The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Your life doesn't just happen; it's being created by you. Highly effective people choose how they want to feel and decide how they will act in every situation; they don't simply react to circumstances or to what other people say or do. Covey explains that between a stimulus and a response there's a gap--imagine pressing a "pause" button--and in that gap we can actively choose how we will respond to anything life throws at us.

Being proactive is related to mindfulness: You need to be aware of yourself and of your surroundings so that you can act in ways that serve you well, instead of mindlessly allowing past programming, others, and outside circumstances to control your responses. Ask yourself the following questions to help you determine whether you're living mindfully and are being proactive:

• Do you question any beliefs you have which may be holding you back?
• Do you blindly believe what others tell you, or do you go see for yourself?
• Do you simply accept that this is the way in which things are done, or do you question whether there's a better way to do things?
• Are you willing to reassess the lens through which you look at the world?

In addition, highly effective people see themselves as being creators of their lives, instead of identifying themselves as victims of external conditions. If they're negatively impacted by an external event they focus on those things which are within their Circle of Influence --those things over which they have control--instead of worrying about things they can do nothing about.

Here are some more questions you can ask yourself in order to test how proactive you are:

• Do you take responsibility for your life, or do you blame other people or outside circumstances for what happens to you?
• Where do you stand in the continuum between being highly reactive and being highly proactive?
• Do you worry about conditions over which you have little or no control? Or do you focus your time and energy on those things which you can control?
• Do you allow others to make choices or decisions for you?
• Do you ask for what you want, or do you expect others to magically know what you need?
• Do you take action to make things happen, or do you wait for others to act?
• Are you waiting for someone's permission before you act?
• If you try to achieve something you want and you fail, do you give up, or do you start looking for a different approach?
• Are you full of excuses which explain why you can't accomplish this or that?

"We may be very busy, we may be very efficient, but we will also be truly effective only when we begin with the end in mind." -- Stephen R. Covey

Covey explains that everything is created twice: first in the mind and then in reality. We need to focus on what we want to see created in our lives. In my blog post "How to Prepare Yourself for Success" I refer to Arnold Schwarzenegger and how he went from being an unknown actor to becoming Hollywood's top star by first creating a vision of what he wanted, and then living into that picture. He succeeded by knowing what he wanted to achieve and always keeping that end in mind.

The following exercise is one that Covey suggests you try in order to begin with the end in mind: Pretend that you walk into a funeral and, suddenly, you realize that it's your funeral. Who's there? What are they saying about you? What did you accomplish during your lifetime? Then ask yourself if someone who thinks and acts in the way in which you currently do so would be likely to create the outcome you've visualized for yourself. If not, then you need to make some changes.

Covey presents a four quadrant model:

• Quadrant One: Important and Urgent
• Quadrant Two: Important but not Urgent
• Quadrant Three: Urgent but Not Important
• Quadrant Four: Not Urgent and Not Important

You want to spend most of your time in quadrant two: reading books and participating in seminars that will help you improve your life, meditating, exercising, spending time with your loved ones, planning your future, and so on. The more time we spend in quadrant two, the less time we need to spend in quadrants one and three.

We have to know what are priorities are and we need to make sure that we give our time and energy to those priorities.

Seek agreements and relationships that are mutually beneficial. In cases where a "win/win" deal cannot be achieved, accept the fact that agreeing to make "no deal" may be the best alternative. In developing an organizational culture, be sure to reward win/win behavior among employees and avoid inadvertantly rewarding win/lose behavior.

(Trust photo is courtesy of dr_vaibhavahuja).

First seek to understand the other person, and only then try to be understood. Stephen Covey presents this habit as the most important principle of interpersonal relations. Effective listening is not simply echoing what the other person has said through the lens of one's own experience. Rather, it is putting oneself in the perspective of the other person, listening empathically for both feeling and meaning.

Through trustful communication, find ways to leverage individual differences to create a whole that is greater than the sum of the parts. Through mutual trust and understanding, one often can solve conflicts and find a better solution than would have been obtained through either person's own solution.

Take time out from production to build production capacity through personal renewal of the physical, mental, social/emotional, and spiritual dimensions. Maintain a balance among these dimensions.

The seventh and last habit is one of renewal and continual improvement. To be effective, one must find the proper balance between producing and improving one's capacity to produce. Covey illustrates this point with the fable of the goose and the golden egg.

In the fable, a poor farmer's goose began laying a solid gold egg every day, and the farmer soon became rich. He also got greedy and figured that the goose must be full of golden eggs. Instead of waiting for the goose to lay a golden egg each day, he would kill the goose and get all the eggs at once. Following this logic, he killed the goose. Upon cutting it open, of course, he discovered that the goose was not full of golden eggs. If you continually push yourself to produce all that you can without stopping to take care of yourself, you'll be like the farmer that killed the golden goose.

(Bubble birds photograph courtesy of zenera).