Groundhog Day Predictions

Groundhog Day 2012 - No Shadow Early Spring
Groundhog Day 2011 - No Shadow Early Spring
Groundhog Day 2010 - Saw Shadow Six More Weeks of Winter *
Groundhog Day 2009 - Saw Shadow Six More Weeks of Winter *
Groundhog Day 2008 - No Shadow Early Spring *
Groundhog Day 2007 - No Shadow Early Spring *
Groundhog Day 2006 - No Shadow Early Spring
Groundhog Day 2005 - Saw Shadow Six More Weeks of Winter
Groundhog Day 2004 - Saw Shadow Six More Weeks of Winter
Groundhog Day 2003 - No Shadow Early Spring
Groundhog Day 2002 - No Shadow Early Spring
Groundhog Day 2001 - No Shadow Early Spring
Groundhog Day 2000 - No Shadow Early Spring
Groundhog Day 1999 - No Shadow Early Spring

* no interviews

Excerpt from The Mid-North Monitor
Wednesday, February 1, 2006 Edition
By HELEN MORLEY
Special to the Monitor

SPANISH JOE WAKES UP A LITTLE BIT EARLIER THAN USUAL

He calls for an early spring and a hot, dry summer.

Groundhog's Day is that time of the year, when the learned people turn to the lowly groundhog to tell them if winter will be short or interminably long.

In this part of the North Shore, Spanish Joe, our own psychic groundhog, is looked to for his predictions and infallible knowledge of future weather patterns. Joe, who is taken care of by Rick Story of Spanish, channels Joe's predictions and is willing to share them.

Story tells us, first and foremost, Spanish Joe says he appreciates special days like Groundhogs Day because "that's when us groundhogs get treated with the respect we deserve and everyone looks to us to learn how much longer winter is going to be." However, Story says Spanish Joe was awakened by the clamouring on election night, has not been able to get back to sleep since, and therefore is somewhat grumpy.

Thankfully, in response to the age old question asked of all psychic groundhogs, Spanish Joe is quite sure he will not see his shadow, foretelling an early spring. But, there is also the possibility that winter will turn around and bite us Northerners on the backside for being too complacent.

Joe goes on to predict, "We still have a few good winter storms to get through, but my psychic radar is telling me we are definitely going to have an early spring. And really, even if Mother Nature goes against my prediction, most of us don't have too much to complain about, since we've had a pretty easy winter so far.

"This summer will be very dry and the forest fire season will start early this year. In fact, the thunderstorms will be so severe this summer, with some really awesome lightening shows, my buddy, Smokey the Bear, has sent me an email asking me to remind everyone to be extra vigilant this summer, especially when they are camping."

When it comes to the political scene, Joe seems to share the view of most Canadians that they are quite happy the election is over. However, even though the party in power has changed, "We will all be comforted to know that the trend of government mismanagement of our money, political scandals, party in-fighting and the kindergarten sandbox style Question Periods will continue on a day-to-day basis."

Joe also has some prediction for our neighbours to the south. He says, "On the American political scene, President George W. Bush will surprise most people by admitting to having experimented with marijuana, including inhaling, several times. "The CIA will immediately drop their search for terrorist cells and initiate a US wide search for the president's missing grey cells."

Spanish Joe mentions that he has been the focus of a plot to free him from the custody of Rick Story by a group calling themselves the Freedom for Spanish Joe Society. This nefarious group has 53 members so far who believe Spanish Joe is held as a spiritual prisoner by his owner. Joe's answer to them is, "I am quite happy with Rick, but now I am secretly moving around Northern Ontario from town to town, with the co-operation of Canada Post, so I can't be easily abducted. You might say that I am 'lost in the mail'.

Yawning widely, Joe adds he hopes to find a comfortable spot to bed down for the remainder of the winter season within the next couple of days.

Excerpt from The Mid-North Monitor
Wednesday, February 2, 2005 Edition
By HELEN MORLEY
Special to the Monitor

SPANISH JOE SAYS NO EARLY SPRING

Groundhog prognosticates on local, national, international scene

Spanish Joe, the world's only genuine groundhog prognosticator, predicts there will definitely be another 6 weeks of winter.

Now, before anyone takes out a contract on his furry hide he says, "Those bone chilling temperatures will soon be a distant memory as warm balmy temperatures start wafting over the North." He adds that just in case he is wrong he is going back into his den and partying for the next six weeks.

Joe's predictions come courtesy of his handler Rick Story of Spanish who says Spanish Joe has an amazing track record with his predictions.

Over the next year Joe predicts that there will be changes in the Espanola area. He says, "After the tragic demise of the noble jack pines, in the Williamson St.. area, Espanola Little Theatre will put on a benefit performance to raise money for the replanting of mature trees. This new park area will never again be known as Shameful Park."

"Local taxpayers will form a Shadow Council to run their township as dissatisfaction with their local council increases. A petition with 95% of area voters endorsing the new Shadow Council will result in the decertifying of the existing council and the installation of the Shadow Council as the legitimate one. As a result, things will finally get done."

Speaking of politics and the general dissatisfaction of the populace with the government, Spanish Joe says, "Newfoundland will seriously consider separating from Canada until the people of the province finally realize that the federal government isn't singling them out, they pick on all the provinces equally."

He adds that things will be so bad, "John A. MacDonald's ghost will visit Parliament Hill in Ottawa and give our members of parliament hell for how they are managing our country. Paul Martin will deny any knowledge of the ghost incident saying it was probably the result of something someone was smoking because 'everyone knows I am doing a fabulous job'."

Spanish Joe predicts that Toronto will once again get snowed in. He says, "The Hells Angels will be recruited to dig them out, since the National Guard will be needed elsewhere. The rest of Canada will regard this as really good entertainment."

Speaking of disaster relief, Joe says, "The Canadian DART Team (Disaster and Relief Team) will be stranded in Sri Lanka because the Russians have no planes available to bring them back home and this will cause the government great embarrassment. With the Americans still peeved at us, DART will end up staying there for six months longer than anticipated."

With the furor over mad cow disease and the soft wood lumber issue, Joe points out that it is really nice for Canadians to realize that Americans appreciate our drugs. A recent report in the Sudbury Star says that Canada is now the largest single supplier of pot, speed and steroids to the United States. Joe says, "this should give Canadians heart that we actually have something the Americans want. Now if we could just get past the legal issues we might actually be able to make some money out of this trend."

Since American's are also interested in our water supply, maybe it should be sold to them in the form of beer. In the long run, relations between Canada and the States would improve dramatically if we could only get some pot smoking, beer swilling president into power and tilt the free trade scales more Canada's way."

In relation to the immigration, Joe says, "the new (federal) immigration minister will be revealed to own a controlling interest in Hooters and his hidden motivation for accepting the job was to be able to supply a steady stream of beautiful, not too shy, babes for the club. Being male, this activity will be viewed as acceptable behaviour and no sanctions against him will be taken."

Joe's final thought is a fitness tip. "Try not to get run over by a Green Peace bus, like I was, or you will definitely end up out of shape."

Excerpt from The Mid-North Monitor
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 Edition
By HELEN MORLEY
Special to the Monitor

SPANISH JOE DELIVERS GROUNDHOG DAY PREDICTIONS

Spanish Joe, Canada's only clairvoyant groundhog, says that unfortunately this winter will be a long one. His owner Rick Story of Spanish, who interprets Joe's predictions, says Joe will see his shadow, which of course means six more long weeks of winter. However, with winter starting late this year in the North, it really won't seem any longer than normal. Joe says, "mild weather is coming which will bring more snow and major flooding this Spring but there will be no more really cold temperatures." Spanish Joe is also predicting a very mild March with several major snowstorms so Northerners should be prepared for that.

In related news, since Canadians are concerned about the future almost as much as they are about the weather Joe predicts that, "the Canadian Weather Channel and the Psychic Network will be combined to form a new network called the 'Your Guess is as Good as Mine for $5.99 a Minute' Network."

Being a well read and topical groundhog, Spanish Joe is also prepared to offer predictions on a wide range of topics that interest him. According to Story, operating on a higher plane of existence gives Joe a unique view of events.

Story says that Joe has been following the news about NASA's Mars Probe, Rover. He predicts that, "Rover will find signs of life when it has a flat tire and the local MAA (Martian's Automobile Association) comes out to help with repairs." Joe also says "the US and China who are involved in a space race to the moon, will be cancelling this project citing that it is too costly." He goes on to say that the true reason is "both governments have been evidence, in the form of tiny little groundhog footprints, which proves some other creature has been there before them."

In other news about NASA, Joe predicts that the space station will develop an air leak, thought to be caused by an open window. NASA, being aware of Spanish Joe's existence, will contact him for help with this problem. Being a practical rodent, Joe will advise the astronauts to chew bubble gum and spit it out. The gum will be sucked into the air leak thereby sealing it, and Joe will be hailed as a hero.

In Canadian news, Joe predicts that, "a new disease called S.S.D. (Manure Shovellers Disease), will be found in Alberta and Ottawa. The signs of this illness are hot air, flatulence, incoherent babbling and inability to make correct decisions. Early victims of the disease will be Premiers Klien and McGuinty." Joe goes on to say unfortunately no cure will be found.

Barrie, Ontario will become a hot spot for tourists, according to Joe. He says, "the city will become the headquarters of a company manufacturing glaucoma products under the name of Herb's Brewery/Clinic." This company will be a joint partnership with the newly minted MCBO (Marijuana Control Board of Ontario) which will be the only government institution licensed to distribute these products.

On a historical note, Joe predicts that, "local divers will find the remains of a Viking ship in St. Mary's River. Records will show that this ship was owned by the famous Leif 'Lucky No. 7' Erikson. Apparently it had been overloaded with too many casino chips." This will absolutely stun the historical community who had no idea that the Vikings brought gambling to North America.

In relation to scientific discoveries, Joe predicts that scientists will discover, "unexplained attacks by pets on their owners can be attributed to MPD (Mad Pet Disease). US scientists will trace this back to Canada, of course." Joe goes on to say, "there will also be a new mental illness discovered which psychologists will call MAD (Mad American Disease), because they are always mad at Canadians for something."

Spanish Joe says he doesn't want to alarm Northerners, but "there will be a direct link between the Bermuda Triangle and the area between Elliot Lake, Spanish and Massey. Unexplained phenomena will occur simultaneously in both areas. Scientists will venture North into this hitherto unknown territory to study the phenomena, eventually acknowledging that strange as the local inhabitants might be, these events actually have nothing to do with them"

Excerpt from The Mid-North Monitor
Wednesday, January 29, 2003 Edition
By HELEN MORLEY
Special to the Monitor

Spring is coming

Spanish Joe says early spring

Spanish Joe, world famous psychic groundhog, is sticking with his earlier prediction of a mild winter with an early spring despite the recent period of bone-chilling cold. Rick Story of Spanish who channels Joe's predictions says that Joe will not be seeing his shadow on Groundhog Day so area residents can look forward to an early spring this year.

For those people wanting more snow, Spanish Joe says they will not be disappointed. "Over the next week the Espanola/North Shore area will be getting a nice mild spell of weather with up to a foot and a half of snow."

Story goes on to say that Spanish Joe has foreseen incredible changes in the coming year. "MNR Biologists will cross the African Roach Tree with the Australian Doobie Tree to produce a new species called the Canadian Bong Tree. The MCBO (Marijuana Control Board of Ontario) will be the only ones in Canada allowed to grow the Bong Tree. This tree will become the foundation for a new kind of "specialty rolling paper" with Domtar receiving a huge multi-million dollar contract to be the sole supplier for this paper."

Domtar will be in the news again in the fall of 2003, when Joe says, "Domtar biologists will genetically engineer trees that grow square to make loading onto logging trucks easier and more economical."

Spanish Joe predicts that "as a joke, someone will list the Town of Espanola on eBay for auction and it will end up being purchased by Iraq for $3,000,000.00. A class action will be filed in the international courts and the ruling will be a joint custody. An Iraqi spokesperson will be heard saying, "now that we have ties to Canada the Americans won't attack, eh?"

More and more Canadians will be getting frustrated with the security at airports but Joe sees this as a small inconvenience compared to the problems of airport security. He says, "they will have no idea of what to do with the 3 million pairs of nail clippers, nail files, hat pins, safety pins, pool cues, ski poles and hockey sticks taken away from the hands of potential terrorists."

Northern Ontario will hit the news when a large deposit of diamonds will be found. Joe says that this find "will be larger than the Alaskan Black Diamond discovery and will rejuvenate the mining industry locally."

He also foresees a firm in Northern Ontario designing a "tire reef" which will be used to create fish habitat and attract Zebra Mussels. "When the reefs are removed and the Zebra Mussels collected, they will become a worldwide source of a new super fertilizer and may even replace oysters as the new 'love food'."

Joe predicts that an item of interest to local historians will be found when, "prospectors discover a WWII German Weather Station in Pickle Lake. This unusual find will make Pickle Lake into the next tourism hotspot."

In the coming year Joe foresees big changes in the attitude towards smoking. "An upcoming study will show that the effects of smoking are a natural defence to a new strain of super bacteria. Not only will all the anti-smoking groups disband, but the economy will flourish and the job-rate will increase with all those businesses who have been losing money able to recoup their losses." He predicts that, "candidates in the upcoming Provincial and Municipal Elections that are pro-smoking will be elected by a landslide."

Joe says that despite the image of the Cormorant as a nuisance bird, it will become the official bird of Ontario and the mascot of the Progressive Conservative Party. "This will not affect the PC's image."

In a final note, Joe wishes everyone a Happy Groundhog Day!

Excerpt from The Mid-North Monitor
Wednesday, January 30, 2002 Edition
By HELEN MORLEY
Special to the Monitor

Spanish Joe says spring is coming

Groundhog predicts busy year

Spanish Joe, the world's only psychic groundhog, is predicting an early spring. His owner Richard Story, who channels the predications, says that Spanish Joe is pretty confident this year that he will be proven accurate.

However Joe wishes to say that an early spring does not preclude the possibility that winter will also go out like a lion dropping several feet of snow in early to mid-March.

Joe says he will be keeping a close eye on government over the next year and he predicts that the Canadian Alliance and Conservative parties will merge and form a new party called the "I Am A Canadian" party. This party will go over big with all beer drinkers.

For those Canadians who can't decide who to vote for, Joe says another political party called "I'll Vote For Anyone Other Than The Present Parties" will come into being in October.

Joe predicts that Canadian Forces in Afghanistan will not be too pleased with the Canadian government after they are issued jungle camouflage uniforms instead of the more appropriate desert camouflage. He says "An Armed Forces spokesman will leak out that it was better than the original hunter orange uniforms the government was going to issue, which are based on the Ministry of Labour and Workers Safety Insurance Board guidelines. As an apology they will send out troops "I am Canadian" toques.

The provincial government in the fall of 2002 will also cancel the fall bear hunt in Ontario. By the fall of 2005 it is expected that bear/auto collisions will have resulted in an average death count higher than the total car collisions province wide. The government will be torn between banning cars or bears.

In a close to home prediction, Joe says that in early summer of 2002, the Sierra Club and Greenpeace will join forces to make a bid for a hostile takeover of Domtar. "Fortunately, most of the funds for the takeover were invested in the "I Am A Canadian" party and they will be forced to withdraw their bid."

It will be discovered that a build-up of Prozac in Toronto's drinking water is to blame for the weird behaviour of Mayor Mel Lastman. After a huge loss in the next Mayoral race Mel will be hired as a spokesman for Harley Davidson. He will not keep this job long as bikers will think he is bad for their image.

In a related prediction, Joe predicts that Osama Bin Laden will be found driving a cab in Toronto. He says, "Upon investigation by Immigration Canada, it will be learned that Bin Laden put his name down on the application as Oh-Sum Wons Bin Hidin. Apparently CSIS was unable to figure out this synonym. Bin Laden will be granted political asylum based on his claims that he feared political persecution in Afghanistan."

A big news story in the summer of 2002 will be the robbery of the federal gun registry in New Brunswick. As it will be revealed, the thugs will have been armed with wooden clubs. The government in their infinite wisdom will respond to this crime by banning any 2 x 4's longer than 24-inches.

Joe's final prediction is one that affects him personally. He says "a plot will be uncovered by the OPP to eliminate me within the next year." While he says he is fearless he stands behind his right of freedom of speech as a Canadian groundhog and asks that fellow Canadians protect his right to predict future events.

Excerpt from The Mid-North Monitor
Wednesday, January 31, 2001 Edition
By HELEN MORLEY
Special to the Monitor

Spanish Joe forecasts early spring

Groundhog also predicts 70's return

Spanish Joe is the only psychic groundhog in existence and Spanish resident Rick Story channels his predictions and passes them on.

The fact that he 'shuffled off this mortal coil' some 11 years ago and ascended to a higher plane has absolutely no bearing on the accuracy of his prognostications.

First and foremost, Story said, Spanish Joe will not see his shadow. This year we can look forward to an early spring. Last year, the end of winter and the re-election of Jean Chrétien are two of the predictions Spanish Joe was absolutely right about.

Spanish Joe predicts in 2001 that, "Canadian scientists will discover that mad cow disease is caused by being too close to politicians. Quarantine them for 90 days. They must be put on a granola bar diet to cure them." He also mentions that "Moosejaw will be hit by a powerful earthquake. Oil will come gushing up and as a result fuel costs will go down dramatically."

Spanish Joe sees a return to the 70's as a distinct possibility. "The 70's will be reinvested. Everybody was happy. Bell-bottoms and plaid pants will come back, as well as the eight-track tape. 'Ragamuffin' will be the new trendy word and phrases like "up your nose with a rubber hose" and "get out of town" will be in full use." He also takes credit for General Motors bringing back the Station Wagon.

Spanish Joe also has a few things to say about our American neighbours. Story said Spanish Joe blames them for the drop in water levels in the Great Lakes. "Michigan is secretly siphoning water with huge hoses and shipping it to California. That's why the water level is so low."

One of Spanish Joe's concerns was the shortage of water. He feels that the cure for water problems is eating snow. However he does have some sage words of advice about this practice. Even if you are really, really thirsty, "Don't Eat That Yellow Snow!"

Referring back to California, he predicts, "Rockchucks (woodchucks' cousins), who are tired of all the brownouts and other problems will secretly dig out the San Andreas Fault and California will slide into the ocean."

Spanish Joe predicts that Scientists will discover a new means of propulsion--Guanodine. This will be preserved dinosaur droppings. It will become the new fuel of the future for the next generation of automobiles. In the meantime they will be using an old form of fuel for the new propulsion system-Methane. "There is too much 'poo-poo' in the world and something should be done about it."

In relation to the doctor shortage in Northern Ontario, Spanish Joe had this to say. "The Government will discover a secret surplus of doctors laying around in a room and send them to Northern Ontario."

One of Spanish Joe's most shocking predictions is "the Internet will collapse". He also had a correction about the New Millennium. By the groundhogs way of counting it's the Triennium, the year 3000 and this year is "The Year of The Rodent".

Excerpt from The Mid-North Monitor
Wednesday, February 2, 2000 Edition
By BARB BLAKELY
Staff Writer

Groundhog, Spanish Joe visits the Monitor for the
third year in a row to predict the arrival of spring
through medium, Rick Story.

Early spring predicted

Puxatawny Phil and the late Wiarton Willie have nothing on Spanish Joe. Not only does groundhog, Spanish Joe know whether or not we are going to have an early spring, he can also see into the future. Spanish Joe gives clairvoyant messages from the spirit world through his medium, Rick Story of Spanish.

Spanish Joe is promising an early spring along the North Shore, however, he does ask that we take heed to a weather warning. "Around the end of February there's going to be a big storm with very much snow, and almost all of the highways will be closed in the North," he says. He is also predicting "a long, dry, hot summer".

The warming trend that we've experienced over the past several years is expected to continue, however, Spanish Joe says it is too soon to begin planting banana trees just yet. He adds that the warming trend is not caused by atmospheric gases caused by pollution, but from the methane in sheep manure from Australia. "If we could put a catalytic converter on the sheep, we could cut down on the gases," he suggests.

Although Spanish Joe says the lakes and rivers in the area will be low again this summer, he predicts that skilled anglers will still be able to catch the kind of fish that garner bragging rights. But all of the news from the spirit world concerning angling is not good. "Because of the pressure from tree huggers and seal kissers, the fishing rods will all have to be registered, because if you own one, you are a potential threat to the fish population," warns the groundhog.

Spanish Joe has another interesting prediction for this summer. "There's going to be an outbreak of UFO's in the middle of the summer," he says.

The groundhog is able to pass on such messages from the spirit world because he lives there. His medium, Rick Story explains that Spanish Joe is actually dead. "He got run over near Ottawa by a Green Peace bus," says Story.

Story adds that Spanish Joe now has a grudge against the entire Green Peace organization. "It left him with a bad taste in his mouth, as well as tire tracks on his forehead," he says.

In spite of his feelings about Green Peace, Story says Spanish Joe does not hate all environmentalists. In fact, he says he actually likes the Friends of Spanish River. "He has no problems with people that want to hug the river," he says.

Story says Spanish Joe has given him several predictions for the area, including good news for the Espanola Eagles. "They're going to bring in a guy from Sweden named Grund Hooge, and he's going to ignite the team, and they're going to win everything," he says.

He adds that scientists are going to discover a new use for wood fibre in the aerospace industry, and that Domtar Inc. is going to have to build another mill in the area just to keep up with the demand.

The groundhog foresees an amalgamation of the entire LaCloche Foothills area, however he says the merger will be mandated by the provincial government and it will not be by consensus of the area municipalities. He adds that Spanish will amalgamate with the Township of North Shore, but will not join with Elliot Lake.

Spanish Joe also sees into the future of MP, Brent St. Denis. "He's going to become an evangelist and start his own religion," he says.

The groundhog predicts that Mike Harris will win the next provincial election with a minority government, however, soon after the election the premier will resign to become a golf pro.

Excerpt from The Mid-North Monitor
Wednesday, February 3, 1999 Edition

Early Spring

Spanish Joe, the local winter forecaster, made his Groundhog appearance outside the Mid-North Monitor office, February 2. Seeing no shadow, Joe predicts there will be an early spring this year. Joe is owned by Rick Story of Spanish.