Grumble Headquarters: Where Crabapples, Sourpusses, and Grumblers Unite
Ranked #717 in Humor, #123,413 overall
Woe are We!
Wars. Earthquakes. Robberies. Overpriced groceries. Train wrecks. Barking dogs. Snooty neighbors. Thirsty gas tanks. A gnat doing backflips in your coffee.
Ain't life grand?
Grumbling affects relationships and hampers productivity. Grouchy people dampen the morale of those around them. Friendships don't have a chance to deepen when chronic complaining takes over.
Plus, an oh-so-official government survey shows that grumps get wrinkles. Yes, it's true. Would I lie?
This lens is for the grump in your life. If that grump is you, all the better. If you're used to caffeinating yourself instead of facing your funny potential, loosen up. Laughter is good for the soul and the blood pressure. It's also better than punching someone's lights out.
But I've Earned the Right to Squawk!
A Word from Roget
Maybe you don't like being lumped together with chronic complainers. Sure, you toss around an occasional grumble,and feel you've earned the right to air it to everyone within a city block. So what's wrong with that?
Roget of thesaurus fame has a few words to clearly define what's coming out of that hole in your face: annoy, beef, bellyache, complain, complaint, fret, fuss, grasp, grievance, groan, grouse, grumble, irritate, objection, protest, squawk, whine
There. It's official.
...And you were saying...?
Have I got news for you!
If you ever find yourself lacking for avid listeners, the internet boasts hundreds of thousands of passionate grumblers who are busy wearing the letters off their computer keyboards.
- The Weekly Gripe.com
- Bring caffeine and cookies. You'll feel right at home here.
- The Gripe Line
- Unload a gripe and wait around until they investigate and report back.
- Top 100 Adobe Gripes
- Your hair will stand on end from all the static electricity at this site. Bring conditioner.
- Local Gripes
- It's true. They're griping in China, too.
How many calories does one gripe burn?
Give up?
ANSWER:
7,684,000 minus 7,684,000
Too Much Caffeine? Not Enough? It's all Relative...
Here's a 2009 calendar to hang above your coffeepot.
Is Caffeine Toxic to Grumps?
Answer the question, Bucko. If. You. Dare.
Does caffeine help or hurt a grump?
Fetching blurbs now... please stand byGrumps should be tied to a chair and IVed to coffee first thing every morning.
seedplanter says:
If an IV drip doesn't work in twenty minutes, I say feed 'em to the sharks.
Posted December 05, 2008
No-No-NO! Caffeine is toxic to grumps. Feed 'em rice cereal and water.
spirituality says:
Don't turn a grump into a caffeine addict as well - it won't change their personality, it will just give cause for more grumps when the machine is broken :)
Posted January 02, 2009
mulberry says:
I don't drink the stuff personally...I'm grumpy enough without it! My guess is a real coffee drinking grump needs to be weaned off of the stuff.
Posted December 28, 2008
Margo_Arrowsmith says:
It hurts my stomach, so I guess it would make me grumpy!
Posted December 16, 2008
Stressed? Who, Me?
According to the American Institute of Stress, grumblers walk a stress-greased tightrope. (Now if your lifelong dream has been to join the circus, this is good news. Here, send an application to Ringling Bros. Tell them I sent you.)
But if your grouchiness is overshadowing practically every conversation these days, Paul J. Rosch, M.D., F.A.C.P.President, The American Institute of Stress Clinical Professor of Medicine and Psychiatry, New York Medical College Honorary Vice-President, International Stress Management Association would like to have a word with you. (With a title that long, chances are he knows what he's talking about, so stay with me here.)
According to Dr. Rosch, increased stress increases productivity - up to a point, after which things rapidly deteriorate, and that level also differs for each of us. It's much like the stress or tension on a violin string. Not enough produces a dull raspy sound and too much an irritating screech or snaps the string - but just the correct degree of stress creates a beautiful tone.
We Interrupt This Grumble With a Special Report
Stand long enough in a line at the bank or grocery checkout, and somebody will invariably fill the silence with a gripe. Waiting is one of those inconveniences that bring out the sourpuss in people.
Topics range in intensity, but usually include a summary of the obvious--a mini-account of current news:
Long line.
Cloudy day.
Terrible economy.
Scratchy sore throat.
Rowdy teens.
Lousy service.
High gas prices.
Wouldn't it be shocking if a real-live encourager type would rock the grumble boat a bit? Maybe steer the conversation toward something that'll leave 'em smiling?
I worked my mouse to the bone to bring you links that will hopefully lift your spirit and paste a goofy grin on your cranky countenance. (Humor me, please, by making the appropriate noises in return. Nod your head and pretend you are deeply touched.)
Then, if you have the stomach for a courageous act, slip your arm through the window of this lens and sign my guestbook at the bottom of this page.
Let's see...you could write something to the effect of, "Wow! I came here to rub elbows with fellow gripers, but am leaving with a new spring in my step. I owe you big-time."
- Don't Judge a Book by its Cover
- A true story that'll inspire your socks off.
- Academic Mayor Tranforms Bogota
- How one person dared to take a stand and change an entire city.
- Best Inspirational Poems
- Read these and be blessed...
- What a Ride!
- Paul Hintersteiner does more for his passengers than just drive them from place to place-he gives them a lift that will boost their mood all day.
- A Marine Mom's Mission
- New York resident Paula Zwillinger lost her son in Iraq, but found a cause.
Source: Aha! Jokes
There's Always Hope...
"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."
- Mother Teresa
Gotta Have a Riddle...
What do you call a grumpy cow?
MOO-dy.
Share It!
So, you found your way to Squidoo and don't want to leave?
Have you thought about making your own lens? It's easy and the tools are provided for you. Can you spell F-R-E-E?
Begin this very nanosecond.
2008 Govt. Survey: Grumbling Produces Wrinkles!
Advice for the Masses
Remember a parent or teacher raising an eyebrow and offering cryptic advice like the following?Birds of a feather flock together.
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
You sound like a drippy faucet.
If you're still scratchin' your head over those idioms, Amazon has a service you might appreciate. Post your puzzling questions and receive input from others. Somewhere out there are people with lots of time on their hands, just waiting for your question. (Be sure to make nice and they'll get back to you sooner.)
So what does all that have to do with chronic complaining? Funny you should ask. A quick search turned up an Askville post about chronic complainers. Isn't that special? No need to thank me. I live to serve.
Check it out and add your three cents' worth.
Leave Your Footprint & Say Something Nice
poddys wrote...
Love it, great lens. 5***** lensrolled into my Daily Jokes Lensography too.
Posted December 29, 2008
kalos_eidos wrote...
Haha! Great lens! Thanks for giving me a chuckle and make me a little less grumpy!
Posted December 18, 2008
Margo_Arrowsmith wrote...
I love the snake joke. Great idea for a lens. Stars to you!
Posted December 16, 2008
SaraMu wrote...
Oh, what to groan about today. So many things, so many things:0
Posted November 24, 2008
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