavement
I've decided to make this Lens on coping with grie more...0 points
A Life Forever Changed by Loss
- As I learn my life anew,
may I be empowered by loving memories.
Martha Whitmore Hickman
Each person experiences his or her own unique journey discovering their own internal sources of strength to help him/her cope with the grief response.
In the grieving process, the bereaved person must learn how to deal with the loss, crisis or significant change, adapt and adjust to a new life.
Despite the loss, life goes on, it moves forward and begins anew, but it is a life forever changed.
Quote: Life Goes On
- In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:
it goes on.
Robert Frost
Life Anew
Posts from the Grief, Loss & Transitions Blog
The Official Blog for Journey of Hearts Website
Fetching RSS feed... please stand byBooks on Grief Available on Amazon
Just a few that I have found to be helpful.
These are just some of the grief, loss and bereavement books that I have in my personal collection.
More Lenses on Loss, Grief and Bereavement
The Next Place
The Next Place
Amazon Price: $9.90 (as of 02/13/2012)
Beautifully illustrated and written "The Next Place" helps in explaining the concept of death to a child.
Even though the recommended reading ages are 4 - 8, "The Next Place" would still be a beautiful gift for someone of any age who has experienced a significant loss.
Books about Loss on Amazon
Just a few that I have found to be helpful.
And I Quote in the Amazon Spotlight
And I Quote (Revised Edition): The Definitive Collecton of Quotes, Sayings, and Jokes for the Contemporary Speechmaker
Amazon Price: $254.08 (as of 02/13/2012)
List Price: $27.95
This collection of quotes collection of over 10,000 quotes is geared to those who seek something witty and appropriate for public presentations. Many old standards are included, but there is much that is contemporary to choose from.
It features one of my own quotes on Grief and Loss along with many of my personal favorite quotes on the topic. See page 130.
Books on Coping with the Holidays on Amazon
Just a few that I have found to be helpful.
Lenses on Coping with the Holidays
The Violet Heart Collection - Gifts for Those Grieving a Loss
Lenses with items from the Violet Heart Collection, gifts designed for anyone grieving a loss
Books on Loss, Grief & Bereavement for Children
Lifetimes Book
One of my favorite books on helping teach children about death.
Lifetimes
Amazon Price: $5.94 (as of 02/13/2012)
Lifetimes emphasizes "lifetimes" for different things, for plants, for animals and for people. It helps portray the fact that all creatures have a life cycle. The soft illustrations are very beautiful and soothing.
This book is an excellent choice for a child who is asking about death or who has recently experienced the loss of a pet, friend, or relative.
The Dragonfly Secret
The Dragonfly Secret: A Story of Boundless Love
Amazon Price: $11.24 (as of 02/13/2012)
The Dragonfly Secret is a heartwarming story of love and remembrance. It provides a degree of reassurance to children that loved ones exist in some form after they have passed.
I agree that The Dragonfly Secret is a wonderful tool for parents and teachers to have on hand. It approaches a delicate topic with sensitivity and care, guiding children through difficult times.
More Help for Children Coping with Loss and Grief
Gender Differences in Grief on Amazon
Books on Helping Caregivers Cope with Grief
Just a few that I have found to be helpful.
Helping Caregivers Cope with Grief
Featured Lens in the Caregivers and Caregiving Group
The Latest News on Grief and Loss
Fetching RSS feed... please stand byFeatured Lens in the Grief and Loss Club
The Latest Blog Posts on Grief and Loss from Google
- Volunteer Training for Pathways Hospice Starts in March, Touch Lives in ...
- ... volunteer training covers the basic principles of hospice, understanding the special needs of patients and their families, effective communication, patient care, pain and symptom management, spiritual care giving, and understanding grief and loss.
- The Woman in Black: Daniel Radcliffe gets radical after Harry Potter
- The theme of the film really is how grief and loss warp people.? Radcliffe says it was this shift in focus that made it appeal to him. ?When I first met James he mentioned a Kubrick quote about how all films with a supernatural element are inherently ...
- Valentine's Day: Love and the Lonely Heart
- ... provides psychotherapy for California clients who are looking for a way to move forward through relationship issues, problems with alcohol, drugs, or managing money, eating and body issues, trauma, grief and loss, depression, bipolar disorder, ...
- Alternatively Speaking: Love is in the air
- Since each of us experiences grief and loss differently, proper dosage and accurate selection of the indicated essence is critical for this remedy's success. Results can be observed within a few days; as you continue to take the formula, you will begin ...
Loss, Grief and Bereavement # 1 in Health
The Loss, Grief and Bereavement lens topped the Health Topics on May 29, 2008 and remained on top for over a month.
# 1 in Health Topic
According to Margaret's definition of a Masterpiece lens, the Loss, Grief and Bereavement lens is a Masterpiece and a Winner, attaining the Number 1 position in Topic.As of June 29, Loss, Grief and Bereavement has been the #1 lens in Health Topic for a month.
Loss, Grief & Bereavement - a Masterpiece Lens
I am honored and humbled to have been recognized as one of the Masterpiece Movement lensmasters, lensmasters who are committed to bringing the highest quality, most relevant information, best writing and greatest ideas.In order to qualify you need to present your best work, your best ideas, your most fabulous, over the top lenses.
According to Margaret, "The grief page IS a masterpiece, IMHO"
Loss, Grief and Bereavement is a Tough Topic and Thought Provoking Lens
Loss, Grief & Bereavement is a Member of these Wellness Groups
Photo Credits
Angel of Grief: Lucius Commons. Emelyn Story Tomba. Released to the Public Domain.
Alone in Her Grief: Roger Kirby. Alone amongst the dead. Royalty Free Use.
Grief is a Tidal Wave: Modified Microsoft Image
Am I Going Crazy? Dave Dyet. Scanner Fear 3. Royalty Free Use.
Same Loss - Different Grieving Styles. Modified from: Dez Pain. Abstract. Beach Haze. Royalty Free Use.
Carrying the Burden of Grief. Bobbi Dombrowski. Desolation. Royalty Free Use.
Breathe, Just Breathe. Shawn Zehnder Lea. Breathe. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.
Time to Grieve. Image Source: Andreyutzu. Time. Royalty Free Use.
Piecing Together a New Life. Roger Hall. Weaving. Royalty Free Use.
Life Anew. Gisela Haase. Fern Spiral. Royalty Free Use.
Alone in Her Grief: Roger Kirby. Alone amongst the dead. Royalty Free Use.
Grief is a Tidal Wave: Modified Microsoft Image
Am I Going Crazy? Dave Dyet. Scanner Fear 3. Royalty Free Use.
Same Loss - Different Grieving Styles. Modified from: Dez Pain. Abstract. Beach Haze. Royalty Free Use.
Carrying the Burden of Grief. Bobbi Dombrowski. Desolation. Royalty Free Use.
Breathe, Just Breathe. Shawn Zehnder Lea. Breathe. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.
Time to Grieve. Image Source: Andreyutzu. Time. Royalty Free Use.
Piecing Together a New Life. Roger Hall. Weaving. Royalty Free Use.
Life Anew. Gisela Haase. Fern Spiral. Royalty Free Use.
Copyright Information
Creative Commons License. Some rights reserved.
Creative Commons License © 1997-2011 Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution- Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
The material in this resource book may be copied and reproduced on websites or in newsletters, ezines provided that the Author's Biography information is included with any article.
Longer excerpts from this online resource book may not be copied, duplicated or reproduced for use in a for-profit setting without prior written permission by the author.
Comments on the Loss, Grief and Breavement Lens
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CountrySunshine
Feb 9, 2012 @ 2:39 pm | delete
- I can definitely identify with your "Grief will make a new person out of you, if it doesn't kill you in the making." You have provided a wealth of great information. Thank you so much!
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VKumar
Feb 7, 2012 @ 12:49 pm | delete
- A highly introspective Lens. Thanks for sharing.
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naheedahsan
Feb 5, 2012 @ 10:05 am | delete
- Thank you for the lens.
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goo2eyes
Jan 24, 2012 @ 8:29 am | delete
- thank you for sharing this lens. whenever we have a family reunion, we visit my parents' graves and recite the rosary for them. i am pretty sure that when it is my time to go, they will pick me up and gather near my death bed.
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nelsonkana
Jan 19, 2012 @ 2:23 am | delete
- Nice lens. Today am exploring top lens. Your lens is interesting and informative.
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jimmyworldstar
Jan 15, 2012 @ 2:06 pm | delete
- Thank you for the lens. Loss and grief can be very crippling, especially if it's of a loved one. I know people who end up becoming very depressed as a result.
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358424
Jan 9, 2012 @ 11:16 am | delete
- Thanks for sharing, always a difficult time for everyone
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CNelson01
Jan 6, 2012 @ 10:07 pm | delete
- Helpful...thank you.
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tvyps
Jan 5, 2012 @ 5:20 am | delete
- Thanks for sharing....blessed.
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CanInsure
Dec 29, 2011 @ 7:01 pm | delete
- I think grief can be very powerful.
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Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT is a respected physician, an expert in life challenges, loss, grief and bereavement, professional health educator, professor,... more »
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A Time to Grieve
A Time to Grieve: Meditations for Healing After the Death of a Loved One
Amazon Price: $8.24 (as of 02/13/2012)
One of my favorite recommended books on grief.
