Growing Old Disgracefully

What an interesting observation Jenny Joseph made in her poem 'Warning' (see below)! Why are we so concerned about our image - who do we think is judging us? Why do we conform to behavioural expectations - who lays down the rules? When do we decide that we have to set a good example? Who designates what is acceptable or appropriate behaviour at a certain age? Who says purple is not an appropriate colour for the elderly or that we should 'act our age'?

No doubt most of us are guilty of telling someone to 'grow up!'. There comes a point where you are expected to be mature, sane and sensible, and to contain your wild, rebellious side. Former hippies become respectable bankers. There can be obvious reasons why mini-skirts and racer-backed vests should be laid to rest at a certain age, but who said we have to wear big knickers, tweed skirts and twin sets? My mother wore t-shirts, leggings and trainers well into her 70's and looked fantastic, (perhaps, not such an unusual sight in the USA as in the UK).

"Uncharacteristic" or "inappropriate" behaviour is defined by social norms, i.e. how we expect people to act. It is easy to find yourself describing "different" behaviour as "inappropriate", simply because that age group's personal habits, ways or preferences differ from our own or from society's usual expectations.

Uncharacteristic behaviour simply means unusual for that person and not what you have come to expect from them; this may be the result of a temporary state such as drinking too much alcohol, or more permanent change, due to the onset of dementia, for example. Inappropriate behaviour is in some way shocking, dangerous or socially unacceptable, e.g. walking naked in the street. Different behaviour is exactly that, 'different' and not necessarily wrong.

'Different' is what many adolescents strive to be, (although, there is really nothing very revolutionary or radical about pink hair, piercings or tattoos!). How come being different is less tolerated in old age? Why is being different not often an aspiration for elderly people? Have they simply discovered who they are, and grown comfortable in their own skins? Are they less ego-driven and attention-seeking? Elderly people at bus stops often have a good natter to strangers - such social confidence and unconventionality seems to develop with age (younger people would rarely consider striking up a conversation - that would be odd!). Why are they not more liberated and unconventional in other matters? Where does 'free spirit' go?

Growing up and becoming mature seems to be more about no longer behaving in a childish way; stifling and controlling that inner child whose behaviour we are told is inappropriate. Perhaps, at the same time we lose some of that wonder and excitement at what the world has to offer? How sad!