For Girls Turning 40

As seen in Homemakers magazine...
The lead-up to my 40th birthday verged on the surreal. A week before The Day,
I had major gum surgery and, suddenly and literally, became long in the tooth -- something I thought applied only to hairy-chinned crones in fairy tales, not to still-youthful me.
When I looked at myself in the mirror immediately afterward, I was horrified. This wasn't me. This was some frightening, snaggle-toothed stranger.
I had become the epitome of my worst fears about aging.
"Being 40 was way, way older than 39"
But some birthdays can inspire that kind of irrationality. A.A. Milne partially illuminated the mystery of the passing years in Now We Are Six. You'd think turning five -- a nice, decimal number -- would be a Moment. But Milne was right; being six is a very long way from being five. And to me, being 40 was way, way older than 39. I finally understood Jack Benny's insistence on remaining an eternal 39-year-old -- it's one of those perfect ages. You're a certified grownup, but for some incalculable reason, you can still count yourself as young-ish in a way that, to my (and Jack's) mind, you simply can't once you're 40.
Meanwhile, Now I was 40 and I had a birthday party to prove it. Yes, despite my existential (and physical) shudders, I had one, thrown by dear friends who insisted we should mark the occasion, and who calmly and lovingly steamrollered over my neuroses (Me: "But life is over as I know it!" Them: "Oh, dear. But send us your guest list anyway"). Why had I agreed to this? I wondered, staggering away from the mirror. So everyone could witness my transformation into a witch? Titter over my imminent collapse? Sure, let's have everyone over to see what an overnight wreck I'd become.

With age comes wisdom
Of course, it wasn't like that at all. I wasn't supposed to drink because of my gums, but I figured Champagne was not only antibacterial but also an anesthetic. No one noticed my teeth -- my friends and I were all too busy carousing, just like we'd done when I was in my 30s, mere minutes before.

Next morning found me sitting in my local hospital's emerg, nursing the swollen ankle I'd forgotten I'd twisted while dancing the night away (turns out Champagne truly is an anesthetic). The 12-year-old-looking doctor told me briskly, "Nothing's broken, but I don't think it will ever heal properly."

What did he know? He was 12, and I was 40. I'd already figured my ankle would be OK (I was dancing again within a week). That's when I realized being 40 was indeed the stuff of fairy tales. My teeth might be long, but so was my experience. It seemed like a fairy-tale trade.

From drug ads to diet books, we hear so much about menopause and women's health that it can be hard to know what's true. Listed below are 10 common myths -- and the reasons why women should not believe them.

1. Bioidentical "natural" hormones are better than traditional hormone therapy.

There is no evidence that bioidentical hormones are safer or more effective than other hormone therapy. Large research studies have not been conducted on bioidentical hormones, and the compounding pharmacies that prepare and distribute them are inadequately regulated. In the absence of data, women are probably best served by assuming that the potential harms of bioidentical hormones are similar to those of conventional hormones.

2. Women go off our rockers at menopause -- suffering from hot flashes, memory loss and depression -- and the rest of our lives is downhill.

What an awful picture! In reality, for many women, the menopause transition involves relatively minor discomforts that do not require medical intervention or treatment. Even for women whose hot flashes or other discomforts are intense, the problems are generally temporary and there are often other options available for managing them. Similarly, the stereotype of all women losing our minds and falling into depression at menopause is simply inaccurate.

3. Women always lose interest in sex as we age.

Our sexual desire fluctuates throughout our lives. It is affected by the quality of our relationships, our emotional and physical health, and many other factors. Some commonly used medications (including blood pressure and heart medications and some antidepressants) can affect desire, arousal and/or quality of orgasms. If you suspect that your medications may be affecting your sexual responses, read the complete package insert and talk with your healthcare provider about options for reducing the dose or switching to a drug with fewer negative side effects. Also, some women experience vaginal dryness, irritation or pain with penetration during and after the menopause transition. Such discomfort may be alleviated with vaginal moisturizers or lubricants. If other treatments are not successful, some women may want to consider local estrogen (in cream, vaginal tablets or a ring). Because of its known harmful effects, estrogen is recommended only at the lowest dose and for the shortest time that is effective.

4. Bone density predicts whether a woman will fracture a hip.

Bone density is a factor in fracture risk, but not the only one. Age, medications, and individual and family history of fractures are also factors. You can reduce your risk of fracturing a hip by getting enough calcium and vitamin D, exercising regularly, not smoking, having your vision checked and clearing your environment of fall hazards, such as scatter rugs.

5. If no one else in a woman's family has had breast cancer, she won't get it either.

A family history of breast cancer (particularly in more than one close relative, such as a mother or sister) does increase a woman's chance of developing the disease. But about 70 percent of women who get breast cancer have no family history or known genetic risk.

6. Unexpected pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections are concerns only for younger women.

Those of us over 40 have far fewer pregnancies than younger women. But many of our pregnancies -- some experts estimate more than half -- are unexpected. Even when birth control is no longer an issue, it's vital to protect ourselves from sexually transmitted infections. This is particularly important for those of us who have new or multiple partners, but those of us who are in long-term relationships also may benefit from taking precautions, because we may not know the risks to which our partners are exposing us.

7. Gaining weight and losing strength and energy are inevitable as we get older.

Such changes are common, but not always inevitable. For many women, the main causes are decreased physical activity and poor eating habits. The solutions? Introduce more healthy foods and snacks into your routine and find ways to get yourself moving, whether it's using the stairs instead of the elevator or taking a dance class with a friend. While you may need to modify your activities as you grow older, studies have shown that strength can be maintained and perhaps increased at any age. If you exercise regularly, you will likely have more energy and sleep better, too.

8. Women who have high cholesterol but don't have heart disease should take cholesterol-lowering drugs to prevent it.

Cholesterol-lowering statin drugs are popular, but there is not a single "gold standard" randomized controlled trial that shows they help women who do not yet have heart disease. If you are considering taking a statin to prevent heart disease, learn more about options for your situation. You can reduce your risk of developing heart disease by exercising regularly, eating a Mediterranean-style diet and not smoking.

9. If a doctor recommends a hysterectomy, it's probably necessary.

About one third of all American women have had a hysterectomy (the surgical removal of the uterus) by the age of 60. While hysterectomies have saved lives and restored health for some women, studies have concluded that many of the operations are not needed and pose unnecessary risks. New, less invasive treatments are available.

10. The best way to prevent disease is through medication.

While medications can play an important role in preventing illness, there are many other things we can do to improve our health. Eating well, being physically active and not smoking top the list. Sometimes, changing our own behavior will have a greater positive effect than taking a pill, without any of the risks. We may need support to make such changes, but the benefits make it worth the effort.

Online dating used to be for the young, yet increasingly older people are using the Internet to find a partner, whether it be for love and commitment, a companion for hobbies, or simply a more active social life. Mark Lasky, the author of "Online Dating for Dummies," says that "Seniors are the fastest growing area of online dating."

It's a sad fact that divorce rates are rising all the time, so the older you are, the more likely you are to be looking for a new partner. Yet if you're over 40, it may well be the first time you've used the internet for something so personal, and it may all seem very strange. But don't panic! The Internet has only been around for twenty years, so online dating is a relatively new phenomenon for everyone, not just the over 40's.

What may seem daunting is that many of the online dating sites appear to be aimed at those under 40. This is reinforced by advertising campaigns in the media and on TV which firmly pitch their sales effort at the younger end of the market. Whether or not this is their intention, it's how it comes across to many people, so hopefully, this will change over time.

Not Alone
Over 40 million people in the US alone access online dating websites every month. In fact, it's the fastest growing sector of online content. So there's no reason to feel embarrassed because nowadays, large numbers of people are doing it. You may be surprised to discover that the number of people using online dating (as opposed to more traditional methods) actually rises with age. For example only 3% of men aged 18-24 do online dating, whereas for men over 40, it's 14%. These figures came from an independent survey of American singles, carried out for MatchMaker in 2003. There were other differences:

» Looks were more important to younger than the over 40 singles - ten times the number of women aged 18-24 counted looks as the most important quality in a potential date as women over 40.

» Over 40's of both sexes chose intelligence as the most important quality twice as often as younger people.

In fact, evidence is mounting that women in their 40s are having the most luck when it comes to online dating. Offline, mature women can find it hard to meet someone. Online, over 25% of women over 40 have been quoted as finding someone through online dating. So online dating is definitely not just a young person's game.

Niche Online Dating Sites vs Mainstream Online Dating Services
There are large numbers of sites springing up all the time catering to specialist needs, and the over 40 age bracket is no exception. Sites such as SeniorFriendFinder.com specialize in the over 40 market, and AgeMatch.com seeks to attract those interested in "age difference relationships" by quoting that "Close to a third of unmarried American woman in their 40s through 60s who date are going out with younger men." (CBS/AP, 9/29/03). Yahoo! Personals and Match.com, on the other hand, are mainstream sites that also have active and successful populations of online daters over 40.

Many Advantages
Let's start with some good news: You may feel that you are at a disadvantage technologically, but you're probably at an advantage experience-wise. Here's why:

» Judging character, and the ability to "read people" is a skill developed over time, so you have sound judgement on which to base your decisions - something which those in their early 20's may not have had enough time to develop.

» You probably have a far more accurate idea of what it is you really want in a partner - and what you don't want.

» You're far more self-aware than you were in your 20's. Generally you have a far better idea of who you are, your values, needs and wants.

» You have more to lose if you get it wrong - the older you are, the more you realize that time isn't on your side, especially if you are divorced.

» You may have children you need to consider. This is actually an advantage - you know how serious your decisions are and the impact they can have on your life, so your decisions are therefore likely to be much more balanced, less idealistic.

» Any match you make is more likely to last because of all the above things - you're simply going in with eyes wide open.

How it Works
You can usually browse sites and take a tour to check them out, or read our reviews of how sites work. Check out reviews and look at several sites before seeing what looks like the right one to try for yourself. Take free memberships if possible at first to see if the site offers what you want before making any commitment.

Basically the format is usually broadly the same:

» You place an ad, or profile online, with or without a photo. You can often maintain your privacy and browse ads before committing to creating your own.

» If you need help, most sites give some, or read our guide on creating a profile/ad.

» You do not need to be a technical genius, you just need to know how to use the internet and your email.

» Be prepared to pay for the service. Check costs - price isn't always equivalent to quality in your desired age range, but generally speaking, you get what you pay for.

» Beware of hidden costs - basic/standard membership at some sites is free, but increased services such as technical support, searching options and the ability to view photos or contact people costs an added fee - which could be more expensive than just taking a fee-paying all-inclusive package.

» You can browse other people's profiles, and contact them if they interest you (this means you select who you contact, so they are more likely to be what you're looking for, but may not be interested in you).

» Or you can sit back and wait to see who contacts you (this means you take pot-luck as to who contacts you, but don't lose any face or get despondent contacting people and being given a polite brush-off).

Words of Caution

» Be careful of charges. If you pay by credit card, check to see if your subscription will autorenew until you cancel it, or whether you get to approve the charge each time it renews your fee.

» Beware of scammers. There are far less of them than rumor would have us believe, but be careful not to disclose any information about your location, circumstances or personal data such as zip codes, telephone numbers and personal email addresses. Most sites offer a facility to direct incoming and outgoing emails via the site, so your email address remains anonymous until you wish to give it to someone. If not, set up a free email account with hotmail, yahoo etc rather than using your own personal email address.

» Never discuss money with anyone until you have met them several times and are completely comfortable with them. And regarding meeting - be careful, use public places, tell people where you're going, and read our guide to meeting for the first time.

» Don't believe everything you read. There is no substitute for getting to know someone over time, no matter how perfect they seem at first reading. Emails, then telephone conversations, leading eventually to a date are sensible, and allow you time to read between the lines and gather as much information about who you're getting to know as possible. Similarly, if you assume pictures are their very best, and may have been taken a few years ago, you'll be less disappointed in real life if and when you meet. And if they were true to life, you'll have an unexpected bonus!

» Be prepared for the unfortunate fact that many people prefer to date people younger than themselves. This means that if you are looking in the ten-years-younger bracket, the people contacting you may be in the ten-years-older bracket. You need to be aware of this so you don't become intimidated and think there's something wrong with your profile, it's just human nature at work!

» Finally, don't pin your hopes on dates or meetings. Treat each date as if it's an audition to see if they're worth seeing again, not to find out whether they're the perfect partner, or the man/woman of your dreams. That way you'll have fewer disappointments, and will be far more realistic and relaxed about the meeting, which can only help things go well on the date.

Eleanor's had pop success. Only a woman's heart was a huge hit for her in Ireland. But this time, she wanted a theme. That theme was "a woman hitting 40 and it's all going horribly wrong in your life. Gone out with all the wrong men and drunk too much and too many drugs". But, she says, "do it in a sort of light hearted way".

Hence the first track of the album, Mother's little helper, the Rolling Stones searing 60s denouncement of a desperate housewife. "So many songs fit that theme, says Eleanor, "and I have to say that when I looked, there was an alarming number of my own songs that seemed to fit the theme", she chuckles.

"How many albums are there about women hitting 40?" Most see women in an idealised way, she notes, not that she doesn't enjoy the dress up and paint herself but with most songs about girls 18 or 20 years old, she decided to redress the balance. "I thought it would be interesting."

Interesting is a good word for Eleanor's own musical journey. She sang and studied music from an early age and was accepted into the National Symphony Orchestra of Ireland on violin. That love of classical music continues to this day, she says.

However, she also had a notion to write songs which other people would record. The problem being, that nobody was. The realisation came. "If I want people to hear these songs, I'll have to do them myself."

There was another motivation for leaving the orchestra and again, it had to do with age. "I looked round the orchestra one day and saw a lot of older people." She could always come back if it didn't work out, she reasoned. But the equation wouldn't work in reverse. "I needed all my youth and energy to do it."

If Eleanor needed any further spur to make the move, it was there. In an orchestra, she explained, older players are moved back when they reach a certain age, at around 40 to 50. The reason is that the fingers and muscles aren't what they used to be. "All the youngsters come up and overtake you." So after having fought hard to get into the front line as it were, Eleanor could foresee a future of quiet humiliation.

Eleanor laughs. "What happens when you get old in rock and roll? I don't know."

Read the entire article at...
http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2008/03/02/2177471.htm

You know it when it happens. You're at a swank restaurant. (Maybe on a romantic date!). The waiter has just given his specials performance, none of them sound good, so you need to read the menu. But, the candle just doesn't do the trick. You dig into your purse for those little readers, admitting your eyes have...well...aged a little. It's one of the first signs of being over 40 and beyond. Doctors say we just have to get over it and get used to our new look. (Although eye exercises are supposed to help). It's the focusing muscle in the eye that starts to weaken.

So what does a Sizzle Chick do? ACCESSORIZE! Turn those readers into a snazzy piece of jewelry. And be a Sizzle Chick about it. Like having a sexy Sizzle Chick walk. Find out how Margaret and I navigate this new Sizzle in the Middle world! It's all about attitude AND those cute glasses!