How To Stop People Taking Advantage of You

A friend sent me this story:

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to survive and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'
'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean , mother?'

Her mother explained that! Each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were
Unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is
The darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in
Life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.

May we all be coffee!!!!!!

A few years back I had the good fortune to have Ruth as a colleague. She is based in Canada. Ruth helps people realize their true worth and she supports individuals who need to make sense of the behaviour and attitudes towards them. This is often the case when people try to do you down. Here recent publications include Realizing Your Inner Magnificence

Ruth says "It's your time now to pick up wherever you left off, and shine! It is your time to claim the diamond within you, that is you, and restore it to its inherent, dazzling brilliance, to become - manifest - the rare, multi-faceted, precious gem that you are!"

I am grateful to fellow lensmaster Colleen Lane for making me aware of the prayer that can be found below. It comes from Colleen's lens and I thought it was inspirational for anyone who found themselves being 'done down' by others.

Office gossip is the bane of office life. It is destructive and unproductive. Whilst some of it might be regarded as 'fun' it can often undermine the reputation of people and destroy their self esteem

here are 20 good tips for managing it from Ayo

Have you ever thought, now that's a book I should have written? Well, congratulations to Stephen Greenspan, who has scored a direct hit with this book.
Annals Of Gullibility

Amazon introduce the book as: an unprecedented examination of gullibility, how we develop this tendency to be duped, and what we can do to become less apt to be fooled. The first book to provide a comprehensive look at the problem of gullibility, this groundbreaking work covers topics from how we are fooled in areas from religion, politics, science, and medicine, to personal finance and relationships.

Wiseass.org bullsh*t deflectors
Survive School bs deflectors

Legal academic Stefan Fafinski has set up a website called:


Honestylab.com to research the ways in which people can spot a liar.

His main concern was studying jury service, where ordinary men and women have to judge the claims of witnesses and defendants on face value..

image - Narcissus, by Michelangelo Caravaggio, ca. 1598.


A Narcissist is defined as as 'someone in love with themselves', 'someone who indulges in self love based on self image or ego, a person full of egoism and pride'

People who are narcissists can cause untold pain and destruction to those around them. Often in the first instance they someone who is highly appealling or someone who is a so called 'significant other' in your life.

Because of this you place your trust in them, what they say and the things they say about you and others.

Being self assured is a benevolent effect of narcissism but it is when it migrates into malignant narcissism and exhibits itself as Narcissistic Personality Disorder that social dysfunction happens.

People who behave in this way lie, they blow up their own self worth, they are devious and cunning, and avoid taken responsibility for their actions.

I have worked with people who behaved as if they were what I called 'Medieval Kings' they held the power of grace and favour, employment or job loss and constantly sought to find the reason for failings in other people and external events.

Much has been written on this topic, and it is a recognised psychological disorder.

There are several specialist web sites too:

Daughter's of Narcissistic Mothers

How to recognise a narcissist

NPD